the price she paid-第26章

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for　anyone　to　have　and　taking　singing　lessons　made　the　worst　voice　a　little　less　bador；　at　the　least；　singing　was　splendid　for　the　health。　　One　of　his　favorite　dicta　was；　‘‘Every　child　should　be　taught　singing　for　its　health；　if　for　nothing　else。''　　And　perhaps　he　was　right！　　At　any　rate；　he　made　his　forty　to　fifty　thousand　a　yearand　on　days　when　he　had　a　succession　of　the　noisy；　tuneless　squawkers；　he　felt　that　he　more　than　earned　every　cent　of　it。

Mildred　did　not　penetrate　far　into　the　secret　of　the　money…making　branch　of　the　Jennings　method。　　It　was　crude　enough；　too。　　But　are　not　all　the　frauds　that　fool　the　human　race　crude？　　Human　beings　both　cannot　and　will　not　look　beneath　surfaces。　　All　Mildred　learned　was　that　Jennings　did　not　give　up　paying　pupils。　She　had　not　confidence　enough　in　this　discovery　to　put　it　to　the　test。　　She　did　not　dare　disobey　him　or　shirk　even　when　she　was　most　disposed　to　do　so。　　But　gradually　she　ceased　from　that　intense　application　she　had　at　first　brought　to　her　work。　　She　kept　up　the　forms。　She　learned　her　lessons。　　She　did　all　that　was　asked。　She　seemed　to　be　toiling　as　in　the　beginning。　　In　reality；　she　became　by　the　middle　of　spring　a　mere　lesson…taker。　Her　interest　in　clothes　and　in　going　about　revived。　　She　saw　in　the　newspapers　that　General　Siddall　had　taken　a　party　of　friends　on　a　yachting　trip　around　the　world；　so　she　felt　that　she　was　no　longer　being　searched　for；　at　least　not　vigorously。　　She　became　acquainted　with　smart；　rich　West　Side　women；　taking　lessons　at　Jennings's。　　She　amused　herself　going　about　with　them　and　with　the　‘‘musical''　men　they　attractedamateur　and　semi…professional　singers　and　players　upon　instruments。　She　drew　Mrs。　Brindley　into　their　society。　　They　had　little　parties　at　the　flat　in　Fifty…ninth　Streetthe　most　delightful　little　parties　imaginabledinners　and　suppers；　music；　clever　conversations；　flirtations　of　a　harmless　but　fascinating　kind。　　If　anyone　had　accused　Mildred　of　neglecting　her　work；　of　forgetting　her　career；　she　would　have　grown　indignant；　and　if　Mrs。　Brindley　had　overheard；　she　would　have　been　indignant　for　her。　Mildred　worked　as　much　as　ever。　　She　was　making　excellent　progress。　　She　was　doing　all　that　could　be　done。　It　takes　time　to　develop　a　voice；　to　make　an　opera…singer。　Forcing　is　dangerous；　when　it　is　not　downright　useless。

In　Maytoward　the　end　of　the　monthStanley　Baird　returned。　　Mildred；　who　happened　to　be　in　unusually　good　voice　that　day；　sang　for　him　at　the　Jennings　studio；　and　he　was　enchanted。　　As　the　last　note　died　away　he　cried　out　to　Jennings：

‘‘She's　a　wonder；　isn't　she？''

Jennings　nodded。　　‘‘She's　got　a　voice；''　said　he。

‘‘She　ought　to　go　on　next　year。''

‘‘Not　quite　that；''　said　Jennings。　　‘‘We　want　to　get　that　upper　register　right　first。　　And　it's　a　young　voiceshe's　very　young　for　her　age。　　We　must　be　careful　not　to　strain　it。''

‘‘Why；　what's　a　voice　for　if　not　to　sing　with？''　said　Stanley。

‘‘A　fine　voice　is　a　very　delicate　instrument；''　replied　the　teacher。　　He　added　coldly；　‘‘You　must　let　me　judge　as　to　what　shall　be　done。''

‘‘Certainly；　certainly；''　said　Stanley　in　haste。

‘‘She's　had　several　colds　this　winter　and　spring；''　pursued　Jennings。　　‘‘Those　things　are　dangerous　until　the　voice　has　its　full　growth。　　She　should　have　two　months'　complete　rest。''

Jennings　was　going　away　for　a　two　months'　vacation。　He　was　giving　this　advice　to　all　his　pupils。

‘‘You're　right；''　said　Baird。　　‘‘Did　you　hear；　Mildred？''

‘‘But　I　hate　to　stop　work；''　objected　Mildred。　　‘‘I　want　to　be　doing　something。　　I'm　very　impatient　of　this　long　wait。''

And　honest　she　was　in　this　protest。　　She　had　no　idea　of　the　state　of　her　own　mind。　　She　fancied　she　was　still　as　eager　as　ever　for　the　career；　as　intensely　interested　as　ever　in　her　work。　　She　did　not　dream　of　the　real　meaning　of　her　content　with　her　voice　as　it　was；　of　her　lack　of　uneasiness　over　the　appalling　fact　that　such　voice　as　she　had　was　unreliable；　came　and　went　for　no　apparent　reason。

‘‘Absolute　rest　for　two　months；''　declared　Jennings　grimly。　　‘‘Not　a　note　until　I　return　in　August。''

Mildred　gave　a　resigned　sigh。

There　is　much　inveighing　against　hypocrisy；　a　vice　unsightly　rather　than　desperately　wicked。　　And　in　the　excitement　about　it　its　dangerous；　even　deadly　near　kinsman；　self…deception；　escapes　unassailed。　　Seven　cardinal　sins；　but　what　of　the　eighth？the　parent　of　all　the　others；　the　one　beside　which　the　children　seem　almost　white？


During　the　first　few　weeks　Mildred　had　been　careful　about　spending　money。　　Economy　she　did　not　understand；　how　could　she；　when　she　had　never　had　a　lesson　in　it　or　a　valuable　hint　about　it？　　So　economy　was　impossible。　　The　only　way　in　which　such　people　can　keep　order　in　their　finances　is　by　not　spending　any　money　at　all。　　Mildred　drew　nothing；　spent　nothing。　This；　so　long　as　she　gave　her　whole　mind　to　her　work。　But　after　the　first　great　cold；　so　depressing；　so　subtly　undermining；　she　began　to　go　about；　to　think　of；　to　need　and　to　buy　clothes；　to　spend　money　in　a　dozen　necessary　ways。　　After　all；　she　was　simply　borrowing　the　money。　　Presently；　she　would　be　making　a　career；　would　be　earning　large　sums。　　She　would　pay　back　everything；　with　interest。　　Stanley　meant　for　her　to　use　the　money。　　Really；　she　ought　to　use　it。　　How　would　her　career　be　helped　by　her　going　about　looking　a　dowd　and　a　frump？　　She　had　always　been　used　to　the　comforts　of　life。　　If　she　deprived　herself　of　them；　she　would　surely　get　into　a　frame　of　mind　where　her　work　would　suffer。　　No；　she　must　lead　the　normal　life　of　a　woman　of　her　class。　　To　work　all　the　timewhy；　as　Jennings　said；　that　took　away　all　the　freshness；　made　one　stale　and　unfit。　　A　little　distractionalways；　of　course；　with　musical　people；　people　who　talked　and　thought　and　did　musicthat　sort　of　distraction　was　quite　as　much　a　part　of　her　education　as　the　singing　lessons。　　Mrs。　Brindley；　certainly　a　sensible　and　serious　woman　if　ever　there　was　oneMrs。　Brindley　believed　so；　and　it　must　be　so。

After　that　illness　and　before　she　began　to　go　about；　she　had　fallen　into　several　fits　of　hideous　blues；　had　been　in　despair　as　to　the　future。　　As　soon　as　she　saw　something　of　peoplealways　the　valuable；　musical　sort　of　peopleher　spirits　improved。　　And　when　she　got　a　few　new　dressesvery　simple　and　inexpensive；　but　stylish　and　charmingand　the　hats；　too；　were　successful　as　soon　as　she　was　freshly　arrayed　she　was　singing　better　and　was　talking　hopefully　of　the　career　again。　　Yes；　it　was　really　necessary　that　she　live　as　she　had　always　been　used　to　living。

When　Stanley　came　back　her　account　was　drawn　up　to　the　last　cent　of　the　proportionate　amount。　　In　fact；　it　might　have　been　a　few　dollarsa　hundred　or　so　overdrawn。　　She　was　not　sure。　　Still；　that　was　a　small　matter。　　During　the　summer　she　would　spend　less；　and　by　fall　she　would　be　far　ahead　againand　ready　to　buy　fall　clothes。　　One　day　he　said：

‘‘You　must　be　needing　more　money。''

‘‘No　indeed；''　cried　she。　　‘‘I've　been　living　within　the　hundred　a　weekor　nearly。　　I'm　afraid　I'm　frightfully　extravagant；　and''

‘‘Extravagant？''　laughed　he。　　‘‘You　are　afraid　to　borrow！　　Why；　three　or　four　nights　of　singing　will　pay　back　all　you've　borrowed。''

‘‘I　suppose　I　WILL　make　a　lot　of　money；''　said　she。　‘‘They　all　tell　me　so。　　But　it　doesn't　seem　real　to　me。''　She　hastily　added：　　‘‘I　don't　mean　the　career。　　That　seems　real　enough。　　I　can　hardly　wait　to　begin　at　the　roles。　　I　mean　the　money　part。　　You　see；　I　never　earned　any　money　and　never　really　had　any　money　of　my　own。''

‘‘Well；　you'll　have　plenty　of　it　in　two　or　three　years；''　said　Stanley；　confidently。　　‘‘And　you　mustn't　try　to　live　like　girls　who've　been　brought　up　to　hardship。　　It　isn't　necessary；　and　it　would　only　unfit　you　for　your　work。''

‘‘I　think　that's　true；''　said　she。　　‘‘But　I've　enough　more　than　enough。''　　She　gave　him　a　nervous；　shy；　almost　agonized　look。　　‘‘Please　don't　try　to　put　me　under　any　heavier　obligations　than　I　have　to　be。''

‘‘Please　don't　talk　nonsense　about　obligation；''　retorted　he。　　‘‘Let's　get　away　from　this　subject。　　You　don't　seem　to　realize　that　you're　doing　me　a　favor；　that　it's　a　privilege　to　be　allowed　to　help　develop　such　a　marvelous　voice　as　yours。　　Scores　of　people　would　jump　at　the　chance。''

‘‘That　doesn't　lessen　my　obligation；''　said　she。　　And　she　thought　she　meant　it；　though；　in　fact；　his　generous　and　plausible　statement　of　the　case　had　immediately　lessened　not　a　little　her　sense　of　obligation。

On　the　whole；　however；　she　was　not　sorry　she　had　this　chance　to　talk　of　obligation。　　Slowly；　as　they　saw　each　other　from　time　to　time；　often　alone；　Stanley　had　begunperhaps　in　spite　of　himself　and　unconsciously　to　show　his　feeling　for　her。　　Sometimes　his　hand　accidentally　touched　hers；　and　he　did　not　draw　it　away　as　quickly　as　he　might。　　And　sheit　was　impossible　for　her　to　make　any　gesture；　much　less　say　anything；　that　suggested　sensitiveness　on　her　part。　　It　would　put　him　in　an　awkward　position；　would　humiliate　him　most　unjustly。　　He　fell　into　the　habit　of　holding　her　hand　longer　than　was　necessary　at　greeting　or　parting；　of　touching　her　caressingly；　of　looking　at　her　with　the　eyes　of　a　lover　instead　of　a　friend。　　She　did　not　like　these　things。　　For　some　mysterious　reasonfrom　sheer　perversity；　she　thoughtshe　had　taken　a　strong　physical　dislike　to　him。　　Perfectly　absurd；　for　there　was　nothing　intrinsically　repellent　about　this　handsome；　clean；　most　attractively　dressed　man；　of　the　best　type　of　American　and　New…Yorker。　　No；　only　perversity　could　explain　such　a　silly　notion。　　She　was　always　afraid　he　would　try　to　take　advantage　of　her　delicate　positionalways　afraid　she　would　have　to　yield　something；　some　trifle；　yet　the　idea　of　giving　anything　from　a　sense　of　obligation　was　galling　to　her。　　His　very　refraining　made　her　more　nervous；　the　more　shrinking。　If　he　would　only　commit　some　overt　actseize　her；　kiss　her；　make　outrageous　demandsbut　this　refrain…　ing；　these　touches　that　might　be　accidental　and　again　might　be　stealthy　approach　　She　hated　to　have　him　shake　hands　with　her；　would　have　liked　to　draw　away　when　his　clothing　chanced　to　brush　against　hers。

So　she　was　glad　of　the　talk　about　obligation。　　It　set　him　at　a　distance；　immediately。　　He　ceased　to　look　lovingly；　to　indulge　in　the　nerve…rasping　little　caresses。　He　became　carefully　formal。　　He　was　evidently　eager　to　prove　the　sincerity　of　his　protestationstoo　eager　perhaps；　her　perverse　mind　suggested。　　Still；　sincere　or　not；　he　held　to　all　the　forms　of　sincerity。

Some　friends　of　Mrs。　Brindley's　who　were　going　abroad　offered　her　their　cottage　on　the　New　Jersey　coast　near　Seabright；　and　a　big　new　touring…car　and　chauffeur。　　She　and　Mildred　at　once　gave　up　the　plan　for　a　summer　in　the　Adirondacks；　the　more　readily　as　several　of　the　men　and　women　they　saw　the　most　of　lived　within　easy　distance　of　them　at　Deal　Beach　and　Elberon。　　When　Mildred　went　shopping　she　was　lured　into　buying　a　lot　of　summer　things　she　would　not　have　needed　in　the　Adirondacksa　mere　matter　of　two　hundred　and　fifty　dollars　or　thereabouts。　　A　little　additional　economy　in　the　fall　would　soon　make　up　for　such　a　trifle；　and　if　there　is　one　time　more　than　another　when　a　woman　wishes　to　look　well　and　must　look　well；　that　time　is　summerespecially　by　the　sea。