little novels-第11章

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holiday；　it　was　only　the　truth　to　tell　them　that　I　was　not　well。

How　long　an　interval　passed　before　I　could　call　to　mind　that　I　had　only　read　the　first　lines　of　the　letter；　I　am　not　able　to　say。　When　I　did　take　it　up　I　was　surprised　to　see　that　the　writing　covered　two　pages。　Beginning　again　where　I　had　left　off；　my　head；　in　a　moment　more；　began　to　swim。　A　horrid　fear　overpowered　me　that　I　might　not　be　in　my　right　mind；　after　I　had　read　the　first　three　sentences。　Here　they　are；　to　answer　for　me　that　I　exaggerate　nothing：

〃The　will　of　our　deceased　client　is　not　yet　proved。　But；　with　the　sanction　of　the　executors；　I　inform　you　confidentially　that　you　are　the　person　chiefly　interested　in　it。　Sir　Gervase　Damian　bequeaths　to　you；　absolutely；　the　whole　of　his　personal　property；　amounting　to　the　sum　of　seventy　thousand　pounds。〃

If　the　letter　had　ended　there；　I　really　cannot　imagine　what　extravagances　I　might　not　have　committed。　But　the　writer　｛head　partner　in　the　firm　of　Sir　Gervase's　lawyers）　had　something　more　to　say　on　his　own　behalf。　The　manner　in　which　he　said　it　strung　up　my　nerves　in　an　instant。　I　can　not；　and　will　not；　copy　the　words　here。　It　is　quite　revolting　enough　to　give　the　substance　of　them。

The　man's　object　was　evidently　to　let　me　perceive　that　he　disapproved　of　the　will。　So　far　I　do　not　complain　of　himhe　had；　no　doubt；　good　reason　for　the　view　he　took。　But；　in　expressing　his　surprise　〃at　this　extraordinary　proof　of　the　testator's　interest　in　a　perfect　stranger　to　the　family；〃　he　hinted　his　suspicion　of　an　influence；　on　my　part；　exercised　over　Sir　Gervase；　so　utterly　shameful；　that　I　cannot　dwell　on　the　subject。　The　language；　I　should　add；　was　cunningly　guarded。　Even　I　could　see　that　it　would　bear　more　than　one　interpretation；　and　would　thus　put　me　in　the　wrong　if　I　openly　resented　it。　But　the　meaning　was　plain；　and　part　at　least　of　the　motive　came　out　in　the　following　sentences：

〃The　present　Sir　Gervase；　as　you　are　doubtless　aware；　is　not　seriously　affected　by　his　father's　will。　He　is　already　more　liberally　provided　for；　as　heir　under　the　entail　to　the　whole　of　the　landed　property。　But；　to　say　nothing　of　old　friends　who　are　forgotten；　there　is　a　surviving　relative　of　the　late　Sir　Gervase　passed　over；　who　is　nearly　akin　to　him　by　blood。　In　the　event　of　this　person　disputing　the　will；　you　will　of　course　hear　from　us　again；　and　refer　us　to　your　legal　adviser。〃

The　letter　ended　with　an　apology　for　delay　in　writing　to　me；　caused　by　difficulty　in　discovering　my　address。

And　what　did　I　do？Write　to　the　rector；　or　to　Mrs。　Fosdyke；　fo　r　advice？　Not　I！

At　first　I　was　too　indignant　to　be　able　to　think　of　what　I　ought　to　do。　Our　post…time　was　late；　and　my　head　ached　as　if　it　would　burst　into　pieces。　I　had　plenty　of　leisure　to　rest　and　compose　myself。　When　I　got　cool　again；　I　felt　able　to　take　my　own　part；　without　asking　any　one　to　help　me。

Even　if　I　had　been　treated　kindly；　I　should　certainly　not　have　taken　the　money　when　there　was　a　relative　living　with　a　claim　to　it。　What　did　_I_　want　with　a　large　fortune！　To　buy　a　husband　with　it；　perhaps？　No；　no！　from　all　that　I　have　heard；　the　great　Lord　Chancellor　was　quite　right　when　he　said　that　a　woman　with　money　at　her　own　disposal　was　〃either　kissed　out　of　it　or　kicked　out　of　it；　six　weeks　after　her　marriage。〃　The　one　difficulty　before　me　was　not　to　give　up　my　legacy；　but　to　express　my　reply　with　sufficient　severity；　and　at　the　same　time　with　due　regard　to　my　own　self…respect。　Here　is　what　I　wrote：

〃SIRI　will　not　trouble　you　by　attempting　to　express　my　sorrow　on　hearing　of　Sir　Gervase　Damian's　death。　You　would　probably　form　your　own　opinion　on　that　subject　also；　and　I　have　no　wish　to　be　judged　by　your　unenviable　experience　of　humanity　for　the　second　time。

〃With　regard　to　the　legacy；　feeling　the　sincerest　gratitude　to　my　generous　benefactor；　I　nevertheless　refuse　to　receive　the　money。

　〃Be　pleased　to　send　me　the　necessary　document　to　sign；　for　transferring　my　fortune　to　that　relative　of　Sir　Gervase　mentioned　in　your　letter。　The　one　condition　on　which　I　insist　is；　that　no　expression　of　thanks　shall　be　addressed　to　me　by　the　person　in　whose　favor　I　resign　the　money。　I　do　not　desire　（even　supposing　that　justice　is　done　to　my　motives　on　this　occasion）　to　be　made　the　object　of　expressions　of　gratitude　for　only　doing　my　duty。〃

So　it　ended。　I　may　be　wrong；　but　I　call　that　strong　writing。

In　due　course　of　post　a　formal　acknowledgment　arrived。　I　was　requested　to　wait　for　the　document　until　the　will　had　been　proved；　and　was　informed　that　my　name　should　be　kept　strictly　secret　in　the　interval。　On　this　occasion　the　executors　were　almost　as　insolent　as　the　lawyer。　They　felt　it　their　duty　to　give　me　time　to　reconsider　a　decision　which　had　been　evidently　formed　on　impulse。　Ah；　how　hard　men　areat　least；　some　of　them！　I　locked　up　the　acknowledgment　in　disgust；　resolved　to　think　no　more　of　it　until　the　time　came　for　getting　rid　of　my　legacy。　I　kissed　poor　Sir　Gervase's　little　keepsake。　While　I　was　still　looking　at　it；　the　good　children　came　in；　of　their　own　accord；　to　ask　how　I　was。　I　was　obliged　to　draw　down　the　blind　in　my　room；　or　they　would　have　seen　the　tears　in　my　eyes。　For　the　first　time　since　my　mother's　death；　I　felt　the　heartache。　Perhaps　the　children　made　me　think　of　the　happier　time　when　I　was　a　child　myself。

VII。

THE　will　had　been　proved；　and　I　was　informed　that　the　document　was　in　course　of　preparation　when　Mrs。　Fosdyke　returned　from　her　visit　to　Scotland。

She　thought　me　looking　pale　and　worn。

〃The　time　seems　to　me　to　have　come；〃　she　said；　〃when　I　had　better　make　you　and　Mr。　Sax　understand　each　other。　Have　you　been　thinking　penitently　of　your　own　bad　behavior？〃

I　felt　myself　blushing。　I　_had_　been　thinking　of　my　conduct　to　Mr。　Saxand　I　was　heartily　ashamed　of　it；　too。

Mrs。　Fosdyke　went　on；　half　in　jest；　half　in　earnest。　〃Consult　your　own　sense　of　propriety！〃　she　said。　〃Was　the　poor　man　to　blame　for　not　being　rude　enough　to　say　No；　when　a　lady　asked　him　to　turn　over　her　music？　Could　_he_　help　it；　if　the　same　lady　persisted　in　flirting　with　him？　He　ran　away　from　her　the　next　morning。　Did　you　deserve　to　be　told　why　he　left　us？　Certainly　notafter　the　vixenish　manner　in　which　you　handed　the　bedroom　candle　to　Miss　Melbury。　You　foolish　girl！　Do　you　think　I　couldn't　see　that　you　were　in　love　with　him？　Thank　Heaven；　he's　too　poor　to　marry　you；　and　take　you　away　from　my　children；　for　some　time　to　come。　There　will　be　a　long　marriage　engagement；　even　if　he　is　magnanimous　enough　to　forgive　you。　Shall　I　ask　Miss　Melbury　to　come　back　with　him？〃

She　took　pity　on　me　at　last；　and　sat　down　to　write　to　Mr。　Sax。　His　reply；　dated　from　a　country　house　some　twenty　miles　distant；　announced　that　he　would　be　at　Carsham　Hall　in　three　days'　time。

On　that　third　day　the　legal　paper　that　I　was　to　sign　arrived　by　post。　It　was　Sunday　morning；　I　was　alone　in　the　schoolroom。

In　writing　to　me；　the　lawyer　had　only　alluded　to　〃a　surviving　relative　of　Sir　Gervase；　nearly　akin　to　him　by　blood。〃　The　document　was　more　explicit。　It　described　the　relative　as　being　a　nephew　of　Sir　Gervase；　the　son　of　his　sister。　The　name　followed。

It　was　Sextus　Cyril　Sax。

I　have　tried　on　three　different　sheets　of　paper　to　describe　the　effect　which　this　discovery　produced　on　meand　I　have　torn　them　up　one　after　another。　When　I　only　think　of　it；　my　mind　seems　to　fall　back　into　the　helpless　surprise　and　confusion　of　that　time。　After　all　that　had　passed　between　usthe　man　himself　being　then　on　his　way　to　the　house！　what　would　he　think　of　me　when　he　saw　my　name　at　the　bottom　of　the　document？　what；　in　Heaven's　name；　was　I　to　do？

How　long　I　sat　petrified；　with　the　document　on　my　lap；　I　never　knew。　Somebody　knocked　at　the　schoolroom　door；　and　looked　in　and　said　something；　and　went　out　again。　Then　there　was　an　interval。　Then　the　door　was　opened　again。　A　hand　was　laid　kindly　on　my　shoulder。　I　looked　upand　there　was　Mrs。　Fosdyke；　asking；　in　the　greatest　alarm；　what　was　the　matter　with　me。

The　tone　of　her　voice　roused　me　into　speaking。　I　could　think　of　nothing　but　Mr。　Sax；　I　could　only　say；　〃Has　he　come？〃

〃Yesand　waiting　to　see　you。〃

Answering　in　those　terms；　she　glanced　at　the　paper　in　my　lap。　In　the　extremity　of　my　helplessness；　I　acted　like　a　sensible　creature　at　last。　I　told　Mrs。　Fosdyke　all　that　I　have　told　here。

She　neither　moved　nor　spoke　until　I　had　done。　Her　first　proceeding；　after　that；　was　to　take　me　in　her　arms　and　give　me　a　kiss。　Having　so　far　encouraged　me；　she　next　spoke　of　poor　Sir　Gervase。

〃We　all　acted　like　fools；〃　she　announced；　〃in　needlessly　offending　him　by　protesting　against　his　second　marriage。　I　don't　mean　youI　mean　his　son；　his　nephew；　and　myself。　If　his　second　marriage　made　him　happy；　what　business　had　we　with　the　disparity　of　years　between　husband　and　wife？　I　can　tell　you　this；　Sextus　was　the　first　of　us　to　regret　what　he　had　done。　But　for　his　stupid　fear　of　being　suspected　of　an　interested　motive；　Sir　Gervase　might　have　known　there　was　that　much　good　in　his　sister's　son。〃

She　snatched　up　a　copy　of　the　will；　which　I　had　not　even　noticed　thus　far。

〃See　what　the　kind　old　man　says　of　you；〃　she　went　on；　pointing　to　the　words。　I　could　not　see　them；　she　was　obliged　to　read　them　for　me。　〃I　leave　my　money　to　the　one　person　living　who　has　been　more　than　worthy　of　the　little　I　have　done　for　her；　and　whose　simple　unselfish　nature　I　know　that　I　can　trust。〃

I　pressed　Mrs。　Fosdyke's　hand；　I　was　not　able　to　speak。　She　took　up　the　legal　paper　next。

〃Do　justice　to　yourself；　and　be　above　contemptible　scruples；〃　she　said。　〃Sextus　is　fond　enough　of　you　to　be　almost　worthy　of　the　sacrifice　that　you　are　making。　Signand　I　will　sign　next　as　the　witness。〃

I　hesitated。

〃What　will　he　think　of　me？〃　I　said。

〃Sign！〃　she　repeated；　〃and　we　will　see　to　that。〃

I　obeyed。　She　asked　for　the　lawyer's　letter。　I　gave　it　to　her；　with　the　lines　which　contained　the　man's　vile　insinuation　folded　down；　so　that　only　the　words　above　were　visible；　which　proved　that　I　had　renounced　my　legacy；　not　even　knowing　whether　the　person　to　be　benefited　was　a　man　or　a　woman。　She　took　this；　with　the　rough　draft　of　my　own　letter；　and　the　signed　renunciationand　opened　the　door。

〃Pray　come　back；　and　tell　me　about　it！〃　I　pleaded。

She　smiled；　nodded；　and　went　out。

Oh；　what　a　long　time　passed　before　I　heard　the　long…expected　knock　at　the　door！　〃Come　in；〃　I　cried　impatiently。

Mrs。　Fosdyke　had　deceived　me。　Mr。　Sax　had　returned　in　her　place。　He　closed　the　door。　We　two　were　alone。

He　was　deadly　pale；　his　eyes；　as　they　rested　on　me；　had　a　wild　startled　look。　With　icy　cold　fingers　he　took　my　hand；　and　lifted　it　in　silence　to　his　lips。　The　sight　of　his　agitation　encouraged　meI　don't　to　this　　day　know　why；　unless　it　appealed　in　some　way　to　my　compassion。　I　was　bold　enough　to　look　at　him。　Still　silent；　he　placed　the　letters　on　the　tableand　then　he　laid　the　signed　paper　beside　them。　When　I　saw　that；　I　was　bolder　still。　I　spoke　first。

〃Surely　you　don't　refuse　me？〃　I　said。

He　answered；　〃I　thank　you　with　my　whole　heart；　I　admire　you　more　than　words　can　say。　But　I　can't　take　it。〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃The　fortune　is　yours；〃　he　said　gently。　〃Remember　how　poor　I　am；　and　feel　for　me　if　I　say　no　more。〃

His