the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第2章
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27。
Yestereve； Death came； and knocked at my thin door。 I from my
window looked： the thing I saw； The shape uncouth； I had not seen before。
I was disturbedwith fear； in sooth； not awe； Whereof ashamed； I instantly
did rouse My will to seek theeonly to fear the more： Alas！ I could not
find thee in the house。
28。
I was like Peter when he began to sink。 To thee a new prayer therefore
I have got That； when Death comes in earnest to my door； Thou wouldst
thyself go； when the latch doth clink； And lead him to my room； up to my
cot； Then hold thy child's hand； hold and leave him not； Till Death has
done with him for evermore。
29。
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Till Death has done with him？Ah； leave me then！ And Death has
done with me； oh； nevermore！ He comesand goesto leave me in thy
arms； Nearer thy heart； oh； nearer than before！ To lay thy child； naked；
new…born again Of mother earth； crept free through many harms； Upon thy
bosomstill to the very core。
30。 Come to me； Lord： I will not speculate how； Nor think at which
door I would have thee appear； Nor put off calling till my floors be swept；
But cry； 〃Come； Lord； come any way； come now。〃 Doors； windows； I
throw wide； my head I bow； And sit like some one who so long has slept
That he knows nothing till his life draw near。
31。
O Lord； I have been talking to the people； Thought's wheels have
round me whirled a fiery zone； And the recoil of my words' airy ripple My
heart unheedful has puffed up and blown。 Therefore I cast myself before
thee prone： Lay cool hands on my burning brain； and press 》From my
weak heart the swelling emptiness。
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FEBRUARY。
1。
I TO myself have neither power nor worth； Patience nor love； nor
anything right good； My soul is a poor land； plenteous in dearth Here
blades of grass； there a small herb for food A nothing that would be
something if it could； But if obedience； Lord； in me do grow； I shall one
day be better than I know。
2。
The worst power of an evil mood is this It makes the bastard self
seem in the right； Self； self the end； the goal of human bliss。 But if the
Christ…self in us be the might Of saving God； why should I spend my force
With a dark thing to reason of the light Not push it rough aside； and hold
obedient course？
3。
Back still it comes to this： there was a man Who said； 〃I am the truth；
the life； the way：〃 Shall I pass on； or shall I stop and hear？ 〃Come to
the Father but by me none can：〃 What then is this？am I not also one Of
those who live in fatherless dismay？ I stand； I look； I listen； I draw near。
4。
My Lord； I find that nothing else will do； But follow where thou goest；
sit at thy feet； And where I have thee not； still run to meet。 Roses are
scentless； hopeless are the morns； Rest is but weakness； laughter crackling
thorns； If thou； the Truth； do not make them the true： Thou art my life； O
Christ； and nothing else will do。
5。
Thou art herein heaven； I know； but not from here Although thy
separate self do not appear； If I could part the light from out the day； There
I should have thee！ But thou art too near： How find thee walking； when
thou art the way？ Oh； present Christ！ make my eyes keen as stings； To see
thee at their heart； the glory even of things。
6。
That thou art nowhere to be found； agree Wise men； whose eyes are
but for surfaces； Men with eyes opened by the second birth； To whom the
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seen； husk of the unseen is； Descry thee soul of everything on earth。 Who
know thy ends； thy means and motions see： Eyes made for glory soon
discover thee。
7。
Thou near then； I draw nearerto thy feet； And sitting in thy shadow；
look out on the shine； Ready at thy first word to leave my seat Not thee：
thou goest too。 From every clod Into thy footprint flows the indwelling
wine； And in my daily bread； keen…eyed I greet Its being's heart； the very
body of God。
8。
Thou wilt interpret life to me； and men； Art； nature； yea； my own soul's
mysteries Bringing； truth out； clear…joyous； to my ken； Fair as the morn
trampling the dull night。 Then The lone hill…side shall hear exultant cries；
The joyous see me joy； the weeping weep； The watching smile； as Death
breathes on me his cold sleep。
9。
I search my heartI search； and find no faith。 Hidden He may be in its
many folds I see him not revealed in all the world Duty's firm shape
thins to a misty wraith。 No good seems likely。 To and fro I am hurled。 I
have no stay。 Only obedience holds： I haste； I rise； I do the thing he saith。
10。
Thou wouldst not have thy man crushed back to clay； It must be； God；
thou hast a strength to give To him that fain would do what thou dost say；
Else how shall any soul repentant live； Old griefs and new fears hurrying
on dismay？ Let pain be what thou wilt； kind and degree； Only in pain calm
thou my heart with thee。
11。
I will not shift my ground like Moab's king； But from this spot
whereon I stand； I pray 》From this same barren rock to thee I say； 〃Lord；
in my commonness； in this very thing That haunts my soul with folly
through the clay Of this my pitcher； see the lamp's dim flake； And hear the
blow that would the pitcher break。〃
12。
Be thou the well by which I lie and rest； Be thou my tree of life； my
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garden ground； Be thou my home； my fire； my chamber blest； My book of
wisdom； loved of all the best； Oh； be my friend； each day still newer found；
As the eternal days and nights go round！ Nay； naythou art my God； in
whom all loves are bound！
13。
Two things at once； thou know'st I cannot think。 When busy with the
work thou givest me； I cannot consciously think then of thee。 Then why；
when next thou lookest o'er the brink Of my horizon； should my spirit
shrink； Reproached and fearful； nor to greet thee run？ Can I be two when I
am only one。
14。
My soul must unawares have sunk awry。 Some care； poor eagerness；
ambition of work； Some old offence that unforgiving did lurk； Or some
self…gratulation； soft and sly Something not thy sweet will； not the good
part； While the home…guard looked out； stirred up the old murk； And so I
gloomed away from thee； my Heart。
15。
Therefore I make provision； ere I begin To do the thing thou givest me
to do； Praying；Lord； wake me oftener； lest I sin。 Amidst my work； open
thine eyes on me； That I may wake and laugh； and know and see Then
with healed heart afresh catch up the clue； And singing drop into my work
anew。
16。
If I should slow diverge； and listless stray Into some thought； feeling；
or dream unright； O Watcher； my backsliding soul affray； Let me not
perish of the ghastly blight。 Be thou； O Life eternal； in me light； Then
merest approach of selfish or impure Shall start me up alive； awake；
secure。
17。
Lord； I have fallen againa human clod！ Selfish I was； and heedless to
offend； Stood on my rights。 Thy own child would not send Away his
shreds of nothing for the whole God！ Wretched； to thee who savest； low I
bend： Give me the power to let my rag…rights go In the great wind that
from thy gulf doth blow。
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18。
Keep me from wrath； let it seem ever so right： My wrath will never
work thy righteousness。 Up； up the hill； to the whiter than snow…shine；
Help me to climb； and dwell in pardon's light。 I must be pure as thou； or
ever less Than thy design of metherefore incline My heart to take men's
wrongs as thou tak'st mine。
19。
Lord； in thy spirit's hurricane； I pray； Strip my soul nakeddress it then
thy way。 Change for me all my rags to cloth of gold。 Who would not
poverty for riches yield？ A hovel sell to buy a treasure…field？ Who would a
mess of porridge careful hold Against the universe's birthright old？
20。
Help me to yield my will； in labour even； Nor toil on toil； greedy of
doing； heap Fretting I cannot more than me is given； That with the finest
clay my wheel runs slow； Nor lets the lovely thing the shapely grow； That
memory what thought gives it cannot keep； And nightly rimes ere morn
like cistus…petals go。
21。
'Tisshall thy will be done for me？or mine； And I be made a thing
not after thine My own； and dear in paltriest details？ Shall I be born of
God； or of mere man？ Be made like Christ； or on some other plan？ I let
all run：set thou and trim my sails； Home then my course； let blow
whatever gales。
22。
With thee on board； each sailor is a king Nor I mere captain of my
vessel then； But heir of earth and heaven； eternal child； Daring all truth；
nor fearing anything； Mighty in love； the servant of all men； Resenting
nothing； taking rage and blare Into the Godlike silence of a loving care。
23。
I cannot see； my God； a reason why 》From morn to night I go not
gladsome free； For； if thou art what my soul thinketh thee； There is no
burden but should lightly lie； No duty but a joy at heart must be： Love's
perfect will can be nor sore nor small； For God is lightin him no
darkness is at all。
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