the black robe-第55章

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her　fascinating　first　youth。〃　The　good　lady　little　knows　what　a



hopeless　love　affair　mine　is。　I　must　see　Stella　sometimesI　ask；



and　hope　for；　no　more。　Never　have　I　felt　how　lonely　my　life　is；



as　I　feel　it　now。







Third　Extract。







London；　March　1。Stella　and　her　mother　have　set　forth　on　their



journey　to　St。　Germain　this　morning；　without　allowing　me；　as　I



had　hoped　and　planned；　to　be　their　escort。







Mrs。　Eyrecourt　set　up　the　old　objection　of　the　claims　of



propriety。　If　that　were　the　only　obstacle　in　my　way；　I　should



have　set　it　aside　by　following　them　to　France。　Where　is　the



impropriety　of　my　seeing　Stella；　as　her　friend　and



brotherespecially　when　I　don't　live　in　the　same　house　with　her；



and　when　she　has　her　mother；　on　one　side；　and　Madame　Villeray；　on



the　other；　to　take　care　of　her？







No！　the　influence　that　keeps　me　away　from　St。　Germain　is　the



influence　of　Stella　herself。







〃I　will　write　to　you　often；〃　she　said；　〃but　I　beg　you；　for　my



sake；　not　to　accompany　us　to　France。〃　Her　look　and　tone　reduced



me　to　obedience。　Stupid　as　I　am　I　think　（after　what　passed



between　me　and　her　mother）　I　can　guess　what　she　meant。







〃Am　I　never　to　see　you　again？〃　I　asked。







〃Do　you　think　I　am　hard　and　ungrateful？〃　she　answered。　〃Do　you



doubt　that　I　shall　be　glad；　more　than　glad；　to　see　you；　when？〃







She　turned　away　from　me　and　said　no　more。







It　was　time　to　take　leave。　We　were　under　her　mother's



superintendence；　we　shook　hands　and　that　was　all。







Matilda　（Mrs。　Eyrecourt's　maid）　followed　me　downstairs　to　open



the　door。　I　suppose　I　looked；　as　I　felt；　wretchedly　enough。　The



good　creature　tried　to　cheer　me。　〃Don't　be　anxious　about　them；〃



she　said；　〃I　am　used　to　traveling；　sirand　I'll　take　care　of



them。〃　She　is　a　woman　to　be　thoroughly　depended　on；　a　faithful



and　attached　servant。　I　made　her　a　little　present　at　parting；　and



I　asked　her　if　she　would　write　to　me　from　time　to　time。







Some　people　might　consider　this　to　be　rather　an　undignified



proceeding　on　my　part。　I　can　only　say　it　came　naturally　to　me。　I



am　not　a　dignified　man；　and；　when　a　person　means　kindly　toward



me；　I　don't　ask　myself　whether　that　person　is　higher　or　lower；



richer　or　poorer；　than　I　am。　We　are；　to　my　mind；　on　the　same



level　when　the　same　sympathy　unites　us。　Matilda　was　sufficiently



acquainted　with　all　that　had　passed　to　foresee；　as　I　did；　that



there　would　be　certain　reservations　in　Stella's　letters　to　me。



〃You　shall　have　the　whole　truth　from　Me；　sir；　don't　doubt　it；〃



she　whispered。　I　believed　her。　When　my　heart　is　sore；　give　me　a



woman　for　my　friend。　Whether　she　is　lady　or　lady's…maid；　she　is



equally　precious　to　me。







Cowes；　March　2。I　am　in　treaty　with　an　agent　for　the　hire　of　a



yacht。







I　must　do　something；　and　go　somewhere。　Returning　to　Beaupark　is



out　of　the　question。　People　with　tranquil　minds　can　find　pleasure



in　the　society　of　their　country　neighbors。　I　am　a　miserable



creature；　with　a　mind　in　a　state　of　incessant　disturbance。



Excellent　fathers　of　families　talking　politics　to　me；　exemplary



mothers　of　families　offering　me　matrimonial　opportunities　with



their　daughtersthat　is　what　society　means；　if　I　go　back　to



Devonshire。　No。　I　will　go　for　a　cruise　in　the　Mediterranean；　and



I　will　take　one　friend　with　me　whose　company　I　never　weary　ofmy



dog。







The　vessel　is　discovereda　fine　schooner　of　three　hundred　tons；



just　returned　from　a　cruise　to　Madeira。　The　sailing…master　and



crew　only　ask　for　a　few　days　on　shore。　In　that　time　the　surveyor



will　have　examined　the　vessel；　and　the　stores　will　be　on　board。







March　3。I　have　written　to　Stella；　with　a　list　of　addresses　at



which　letters　will　reach　me；　and　I　have　sent　another　list　to　my



faithful　ally　the　maid。　When　we　leave　Gibraltar；　our　course　will



be　to　Naplesthence　to　Civita　Vecchia；　Leghorn；　Genoa；



Marseilles。　From　any　of　those　places；　I　am　within　easy　traveling



distance　of　St。　Germain。







March　7。　At　Sea。It　is　half…past　six　in　the　evening。　We　have



just　passed　the　Eddystone　Lighthouse；　with　the　wind　abeam。　The



log　registers　ten　knots　an　hour。







Fourth　Extract。







_Naples；　May_　10。The　fair　promise　at　the　beginning　of　my　voyage



has　not　been　fulfilled。　Owing　to　contrary　winds；　storms；　and



delays　at　Cadiz　in　repairing　damages；　we　have　only　arrived　at



Naples　this　evening。　Under　trying　circumstances　of　all　sorts；　the



yacht　has　behaved　admirably。　A　stouter　and　finer　sea…boat　never



was　built。







We　are　too　late　to　find　the　post…office　open。　I　shall　send　ashore



for　letters　the　first　thing　tomorrow　morning。　My　next　movements



will　depend　entirely　on　the　news　I　get　from　St。　Germain。　If　I



remain　for　any　length　of　time　in　these　regions；　I　shall　give　my



crew　the　holiday　they　have　well　earned　at　Civita　Vecchia。　I　am



never　weary　of　Romebut　I　always　did；　and　always　shall；　dislike



Naples。







May　11。　My　plans　are　completely　changed。　I　am　annoyed　and



angry；　the　further　I　get　away　from　France；　the　better　I　shall　be



pleased。







I　have　heard　from　Stella；　and　heard　from　the　maid。　Both　letters



inform　me　that　the　child　is　born；　and　that　it　is　a　boy。　Do　they



expect　me　to　feel　any　interest　in　the　boy？　He　is　my　worst　enemy



before　he　is　out　of　his　long…clothes。







Stella　writes　kindly　enough。　Not　a　line　in　her　letter；　however；



invites　me；　or　holds　out　the　prospect　of　inviting　me；　to　St。



Germain。　She　refers　to　her　mother　very　briefly；　merely　informing



me　that　Mrs。　Eyrecourt　is　well；　and　is　already　enjoying　the



gayeties　of　Paris。　Three…fourths　of　the　letter　are　occupied　with



the　baby。　When　I　wrote　to　her　I　signed　myself　〃yours



affectionately。〃　Stella　signs　〃yours　sincerely。〃　It　is　a　trifle；



I　daresaybut　I　feel　it；　for　all　that。







Matilda　is　faithful　to　her　engagement；　Matilda's　letter　tells　me



the　truth。







〃Since　the　birth　of　the　baby；〃　she　writes；　〃Mrs。　Romayne　has



never　once　mentioned　your　name；　she　can　talk　of　nothing；　and



think　of　nothing；　but　her　child。　I　make　every　allowance；　I　hope；



for　a　lady　in　her　melancholy　situation。　But　I　do　think　it　is　not



very　grateful　to　have　quite　forgotten　Mr。　Winterfield；　who　has



done　so　much　for　her；　and　who　only　asks　to　pass　a　few　hours　of



his　day　innocently　in　her　society。　Perhaps；　being　a　single　woman；



I　write　ignorantly　about　mothers　and　babies。　But　I　have　my



feelings；　and　（though　I　never　liked　Mr。　Romayne）　I　feel　for



_you；_　sirif　you　will　forgive　the　familiarity。　In　my　opinion



this　new　craze　about　the　baby　will　wear　out。　He　is　already　a



cause　of　difference　of　opinion。　My　good　mistress；　who　possesses



knowledge　of　the　world；　and　a　kind　heart　as　well；　advises　that



Mr。　Romayne　should　be　informed　of　the　birth　of　a　son　and　heir。



Mrs。　Eyrecourt　says；　most　truly；　that　the　hateful　old　priest　will



get　possession　of　Mr。　Romayne's　property；　to　the　prejudice　of　the



child；　unless　steps　are　taken　to　shame　him　into　doing　justice　to



his　own　son。　But　Mrs。　Romayne　is　as　proud　as　Lucifer；　she　will



not　hear　of　making　the　first　advances；　as　she　calls　it。　'The　man



who　has　deserted　me；'　she　says；　'has　no　heart　to　be　touched



either　by　wife　or　child。'　My　mistress　does　not　agree　with　her。



There　have　been　hard　words　already；　and　the　nice　old　French



gentleman　and　his　wife　try　to　make　peace。　You　will　smile　when　I



tell　you　that　they　offer　sugar…plums　as　a　sort　of　composing　gift。



My　mistress　accepts　the　gift；　and　has　been　to　the　theater　at



Paris；　with　Monsieur　and　Madame　Villeray　more　than　once　already。



To　conclude；　sir；　if　I　might　venture　to　advise　you；　I　should



recommend　trying　the　effect　on　Mrs。　R。　of　absence　and　silence。〃







A　most　sensibly　written　letter。　I　shall　certainly　take　Matilda's



advice。　My　name　is　never　mentioned　by　Stellaand　not　a　day　has



passed　without　my　thinking　of　her！







Well；　I　suppose　a　man　can　harden　his　heart　if　he　likes。　Let　me



harden　_my_　heart；　and　forget　her。







The　crew　shall　have　three　days　ashore　at　Naples；　and　then　we　sail



for　Alexandria。　In　that　port　the　yacht　will　wait　my　return。　I



have　not　yet　visited　the　cataracts　of　the　Nile；　I　have　not　yet



seen　the　magnificent　mouse…colored　women　of　Nubia。　A　tent　in　the



desert；　and　a　dusky　daughter　of　Nature　to　keep　house　for



methere　is　a　new　life　for　a　man　who　is　weary　of　the　vapid



civilization　of　Europe！　I　shall　begin　by　letting　my　beard　grow。







Fifth　Extract。







Civita　Vecchia；　February　28；　1863。Back　again　on　the　coast　of



Italyafter　an　absence；　at　sea　and　ashore；　of　nine　months！







What　have　my　travels　done　for　me？　They　have　made　me　browner　and



thinner；　they　have　given　me　a　more　patient　mind；　and　a　taste　for



mild　tobacco。　Have　they　helped　me　to　forget　Stella？　Not　the　least



in　the　worldI　am　more　eager　than　ever　to　see　her　again。　When　I



look　back　at　my　diary　I　am　really　ashamed　of　my　own　fretfulness



and　impatience。　What　miserable　vanity　on　my　part　to　expect　her　to



think　of　me；　when　she　was　absorbed　in　the　first　cares　and　joys　of



maternity；　especially　sacred　to　her；　poor　soul；　as　the　one



consolation　of　her　melancholy　life！　I　withdraw　all　that　I　wrote



about　herand　from　the　bottom　of　my　heart　I　forgive　the　baby。







Rome；　March　1。I　have　found　my　letters　waiting　for　me　at　the



office　of　my　banker。







The　latest　news　from　St。　Germain　is　all　that　I　could　wish。　In



acknowledging　the　receipt　of　my　last　letter　from　Cairo　（I　broke



my　rash　vow　of　silence　when　we　got　into　port；　after　leaving



Naples）　Stella　sends　me　the　long　desired　invitation。　〃Pray　take



care　to　return　to　us；　dear　Bernard；　before　the　first　anniversary



of　my　boy's　birthday；　on　the　twenty…seventh　of　March。〃　After



those　words　she　need　feel　no　apprehension　of　my　being　late　at　my



appointment。　Travelerthe　dog　has　well　merited　his　name　by　this



timewill　have　to　bid　good…by　to　the　yacht　（which　he　loves）；　and



journey　homeward　by　the　railway　（which　he　hates）。　No　more　risk　of



storms　and　delays　for　me。　Good…by　to　the　sea　for　one　while。







I　have　sent　the　news　of　my　safe　return　from　the　East；　by



telegraph。　But　I　must　not　be　in　too　great　a　hurry　to　leave　Rome；



or　I　shall　commit　a　serious　errorI　shall　disappoint　Stella's



mother。







Mrs。　Eyrecourt　writes　to　me　earnestly；　requesting；　if　I　return　by



way