2 new moon新月-第35章

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More　than　dislike—I　realized　I　hated　it；　hated　anything　that　caused　him　pain。　Hated　it　fiercely。　

Sam's　face　filled　my　mind。　

For　me；　this　was　all　essentially　voluntary。　I　protected　the　Cullens'　secret　out　of　love；　unrequited；　but　true。　
For　Jacob；　it　didn't　seem　to　be　that　way。　

〃Isn't　there　any　way　for　you　to　get　free？〃　I　whispered；　touching　the　rough　edge　at　the　back　of　his　shorn　
hair。　

His　hands　began　to　tremble；　but　he　didn't　open　his　eyes。　〃No。　I'm　in　this　for　life。　A　life　sentence。〃　A　bleak　
laugh。　〃Longer；　maybe。〃　

〃No；　Jake；〃　I　moaned。　〃What　if　we　ran　away？　Just　you　and　me。　What　if　we　left　home；　and　left　Sam　
behind？〃　

〃It's　not　something　I　can　run　away　from；　Bella；〃　he　whispered。　〃I　would　run　with　you；　though；　if　I　could。〃　
His　shoulders　were　shaking　now；　too。　He　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Look；　I've　got　to　leave。〃　

〃Why？〃　

〃For　one　thing；　you　look　like　you're　going　to　pass　out　at　any　second。　You　need　your　sleep—I　need　you　
firing　on　all　pistons。　You're　going　to　figure　this　out；　you　have　to。〃　

〃And　why　else？〃　

He　frowned。　〃I　had　to　sneak　out—I'm　not　supposed　to　see　you。　They've　got　to　be　wondering　where　I　
am。〃　His　mouth　twisted。　〃I　suppose　I　should　go　let　them　know。〃　

〃You　don't　have　to　tell　them　anything；〃　I　hissed。　

〃All　the　same；　I　will。〃　

The　anger　flashed　hot　inside　me。　〃I　hate　them！〃　

Jacob　looked　at　me　with　wide　eyes；　surprised。　〃No；　Bella。　Don't　hate　the　guys。　It's　not　Sam's　or　any　of　
the　others'　faults。　I　told　you　before—it's　me。　Sam　is　actually…　well；　incredibly　cool。　Jared　and　Paul　are　
great；　too；　though　Paul　is　kind　of…　And　Embry's　always　been　my　friend。　Nothing's　changed　there—the　
only　thing　that　hasn't　changed。　I　feel　really　bad　abour　the　things　I　used　to　think　about　Sam…〃　

〃Sam　was　incredibly　cool。〃　I　glared　at　him　in　disbelief；　but　let　it　go。　

〃Then　why　aren't　you　supposed　to　see　me？〃　I　demanded。　

〃It's　not　safe；〃　he　mumbled　looking　down。　

His　words　sent　a　thrill　of　fear　through　me。　

Did　he　know　that；　too？　Nobody　knew　that　besides　me。　But　he　was　right—it　was　the　middle　of　the　night；　
the　perfect　time　for　hunting。　Jacob　shouldn't　be　here　in　my　room。　If　someone　came　for　me；　I　had　：o　be　
alone。　

〃If　I　thought　it　was　too…　too　risky；〃　he　whispered；　〃I　wouldn't　have　come。　But　Bella；〃　he　looked　at　me　
again；　〃I　made　you　a　promise。　I　had　no　idea　it　would　be　so　hard　to　keep；　but　that　doesn't　mean　I'm　not　
going　to　try。〃　

He　saw　the　incomprehension　in　my　face。　〃After　that　stupid　movie；〃　he　reminded　me。　〃I　promised　you　that　
I　wouldn't　ever　hurt　you…　So　I　really　blew　it　this　afternoon；　didn't　I？〃　

〃I　know　you　didn't　want　to　do　it；　Jake。　It's　okay。〃　

〃Thanks；　Bella。〃　He　took　my　hand。　〃I'm　going　to　do　what　I　can　to　be　here　for　you；　just　like　I　promised。〃　
He　grinned　at　me　suddenly。　The　grin　was　not　mine；　nor　Sam's；　but　some　strange　combination　of　the　two。　
〃It　would　really　help　if　you　could　figure　this　out　on　your　own；　Bella。　Put　some　honest　effort　into　it。〃　

I　made　a　weak　grimace。　〃I'll　try。〃　

〃And　I'll　try　to　see　you　soon。〃　He　sighed。　〃And　they'll　try　to　talk　me　out　of　that。〃　

〃Don't　listen　to　them。〃　

〃I'll　try。〃　He　shook　his　head；　as　if　he　doubted　his　success。　〃Come　and　tell　me　as　soon　as　you　figure　it　out。〃　
Something　occurred　to　him　just　then；　something　that　made　his　hands　shake。　〃If　you…　if　you　want　to。〃　

〃Why　wouldn't　I　want　to　see　you？〃　

His　face　turned　hard　and　bitter；　one　hundred　percent　the　face　that　belonged　to　Sam。　〃Oh；　I　can　think　of　a　
reason；〃　he　said　in　a　harsh　tone。　〃Look；　I　really　have　to　go。　Could　you　do　something　for　me？〃　

I　just　nodded；　frightened　of　the　change　in　him。　

〃At　least　call　me—if　you　don't　want　to　see　me　again。　Let　me　know　if　it's　like　that。〃　

〃That　won't　happen—〃　

He　raised　one　hand；　cutting　me　off。　〃Just　let　me　know。〃　

He　stood　and　headed　for　the　window。　

〃Don't　be　an　idiot；　Jake；〃　I　complained。　〃You'll　break　your　leg。　Use　the　door。　Charlie's　not　going　to　catch　
you。〃　

〃I　won't　get　hurt；〃　he　muttered；　but　he　turned　for　the　door。　He　hesitated　as　he　passed　me；　staring　at　me　
with　an　expression　like　something　was　stabbing　him。　He　held　one　hand　out；　pleading。　

I　took　his　hand；　and　suddenly　he　yanked　me—too　roughly—right　off　the　bed　so　that　I　thudded　against　his　
chest。　

〃Just　in　case；〃　he　muttered　against　my　hair；　crushing　me　in　a　bear　hug　that　about　broke　my　ribs。　

〃Can't—breathe！〃　I　gasped。　

He　dropped　me　at　once；　keeping　one　hand　at　my　waist　so　I　didn't　fall　over。　He　pushed　me；　more　gently　
this　time；　back　down　on　the　bed。　

〃Get　some　sleep；　Bells。　You've　got　to　get　your　head　working。　I　know　you　can　do　this。　I　need　you。　to　
understand。　I　won't　lose　you；　Bella。　Not　for　this。〃　

He　was　to　the　door　in　one　stride；　opening　it　quietly；　and　then　disappearing　through　it。　I　listened　for　him　to　
hit　the　squeaky　step　in　the　stairs；　but　there　was　no　sound。　

I　lay　back　on　my　bed；　my　head　spinning。　I　was　too　confused；　too　worn　out。　I　closed　my　eyes；　trying　to　
make　sense　of　it；　only　to　be　swallowed　up　by　unconsciousness　so　swiftly　that　it　was　disorienting。　

It　was　not　the　peaceful；　creamless　sleep　I'd　yearned　for—of　course　not。　I　was　in　the　forest　again；　and　I　
started　to　wander　the　way　I　always　did。　

I　quickly　became　aware　that　this　was　not　the　same　dream　as　usual。　For　one　thing；　I　felt　no　compulsion　to　
wander　or　to　search；　I　was　merely　wandering　out　of　habit；　because　that　was　what　was　usually　expected　
of　me　here。　Actually；　this　wasn't　even　the　same　forest。　The　smell　was　different；　and　the　light；　too。　It　
smelled；　not　like　the　damp　earth　of　the　woods；　but　like　the　brine　of　the　ocean。　I　couldn't　see　the　sky；　still；　
it　seemed　like　the　sun　must　be　shining—the　leaves　above　were　bright　jade　green。　

This　was　the　forest　around　La　Push—near　the　beach　there；　I　was　sure　of　it。　I　knew　that　if　I　found　the　
beach；　I　would　be　able　to　see　the　sun；　so　I　hurried　forward；　following　the　faint　sound　of　waves　in　the　
distance。　

And　then　Jacob　was　there。　He　grabbed　my　hand；　pulling　me　back　toward　the　blackest　part　of　the　forest。　

〃Jacob；　what's　wrong？〃　I　asked。　His　face　was　the　frightened　face　of　a　boy；　and　his　hair　was　beautiful　
again；　swept　back　into　a　ponytail　on　the　nape　of　his　neck。　He　yanked　with　all　his　strength；　but　I　resisted；　I　
didn't　want　to　go　into　the　dark。　

〃Run；　Bella；　you　have　to　run！〃　he　whispered；　terrified。　

The　abrupt　wave　of　deja　vu　was　so　strong　it　nearly　woke　me　up。　

I　knew　why　I　recognized　this　place　now。　It　was　because　I'd　been　here　before；　in　another　dream。　A　
million　years　ago；　part　of　a　different　life　entirely。　This　was　the　dream　I'd　had　the　night　after　I'd　walked　
with　Jacob　on　the　beach；　the　first　night　I　knew　that　Edward　was　a　vampire。　Reliving　that　day　with　Jacob　
must　have　dredged　this　dream　out　of　my　buried　memories。　

Detached　from　the　dream　now；　I　waited　for　it　to　play　out。　A　light　was　coming　toward　me　from　the　beach。　
In　just　a　moment；　Edward　would　walk　through　the　trees；　his　skin　faintly　glowing　and　his　eyes　black　and　
dangerous。　He　would　beckon　to　me；　and　smile。　He　would　be　beautiful　as　an　angel；　and　his　teeth　would　
be　pointed　and　sharp…　

But　I　was　getting　ahead　of　myself。　Something　else　had　to　happen　first。　

Jacob　dropped　my　hand　and　yelped。　Shaking　and　twitching；　he　fell　to　the　ground　at　my　feet。　

〃Jacob！〃　I　screamed；　but　he　was　gone。　

In　his　place　was　an　enormous；　red…brown　wolf　with　dark；　intelligent　eyes。　

The　dream　veered　off　course；　like　a　train　jumping　the　tracks。　

This　was　not　the　same　wolf　that　I'd　dreamed　of　in　another　life。　This　was　the　great　russet　wolf　I'd　stood　
half　a　foot　from　in　the　meadow；　just　a　week　ago。　This　wolf　was　gigantic；　monstrous；　bigger　than　a　bear。　

This　wolf　stared　intently　at　me；　trying　to　convey　something　vital　with　his　intelligent　eyes。　The　black…brown；　
familiar　eyes　of　Jacob　Black。　

I　woke　screaming　at　the　top　of　my　lungs。　

I　almost　expected　Charlie　to　come　check　on　me　this　time。　This　wasn't　my　usual　screaming。　I　buried　my　
head　in　my　pillow　and　tried　to　muffle　the　hysterics　that　my　screams　were　building　into。　J　pressed　the　
cotton　tight　against　my　face；　wondering　if　I　couldn't　also　somehow　smother　the　connection　I'd　just　made。　

But　Charlie　didn't　come　in。　and　eventually　I　was　able　to　strangle　the　strange　screeching　coming　out　of　my　
throat。　

I　remembered　it　all　now—every　word　that　Jacob　had　said　to　me　that　day　on　the　beach；　even　the　part　
before　he　got　to　the　vampires；　the　〃cold　ones。〃　Especially　that　first　part。　

〃Do　you　know　any　of　our　old　stories；　about　where　we　came　from—the　Quileutes；　I　mean？〃　he　
asked。　

〃Not　really；〃　I　admitted。　

〃Well；　there　are　lots　of　legends；　some　of　them　claiming　to　date　back　to　the　Flood—supposedly；　
the　ancient　Quileutes　tied　their　canoes　to　the　tops　of　the　tallest　trees　on　the　mountain　to　survive；　
like　Noah　and　the　ark。〃　He　smiled　then；　to　show　me　how　little　stock　he　put　in　the　histories。　
〃Another　legend　claims　that　we　descended　from　wolves—and　that　the　wolves　are　our　brothers　
still。　It's　against　tribal　law　to　kill　them。　

〃Then　there　are　the　stories　about　the　cold　ones。〃　His　voice　dropped　a　little　lower。　

〃The　cold　ones？〃　

〃Yes。　There　are　stories　of　the　cold　ones　as　old　as　the　wolf　legends；　and　some　much　more　recent。　
According　to　legend；　my　own　great…grandfather　knew　some　of　them。　He　was　the　one　who　made　
the　treaty　that　kept　them　off　our　land。〃　Jacob　rolled　his　eyes。　

〃　Your　great…grandfather？〃　

〃He　was　a　tribal　elder；　like　my　father。　You　see；　the　cold　ones　are　the　natural　enemies　of　the　wolf—　
well；　not　the　wolf　really；　but　the　wolves　that　turn　into　men；　like　our　ancestors。　You　would　call　
them　werewolves。〃　

〃Werewolves　have　enemies？〃　

〃Only　one。〃　

There　was　something　stuck　in　my　throat；　choking　me。　I　tried　to　swallow　it　down；　but　it　was　lodged　there；　
un…moving。　I　tried　to　spit　it　out。　

〃Werewolf；〃　I　gasped。　

Yes；　that　was　the　word　that　I　was　choking　on。　

The　whole　world　lurched；　tilting　the　wrong　way　on　its　axis。　

What　kind　of　a　place　was　this？　Could　a　world　really　exist　where　ancient　legends　went　wandering　around　
the　borders　of　tiny；　insignificant　towns；　facing　down　mythical　monsters？　Did　this　mean　every　impossible　
fairy　tale　was　grounded　somewhere　in　absolute　truth？　Was　there　anything　sane　or　normal　at　all；　or　was　
everything　just　magic　and　ghost　stories？　

I　clutched　my　head　in　my　hands；　trying　to　keep　it　from　exploding。　

A　small；　dry　voice　in　the　back　of　my　mind　asked　me　what　the　big　deal　was。　Hadn't　I　already　accepted　
the　existence　of　vampires　long　ago—and　without　all　the　hysterics　that　time？　

Exactly；　I　wanted　to　scream　back　at　the　voice。　Wasn't　one　myth　enough　for　anyone；　enough　for　a　
lifetime？　

Besides；　there'd　never　been　one　moment　that　I　wasn't　completely　aware　that　Edward　Cullen　was　above　
and　beyond　the　ordinary。　It　wasn't　such　a　surprise　to　find　out　what　he　was—because　he　so　obviously　
was　something。　

But　Jacob？　Jacob；　who　was　just　Jacob；　and　nothing　more　than　that？　Jacob；　my　friend？　Jacob；　the　only　
human　I'd　ever　been　able　to　relate　to…　

And　he　wasn't　even　human。　

I　fought　the　urge　to　scream　again。　

What　did　this　say　about　me？　

I　knew　the　answer　to