the price she paid-第15章

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‘‘For　God's　sake；　Mrs。　Siddall！''　cried　Harding；　in　great　agitation。　　‘‘Come　in　quickly。　　They　are　watching　they　will　tell　him！　　Are　you　mad？''

‘‘I　think　I　must　be；''　said　she。　　‘‘I　am　sick　with　fear。　I　can　hardly　keep　from　dropping　down　here　in　a　faint。　Yet''　a　strange　look；　a　mingling　of　abject　terror　and　passionate　defiance；　gave　her　an　aspect　quite　insane　‘‘I　am　going。　　Perhaps　I；　too；　have　no　limit。''

And　she　went　along　the　corridor；　past　a　group　of　gaping　and　frightened　servants；　down　the　stairway　and　out　by　the　private　entrance　for　the　grand　apartments　of　the　hotel　in　the　Rue　Raymond　de　l'Isle。　　She　crossed　the　Rue　de　Rivoli　and　entered　the　Tuileries　Gardens。　It　was　only　bracingly　cool　in　the　sunshine　of　that　winter　day。　　She　seated　herself　on　a　chair　on　the　terrace　to　regain　her　ebbed　strength。　　Hardly　had　she　sat　down　when　the　woman　collector　came　and　stood　waiting　for　the　two　sous　for　the　chair。　　Mildred　opened　her　bag；　found　two　coins。　　She　gave　the　coppers　to　the　woman。　　The　otherall　the　money　she　hadwas　the　fifty…centime　piece。

‘‘But　the　bagI　can　get　a　good　deal　for　that；''　she　said　aloud。

‘‘I　beg　your　pardonI　didn't　catch　that。''

She　came　back　to　a　sense　of　her　surroundings。　　Stanley　Baird　was　standing　a　few　feet　away；　smiling　down　at　her。　　He　was；　if　possible；　even　more　attractively　dressed　than　in　the　days　when　he　hovered　about　her；　hoping　vague　things　of　which　he　was　ashamed　and　try…　ing　to　get　the　courage　to　put　down　his　snobbishness　and　marry　her　because　she　so　exactly　suited　him。　　He　was　wearing　a　new　kind　of　collar　and　tie；　striking　yet　in　excellent　quiet　taste。　　Also；　his　face　and　figure　had　filled　out　just　enoughhe　had　been　too　thin　in　the　former　days。　　But　he　was　now　entered　upon　that　period　of　the　fearsome　forties　when；　unless　a　man　amounts　to　something；　he　begins　to　look　insignificant。　　He　did　not　amount　to　anything；　he　was　therefore　paling　and　waning　as　a　personality。

‘‘Was　I　thinking　aloud？''　said　Mildred；　as　she　gave　him　her　hand。

‘‘You　said　something　about　‘getting　a　good　deal。'　''　He　inspected　her　with　the　freedom　of　an　old　friend　and　with　the　thoroughness　of　a　connoisseur。　　Women　who　took　pains　with　themselves　and　were　satisfied　with　the　results　liked　Stanley　Baird's　knowing　and　appreciative　way　of　noting　the　best　points　in　their　toilets。　　‘‘You're　looking　fine；''　declared　he。　　‘‘It　must　be　a　pleasure　to　them　up　in　the　Rue　de　la　Paix　to　dress　you。　　That's　more　than　can　be　said　for　nine　out　of　ten　of　the　women　who　go　there。　　Yes；　you're　looking　fineand　in　grand　health；　too。　　Why；　you　look　younger　than　I　ever　saw　you。　　Nothing　like　marriage　to　freshen　a　girl　up。　Well；　I　suppose　waiting　round　for　a　husband　who　may　or　may　not　turn　up　does　wear　a　woman　down。''

‘‘It　almost　killed　me；''　laughed　Mildred。　　‘‘And　you　were　largely　responsible。''

‘‘I？''　said　Baird。　　‘‘You　didn't　want　me。　　I　was　too　old　for　you。''

‘‘No；　I　didn't　want　you；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘But　you　spoiled　me。　　I　couldn't　endure　the　boys　of　my　own　age。''

Stanley　was　remembering　that　Mildred　had　married　a　man　much　older　than　he。　　With　some　notion　of　a　careless　sort　of　tact　in　mind　he　said；　‘‘I　was　betwixt　and　betweenneither　young　enough　nor　old　enough。''

‘‘You've　married；　too；　since　we　met。　　By　the　way；　thank　you　again　for　that　charming　remembrance。　You　always　did　have　such　good　taste。　　But　why　didn't　you　come　to　the　weddingyou　and　your　wife？''

He　laughed。　　‘‘We　were　busy　busting　up；''　said　he。　‘‘You　hadn't　heard？　　It's　been　in　the　papers。　　She's　gone　back　to　her　people。　　Oh；　nothing　disgraceful　on　either　side。　　Simply　that　we　bored　each　other　to　death。　She　was　crazy　about　horses　and　dogs；　and　that　set。　　I　think　the　stable's　the　place　for　horsesdon't　care　to　have　'em　parading　through　the　house　all　the　time；　every　room；　every　meal；　sleeping　and　waking。　　And　dogs　the　infernal　brutes　always　have　fleas。　　Fleas　only　tickled　her；　but　they　bite　meraise　welts　and　hills。　　There's　your　husband　now；　isn't　it？''

Baird　was　looking　up　at　the　windows　of　the　Continental；　across　the　street。　　Mildred's　glance　slowly　and　carelessly　followed　his。　　At　one　window　stood　the　little　general；　gazing　abstractedly　out　over　the　gardens。　　At　another　window　Mildred　saw　Harding；　at　a　third；　her　maid；　at　a　fourth；　Harding's　assistant；　Drawl；　at　a　fifth；　three　servants　of　the　retinue。　　Except　the　general；　all　were　looking　at　her。

‘‘You've　married　a　very　extraordinary　man；''　said　Baird；　in　a　correct　tone　of　admiration。　　‘‘One　of　the　ablest　and　most　interesting　men　we've　got；　_I_　think。''

‘‘So　you　are　free　again？''　said　Mildred；　looking　at　him　with　a　queer；　cold　smile。

‘‘Yes；　and　no；''　replied　Stanley。　　‘‘I　hope　to　be　entirely　free。　　It's　her　move　next。　　I'm　expecting　it　every　day。　　But　I'm　thoroughly　respectable。　　Won't　you　and　the　general　dine　with　me？''

‘‘Thanks；　but　I'm　sailing　for　home　to…morrow　or　next　day。''

‘‘That's　interesting；''　said　Baird；　with　enthusiasm。　‘‘So　am　I。　　What　ship　do　you　go　on？''

‘‘I　don't　know　yet。　　I'm　to　decide　this　afternoon；　after　lunch。''　　She　laughed。　　‘‘I'm　sitting　here　waiting　for　someone　to　ask　me　to　lunch。　　I've　not　had　even　coffee　yet。''

‘‘Lunch　with　me！''　cried　Baird。　　‘‘I'll　go　get　the　generalI　know　him　slightly。''

‘‘I　didn't　say　anything　about　the　general；''　said　Mildred。

Stanley　smiled　apologetically。　　‘‘It　wouldn't　do　for　you　to　go　about　with　menot　when　my　missus　is　looking　for　grounds　for　divorce。''

‘‘Why　not？''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘So's　my　husband。''

‘‘You　busted　up；　too？　　Now；　that's　what　_I_　call　jolly。''　　And　he　cast　a　puzzled　glance　up　at　the　abstracted　general。　　‘‘I　say；　Mildred；　this　is　no　place　for　either　of　us；　is　it？''

‘‘I'd　rather　be　where　there's　food；''　confessed　she。

‘‘You　think　it's　a　joke；　but　I　assure　you　　Oh；　you　WERE　jokingabout　YOUR　bust…up？''

‘‘No；　indeed；''　she　assured　him。　　‘‘I　walked　out　a　while　ago；　and　I　couldn't　go　back　if　I　wouldand　I　don't　think　I　would　if　I　could。''

‘‘That's　foolish。　　Better　go　back；''　advised　he。　　He　was　preparing　hastily　to　decamp　from　so　perilous　a　neighborhood。　　‘‘One　marriage　is　about　like　another；　once　you　get　through　the　surface。　　I'm　sure　you'll　be　better　off　thanback　with　your　stepfather。''

‘‘I've　no　intention　of　going　to　his　house；''　she　declared。　‘‘Oh；　there's　your　brother。　　I　forgot。''

‘‘So　had　I　forgotten　him。　　I'll　not　go　there；　either。　In　fact；　I've　not　thought　where　I'll　go。''

‘‘You　seem　to　have　done　mighty　little　thinking　before　you　took　a　very　serious　step　for　a　woman。''　　He　was　uneasily　eying　the　rigid；　abstracted　little　figure　a　story　up　across　the　way。

‘‘Those　things　aren't　a　question　of　thinking；''　said　she　absently。　　‘‘I　never　thought　in　my　lifedon't　think　I　could　if　I　tried。　　But　when　the　time　came　I　I　walked　out。''　　She　came　back　to　herself；　laughed。　‘‘I　don't　understand　why　I'm　telling　you　all　this；　especially　as　you're　mad　with　fright　and　wild　to　get　away。　Well；　good…by；　Stanley。''

He　lifted　his　hat。　　‘‘Good…by。　　We'll　meet　when　we　can　do　so　without　my　getting　a　scandal　on　you。''　　He　walked　a　few　paces；　turned；　and　came　back。　　‘‘By　the　way；　I'm　sailing　on　the　Deutschland。　　I　thought　you'd　like　to　knowso　that　you　and　I　wouldn't　by　any　chance　cross　on　the　same　boat。''

‘‘Thanks；''　said　she　dryly。

‘‘What's　the　matter？''　asked　he；　arrested；　despite　his　anxiety　to　be　gone；　by　the　sad；　scornful　look　in　her　eyes。

‘‘Nothing。　　Why？''

‘‘You　had　such　asuch　a　queer　look。''

‘‘Really？　　Good…by。''

In　fact；　she　had　thoughthad　hoped　for　the　sake　of　her　liking　for　himthat　he　had　come　back　to　make　the　glaringly　omitted　offer　of　help　that　should　have　come　from　any　human　being　learning　that　a　fellow　being　was　in　the　precarious　position　in　which　she　had　told　him　she　was。　　Not　that　she　would　have　accepted　any　such　offer。　　Still；　she　would　have　liked　to　have　heard　the　kindly　words。　　She　sat　watching　his　handsome；　graceful　figure；　draped　in　the　most　artistically　cut　of　long　dark　overcoats；　until　he　disappeared　in　the　crowd　in　the　Rue　de　Castiglione。　　Then；　without　a　glance　up　at　the　interested；　not　to　say　excited　windows　of　the　general's　splendid　and　spreading　apartments；　she　strolled　down　the　gardens　toward　the　Place　Concorde。　In　Paris　the　beautiful；　on　a　bright　and　brisk　day　it　is　all　but　impossible　to　despair　when　one　still　has　left　youth　and　health。　　Mildred　was　not　happyfar　from　it。　　The　future；　the　immediate　future；　pressed　its　terrors　upon　her。　　But　in　mitigation　there　was；　perhaps　born　of　youth　and　inexperience；　a　giddy　sense　of　relief。　She　had　not　realized　how　abhorrent　the　general　was　married　life　with　the　general。　　She　had　been　resigning　herself　to　it；　accepting　it　as　the　only　thing　possible；　keeping　it　heavily　draped　with　her　vanities　of　wealth　and　luxuryuntil　she　discovered　that　the　wealth　and　the　luxury　were　in　reality　no　more　hers　than　they　were　her　maid's。　　And　now　she　was　free！

That　word　free　did　not　have　its　full　meaning　for　her。　She　had　never　known　what　real　freedom　was；　women　of　the　comfortable　classand　men；　too；　for　that　matter　usually　are　born　into　the　petty　slavery　of　conventions　at　least；　and　know　nothing　else　their　whole　lives　throughnever　know　the　joy　of　the　thought　and　the　act　of　a　free　mind　and　a　free　heart。　　Still；　she　was　released　from　a　bondage　that　seemed　slavish　even　to　her；　and　the　release　gave　her　a　sensation　akin　to　the　joy　of　freedom。　　A　heavy　hand　that　was　crushing　her　very　soul　had　been　lifted　offno；　FLUNG　off；　and　by　herself。　That　thought；　terrifying　though　it　was；　also　gave　her　a　certain　new　and　exalting　self…respect。　　After　all；　she　was　not　a　worm。　　She　must　have　somewhere　in　her　the　germs　of　something　less　contemptible　than　the　essential　character　of　so　many　of　the　eminently　respectable　women　she　knew。　　She　could　picture　them　in　the　situation　in　which　she　had　found　herself。　　What　would　they　have　done？　　Why；　what　every　instinct　of　her　education　impelled　her　to　do；　what　some　latent　love　of　freedom；　some　unsuspected　courage　of　self…respect　had　forbidden　her　to　do；　had　withheld　her　from　doing。

Her　thoughts　and　the　gorgeous　sunshine　and　her　youth　and　health　put　her　in　a　steadily　less　cheerless　mood　as　by　a　roundabout　way　she　sought　the　shop　of　the　jeweler　who　sold　the　general　the　gold　bag　she　had　selected。　　The　proprietor　himself　was　in　the　front　part　of　the　shop　and　received　‘‘Madame　la　Generale''　with　all　the　honors　of　her　husband's　wealth。　　She　brought　no　experience　and　no　natural　trading　talent　to　the　enterprise　she　was　about　to　undertake；　so　she　went　directly　to　the　main　point。

‘‘This　bag；''　said　she；　laying　it　upon　the　glass　between　them；　‘‘I　bought　it　here　a　short　time　ago。''

‘‘I　remember　perfectly；　madame。　　It　is　the　handsomest；　the　most　artistic；　we　have　sold　this　year。''

‘‘I　wish　to　sell　it　back　to　you；''　said　she。

‘‘You　wish　to　get　something　else　and　include　it　as　part　payment；　madame？''

‘‘No；　I　wish　to　get　the　money　for　it。''

‘‘Ah；　but　that　is　difficult。　　We　do　not　often　make　those　arrangements。　　Second…hand　articles''

‘‘But　the　bag　is　quite　new。　　Anyhow；　it　must　have　some　value。　　Of　course　I'd　not　expect　the　full　price。''

The　jeweler　smiled。　　‘‘The　full　price？　　Ah；　madame；　we　should　not　think　of　offering　it　again　as　it　is。　We　should''

‘‘No　matter；''　interrupted　Mildred。　　The　man's　expressionthe　normally　pleasa