the heir of redclyffe-第24章
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adjoining Redclyffe; which there was some idea of purchasing。 Such an
employment would in general have been congenial; but on this occasion;
it was only by a strong force that he could chain his attention; for
Guy was pacing the terrace with Laura and Amabel; and as they passed
and repassed the window; he now and then caught sounds of repeating
poetry。
In this Guy excelled。 He did not read aloud well; he was too rapid;
and eyes and thoughts were apt to travel still faster than the lips;
thus producing a confusion; but no one could recite better when a
passage had taken strong hold of his imagination; and he gave it the
full effect of the modulations of his fine voice; conveying in its
inflections the impressions which stirred him profoundly。 He was just
now enchanted with his first reading of 'Thalaba;' where he found all
manner of deep meanings; to which the sisters listened with wonder and
delight。 He repeated; in a low; awful; thrilling tone; that made Amy
shudder; the lines in the seventh book; ending with
〃Who comes from the bridal chamber!
It is Azrael; angel of death。〃'
'You have not been so taken up with any book since Sintram。' said
Laura。
'It is like Sintram;' he replied。
'Like it?'
'So it seems to me。 A strife with the powers of darkness; the victory;
forgiveness; resignation; death。
〃Thou know'st the secret wishes of my heart;
Do with me as thou wilt; thy will is best。〃'
'I wish you would not speak as if you were Thalaba yourself;' said Amy;
'you bring the whole Domdaniel round us。'
'I am afraid he is going to believe himself Thalaba as well as
Sintram;' said Laura。 'But you know Southey did not see all this
himself; and did not understand it when it was pointed out。'
'Don't tell us that;' said Amy。
'Nay; I think there is something striking in it;' said Guy then; with a
sudden transition; 'but is not this ball famous?'
And their talk was of balls and reviews till nine o'clock; when they
were summoned to tea。
On the whole; Philip returned to Broadstone by no means comforted。
Never had he known so much difficulty in attending with patience to his
duties as in the course of the next fortnight。 They became a greater
durance; as he at length looked his feelings full in the face; and
became aware of their true nature。
He perceived that the loss of Laura would darken his whole existence;
yet he thought that; were he only secure of her happiness; he could
have resigned her in silence。 Guy was; however; one of the last men in
the world whom he could bear to see in possession of her; and probably
she was allowing herself to be entangled; if not in heart; at least in
manner。 If so; she should not be unwarned。 He had been her guide from
childhood; and he would not fail her now。
Three days before the review; he succeeded in finding time for a walk
to Hollywell; not fully decided on the part he should act; though
resolved on making some remonstrance。 He was crossing a stile; about a
mile and a half from Hollywell; when he saw a lady sitting on the stump
of a tree; sketching; and found that fate had been so propitious as to
send Laura thither alone。 The rest had gone to gather mushrooms on a
down; and had left her sketching the view of the spires of Broadstone;
in the cleft between the high green hills。 She was very glad to see
him; and held up her purple and olive washes to be criticised; but he
did not pay much attention to them。 He was almost confused at the
sudden manner in which the opportunity for speaking had presented
itself。
'It is a long time since I have seen you;' said he; at last。
'An unheard…of time。'
'Still longer since we have had any conversation。'
'I was just thinking so。 Not since that hot hay…making; when Guy came
home。 Indeed; we have had so much amusement lately that I have hardly
had time for thought。 Guy says we are all growing dissipated。'
'Ah! your German; and dancing; and music; do not agree with thought。'
'Poor music!' said Laura; smiling。 'But I am ready for a lecture; I
have been feeling more like a butterfly than I like。'
'I know you think me unjust about music; and I freely confess that I
cannot estimate the pleasure it affords; but I doubt whether it is a
safe pleasure。 It forms common ground for persons who would otherwise
have little in common; and leads to intimacies which occasion results
never looked for。'
'Yes;' said Laura; receiving it as a general maxim。
'Laura; you complain of feeling like a butterfly。 Is not that a sign
that you were made for better things?'
'But what can I do? I try to read early and at night; but I can't
prevent the fun and gaiety; and; indeed; I don't think I would。 It is
innocent; and we never had such a pleasant summer。 Charlie is soso
much more equable; and mamma is more easy about him; and I can't help
thinking it does them all good; though I do feel idle。'
'It is innocent; it is right for a little while;' said Philip; 'but
your dissatisfaction proves that you are superior to such things。
Laura; what I fear is; that this summer holiday may entangle you; and
so fix your fate as to render your life no holiday。 0 Laura take care;
know what you are doing!'
'What am I doing?' asked Laura; with an alarmed look of ingenuous
surprise。
Never had it been so hard to maintain his composure as now; when her
simplicity forced him to come to plainer terms。 'I must speak;' he
continued; 'because no one else will。 Have you reflected whither this
may tend? This music; this versifying; this admitting a stranger so
unreservedly into your pursuits?'
She understood now; and hung her head。 He would have given worlds to
judge of the face hidden by her bonnet; but as she did not reply; he
spoke on; his agitation becoming so strong; that the struggle was
perceptible in the forced calmness of his tone。 'I would not say a
word if he were worthy; but LauraLaura; I have seen Locksley Hall
acted once; do not let me see it again in a way whichwhich would give
me infinitely more pain。'
The faltering of his voice; so resolutely subdued; touched; her
extremely; and a thrill of exquisite pleasure glanced through her; on
hearing confirmed what she had long felt; that she had taken Margaret's
placenay; as she now learnt; that she was even more precious to him。
She only thought of reassuring him。
'No; you need never fear _that_。 He has no such thought; I am sure。'
She blushed deeply; but looked in his face。 'He treats us both alike;
besides; he is so young。'
'The mischief is not done;' said Philip; trying to resume his usual
tone; 'I only meant to speak in time。 You might let your manner go too
far; you might even allow your affections to be involved without
knowing it; if you were not on your guard。'
'Never!' said Laura。 'Oh; no; I could never dream of that with Guy。 I
like Guy very much; I think better of him than you do; but oh no; he
could never be my first and best; I could never care for him in _that_
way。 How could you think so; Philip?'
'Laura; I cannot but look on you with what may seem over…solicitude。
Since I lost Fanny; and worse than lost Margaret; you have been my
home; my first; my most precious interest。 0 Laura!' and he did not
even attempt to conceal the trembling and tenderness of his voice;
'could I bear to lose you; to see you thrown away or changedyou;
dearest; best of all?'
Laura did not turn away her head this time; but raising her beautiful
face; glowing with such a look as had never beamed there before; while
tears rose to her eyes; she said; 'Don't speak of my changing towards
you。 I never could; for if there is anything to care for in me; it is
you that have taught it to me。'
If ever face plainly told another that he was her first and best;
Laura's did so now。 Away went misgivings; and he looked at her in
happiness too great for speech; at least; he could not speak till he
had mastered his emotion; but his countenance was sufficient reply。
Even then; in the midst of this flood of ecstasy; came the thought;
'What have I done?'
He had gone further than he had ever intended。 It was a positive
avowal of love; and what would ensue? Cessation of intercourse with
her; endless vexations; the displeasure of her family; loss of
influence; contempt; and from Mr。 Edmonstone; for the pretensions of a
penniless soldier。 His joy was too great to be damped; but it was
rendered cautious。 'Laura; my own!' (what delight the words gave her;)
'you have made me very happy。 We know each other now; and trust each
other for ever。'
'0 yes; yes; nothing can alter what has grown up with us。'
'It is for ever!' repeated Philip。 'But; Laura; let us be content with
our own knowledge of what we are to each other。 Do not let us call in
others to see our happiness。'
Laura looked surprised; for she always considered any communication
about his private feelings too sacred to be repeated; and wondered he
should think the injunction necessary。 'I never can bear to talk about
the best kinds of happiness;' said she; 'but oh!' and she sprang up;
'here they come。'
Poor Mrs。 Edmonstone; as she walked back from her mushroom…field; she
little guessed that words had been spoken which would give the
colouring to her daughter's whole lifeshe little guessed that her
much…loved and esteemed nephew had betrayed her confidence! As she and
the girls came up; Philip advanced to meet them; that Laura might have
a few moments to recover; while with an effort he kept himself from
appearing absent in the conversation that ensued。 It was brief; for
having answered some questions with regard to the doings on the
important day; he said; that since he had met them he would not come on
to Hollywell; and bade them farewell; giving Laura a pressure of the
hand which renewed the glow on her face。
He walked back; trying to look through the dazzling haze of joy so as
to see his situation clearly。 It was impossible for him not to
perceive that there had been an absolute declaration of affection; and
that he had established a private understanding with his cousin。 It
was not; however; an engagement; nor did he at present desire to make
it so。 It was impossible for him as yet to marry; and he was content
to wait without a promise; since that could not add to his entire
reliance on Laura。 He could not bear to be rejected by her parents: he
knew his poverty would be the sole ground of objection; and he was not
asking her to share it。 He believed sincerely that a long; lingering
attachment to himself would be more for her good than a marriage with
one who would have