little novels-第8章

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and。　〃Won't　you　even　shake　hands　with　me？〃　he　inquired　piteously。　When　we　have　most　properly　administered　a　reproof　to　a　man；　what　is　the　perversity　which　makes　us　weakly　pity　him　the　minute　afterward？　I　was　fool　enough　to　shake　hands　with　this　perfect　stranger。　And；　having　done　it；　I　completed　the　total　loss　of　my　dignity　by　running　away。　Our　dear　crooked　little　streets　hid　me　from　him　directly。

As　I　rang　at　the　door…bell　of　my　employer's　house；　a　thought　occurred　to　me　which　might　have　been　alarming　to　a　better　regulated　mind　than　mine。

〃Suppose　he　should　come　back　to　Sandwich？〃

II。

BEFORE　many　more　days　passed　I　had　troubles　of　my　own　to　contend　with；　which　put　the　eccentric　stranger　out　of　my　head　for　the　time。

Unfortunately；　my　troubles　are　part　of　my　story；　and　my　early　life　mixes　itself　up　with　them。　In　consideration　of　what　is　to　follow；　may　I　say　two　words　relating　to　the　period　before　I　was　a　governess？

I　am　the　orphan　daughter　of　a　shopkeeper　of　Sandwich。　My　father　died；　leaving　to　his　widow　and　child　an　honest　name　and　a　little　income　of　L80　a　year。　We　kept　on　the　shopneither　gaining　nor　losing　by　it。　The　truth　is　nobody　would　buy　our　poor　little　business。　I　was　thirteen　years　old　at　the　time；　and　I　was　able　to　help　my　mother；　whose　health　was　then　beginning　to　fail。　Never　shall　I　forget　a　certain　bright　summer's　day；　when　I　saw　a　new　customer　enter　our　shop。　He　was　an　elderly　gentleman；　and　he　seemed　surprised　to　find　so　young　a　girl　as　myself　in　charge　of　the　business；　and；　what　is　more；　competent　to　support　the　charge。　I　answered　his　questions　in　a　manner　which　seemed　to　please　him。　He　soon　discovered　that　my　education　（excepting　my　knowledge　of　the　business）　had　been　sadly　neglected；　and　he　inquired　if　he　could　see　my　mother。　She　was　resting　on　the　sofa　in　the　back　parlorand　she　received　him　there。　When　he　came　out；　he　patted　me　on　the　cheek。　〃I　have　taken　a　fancy　to　you；〃　he　said；　〃and　perhaps　I　shall　come　back　again。〃　He　did　come　back　again。　My　mother　had　referred　him　to　the　rector　for　our　characters　in　the　town；　and　he　had　heard　what　our　clergyman　could　say　for　us。　Our　only　relations　had　emigrated　to　Australia；　and　were　not　doing　well　there。　My　mother's　death　would　leave　me；　so　far　as　relatives　were　concerned；　literally　alone　in　the　world。　〃Give　this　girl　a　first…rate　education；〃　said　our　elderly　customer；　sitting　at　our　tea…table　in　the　back　parlor；　〃and　she　will　do。　If　you　will　send　her　to　school；　ma'am；　I'll　pay　for　her　education。〃　My　poor　mother　began　to　cry　at　the　prospect　of　parting　with　me。　The　old　gentleman　said：　〃Think　of　it；〃　and　got　up　to　go。　He　gave　me　his　card　as　I　opened　the　shop…door　for　him。　〃If　you　find　yourself　in　trouble；〃　he　whispered；　so　that　my　mother　could　not　hear　him；　〃be　a　wise　child；　and　write　and　tell　me　of　it。〃　I　looked　at　the　card。　Our　kind…hearted　customer　was　no　less　a　person　than　Sir　Gervase　Damian；　of　Garrum　Park；　Sussexwith　landed　property　in　our　county　as　well！　He　had　made　himself　（through　the　rector；　no　doubt）　far　better　acquainted　than　I　was　with　the　true　state　of　my　mother's　health。　In　four　months　from　the　memorable　day　when　the　great　man　had　taken　tea　with　us；　my　time　had　come　to　be　alone　in　the　world。　I　have　no　courage　to　dwell　on　it；　my　spirits　sink；　even　at　this　distance　of　time；　when　I　think　of　myself　in　those　days。　The　good　rector　helped　me　with　his　adviceI　wrote　to　Sir　Gervase　Damian。

A　change　had　come　over　his　life　as　well　as　mine　in　the　interval　since　we　had　met。

Sir　Gervas　e　had　married　for　the　second　timeand；　what　was　more　foolish　still；　perhaps；　at　his　age；　had　married　a　young　woman。　She　was　said　to　be　consumptive；　and　of　a　jealous　temper　as　well。　Her　husband's　only　child　by　his　first　wife；　a　son　and　heir；　was　so　angry　at　his　father's　second　marriage　that　he　left　the　house。　The　landed　property　being　entailed；　Sir　Gervase　could　only　express　his　sense　of　his　son's　conduct　by　making　a　new　will；　which　left　all　his　property　in　money　to　his　young　wife。

These　particulars　I　gathered　from　the　steward；　who　was　expressly　sent　to　visit　me　at　Sandwich。

〃Sir　Gervase　never　makes　a　promise　without　keeping　it；〃　this　gentleman　informed　me。　〃I　am　directed　to　take　you　to　a　first…rate　ladies'　school　in　the　neighborhood　of　London；　and　to　make　all　the　necessary　arrangements　for　your　remaining　there　until　you　are　eighteen　years　of　age。　Any　written　communications　in　the　future　are　to　pass；　if　you　please；　through　the　hands　of　the　rector　of　Sandwich。　The　delicate　health　of　the　new　Lady　Damian　makes　it　only　too　likely　that　the　lives　of　her　husband　and　herself　will　be　passed；　for　the　most　part；　in　a　milder　climate　than　the　climate　of　England。　I　am　instructed　to　say　this；　and　to　convey　to　you　Sir　Gervase's　best　wishes。〃

By　the　rector's　advice；　I　accepted　the　position　offered　to　me　in　this　unpleasantly　formal　mannerconcluding　（quite　correctly；　as　I　afterward　discovered）　that　I　was　indebted　to　Lady　Damian　for　the　arrangement　which　personally　separated　me　from　my　benefactor。　Her　husband's　kindness　and　my　gratitude；　meeting　on　the　neutral　ground　of　Garrum　Park；　were　objects　of　conjugal　distrust　to　this　lady。　Shocking！　shocking！　I　left　a　sincerely　grateful　letter　to　be　forwarded　to　Sir　Gervase；　and；　escorted　by　the　steward；　I　went　to　schoolbeing　then　just　fourteen　years　old。

I　know　I　am　a　fool。　Never　mind。　There　is　some　pride　in　me；　though　I　am　only　a　small　shopkeeper's　daughter。　My　new　life　had　its　trialsmy　pride　held　me　up。

For　the　four　years　during　which　I　remained　at　the　school；　my　poor　welfare　might　be　a　subject　of　inquiry　to　the　rector；　and　sometimes　even　the　stewardnever　to　Sir　Gervase　himself。　His　winters　were　no　doubt　passed　abroad；　but　in　the　summer　time　he　and　Lady　Damian　were　at　home　again。　Not　even　for　a　day　or　two　in　the　holiday　time　was　there　pity　enough　felt　for　my　lonely　position　to　ask　me　to　be　the　guest　of　the　housekeeper　（I　expected　nothing　more）　at　Garrum　Park。　But　for　my　pride；　I　might　have　felt　it　bitterly。　My　pride　said　to　me；　〃Do　justice　to　yourself。〃　I　worked　so　hard；　I　behaved　so　well；　that　the　mistress　of　the　school　wrote　to　Sir　Gervase　to　tell　him　how　thoroughly　I　had　deserved　the　kindness　that　he　had　shown　to　me。　No　answer　was　received。　（Oh；　Lady　Damian！）　No　change　varied　the　monotony　of　my　lifeexcept　when　one　of　my　schoolgirl　friends　sometimes　took　me　home　with　her　for　a　few　days　at　vacation　time。　Never　mind。　My　pride　held　me　up。

As　the　last　half…year　of　my　time　at　school　approached；　I　began　to　consider　the　serious　question　of　my　future　life。

Of　course；　I　could　have　lived　on　my　eighty　pounds　a　year；　but　what　a　lonely；　barren　existence　it　promised　to　be！unless　somebody　married　me；　and　where；　if　you　please；　was　I　to　find　him？　My　education　had　thoroughly　fitted　me　to　be　a　governess。　Why　not　try　my　fortune；　and　see　a　little　of　the　world　in　that　way？　Even　if　I　fell　among　ill…conditioned　people；　I　could　be　independent　of　them；　and　retire　on　my　income。

The　rector；　visiting　London；　came　to　see　me。　He　not　only　approved　of　my　ideahe　offered　me　a　means　of　carrying　it　out。　A　worthy　family；　recently　settled　at　Sandwich；　were　in　want　of　a　governess。　The　head　of　the　household　was　partner　in　a　business　（the　exact　nature　of　which　it　is　needless　to　mention）　having　〃branches〃　out　of　London。　He　had　become　superintendent　of　a　new　〃branch〃tried　as　a　commercial　experiment；　under　special　circumstances；　at　Sandwich。　The　idea　of　returning　to　my　native　place　pleased　medull　as　the　place　was　to　others。　I　accepted　the　situation。

When　the　steward's　usual　half…yearly　letter　arrived　soon　afterward；　inquiring　what　plans　I　had　formed　on　leaving　school；　and　what　he　could　do　to　help　them；　acting　on　behalf　of　Sir　Gervase；　a　delicious　tingling　filled　me　from　head　to　foot　when　I　thought　of　my　own　independence。　It　was　not　ingratitude　toward　my　benefactor；　it　was　only　my　little　private　triumph　over　Lady　Damian。　Oh；　my　sisters　of　the　sex；　can　you　not　understand　and　forgive　me？

So　to　Sandwich　I　returned；　and　there；　for　three　years；　I　remained　with　the　kindest　people　who　ever　breathed　the　breath　of　life。　Under　their　roof　I　was　still　living　when　I　met　with　my　lost　gentleman　in　the　street。

Ah；　me！　the　end　of　that　quiet；　pleasant　life　was　near。　When　I　lightly　spoke　to　the　odd　stranger　of　the　expiring　trade　of　the　town；　I　never　expected　that　my　employer's　trade　was　expiring　too。　The　speculation　had　turned　out　to　be　a　losing　one；　and　all　his　savings　had　been　embarked　in　it。　He　could　no　longer　remain　at　Sandwich；　or　afford　to　keep　a　governess。　His　wife　broke　the　sad　news　to　me。　I　was　so　fond　of　the　children；　I　proposed　to　her　to　give　up　my　salary。　Her　husband　refused　even　to　consider　the　proposal。　It　was　the　old　story　of　poor　humanity　over　again。　We　cried；　we　kissed；　we　parted。

What　was　I　to　do　next？Write　to　Sir　Gervase？

I　had　already　written；　soon　after　my　return　to　Sandwich；　breaking　through　the　regulations　by　directly　addressing　Sir　Gervase。　I　expressed　my　grateful　sense　of　his　generosity　to　a　poor　girl　who　had　no　family　claim　on　him；　and　I　promised　to　make　the　one　return　in　my　power　by　trying　to　be　worthy　of　the　interest　he　had　taken　in　me。　The　letter　was　written　without　any　alloy　of　mental　reserve。　My　new　life　as　a　governess　was　such　a　happy　one　that　I　had　forgotten　my　paltry　bitterness　of　feeling　against　Lady　Damian。

It　was　a　relief　to　think　of　this　change　for　the　better；　when　the　secretary　at　Garrum　Park　informed　me　that　he　had　forwarded　my　letter　to　Sir　Gervase；　then　at　Madeira　with　his　sick　wife。　She　was　slowly　and　steadily　wasting　away　in　a　decline。　Before　another　year　had　passed；　Sir　Gervase　was　left　a　widower　for　the　second　time；　with　no　child　to　console　him　under　his　loss。　No　answer　came　to　my　grateful　letter。　I　should　have　been　unreasonable　indeed　if　I　had　expected　the　bereaved　husband　to　remember　me　in　his　grief　and　loneliness。　Could　I　write　to　him　again；　in　my　own　trumpery　little　interests；　under　these　circumstances？　I　thought　（and　still　think）　that　the　commonest　feeling　of　delicacy　forbade　it。　The　only　other　alternative　was　to　appeal　to　the　ever…ready　friends　of　the　obscure　and　helpless　public。　I　advertised　in　the　newspapers。

The　tone　of　one　of　the　answers　which　I　received　impressed　me　so　favorably；　that　I　forwarded　my　references。　The　next　post　brought　my　written　engagement；　and　the　offer　of　a　salary　which　doubled　my　income。

The　story　of　the　past　is　told；　and　now　we　may　travel　on　again；　with　no　more　stoppages　by　the　way。

III。

THE　residence　of　my　present　employer　was　in　the　north　of　England。　Having　to　pass　through　London；　I　arranged　to　stay　in　town　for　a　few　days　to　make　some　necessary　additions　to　my　wardrobe。　An　old　servant　of　the　rector；　who　kept　a　lodging…house　in　the　suburbs；　received　me　kindly；　and　guided　my　choice　in　the　serious　matter　of　a　dressmaker。　On　the　second　morning　after　my　arrival　an　event　happened。　The　post　brought　me　a　letter　forwarded　from　the　rectory。　Imagine　my　astonishment　when　my　correspondent　proved　to　be　Sir　Gervase　Damian　himself！

The　letter　was　dated　from　his　house　in　London。　It　briefly　invited　me　to　call　and　see　him；　for　a　reason　which　I　should　hear　from　his　own　lips。　He　naturally　supposed　that　I　was　still　at　Sandwich；　and　requested　me；　in　a　postscript；　to　consider　my　journey　as　made　at　his　expense。

I　wen