the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第5章
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failure o'er my being brood。 When life looks but a glimmering marshy
clod； No fire out flashing from the living God Then； then； to rest in faith
were worthy victory！
21。
To trust is gain and growth； not mere sown seed！ Faith heaves the
world round to the heavenly dawn； In whose great light the soul doth spell
and read Itself high…born； its being derived and drawn 》From the eternal
self…existent fire； Then； mazed with joy of its own heavenly breed；
Exultant…humble falls before its awful sire。
22。
Art thou not； Jesus； busy like to us？ Thee shall I image as one sitting
still； Ordering all things in thy potent will； Silent； and thinking ever to thy
father； Whose thought through thee flows multitudinous？ Or shall I think
of thee as journeying； rather； Ceaseless through space； because thou
everything dost fill？
23。
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That all things thou dost fill； I well may think Thy power doth reach
me in so many ways。 Thou who in one the universe dost bind； Passest
through all the channels of my mind； The sun of thought； across the
farthest brink Of consciousness thou sendest me thy rays； Nor drawest
them in when lost in sleep I sink。
24。
So common are thy paths； thy coming seems Only another phase oft of
my me； But nearer is my I； O Lord； to thee； Than is my I to what itself it
deems； How better then couldst thou； O master； come； Than from thy
home across into my home； Straight o'er the marches that I cannot see！
25。
Marches？'Twixt thee and me there's no division； Except the meeting
of thy will and mine； The loves that love； the wills that will the same。
Where thine meets mine is my life's true condition； Yea； only there it burns
with any flame。 Thy will but holds me to my life's fruition。 O God； I
wouldI have no mine that is not thine。
26。
I look for thee； and do not see thee come。 If I could see thee； 'twere a
commoner thing； And shallower comfort would thy coming bring。 Earth；
sea； and air lie round me moveless dumb； Never a tremble； an expectant
hum； To tell the Lord of Hearts is drawing near： Lo！ in the looking eyes；
the looked for Lord is here。
27。
I take a comfort from my very badness： It is for lack of thee that I am
bad。 How close； how infinitely closer yet Must I come to thee； ere I can
pay one debt Which mere humanity has on me set！ 〃How close to thee！〃
no wonder； soul； thou art glad！ Oneness with him is the eternal gladness。
28。
What can there be so close as making and made？ Nought twinned can
be so near； thou art more nigh To me； my God； than is this thinking I To
that I mean when I by me is said； Thou art more near me； than is my ready
will Near to my love； though both one place do fill； Yet； till we are one；
Ah me！ the long until！
29。
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Then shall my heart behold thee everywhere。 The vision rises of a
speechless thing； A perfectness of bliss beyond compare！ A time when I
nor breathe nor think nor move； But I do breathe and think and feel thy
love； The soul of all the songs the saints do sing！ And life dies out in
bliss； to come again in prayer。
30。
In the great glow of that great love； this death Would melt away like a
fantastic cloud； I should no more shrink from it than from the breath That
makes in the frosty air a nimbus…shroud； Thou； Love； hast conquered
death； and I aloud Should triumph over him； with thy saintly crowd； That
where the Lamb goes ever followeth。
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MAY。
1。
WHAT though my words glance sideways from the thing Which I
would utter in thine ear； my sire！ Truth in the inward parts thou dost
desire Wise hunger； not a fitness fine of speech： The little child that
clamouring fails to reach With upstretched hand the fringe of her attire；
Yet meets the mother's hand down hurrying。
2。
Even when their foolish words they turned on him； He did not his
disciples send away； He knew their hearts were foolish； eyes were dim；
And therefore by his side needs must they stay。 Thou will not； Lord； send
me away from thee。 When I am foolish； make thy cock crow grim； If that
is not enough； turn； Lord； and look on me。
3。
Another day of gloom and slanting rain！ Of closed skies； cold winds；
and blight and bane！ Such not the weather； Lord； which thou art fain To
give thy chosen； sweet to heart and brain！ Until we mourn； thou keep'st
the merry tune； Thy hand unloved its pleasure must restrain； Nor spoil
both gift and child by lavishing too soon。
4。
But all things shall be ours！ Up； heart； and sing。 All things were made
for uswe are God's heirs Moon； sun； and wildest comets that do trail A
crowd of small worlds for a swiftness…tail！ Up from Thy depths in me； my
child…heart bring The child alone inherits anything： God's little children…
godsall things are theirs！
5。
Thy great deliverance is a greater thing Than purest imagination can
foregrasp； A thing beyond all conscious hungering； Beyond all hope that
makes the poet sing。 It takes the clinging world； undoes its clasp； Floats it
afar upon a mighty sea； And leaves us quiet with love and liberty and thee。
6。
Through all the fog； through all earth's wintery sighs； I scent Thy
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spring； I feel the eternal air； Warm； soft； and dewy； filled with flowery
eyes； And gentle； murmuring motions everywhere Of life in heart； and
tree； and brook； and moss； Thy breath wakes beauty； love； and bliss； and
prayer； And strength to hang with nails upon thy cross。
7。
If thou hadst closed my life in seed and husk； And cast me into soft；
warm； damp； dark mould； All unaware of light come through the dusk； I
yet should feel the split of each shelly fold； Should feel the growing of my
prisoned heart； And dully dream of being slow unrolled； And in some
other vagueness taking part。
8。
And little as the world I should foreknow Up into which I was about to
rise Its rains； its radiance； airs； and warmth； and skies； How it would
greet me； how its wind would blow As little； it may be； I do know the
good Which I for years half darkling have pursued The second birth for
which my nature cries。
9。
The life that knows not； patient waits； nor longs： I know； and would
be patient； yet would long。 I can be patient for all coming songs； But let
me sing my one monotonous song。 To me the time is slow my mould
among； To quicker life I fain would spur and start The aching growth at
my dull…swelling heart。
10。
Christ is the pledge that I shall one day see； That one day； still with
him； I shall awake； And know my God； at one with him and free。 O lordly
essence； come to life in me； The will…throb let me feel that doth me make；
Now have I many a mighty hope in thee； Then shall I rest although the
universe should quake。
11。
Haste to me； Lord； when this fool…heart of mine Begins to gnaw itself
with selfish craving； Or； like a foul thing scarcely worth the saving； Swoln
up with wrath； desireth vengeance fine。 Haste； Lord； to help； when reason
favours wrong； Haste when thy soul； the high…born thing divine； Is torn by
passion's raving； maniac throng。
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12。
Fair freshness of the God…breathed spirit air； Pass through my soul；
and make it strong to love； Wither with gracious cold what demons dare
Shoot from my hell into my world above； Let them drop down； like leaves
the sun doth sear； And flutter far into the inane and bare； Leaving my
middle…earth calm； wise； and clear。
13。
Even thou canst give me neither thought nor thing； Were it the
priceless pearl hid in the land； Which； if I fix thereon a greedy gaze；
Becomes not poison that doth burn and cling； Their own bad look my
foolish eyes doth daze； They see the gift； see not the giving hand 》From
the living root the apple dead I wring。
14。
This versing； even the reading of the tale That brings my heart its joy
unspeakable； Sometimes will softly； unsuspectedly hale That heart from
thee； and all its pulses quell。 Discovery's pride； joy's bliss； take aback my
sail； And sweep me from thy presence and my grace； Because my eyes
dropped from the master's face。
15。
Afresh I seek thee。 Lead meonce more I pray Even should it be
against my will； thy way。 Let me not feel thee foreign any hour； Or shrink
from thee as an estranged power。 Through doubt； through faith； through
bliss； through stark dismay； Through sunshine； wind； or snow； or fog； or
shower； Draw me to thee who art my only day。
16。
I would go near theebut I cannot press Into thy presenceit helps not
to presume。 Thy doors are deeds； the handles are their doing。 He whose
day…life is obedient righteousness； Who； after failure； or a poor success；
Rises up； stronger effort yet renewing He finds thee； Lord； at length； in
his own common room。
17。
Lord； thou hast carried me through this evening's duty； I am released；
weary； and well content。 O soul； put on the evening dress of beauty； Thy
sunset…flush； of gold and purple blent！ Alas； the moment I turn to my
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heart； Feeling runs out of doo
