little novels-第33章

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〃My　own　belief；〃　he　proceeded；　〃is　that　some　person　burned　the　things　in　my　absence；　and　opened　the　window　to　prevent　any　suspicion　being　excited　by　the　smell。　I　am　certain　I　shut　the　window　before　I　left　my　room。　When　I　closed　it　on　my　return；　the　fresh　air　had　not　entirely　removed　the　smell　of　burning；　and；　what　is　more；　I　found　a　heap　of　ashes　in　the　grate。　As　to　the　person　who　has　done　me　this　injury；　and　why　it　has　been　done；　those　are　mysteries　beyond　my　fathomingI　beg　your　pardon；　missI　am　sure　you　are　not　well。　Might　I　advise　you　to　return　to　the　house？〃

I　accepted　his　advice　and　turned　back。

In　the　tumult　of　horror　and　amazement　that　filled　my　mind；　I　could　still　feel　a　faint　triumph　stirring　in　me　through　it　all；　when　I　saw　how　alarmed　and　how　anxious　he　was　about　me。　Nothing　more　passed　between　us　on　the　way　back。　Confronted　by　the　dreadful　discovery　that　I　had　now　made；　I　was　silent　and　helpless。　Of　the　guilty　persons　concerned　in　the　concealment　of　the　birth；　and　in　the　desertion　of　the　infant；　my　nobly…born；　highly…bred；　irreproachable　aunt　now　stood　revealed　before　me　as　one！　An　older　woman　than　I　might　have　been　hard　put　to　it　to　preserve　her　presence　of　mind；　in　such　a　position　as　mine。　Instinct；　not　reason；　served　me　in　my　sore　need。　Instinct；　not　reason；　kept　me　passively　and　stupidly　silent　when　I　got　back　to　the　house。　〃We　will　talk　about　it　to…morrow；〃　was　all　I　could　say　to　Michael；　when　he　gently　lifted　me　from　my　horse。

I　excused　myself　from　appearing　at　the　luncheon…table；　and　I　drew　down　the　blinds　in　my　sitting…room；　so　that　my　face　might　not　betray　me　when　Lady　Claudia's　maternal　duty　brought　her　upstairs　to　make　inquiries。　The　same　excuse　served　in　both　casesmy　ride　had　failed　to　relieve　me　of　my　headache。　My　aunt's　brief　visit　led　to　one　result　which　is　worth　mentioning。　The　indescribable　horror　of　her　that　I　felt　forced　the　conviction　on　my　mind　that　we　two　could　live　no　longer　under　the　same　roof。　While　I　was　still　trying　to　face　this　alternative　with　the　needful　composure；　my　un　cle　presented　himself；　in　some　anxiety　about　my　continued　illness。　I　should　certainly　have　burst　out　crying；　when　the　kind　and　dear　old　man　condoled　with　me；　if　he　had　not　brought　news　with　him　which　turned　back　all　my　thoughts　on　myself　and　my　aunt。　Michael　had　shown　the　General　his　letter　and　had　given　notice　to　leave。　Lady　Claudia　was　present　at　the　time。　To　her　husband's　amazement；　she　abruptly　interfered　with　a　personal　request　to　Michael　to　think　better　of　it；　and　to　remain　in　his　place！

〃I　should　not　have　troubled　you；　my　dear；　on　this　unpleasant　subject；〃　said　my　uncle；　〃if　Michael　had　not　told　me　that　you　were　aware　of　the　circumstances　under　which　he　feels　it　his　duty　to　leave　us。　After　your　aunt's　interference　（quite　incomprehensible　to　me）；　the　man　hardly　knows　what　to　do。　Being　your　groom；　he　begs　me　to　ask　if　there　is　any　impropriety　in　his　leaving　the　difficulty　to　your　decision。　I　tell　you　of　his　request；　Mina；　but　I　strongly　advise　you　to　decline　taking　any　responsibility　on　yourself。〃

I　answered　mechanically；　accepting　my　uncle's　suggestion；　while　my　thoughts　were　wholly　absorbed　in　this　last　of　the　many　extraordinary　proceedings　on　Lady　Claudia's　part　since　Michael　had　entered　the　house。　There　are　limitsout　of　books　and　playsto　the　innocence　of　a　young　unmarried　woman。　After　what　I　had　just　heard　the　doubts　which　had　thus　far　perplexed　me　were　suddenly　and　completely　cleared　up。　I　said　to　my　secret　self：　〃She　has　some　human　feeling　left。　If　her　son　goes　away；　she　knows　that　they　may　never　meet　again！〃

From　the　moment　when　my　mind　emerged　from　the　darkness；　I　recovered　the　use　of　such　intelligence　and　courage　as　I　naturally　possessed。　From　this　point；　you　will　find　that；　right　or　wrong；　I　saw　my　way　before　me；　and　took　it。

To　say　that　I　felt　for　the　General　with　my　whole　heart；　is　merely　to　own　that　I　could　be　commonly　grateful。　I　sat　on　his　knee；　and　laid　my　cheek　against　his　cheek；　and　thanked　him　for　his　long；　long　years　of　kindness　to　me。　He　stopped　me　in　his　simple　generous　way。　〃Why；　Mina；　you　talk　as　if　you　were　going　to　leave　us！〃　I　started　up；　and　went　to　the　window；　opening　it　and　complaining　of　the　heat；　and　so　concealing　from　him　that　he　had　unconsciously　anticipated　the　event　that　was　indeed　to　come。　When　I　returned　to　my　chair；　he　helped　me　to　recover　myself　by　alluding　once　more　to　his　wife。　He　feared　that　her　health　was　in　some　way　impaired。　In　the　time　when　they　had　first　met；　she　was　subject　to　nervous　maladies；　having　their　origin　in　a　〃calamity〃　which　was　never　mentioned　by　either　of　them　in　later　days。　She　might　possibly　be　suffering　again；　from　some　other　form　of　nervous　derangement；　and　he　seriously　thought　of　persuading　her　to　send　for　medical　advice。

Under　ordinary　circumstances；　this　vague　reference　to　a　〃calamity〃　would　not　have　excited　any　special　interest　in　me。　But　my　mind　was　now　in　a　state　of　morbid　suspicion。　I　had　not　heard　how　long　my　uncle　and　aunt　had　been　married；　but　I　remembered　that　Michael　had　described　himself　as　being　twenty…six　years　old。　Bearing　these　circumstances　in　mind；　it　struck　me　that　I　might　be　acting　wisely　（in　Michael's　interest）　if　I　persuaded　the　General　to　speak　further　of　what　had　happened；　at　the　time　when　he　met　the　woman　whom　an　evil　destiny　had　bestowed　on　him　for　a　wife。　Nothing　but　the　consideration　of　serving　the　man　I　loved　would　have　reconciled　me　to　making　my　own　secret　use　of　the　recollections　which　my　uncle　might　innocently　confide　to　me。　As　it　was；　I　thought　the　means　would；　in　this　case；　be　for　once　justified　by　the　end。　Before　we　part；　I　have　little　doubt　that　you　will　think　so　too。

I　found　it　an　easier　task　than　I　had　anticipated　to　turn　the　talk　back　again　to　the　days　when　the　General　had　seen　Lady　Claudia　for　the　first　time。　He　was　proud　of　the　circumstances　under　which　he　had　won　his　wife。　Ah；　how　my　heart　ached　for　him　as　I　saw　his　eyes　sparkle；　and　the　color　mount　in　his　fine　rugged　face！

This　is　the　substance　of　what　I　heard　from　him。　I　tell　it　briefly；　because　it　is　still　painful　to　me　to　tell　it　at　all。


My　uncle　had　met　Lady　Claudia　at　her　father's　country　house。　She　had　then　reappeared　in　society；　after　a　period　of　seclusion；　passed　partly　in　England；　partly　on　the　Continent。　Before　the　date　of　her　retirement；　she　had　been　engaged　to　marry　a　French　nobleman；　equally　illustrious　by　his　birth　and　by　his　diplomatic　services　in　the　East。　Within　a　few　weeks　of　the　wedding…day；　he　was　drowned　by　the　wreck　of　his　yacht。　This　was　the　calamity　to　which　my　uncle　had　referred。

Lady　Claudia's　mind　was　so　seriously　affected　by　the　dreadful　event；　that　the　doctors　refused　to　answer　for　the　consequences；　unless　she　was　at　once　placed　in　the　strictest　retirement。　Her　mother；　and　a　French　maid　devotedly　attached　to　her；　were　the　only　persons　whom　it　was　considered　safe　for　the　young　lady　to　see；　until　time　and　care　had　in　some　degree　composed　her。　Her　return　to　her　friends　and　admirers；　after　the　necessary　interval　of　seclusion；　was　naturally　a　subject　of　sincere　rejoicing　among　the　guests　assembled　in　her　father's　house。　My　uncle's　interest　in　Lady　Claudia　soon　developed　into　love。　They　were　equals　in　rank；　and　well　suited　to　each　other　in　age。　The　parents　raised　no　obstacles；　but　they　did　not　conceal　from　their　guest　that　the　disaster　which　had　befallen　their　daughter　was　but　too　likely　to　disincline　her　to　receive　his　addresses；　or　any　man's　addresses；　favorably。　To　their　surprise；　they　proved　to　be　wrong。　The　young　lady　was　touched　by　the　simplicity　and　the　delicacy　with　which　her　lover　urged　his　suit。　She　had　lived　among　worldly　people。　This　was　a　man　whose　devotion　she　could　believe　to　be　sincere。　They　were　married。

Had　no　unusual　circumstances　occurred？　Had　nothing　happened　which　the　General　had　forgotten？　Nothing。

X。

IT　is　surely　needless　that　I　should　stop　here；　to　draw　the　plain　inferences　from　the　events　just　related。

Any　person　who　remembers　that　the　shawl　in　which　the　infant　was　wrapped　came　from　those　Eastern　regions　which　were　associated　with　the　French　nobleman's　diplomatic　servicesalso；　that　the　faults　of　composition　in　the　letter　found　on　the　child　were　exactly　the　faults　likely　to　have　been　committed　by　the　French　maidany　person　who　follows　these　traces　can　find　his　way　to　the　truth　as　I　found　mine。

Returning　for　a　moment　to　the　hopes　which　I　had　formed　of　being　of　some　service　to　Michael；　I　have　only　to　say　that　they　were　at　once　destroyed；　when　I　heard　of　the　death　by　drowning　of　the　man　to　whom　the　evidence　pointed　as　his　father。　The　prospect　looked　equally　barren　when　I　thought　of　the　miserable　mother。　That　she　should　openly　acknowledge　her　son　in　her　position　was　perhaps　not　to　be　expected　of　any　woman。　Had　she　courage　enough；　or；　in　plainer　words；　heart　enough　to　acknowledge　him　privately？

I　called　to　mind　again　some　of　the　apparent　caprices　and　contradictions　in　Lady　Claudia's　conduct；　on　the　memorable　day　when　Michael　had　presented　himself　to　fill　the　vacant　place。　Look　back　with　me　to　the　record　of　what　she　said　and　did　on　that　occasion；　by　the　light　of　your　present　knowledge；　and　you　will　see　that　his　likeness　to　his　father　must　have　struck　her　when　he　entered　the　room；　and　that　his　statement　of　his　age　must　have　correctly　described　the　age　of　her　son。　Recall　the　actions　that　followed；　after　she　had　been　exhausted　by　her　first　successful　efforts　at　self…controlthe　withdrawal　to　the　window　to　conceal　her　face；　the　clutch　at　the　curtain　when　she　felt　herself　sinking；　the　harshness　of　manner　under　which　she　concealed　her　emotions　when　she　ventured　to　speak　to　him；　the　reiterated　inconsistencies　and　vacillations　of　conduct　that　followed；　all　alike　due　to　the　protest　of　Nature；　desperately　resisted　to　the　lastand　say　if　I　did　her　injustice　when　I　believed　her　to　be　incapable　of　running　the　smallest　risk　of　discovery　at　the　prompting　of　maternal　love。

There　remained；　then；　only　Michael　to　think　of。　I　remember　how　he　had　spoken　of　the　unknown　parents　whom　he　neither　expected　nor　cared　to　discover。　Still；　I　could　not　reconcile　it　to　my　conscience　to　accept　a　chance　outbreak　of　temper　as　my　sufficient　ju　stification　for　keeping　him　in　ignorance　of　a　discovery　which　so　nearly　concerned　him。　It　seemed　at　least　to　be　my　duty　to　make　myself　acquainted　with　the　true　state　of　his　feelings；　before　I　decided　to　bear　the　burden　of　silence　with　me　to　my　grave。

What　I　felt　it　my　duty　to　do　in　this　serious　matter；　I　determined　to　do　at　once。　Besides；　let　me　honestly　own　that　I　felt　lonely　and　desolate；　oppressed　by　the　critical　situation　in　which　I　was　placed；　and　eager　for　the　relief　that　it　would　be　to　me　only　to　hear　the　sound　of　Michael's　voice。　I　sent　my　maid　to　say　that　I　wished　to　speak　to　him　immediately。　The　crisis　was　already　hanging　over　my　head。　That　one　act　brought　it　down。

XI。

He　came　in；　and　stood　modestly　waiting　at　the　door。

After　making　him　take　a　chair；　I　began　by　saying　that　I　had　received　his　message；　and　that；　acting　on　my　uncle's　advice；　I　must　abstain　from　interfering　in　the　question　of　his　leaving；　or　not　leaving；　his　place。　Having　in　this　way　established　a　reason　for　sending　for　him；　I　alluded　next　to　the　loss　that　he　had　sustained；　and　asked　if　he