the heir of redclyffe-第115章

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Philip　had　told　her　she　idolized　him。　　He　had　told　her　so　very　gently　

and　kindly；　but　he　had　said　she　idolized　him　in　a　manner　that　was　

neither　good　for　herself　nor　him；　and　he　went　on　to　blame　himself　for　

it；　which　was　what　she　could　not　bear。　　It　had　been　rankling　in　her　

mind　ever　since　that　he　had　found　fault　with　her　for　loving　him　so　

well；　and　it　had　made　her　very　unhappy。　　She　_could_　not　love　him　less；　

and　how　should　she　please　him？　　She　had　much　rather　he　had　blamed　her　

than　himself。



'I　think　I　see　what　he　means'　said　Amy；　thoughtfully。　　'He　has　grown　

afraid　of　himself；　and　afraid　of　being　admired　now。'



'But　how　am　I　to　help　that；　Amy？'　said　Laura；　with　tears　in　her　eyes：　

'he　cannot　help　being　the　first；　the　very　first　of　all　with　me'



'No；　no；'　said　Amy；　quickly；　'not　the　very　first；　or　what　would　you　do　

if　you　were　to　belike　me？　　Don't　turn　away；　dear　Laura；　I　don't　think　

I　over　could　bear　this　at　all；　if　dear　Guy　had　not　kept　it　always　

before　my　eyes　from　the　very　first　that　we　were　to　look　to　something　

else　besides　each　other。'



'Of　course　I　meant　the　first　earthly　thing；'　said　Laura；　but　it　was　not　

heartfeltshe　knew　she　ought；　therefore　she　thought　she　did。



'And　so；'　proceeded　Amy；　'I　think　if　that　other　is　first；　it　would　make　

you　have　some　other　standard　of　right　besides　himself；　then　you　would　

be　a　stay　and　help　to　him。　　I　think　that　is　what　he　means。'



'Amy！　let　me　ask　you；'　said　Laura；　a　little　entreatingly；　yet　as　if　she　

must　needs　put　the　question'surely；　you　never　thought　Guy　had　

faults？'



Her　colour　deepened。　　'Yes；　Laura；'　she　answered；　firmly。　　'I　could　not　

have　understood　his　repentance　if　I　had　not　thought　so。　　And；　dear　

Laura；　if　you　will　forgive　me　for　saying　it；　it　would　be　much　better　

for　yourself　and　Philip　if　you　would　see　the　truth。'



'I　thought　you　forgave　him；'　murmured　Laura。



'Oh；　Laura！　but　does　not　that　word　〃forgive〃　imply　something？　　I　could　

not　have　done　anything　to　comfort　him　that　day；　if　I　had　not　believed　

he　had　something　to　be　comforted　for。　　It　can't　be　pleasant　to　him　to　

see　you　think　his　repentance　vain。'



'It　is　noble　and　great。'



'But　if　it　was　not　real；　it　would　be　thrown　away。　　Besides；　dear　Laura；　

do　let　me　say　this　for　once。　　If　you　would　but　understand　that　you　let　

him　lead　you　into　what　was　not　right；　and　be　really　sorry　for　that；　and　

show　mamma　that　you　are；　I　do　think　it　would　all　begin　much　more　

happily　when　you　are　married。'



'I　could　never　have　told；　till　I　was　obliged　to　betray　myself；'　said　

Laura。　　'You　know；　Amy；　it　was　no　engagement。　　We　never　wrote　to　each　

other；　we　had　but　one　walk；　it　was　no　business　of　his　to　speak　till　he　

could　hope　for　papa's　consent　to　our　marriage。　　It　would　have　been　all　

confusion　if　he　had　told；　and　that　would　have　been　only　that　we　had　

always　loved　each　other　with　all　our　hearts；　which　every　one　knew　

before。'



'Yet；　Laura；　it　was　what　preyed　on　him　when　he　thought　he　was　dying。'



'Because　it　was　the　only　thing　like　a　fault　he　could　think　of；'　said　

Laura；　excited　by　this　shade　of　blame　to　defend　him　vehemently

'because　his　scruples　are　high　and　noble　and　generous。'



She　spoke　so　eagerly；　that　the　baby's　voice　again　broke　on　the　

conversation；　and　she　was　obliged　to　go　away；　but　though　her　idolatry　

was　complete；　it　did　not　seem　to　give　full　satisfaction　or　repose。　　As　

to　Philip；　though　his　love　for　her　was　unchanged；　it　now　and　then　was　

felt；　though　not　owned　by　him；　that　she　was　not　fully　a　helpmeet；　only　

a　'Self'；　not　such　a　'Self'　as　he　had　left　at　St。　Mildred's；　but　still　

reflecting　on　him　his　former　character；　instead　of　aiding　him　to　a　new　

one。









CHAPTER　43







But　nature　to　its　inmost　part

Faith　had　refined；　and　to　her　heart

　　A　peaceful　cradle　given；

Calm　as　the　dew　drops　free　to　rest

Within　a　breeze…fanned　rose's　breast

　　Till　it　exhales　to　heaven。WORDSWORTH





It　had　long　been　a　promise　that　Mr。　Edmonstone　should　take　Charlotte　to　

visit　her　grandmamma；　in　Ireland。　　They　would　have　gone　last　autumn；　

but　for　Guy's　illness；　and　now　Aunt　Charlotte　wrote　to　hasten　the　

performance　of　the　project。　　Lady　Mabel　was　very　anxious　to　see　them；　

she　said；　and　having　grown　much　more　infirm　of　late；　seemed　to　think　it　

would　be　the　last　meeting　with　her　son。　　She　talked　so　much　of　Mrs。　

Edmonstone　and　Laura；　that　it　was　plain　that　she　wished　extremely　for　a　

visit　from　them；　though　she　did　not　like　to　ask　it；　in　the　present　

state　of　the　family。



A　special　invitation　was　sent　to　Bustle；　indeed；　Charles　said　Charlotte　

could　not　have　gone　without　his　permission；　for　he　reigned　like　a　

tyrant　over　her；　evidently　believing　her　created　for　no　purpose　but　to　

wait　on　him；　and　take　him　to　walk。



Laura　was　a　great　favourite　at　the　cottage　of　Kilcoran；　and　felt　she　

ought　to　offer　to　go。　　Philip　fully　agreed；　and　held　out　home　hopes　of　

following　as　soon　as　the　session；　was　over；　and　he　had　been　to　

Redclyffe　about　some　business　that　had　been　deferred　too　long。



And　now　it　appeared　that　Mr。　Edmonstone　had　a　great　desire　to　take　his　

wife；　and　she　herself　said；　that　under　any　other　circumstances　she　

should　have　been　very　desirous　of　going。　　She　had　not　been　to　Ireland　

for　fifteen　years；　and　was　sorry　to　have　seen　so　little　of　her　mother…

in…law；　and　now　that　it　had　been　proved　that　Charles　could　exist　

without　her；　she　would　not　have　hesitated　to　leave　him；　but　for　

Amabel's　state　of　health　and　spirits；　which　made　going　from　home　out　of　

the　question。



Charles　and　Amabel　did　not　think　so。　　It　was　not　to　be　endured；　that　

when　grandmamma　wished　for　her；　she　should　stay　at　home　for　them　

without　real　necessity；　besides；　the　fatigue；　anxiety；　and　sorrow　she　

had　undergone　of　late；　had　told　on　her；　and　had　made　her　alter　

perceptibly；　from　being　remarkably　fresh　and　youthful；　to　be　somewhat　

aged；　and　the　change　to　a　new　scene；　where　she　could　not　be　distressing　

herself　at　every　failure　in　cheerfulness　of　poor　Amy's；　was　just　the　

thing　to　do　her　good。



Amabel　was　not　afraid　of　the　sole　charge　of　Charles　or　of　the　baby；　for　

she　had　been　taught　but　too　well　to　manage　for　herself；　she　understood　

Charles　very　well；　and　had　too　much　quiet　good　sense　to　be　fanciful　

about　her　very　healthy　baby。　　Though　she　was　inexperienced；　with　old　

nurse　hard　by；　and　Dr。　Mayerne　at　Broadstone；　there　was　no　fear　of　her　

not　having　good　counsel　enough。　　She　was　glad　to　be　of　some　use；　by　

enabling　her　mother　to　leave　Charles；　and　her　only　fear　was　of　being　

dull　company　for　him；　but　as　he　was　so　kind　as　to　bear　it；　she　would　do　

her　best；　and　perhaps　their　neighbours　would　come　and　enliven　him　

sometimes。



Charles　threw　his　influence　into　the　same　scale。　　His　affectionate　

observation　had　shown　him　that　it　oppressed　Amabel's　spirits　to　be　the　

object　of　such　constant　solicitude；　and　be　was　convinced　it　would　be　

better　for　her；　both　to　have　some　necessary　occupation　and　to　be　free　

from　that　perpetual　mournful　watching　of　her　mother's　that　caused　her　

to　make　the　efforts　to　be　cheerful　which　did　her　more　harm　than　

anything　else。



To　let　her　alone　to　look　and　speak　as　she　pleased　without　the　fear　of　

paining　and　disappointing　those　she　loved；　keep　the　house　quiet；　and　

give　her　the　employment　of　household　cares　and　attending　on　himself；　

was；　he　thought；　the　best　thing　for　her；　and　he　was　full　of　eagerness　

and　pleasure　at　the　very　notion　of　being　of　service　to　her；　if　only　by　

being　good　for　nothing　but　to　be　waited　on。　　He　thought　privately　that　

the　spring　of　his　mother's　mind　had　been　so　much　injured　by　the　grief　

she　had　herself　suffered　for　'her　son　Guy；'　her　cruel　disappointment　in　

Laura；　and　the　way　in　which　she　threw　herself　into　all　Amy's　

affliction；　that　there　was　a　general　depression　in　her　way　of　observing　

and　attending　Amy；　which　did　further　harm；　and　that　to　change　the　

current　of　her　thoughts；　and　bring　her　home　refreshed　and　inspirited；　

would　be　the　beginning　of　improvement　in　all。　　Or；　as　he　expressed　it　

to　Dr。　Mayerne；　'We　shall　set　off　on　a　new　tack。'



His　counsel　and　Mr。　Edmonstone's　wishes　at　length　decided　mamma；　on　

condition　that　Mary　Ross　and　Dr。　Mayerne　would　promise　to　write　on　

alternate　weeks　a　full　report；　moral　and　physical；　as　Charles　called　

it。　　So　in　due　time　the　goods　were　packed；　　Mrs。　Edmonstone　cried　

heartily　over　the　baby；　advised　Amabel　endlessly　about　her；　and　finally　

looked　back　through　her　tears；　as　she　drove　away；　to　see　Charles　

nodding　and　waving　his　hand　at　the　bay…window；　and　Amabel　standing　with　

her　parting　smile　and　good…bye　on　the　steps。



The　reports；　moral　and　physical；　proved　that　Charles　had　judged　wisely。　　

Amabel　was　less　languid　as　she　had　more　cause　for　exertion；　and　seemed　

relieved　by　the　absence　of　noise　and　hurry；　spending　more　time　down…

stairs；　and　appearing　less　weary　in　the　evening。　　She　still　avoided　the　

garden；　but　she　began　to　like　short　drives　with　her　brother　in　the　

pony…carriage；　when　he　drove　on　in　silence；　and　let　her　lean　back　and　

gaze　up　into　the　sky；　or　into　the　far　distance；　undisturbed。　　Now　and　

then　he　would　be　rejoiced　by　a　bright；　genuine　smile；　perfectly　

refreshing；　at　some　of　the　pretty　ways　of　the　babe；　a　small　but　plump　

and　lively　creature；　beginning　to　grasp　with　her　hands；　laugh　and　gaze　

about　with　eyes　that　gave　promise　of　the　peculiar　colour　and　brilliancy　

of　her　father's。　　Amabel　was　afraid　she　might　be　tempted　into　giving　

Charles　too　much　of　the　little　lady's　society；　but　he　was　very　fond　of　

her；　regarding　her　with　an　odd　mixture　of　curiosity　and　amusement；　much　

entertained　with　watching　what　he　called　her　unaccountable　manners；　and　

greatly　flattered　when　he　could　succeed　in　attracting　her　notice。　　

Indeed；　the　first　time　she　looked　full　at　him　with　a　smile　on　the　verge　

of　a　laugh；　it　completely　overcame　him；　by　the　indescribably　forcible　

manner　in　which　it　suddenly　recalled　the　face　which　had　always　shone　on　

him　like　a　sunbeam。　　Above　all；　it　was　worth　anything　to　see　the　looks　

she　awoke　in　her　mother；　for　which　he　must　have　loved　her；　even　had　she　

not　been　Guy's　child。



In　the　evening；　especially　on　Sunday；　Amabel　would　sometimes　talk　to　

him　as　she　had　never　yet　been　able　to　do；　about　her　last　summer's　

journey；　and　her　stay　at　Recoara；　and　his　way　of　listening　and　

answering　had　in　it　something　that　gave　her　great　pleasure；　while；　on　

his　side；　he　deemed　each　fresh　word　of　Guy's　a　sort　of　treasure　for　

which　to　be　grateful　to　her。　　The　brother　and　sister　were　a　great　help　

and　happiness　to　each　other；　Amabel　found　herself　restored　to　Charles；　

as　Guy　had　liked　to　think　of　her；　and　Charles　felt　as　if　the　old　

childish　fancies　were　fulfilled；　in　which　he　and　Amy　were　always　to　

keep　house　together。　　He　was　not　in　the　least　d