the heir of redclyffe-第61章
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was not yielding; he was telling himselftelling the tempter; who
would have made him give up the strugglethat it was only for a life;
and that it was shame and ingratitude to be faint…hearted; on the very
night when he ought to be rejoicing that One had come to ruin the power
of the foe; and set him free。 But where was his rejoicing? Was he
cheered;was he comforted? Was not the lone; blank despondency that
had settled on him more heavily than ever; a token that he was shut out
from all that was good;nay; that in former years there had been no
true joy in him; only enjoyment of temporal pleasure? Had his best
days of happiness been; then; nothing but hollowness and self…
deception?
At that moment the sound of a Christmas carol came faintly on his ear。
It was one of those tunes which; when the village choir were the only
musicians he knew; he had thought; unrivalled; and now; even to his
tutored; delicate ear; softened as it was by distance; and endeared by
association; it was full of refreshing; soothing harmony。 He undrew
the curtain; opened the shutter; and looked into the court; where he
saw some figures standing。 As soon as the light shone from the window;
the carol was resumed; and the familiar tones were louder and harsher;
but he loved them; with all their rudeness and dissonance; and throwing
up the window; called the singers by name; asking why they stood out in
the snow; instead of coming into the hall; as usual。
The oldest of the set came to the window to answer;so old a man that
his voice was cracked; and his performance did more harm than good in
the psalms at church。
'You see; Sir Guy;' said he; 'there was some of us thought you might
not like to have us coming and singing like old times; 'cause 'tis not
all as it used to be here with you。 Yet we didn't like not to come at
all; when you had been away so long; so we settled just to begin; and
see whether you took any notice。'
'Thank you。 It was a very kind thought; James;' said Guy; touched by
the rough delicacy of feeling manifested by these poor men; 'I had
rather hear the carols than anything。 Come to the front door; I'll let
you in。'
'Thank you; sir;' with a most grateful touch of the hat; and Guy
hastened to set things in order; preferring the carols to everything at
that moment; even though disabused of his pristine admiration for James
Robinson's fiddle; and for Harry Ray's grand shake。 A long space was
spent in listening; and a still longer in the endeavour to show what
Mr。 Ashford meant by suggesting some improvements which they were
regarding with dislike and suspicion; till they found Sir Guy was of
the same mind。 In fact; when he had sung a verse or two to illustrate
his meaning; the opinion of the choir was; that; with equal advantages;
Sir Guy might sing quite as well as Harry Ray。
It was the first time he had heard his own voice; except at church;
since the earlier days of St。 Mildred's; but as he went up the long
stairs and galleries to bed; he found himself still singing。 It was;
Who lives forlorn;
On God's own word doth rest;
His path is bright
With heavenly light;
His lot among the blest。
He wondered; and remembered finding music for it with Amy's help。 He
sighed heavily; but the anguish of feeling; the sense of being in the
power of evil; had insensibly left him; and though sad and oppressed;
the unchangeable joy and hope of Christmas were shedding a beam on him。
They were not gone when he awoke; and rose to a solitary breakfast
without one Christmas greeting。 The light of the other life was
beginning to shine out; and make him see how to do and to bear; with
that hope before him。 The hope was becoming less vague; the
resolution; though not more firm; yet less desponding; that he would go
on to grapple with temptation; and work steadfastly; and with that hope
before him; he now felt that even a lifetime without Amy would be
endurable。
The power of rejoicing came more fully at church; and the service
entered into his soul as it never had done before。 It had never been
such happiness; though repentance and mournful feelings were ever
present with him; nor was his 'Verena' absent from his mind。 He walked
about between the services; saw the poor people dining in their holly…
decked houses; exchanging Christmas wishes with them; and gave his old;
beautiful; bright smile as he received demonstrations of their
attachment; or beheld their enjoyment。 He went home in the dark;
allowed Mrs。 Drew to have her own way; and serve him and Bustle with a
dinner sufficient for a dozen people; and was shut up for the solitary
Christmas evening which he had so much dreaded; and which would have
been esteemed a misfortune even by those who had no sad thoughts to
occupy them。
Yet when the clock struck eleven he was surprised; and owned that it
had been more than not being unhappy。 The dark fiends of remorse and
despair had not once assaulted him; yet it had not been by force of
employment that they had been averted。 He had read and written a
little; but very little; and the time had chiefly been spent in a sort
of day…dream; though not of a return to Hollywell; nor of what
Redclyffe might be with Amy。 It had been of a darkened and lonely
course; yet; in another sense; neither dark nor lonely; of a cheerless
home and round of duties; with a true home beyond; and still it had
been a happy; refreshing dream; and he began the next morning with the
fresh brightened spirit of a man who felt that such an evening was sent
him to reinvigorate his energies; and fit him for the immediate duties
that lay before him。
On the breakfast…table was what he had not seen for a long timea
letter directed to him。 It was from Mr。 Ross; in answer to his
question about Coombe Prior; entering readily into the subject; and
advising him to write to the Bishop; altogether with a tone of friendly
interest which; especially as coming from one so near Hollywell; was a
great pleasure; a real Christmas treat。 There was the wonted wish of
the seasona happy Christmaswhich he took gratefully; and lastly
there was a mention that Charles Edmonstone was better; the suffering
over; though he was not yet allowed to move。
It was a new light that Charles's silence had been occasioned by
illness; and his immediate resolution was to write at once to Mr。 Ross;
to beg for further particulars。 In the meantime; the perception that
there had been no estrangement was such a ray as can hardly be imagined
without knowing the despondency it had enlivened。 The truth was;
perhaps; that the tone of mind was recovering; and after having fixed
himself in his resolution to endure; he was able to receive comfort and
refreshment from without as well as from within。
He set to work to write at once to the Bishop; as Mr。 Ross advised。 He
said he could not bear to lose time; and therefore wrote at once。 He
should be of age on the 28th of March; and he hoped then to be able to
arrange for a stipend for a curate; if the Bishop approved; and would
kindly enter into communication on the appointment with Mr。 Halroyd;
the incumbent。 After considering his letter a little while; and
wishing he was sufficiently intimate with Mr。 Ashford to ask him if it
would do; he wrote another to Mr。 Ross; to inquire after Charles; then
he worked for an hour at mathematics; till a message came from the
gamekeeper to ask whether he would go out shooting; whereat Bustle;
evidently understanding; jumped about; and wagged his tail so
imploringly; that Guy could not resist; so he threw his books upon the
top of the great pile on the sofa; and; glad that at least he could
gratify dog and man; he sent word that he should be ready in five
minutes。
He could not help enjoying the ecstasy of all the dogs; and; indeed he
was surprised to find himself fully alive to the delight of forcing his
way through a furze…brake; hearing the ice in the peaty bogs crackle
beneath his feet; getting a good shot; bringing down his bird; finding
snipe; and diving into the depths of the long; winding valleys and
dingles; with the icicle…hung banks of their streamlets。 He came home
through the village at about half…past three o'clock; sending the
keeper to leave some of his game at the parsonage; while he went
himself to see how the work was getting on at the school。 Mr。 and Mrs。
Ashford and the boys were come on the same errand; in spite of the
cloud of dust rising from the newly…demolished lath…and…plaster
partition。 The boys looked with longing eyes at the gun in his hand;
and the half…frozen compound of black and red mud on his gaiters; but
they were shy; and their enmity added to their shyness; so that even
when he shook hands with them; and spoke good…naturedly; they did not
get beyond a monosyllable。
Mr。 and Mrs。 Ashford; feeling some compunction for having left him to
his solitude so long; asked him to dinner for one of the ensuing days;
with some idea of getting some one to meet him; and named six o'clock。
'Won't that put you out? Don't you always dine early?' said he。 'If
you would let me; I should like to join you at your tea…time。'
'If you will endure a host of children;' said Mr。 Ashford; 'I should
like it of all things;' said Guy。 'I want to make acquaintance very
much;' and he put his hand on Robert's shoulder。 'Besides; I want to
talk to you about the singing; and how we are to get rid of that fiddle
without breaking James Robinson's heart。'
The appointment was made; and Guy went home to his hasty dinner; his
Greek; and a little refreshing return afterwards to the books which had
been the delight of younger days。 There was no renewal of the burthen
of despair that had so long haunted his evenings。 Employments
thickened on his hands as the days passed on。 There was further
correspondence about Coombe Prior and the curate; and consultations
with Markham about farmer Todd; who was as obstinate and troublesome as
possible。 Guy made Markham come to Coombe Prior with him; examine and
calculate about the cottages; and fairly take up the subject; though
without much apparent chance of coming to any satisfactory result。 A
letter came from Mr。 Ross; telling him even more than he had ventured
to hope; for it brought a message from Charles himself。 Charles had
been delighted to hear of him; and had begged that he might be told how
very sorry he had been not to write; and how incapable he had been; and
still was; but that he hoped Guy would write to him; and believe him in
the same mind。 Mr。 Ross added an account of Charles's illness; saying
the suffering had been more severe than usual; and had totally disabled
him for many we