little novels-第31章

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ithout　obtaining　any　result。　Through　the　kindness　of　the　gentleman　in　whose　stable　he　had　been　found；　the　first　ten　years　of　the　boy's　life　were　passed　under　the　protection　of　a　charitable　asylum。　They　gave　him　the　name　of　one　of　the　little　inmates　who　had　died；　and　they　sent　him　out　to　service　before　he　was　eleven　years　old。　He　was　harshly　treated　and　ran　away；　wandered　to　some　training…stables　near　Newmarket；　attracted　the　favorable　notice　of　the　head…groom；　was　employed　among　the　other　boys；　and　liked　the　occupation。　Growing　up　to　manhood；　he　had　taken　service　in　private　families　as　a　groom。　This　was　the　story　of　twenty…six　years　of　Michael's　life。

But　there　was　something　in　the　man　himself　which　attracted　attention；　and　made　one　think　of　him　in　his　absence。

I　mean　by　this；　that　there　was　a　spirit　of　resistance　to　his　destiny　in　him；　which　is　very　rarely　found　in　serving…men　of　his　order。　I　remember　accompanying　the　General　〃on　one　of　his　periodical　visits　of　inspection　to　the　stable。〃　He　was　so　well　satisfied　that　he　proposed　extending　his　investigations　to　the　groom's　own　room。

〃If　you　don　object；　Michael？〃　he　added；　with　his　customary　consideration　for　the　self…respect　of　all　persons　in　his　employment。　Michael's　color　rose　a　little；　he　looked　at　me。　〃I　am　afraid　the　young　lady　will　not　find　my　room　quite　so　tidy　as　it　ought　to　be；〃　he　said　as　he　opened　the　door　for　us。

The　only　disorder　in　the　groom's　room　was　produced；　to　our　surprise；　by　the　groom's　books　and　papers。

Cheap　editions　of　the　English　poets；　translations　of　Latin　and　Greek　classics；　handbooks　for　teaching　French　and　German　〃without　a　master；〃　carefully　written　〃exercises〃　in　both　languages；　manuals　of　shorthand；　with　more　〃exercises〃　in　that　art；　were　scattered　over　the　table；　round　the　central　object　of　a　reading…lamp；　which　spoke　plainly　of　studies　by　night。　〃Why；　what　is　all　this？〃　cried　the　General。　〃Are　you　going　to　leave　me；　Michael；　and　set　up　a　school？〃　Michael　answered　in　sad；　submissive　tones。　〃I　try　to　improve　myself；　sirthough　I　sometimes　lose　heart　and　hope。〃　〃Hope　of　what？〃　asked　my　uncle。　〃Are　you　not　content　to　be　a　servant？　Must　you　rise　in　the　world；　as　the　saying　is？〃　The　groom　shrank　a　little　at　that　abrupt　question。　〃If　I　had　relations　to　care　for　me　and　help　me　along　the　hard　ways　of　life；〃　he　said；　〃I　might　be　satisfied；　sir；　to　remain　as　I　am。　As　it　is；　I　have　no　one　to　think　about　but　myselfand　I　am　foolish　enough　sometimes　to　look　beyond　myself。〃

So　far；　I　had　kept　silence；　but　I　could　no　longer　resist　giving　him　a　word　of　encouragementhis　confession　was　so　sadly　and　so　patiently　made。　〃You　speak　too　harshly　of　yourself；〃　I　said；　〃the　best　and　greatest　men　have　begun　like　you　by　looking　beyond　themselves。〃　For　a　moment　our　eyes　met。　I　admired　the　poor　lonely　fellow　trying　so　modestly　and　so　bravely　to　teach　himselfand　I　did　not　care　to　conceal　it。　He　was　the　first　to　look　away；　some　suppressed　emotion　turned　him　deadly　pale。　Was　I　the　cause　of　it？　I　felt　myself　tremble　as　that　bold　question　came　into　my　mind。　The　General；　with　one　sharp　glance　at　me；　diverted　the　talk　（not　very　delicately；　as　I　thought）　to　the　misfortune　of　Michael's　birth。

〃I　have　heard　of　your　being　deserted　in　your　infancy　by　some　woman　unknown；〃　he　said。　〃What　has　become　of　the　things　you　were　wrapped　in；　and　the　letter　that　was　found　on　you？　They　might　lead　to　a　discovery；　one　of　these　days。〃　The　groom　smiled。　〃The　last　master　I　served　thought　of　it　as　you　do；　Sir。　He　was　so　good　as　to　write　to　the　gentleman　who　was　first　burdened　with　the　care　of　me　and　the　things　were　sent　to　me　in　return。〃

He　took　up　an　unlocked　leather　bag；　which　opened　by　touching　a　brass　knob；　and　showed　us　the　shawl；　the　linen　（sadly　faded　by　time）　and　the　letter。　We　were　puzzled　by　the　shawl。　My　uncle；　who　had　served　in　the　East；　thought　it　looked　like　a　very　rare　kind　of　Persian　work。　We　examined　with　interest　the　letter；　and　the　fine　linen。　When　Michael　quietly　remarked；　as　we　handed　them　back　to　him；　〃They　keep　the　secret；　you　see；〃　we　could　only　look　at　each　other；　and　own　there　was　nothing　more　to　be　said

VII。

THAT　night；　lying　awake　thinking；　I　made　my　first　discovery　of　a　great　change　that　had　come　over　me。　I　felt　like　a　new　woman。

Never　yet　had　my　life　been　so　enjoyable　to　me　as　it　was　now。　I　was　conscious　of　a　delicious　lightness　of　heart。　The　simplest　things　pleased　me；　I　was　ready　to　be　kind　to　everybody；　and　to　admire　everything。　Even　the　familiar　scenery　of　my　rides　in　the　park　developed　beauties　which　I　had　never　noticed　before。　The　enchantments　of　music　affected　me　to　tears。　I　was　absolutely　in　love　with　my　dogs　and　my　birdsand；　as　for　my　maid；　I　bewildered　the　girl　with　presents；　and　gave　her　holidays　almost　before　she　could　ask　for　them。　In　a　bodily　sense；　I　felt　an　extraordinary　accession　of　strength　and　activity。　I　romped　with　the　dear　old　General；　and　actually　kissed　Lady　Claudia；　one　morning；　instead　of　letting　her　kiss　me　as　usual。　My　friends　noticed　my　new　outburst　of　gayety　and　spiritand　wondered　what　had　produced　it。　I　can　honestly　say　that　I　wondered　too！　Only　on　that　wakeful　night　which　followed　our　visit　to　Michael's　room　did　I　arrive　at　something　like　a　clear　understanding　of　myself。　The　next　morning　completed　the　process　of　enlightenment。　I　went　out　riding　as　usual。　The　instant　when　Michael　put　his　hand　under　my　foot　as　I　sprang　into　the　saddle；　his　touch　flew　all　over　me　like　a　flame。　I　knew　who　had　made　a　new　woman　of　me　from　that　moment。

As　to　describing　the　first　sense　of　confusion　that　overwhelmed　me；　even　if　I　were　a　practiced　writer　I　should　be　incapable　of　doing　it。　I　pulled　down　my　veil；　and　rode　on　in　a　sort　of　trance。　Fortunately　for　me；　our　house　looked　on　the　park；　and　I　had　only　to　cross　the　road。　Otherwise　I　should　have　met　with　some　accident　if　I　had　ridden　through　the　streets。　To　this　day；　I　don't　know　where　I　rode。　The　horse　went　his　own　way　quietlyand　the　groom　followed　me。

The　groom！　Is　there　any　human　creature　so　free　from　the　hateful　and　anti…Christian　pride　of　rank　as　a　woman　who　loves　with　all　her　heart　and　soul；　for　the　first　time　in　her　life？　I　only　tell　the　truth　（in　however　unfavorable　a　light　it　may　place　me）　when　I　declare　that　my　confusion　was　entirely　due　to　the　discovery　that　I　was　in　love。　I　was　not　ashamed　of　myself　for　being　in　love　with　the　groom。　I　had　given　my　heart　to　the　man。　What　did　the　accident　of　his　position　matter？　Put　money　into　his　pocket　and　a　title　before　his　nameby　another　accident：　in　speech；　manners；　and　attainments；　he　would　he　a　gentleman　worthy　of　his　wealth　and　worthy　of　his　rank。

Even　the　natural　dread　of　what　my　relations　and　friends　might　say；　if　they　discovered　my　secret；　seemed　to　be　a　sensation　so　unworthy　of　me　and　of　him；　that　I　looked　round；　and　called　to　him　to　speak　to　me；　and　asked　him　questions　about　himself　which　kept　him　riding　nearly　side　by　side　with　me。　Ah；　how　I　enjoyed　the　gentle　deference　and　respect　of　his　manner　as　he　answered　me！　He　was　hardly　bold　enough　to　raise　his　eyes　to　mine；　when　I　looked　at　him。　Absorbed　in　the　Paradise　of　my　own　making；　I　rode　on　slowly；　and　was　only　aware　that　friends　had　passed　and　had　recognized　me；　by　seeing　him　touch　his　hat。　I　looked　round　and　discovered　the　women　smiling　ironically　as　they　rode　by。　That　one　circumstance　roused　me　rudely　from　my　dream。　I　let　Michael　fall　back　again　to　his　proper　place；　and　quickened　my　horse's　pace；　angry　with　myself；　angry　with　the　world　in　general；　then　suddenly　changing；　and　being　fool　enough　and　child　enough　to　feel　ready　to　cry。　How　long　these　varying　moods　lasted；　I　don't　know。　On　returning；　I　slipped　off　my　horse　without　waiting　for　Michael　to　help　me；　and　ran　into　the　house　without　even　wishing　him　〃Good…day。〃

VIII。

AFTER　taking　off　my　riding…habit；　and　cooling　my　hot　face　with　eaude…cologne　and　water；　I　went　down　to　the　room　which　we　called　the　morning…room。　The　piano　there　was　my　favorite　instrument　and　I　had　the　idea　of　trying　what　music　would　　do　toward　helping　me　to　compo　se　myself。

As　I　sat　down　before　the　piano；　I　heard　the　opening　of　the　door　of　the　breakfast…room　（separated　from　me　by　a　curtained　archway）；　and　the　voice　of　Lady　Claudia　asking　if　Michael　had　returned　to　the　stable。　On　the　servant's　reply　in　the　affirmative；　she　desired　that　he　might　be　sent　to　her　immediately。

No　doubt；　I　ought　either　to　have　left　the　morning…room；　or　to　have　let　my　aunt　know　of　my　presence　there。　I　did　neither　the　one　nor　the　other。　Her　first　dislike　of　Michael　had；　to　all　appearance；　subsided。　She　had　once　or　twice　actually　taken　opportunities　of　speaking　to　him　kindly。　I　believed　this　was　due　to　the　caprice　of　the　moment。　The　tone　of　her　voice　too　suggested；　on　this　occasion；　that　she　had　some　spiteful　object　in　view；　in　sending　for　him。　I　knew　it　was　unworthy　of　meand　yet；　I　deliberately　waited　to　hear　what　passed　between　them。

Lady　Claudia　began。

〃You　were　out　riding　to…day　with　Miss　Mina？〃

〃Yes；　my　lady。〃

〃Turn　to　the　light。　I　wish　to　see　people　when　I　speak　to　them。　You　were　observed　by　some　friends　of　mine；　your　conduct　excited　remark。　Do　you　know　your　business　as　a　lady's　groom？〃

〃I　have　had　seven　years'　experience；　my　lady。〃

〃Your　business　is　to　ride　at　a　certain　distance　behind　your　mistress。　Has　your　experience　taught　you　that？〃

〃Yes；　my　lady。〃

〃You　were　not　riding　behind　Miss　Minayour　horse　was　almost　side　by　side　with　hers。　Do　you　deny　it？〃

〃No；　my　lady。〃

〃You　behaved　with　the　greatest　improprietyyou　were　seen　talking　to　Miss　Mina。　Do　you　deny　that？〃

〃No；　my　lady。〃

〃Leave　the　room。　No！　come　back。　Have　you　any　excuse　to　make？〃

〃None；　my　lady。〃

〃Your　insolence　is　intolerable！　I　shall　speak　to　the　General。〃

The　sound　of　the　closing　door　followed。

I　knew　now　what　the　smiles　meant　on　the　false　faces　of　those　women…friends　of　mine　who　had　met　me　in　the　park。　An　ordinary　man；　in　Michael's　place；　would　have　mentioned　my　own　encouragement　of　him　as　a　sufficient　excuse。　_He_；　with　the　inbred　delicacy　and　reticence　of　a　gentleman；　had　taken　all　the　blame　on　himself。　Indignant　and　ashamed；　I　advanced　to　the　breakfast…room；　bent　on　instantly　justifying　him。　Drawing　aside　the　curtain；　I　was　startled　by　a　sound　as　of　a　person　sobbing。　I　cautiously　looked　in。　Lady　Claudia　was　prostrate　on　the　sofa；　hiding　her　face　in　her　hands；　in　a　passion　of　tears。

I　withdrew；　completely　bewildered。　The　extraordinary　contradictions　in　my　aunt's　conduct　were　not　at　an　end　yet。　Later　in　the　day；　I　went　to　my　uncle；　resolved　to　set　Michael　right　in　_his_　estimation；　and　to　leave　him　to　speak　to　Lady　Claudia。　The　General　was　in　the　lowest　spirits；　he　shook　his　head　ominously　the　moment。　I　mentioned　the　groom's　name。　〃I　dare　say　the　man　meant　no　harmbut　the　thing　has　been　observed。　I　can't　have　you　made　the　subject　of　scandal；　Mina。　My　wife　makes　a　point　of　itMichael　must　go。

〃You　don't　mean　to　say　that　she　has　insisted　on　your　sending　Michael　away？〃

Before　he　could　answer　me；　a　footman　appeared　with　a　message。　〃My　lady　wishes　to　see　you；　sir。〃

The　General　rose　directly。　My　curiosity　had　got；　by　this　time；　beyond　all　restraint。　I　was　actually　indelicate　enough　to　ask　if　I　might　go　with　him！　He　stared　at　me；　as　well　he　might。　I　persisted；　I　s