little novels-第32章

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indelicate　enough　to　ask　if　I　might　go　with　him！　He　stared　at　me；　as　well　he　might。　I　persisted；　I　said　I　particularly　wished　to　see　Lady　Claudia。　My　uncle's　punctilious　good　breeding　still　resisted　me。　〃Your　aunt　may　wish　to　speak　to　me　in　private；〃　he　said。　〃Wait　a　moment；　and　I　will　send　for　you。〃

I　was　incapable　of　waiting：　my　obstinacy　was　something　superhuman。　The　bare　idea　that　Michael　might　lose　his　place；　through　my　fault；　made　me　desperate；　I　suppose。　〃I　won't　trouble　you　to　send　for　me；〃　I　persisted；　〃I　will　go　with　you　at　once　as　far　as　the　door；　and　wait　to　hear　if　I　may　come　in。〃　The　footman　was　still　present；　holding　the　door　open；　the　General　gave　way。　I　kept　so　close　behind　him　that　my　aunt　saw　me　as　her　husband　entered　the　room。　〃Come　in；　Mina；〃　she　said；　speaking　and　looking　like　the　charming　Lady　Claudia　of　everyday　life。　Was　this　the　woman　whom　I　had　seen　crying　her　heart　out　on　the　sofa　hardly　an　hour　ago？

〃On　second　thoughts；〃　she　continued；　turning　to　the　General；　〃I　fear　I　may　have　been　a　little　hasty。　Pardon　me　for　troubling　you　about　it　againhave　you　spoken　to　Michael　yet？　No？　Then　let　us　err　on　the　side　of　kindness；　let　us　look　over　his　misconduct　this　time。〃

My　uncle　was　evidently　relieved。　I　seized　the　opportunity　of　making　my　confession；　and　taking　the　whole　blame　on　myself。　Lady　Claudia　stopped　me　with　the　perfect　grace　of　which　she　was　mistress。

〃My　good　child；　don't　distress　yourself！　don't　make　mountains　out　of　molehills！〃　She　patted　me　on　the　cheek　with　two　plump　white　fingers　which　felt　deadly　cold。　〃I　was　not　always　prudent；　Mina；　when　I　was　your　age。　Besides；　your　curiosity　is　naturally　excited　about　a　servant　who　iswhat　shall　I　call　him？a　foundling。〃

She　paused　and　fixed　her　eyes　on　me　attentively。　〃What　did　he　tell　you？〃　she　asked。　〃Is　it　a　very　romantic　story？〃

The　General　began　to　fidget　in　his　chair。　If　I　had　kept　my　attention　on　him；　I　should　have　seen　in　his　face　a　warning　to　me　to　be　silent。　But　my　interest　at　the　moment　was　absorbed　in　my　aunt。　Encouraged　by　her　amiable　reception；　I　was　not　merely　unsuspicious　of　the　trap　that　she　had　set　for　meI　was　actually　foolish　enough　to　think　that　I　could　improve　Michael's　position　in　her　estimation　（remember　that　I　was　in　love　with　him！）　by　telling　his　story　exactly　as　I　have　already　told　it　in　these　pages。　I　spoke　with　fervor。　Will　you　believe　it？her　humor　positively　changed　again！　She　flew　into　a　passion　with　me　for　the　first　time　in　her　life。

〃Lies！〃　she　cried。　〃Impudent　lies　on　the　face　of　theminvented　to　appeal　to　your　interest。　How　dare　you　repeat　them？　General！　if　Mina　had　not　brought　it　on　herself；　this　man's　audacity　would　justify　you　in　instantly　dismissing　him。　Don't　you　agree　with　me？〃

The　General's　sense　of　fair　play　roused　him　for　once　into　openly　opposing　his　wife。

〃You　are　completely　mistaken；〃　he　said。　〃Mina　and　I　have　both　had　the　shawl　and　the　letter　in　our　handsand　（what　was　there　besides？）　ah；　yes；　the　very　linen　the　child　was　wrapped　in。〃

What　there　was　in　those　words　to　check　Lady　Claudia's　anger　in　its　full　flow　I　was　quite　unable　to　understand。　If　her　husband　had　put　a　pistol　to　her　head；　he　could　hardly　have　silenced　her　more　effectually。　She　did　not　appear　to　be　frightened；　or　ashamed　of　her　outbreak　of　rageshe　sat　vacant　and　speechless；　with　her　eyes　on　the　General　and　her　hands　crossed　on　her　lap。　After　waiting　a　moment　（wondering　as　I　did　what　it　meant）　my　uncle　rose　with　his　customary　resignation　and　left　her。　I　followed　him。　He　was　unusually　silent　and　thoughtful；　not　a　word　passed　between　us。　I　afterward　discovered　that　he　was　beginning　to　fear；　poor　man；　that　his　wife's　mind　must　be　affected　in　some　way；　and　was　meditating　a　consultation　with　the　physician　who　helped　us　in　cases　of　need。

As　for　myself；　I　was　either　too　stupid　or　too　innocent　to　feel　any　positive　forewarning　of　the　truth；　so　far。　After　luncheon；　while　I　was　alone　in　the　conservatory；　my　maid　came　to　me　from　Michael；　asking　if　I　had　any　commands　for　him　in　the　afternoon。　I　thought　this　rather　odd；　but　it　occurred　to　me　that　he　might　want　some　hours　to　himself。　I　made　the　inquiry。

To　my　astonishment；　the　maid　announced　that　Lady　Claudia　had　employed　Michael　to　go　on　an　errand　for　her。　The　nature　of　the　errand　was　to　take　a　letter　to　her　bookseller；　and　to　bring　back　the　books　which　she　had　ordered。　With　three　idle　footmen　in　the　house；　whose　business　it　was　to　perform　such　service　as　this；　why　had　she　taken　the　groom　away　from　his　work？　The　question　obtained　such　complete　possession　of　my　mind　that　I　actually　summoned　courage　enough　to　go　to　my　aunt。　I　said　I　had　thought　of　driving　out　in　my　pony…carriage　that　afternoon；　and　I　asked　if　she　objected　to　sending　one　of　the　three　indoor　servants　for　her　books　in　Michael's　place。

She　received　me　with　a　strange　hard　stare；　and　answered　with　obstinate　self…possession：　〃I　wish　Michael　to　go！〃　No　explanation　followed。　With　reason　or　without　it；　agreeable　to　me　or　not　agreeable　to　me；　she　wished　Michael　to　go。

I　begged　her　pardon　for　interfering；　and　replied　that　I　would　give　up　the　idea　of　driving　on　that　day。　She　made　no　further　remark。　I　left　the　room；　determining　to　watch　her。　There　is　no　defense　for　my　conduct；　it　was　mean　and　unbecoming；　no　doubt。　I　was　drawn　on；　by　some　force　in　me　which　I　could　not　even　attempt　to　resist。　Indeed；　indeed　I　am　not　a　mean　person　by　nature！

At　first；　I　thought　of　speaking　to　Michael；　not　with　any　special　motive；　but　simply　because　I　felt　drawn　toward　him　as　the　guide　and　helper　in　whom　my　heart　trusted　at　this　crisis　in　my　life。　A　little　consideration；　however；　suggested　to　me　that　I　might　be　seen　speaking　to　him；　and　might　so　do　him　an　injury。　While　I　was　still　hesitating；　the　thought　came　to　me　that　my　aunt's　motive　for　sending　him　to　her　bookseller　might　be　to　get　him　out　of　her　way。

Out　of　her　way　in　the　house？　No：　his　place　was　not　in　the　house。　Out　of　her　way　in　the　stable？　The　next　instant；　the　idea　flashed　across　my　mind　of　watching　the　stable　door。

The　best　bedrooms；　my　room　included；　were　all　in　front　of　the　house。　I　went　up　to　my　maid's　room；　which　looked　on　the　courtyard；　ready　with　my　excuse；　if　she　happened　to　be　there。　She　was　not　there。　I　placed　myself　at　the　window；　in　full　view　of　the　stable　opposite。

An　interval　elapsedlong　or　short；　I　cannot　say　which；　I　was　too　much　excited　to　look　at　my　watch。　All　I　know　is　that　I　discovered　her！　She　crossed　the　yard；　after　waiting　to　make　sure　that　no　one　was　there　to　see　her；　and　she　entered　the　stable　by　the　door　which　led　to　that　part　of　the　building　occupied　by　Michael。　This　time　I　looked　at　my　watch。

Forty　minutes　passed　before　I　saw　her　again。　And　then；　instead　of　appearing　at　the　door；　she　showed　herself　at　the　window　of　Michael's　room；　throwing　it　wide　open。　I　concealed　myself　behind　the　window　curtain；　just　in　time　to　escape　discovery；　as　she　looked　up　at　the　house。　She　next　appeared　in　the　yard；　hurrying　back。　I　waited　a　while；　trying　to　compose　myself　in　case　I　met　any　one　on　the　stairs。　There　was　little　danger　of　a　meeting　at　that　hour。　The　General　was　at　his　club；　the　servants　were　at　their　tea。　I　reached　my　own　room　without　being　seen　by　any　one；　and　locked　myself　in。

What　had　my　aunt　been　doing　for　forty　minutes　in　Michael's　room？　And　why　had　she　opened　the　window？

I　spare　you　my　reflections　on　these　perplexing　questions。　A　convenient　headache　saved　me　from　the　ordeal　of　meeting　Lady　Claudia　at　the　dinner…table。　I　passed　a　restless　and　miserable　night；　conscious　that　I　had　found　my　way　blindly；　as　it　were；　to　some　terrible　secret　which　might　have　its　influence　on　my　whole　future　life；　and　not　knowing　what　to　think；　or　what　to　do　next。　Even　then；　I　shrank　instinctively　from　speaking　to　my　uncle。　This　was　not　wonderful。　But　I　felt　afraid　to　speak　to　Michaeland　that　perplexed　and　alarmed　me。　Consideration　for　Lady　Claudia　was　certainly　not　the　motive　that　kept　me　silent；　after　what　I　had　seen。

The　next　morning　my　pale　face　abundantly　justified　the　assertion　that　I　was　still　ill。

My　aunt；　always　doing　her　maternal　duty　toward　me；　came　herself　to　inquire　after　my　health　before　I　was　out　of　my　room。　So　certain　was　she　of　not　having　been　observed　on　the　previous　dayor　so　prodigious　was　her　power　of　controlling　herselfthat　she　actually　advised　me　to　go　out　riding　before　lunch；　and　try　what　the　fresh　air　and　the　exercise　would　do　to　relieve　me！　Feeling　that　I　must　end　in　speaking　to　Michael；　it　struck　me　that　this　would　be　the　one　safe　way　of　consulting　him　in　private。　I　accepted　her　advice；　and　had　another　approving　pat　on　the　cheek　from　her　plump　white　fingers。　They　no　longer　struck　cold　on　my　skin；　the　customary　vital　warmth　had　returned　to　them。　Her　ladyship's　mind　had　recovered　its　tranquillity。

IX。

I　LEFT　the　house　for　my　morning　ride。

Michael　was　not　in　his　customary　spirits。　With　some　difficulty；　I　induced　him　to　tell　me　the　reason。　He　had　decided　on　giving　notice　to　leave　his　situation　in　the　General's　employment。　As　soon　as　I　could　command　myself；　I　asked　what　had　happened　to　justify　this　incomprehensible　proceeding　on　his　part。　He　silently　offered　me　a　letter。　It　was　written　by　the　master　whom　he　had　served　before　he　came　to　us；　and　it　announced　that　an　employment　as　secretary　was　offered　to　him；　in　the　house　of　a　gentleman　who　was　〃interested　in　his　creditable　efforts　to　improve　his　position　in　the　world。〃

What　it　cost　me　to　preserve　the　outward　appearance　of　composure　as　I　handed　back　the　letter；　I　am　ashamed　to　tell。　I　spoke　to　him　with　some　bitterness。　〃Your　wishes　are　gratified；〃　I　said；　〃I　don't　wonder　that　you　are　eager　to　leave　your　place。〃　He　reined　back　his　horse　and　repeated　my　words。　〃Eager　to　leave　my　place？　I　am　heart…broken　at　leaving　it。〃　I　was　reckless　enough　to　ask　why。　His　head　sank。　〃I　daren't　tell　you；〃　he　said。　I　went　on　from　one　imprudence　to　another。　〃What　are　you　afraid　of？〃　I　asked。　He　suddenly　looked　up　at　me。　His　eyes　answered：　_〃You。〃_

Is　it　possible　to　fathom　the　folly　of　a　woman　in　love？　Can　any　sensible　person　imagine　the　enormous　importance　which　the　veriest　trifles　assume　in　her　poor　little　mind？　I　was　perfectly　satisfiedeven　perfectly　happy；　after　that　one　look。　I　rode　on　briskly　for　a　minute　or　twothen　the　forgotten　scene　at　the　stable　recurred　to　my　memory。　I　resumed　a　foot…pace　and　beckoned　to　him　to　speak　to　me。

〃Lady　Claudia's　bookseller　lives　in　the　City；　doesn't　he？〃　I　began。

〃Yes；　miss。〃

〃Did　you　walk　both　ways？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃You　must　have　felt　tired　when　you　got　back？〃

〃I　hardly　remember　what　I　felt　when　I　got　backI　was　met　by　a　surprise。〃

〃May　I　ask　what　it　was？〃

〃Certainly；　miss。　Do　you　remember　a　black　bag　of　mine？〃

〃Perfectly。〃

〃When　I　returned　from　the　City　I　found　the　bag　open；　and　the　things　I　kept　in　itthe　shawl；　the　linen；　and　the　letter〃

〃Gone？〃

〃Gone。〃

My　heart　gave　one　great　leap　in　me；　and　broke　into　vehement　throbbings；　which　made　it　impossible　for　me　to　say　a　word　more。　I　reined　up　my　horse；　and　fixed　my　eyes　on　Michael。　He　was　startled；　he　asked　if　I　felt　faint。　I　could　only　sign　to　him　that　I　was　waiting　to　hear　more。

〃My　own　belief；〃　he　proceeded；　〃is　that　some　person　burned　the　things　in　my　absence；　and　opened　the　window　to　preven