2 new moon新月-第44章

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perfect　face　as　if　he　were　really　there；　the　exact　shade　of　his　icy　skin；　the　shape　of　his　lips；　the　line　of　his　
jaw；　the　gold　glinting　in　his　furious　eyes。　He　was　angry；　naturally；　that　I　was　giving　up。　His　teeth　were　
clenched　and　his　nostrils　flared　with　rage。　

〃No！　Bella；　no！〃　

My　ears　were　flooded　with　the　freezing　water；　but　his　voice　was　clearer　than　ever。　I　ignored　his　words　
and　concentrated　on　the　sound　of　his　voice。　Why　would　I　fight　when　I　was　so　happy　where　I　was？　Even　
as　my　lungs　burned　for　more　air　and　my　legs　cramped　in　the　icy　cold；　I　was　content。　I'd　forgotten　what　
real　happiness　felt　like。　

Happiness。　It　made　the　whole　dying　thing　pretty　bearable。　

The　current　won　at　that　moment；　shoving　me　abruptly　against　something　hard；　a　rock　invisible　in　the　
gloom。　It　hit　me　solidly　across　the　chest；　slamming　into　me　like　an　iron　bar；　and　the　breath　whooshed　out　
of　my　lungs；　escaping　in　a　thick　cloud　of　silver　bubbles。　Water　flooded　down　my　throat；　choking　and　
burning。　The　iron　bar　seemed　to　be　dragging　me；　pulling　me　away　from　Edward；　deeper　into　the　dark；　to　
the　ocean　floor。　

Goodbye；　I　love　you；　was　my　last　thought。　

16。　PARIS　




AT　THAT　MOMENT；　MY　HEAD　BROKE　THE　SURFACE。　

How　disorienting。　I'd　been　sure　I　was　sinking。　

The　current　wouldn't　let　up。　It　was　slamming　me　against　more　rocks；　they　beat　against　the　center　of　my　
back　sharply；　rhythmically；　pushing　the　water　from　my　lungs。　It　gushed　out　in　amazing　volume；　absolute　
torrents　pouring　from　my　mouth　and　nose。　The　salt　burned　and　my　lungs　burned　and　my　throat　was　too　
full　of　water　to　catch　a　breath　and　the　rocks　were　hurting　my　back。　Somehow　I　stayed　in　one　place；　
though　the　waves　still　heaved　around　me。　I　couldn't　see　anything　but　water　everywhere；　reaching　for　my　
face。　

〃Breathe！〃　a　voice；　wild　with　anxiety；　ordered；　and　I　felt　a　cruel　stab　of　pain　wher　I　recognized　the　
voice—because　it　wasn't　Edward's。　

I　could　not　obey。　The　waterfall　pouring　from　my　mouth　didn't　stop　long　enough　for　me　to　catch　a　breath。　
The　black；　icy　water　filled　my　chest；　burning。　

The　rock　smacked　into　my　back　again；　right　between　my　shoulder　blades；　and　another　volley　of　water　
choked　its　way　out　of　my　lungs。　

〃Breathe；　Bella！　C'mon！〃　Jacob　begged。　

Black　spots　bloomed　across　my　vision；　getting　wider　and　wider；　blocking　out　the　light。　

The　rock　struck　me　again。　

The　rock　wasn't　cold　like　the　water；　it　was　hot　on　my　skin。　I　realized　it　was　Jacob's　hand；　trying　to　beat　
the　water　from　my　lungs。　The　iron　bar　that　had　dragged　me　from　the　sea　was　also…　warm…　My　head　
whirled；　the　black　spots　covered　everything…　

Was　I　dying　again；　then？　I　didn't　like　it—this　wasn't　as　good　as　the　last　time。　It　was　only　dark　now；　
nothing　worth　looking　at　here。　The　sound　of　the　crashing　waves　faded　into　the　black　and　became　a　quiet；　
even　whoosh　that　sounded　like　it　was　coming　from　the　inside　of　my　ears…　

〃Bella？〃　Jacob　asked；　his　voice　still　tense；　but　not　as　wild　as　before。　〃Bells；　honey；　can　you　hear　me？〃　

The　contents　of　my　head　swished　and　rolled　sickeningly；　like　they'd　joined　the　rough　water…　

〃How　long　has　she　been　unconscious？〃　someone　else　asked。　

The　voice　that　was　not　Jacob's　shocked　me；　jarred　me　into　a　more　focused　awareness。　

I　realized　that　I　was　still。　There　was　no　tug　of　the　current　on　me—the　heaving　was　inside　my　head。　The　
surface　under　me　was　flat　and　motionless。　It　felt　grainy　against　my　bare　arms。　

〃I　don't　know；〃　Jacob　reported；　still　frantic。　His　voice　was　very　close。　Hands—so　warm　they　had　to　be　
his—brushed　wet　hair　from　my　cheeks。　〃A　few　minutes？　It　didn't　take　long　to　tow　her　to　the　beach。〃　

The　quiet　whooshing　inside　my　ears　was　not　the　waves—it　was　the　air　moving　in　and　out　of　my　lungs　
again。　Each　breath　burned—the　passageways　were　as　raw　as　if　I'd　scrubbed　them　out　with　steel　wool。　
But　I　was　breathing。　

And　I　was　freezing。　A　thousand　sharp；　icy　beads　were　striking　my　face　and　arms；　making　the　cold　worse。　

〃She's　breathing。　She'll　come　around。　We　should　get　her　out　of　the　cold；　though。　I　don't　like　the　color　
she's　turning…〃　I　recognized　Sam's　voice　this　time。　

〃You　think　it's　okay　to　move　her？〃　

〃She　didn't　hurt　her　back　or　anything　when　she　fell？〃　

〃I　don't　know。〃　

They　hesitated。　

I　tried　to　open　my　eyes。　It　took　me　a　minute；　but　then　I　could　see　the　dark；　purple　clouds；　flinging　the　
freezing　rain　down　at　me。　〃Jake？〃　I　croaked。　

Jacob's　face　blocked　out　the　sky。　〃Oh！〃　he　gasped；　relief　washing　over　his　features。　His　eyes　were　wet　
from　the　rain。　〃Oh；　Bella！　Are　you　okay？　Can　you　hear　me？　Do　you　hurt　anywhere？〃　

〃J…Just　m…my　throat；〃　I　stuttered；　my　lips　quivering　from　the　cold。　

〃Let's　get　you　out　of　here；　then；〃　Jacob　said。　He　slid　his　arms　under　me　and　lifted　me　without　effort—like　
picking　up　an　empty　box。　His　chest　was　bare　and　warm；　he　hunched　his　shoulders　to　keep　the　rain　off　of　
me。　My　head　lolled　over　his　arm。　I　stared　vacantly　back　toward　the　furious　water；　beating　the　sand　
behindhim。　

〃You　got　her？〃　I　heard　Sam　ask。　

〃Yeah；　I'll　take　it　from　here。　Get　back　to　the　hospital。　I'll　join　you　later。　Thanks；　Sam。〃　

My　head　was　still　rolling。　None　of　his　words　sunk　in　at　first。　Sam　didn't　answer。　There　was　no　sound；　and　
I　wondered　if　he　were　already　gone。　

The　water　licked　and　writhed　up　the　sand　after　us　as　Jacob　carried　me　away；　like　it　was　angry　that　I'd　
escaped。　As　I　stared　wearily；　a　spark　of　color　caught　my　unfocused　eyes—a　small　flash　of　fire　was　
dancing　on　the　black　water；　far　out　in　the　bay。　The　image　made　no　sense；　and　I　wondered　how　conscious　
I　really　was。　My　head　swirled　with　the　memory　of　the　black；　churning　water—of　being　so　lost　that　I　
couldn't　find　up　or　down。　So　lost…　but　somehow　Jacob…　

〃How　did　you　find　me？〃　I　rasped。　

〃I　was　searching　for　you；〃　he　told　me。　He　was　half…jogging　through　the　rain；　up　the　beach　toward　the　
road。　〃I　followed　the　tire　tracks　to　your　truck；　and　then　I　heard　you　scream…〃　He　shuddered。　〃Why　
would　you　jump；　Bella？　Didn't　you　notice　that　it's　turning　into　a　hurricane　out　here？　Couldn't　you　have　
waited　for　me？〃　Anger　filled　his　tone　as　the　relief　faded。　

〃Sorry；〃　I　muttered。　〃It　was　stupid。〃　

〃Yeah；　it　was　really　stupid；〃　he　agreed；　drops　of　rain　shaking　free　of　his　hair　as　he　nodded。　〃Look；　do　
you　mind　saving　the　stupid　stuff　for　when　I'm　around？　I　won't　be　able　to　concentrate　if　I　think　you're　
jumping　off　cliffs　behind　my　back。〃　

〃Sure；〃　I　agreed。　〃No　problem。〃　I　sounded　like　a　chain…smoker。　I　tried　to　clear　my　throat—and　then　
winced；　the　throat…clearing　felt　like　stabbing　a　knife　down　there。　〃What　happened　today？　Did　you…　find　
her？〃　It　was　my　turn　to　shudder；　though　I　wasn't　so　cold　here；　right　next　to　his　ridiculous　body　heat。　

Jacob　shook　his　head。　He　was　still　more　running　than　walking　as　he　headed　up　the　road　to　his　house。　
〃No。　She　took　off　into　the　water—the　bloodsuckers　have　the　advantage　there。　That's　why　I　raced　
home—I　was　afraid　she　was　going　to　double　back　swimming。　You　spend　so　much　time　on　the　beach…〃　
He　trailed　off；　a　catch　in　his　throat。　

〃Sam　came　back　with　you…　is　everyone　else　home；　too？〃　I　hoped　they　weren't　still　out　searching　for　her。　

〃Yeah。　Sort　of。〃　

I　tried　to　read　his　expression；　squinting　into　the　hammering　rain。　His　eyes　were　tight　with　worry　or　pain。　

The　words　that　hadn't　made　sense　before　suddenly　did。　〃You　said…　hospital。　Before；　to　Sam。　Is　
someone　hurt？　Did　she　fight　you？〃　My　voice　jumped　up　an　octave；　sounding　strange　with　the　hoarseness。　

〃No；　no。　When　we　got　back；　Em　was　waiting　with　the　news。　It's　Harry　Clearwater。　Harry　had　a　heart　
attack　this　morning。〃　

〃Harry？〃　I　shook　my　head；　trying　to　absorb　what　he　was　staying。　〃Oh；　no！　Does　Charlie　know？〃　

〃Yeah。　He's　over　there；　too；　with　my　dad。〃　

〃Is　Harry　going　to　be　okay？〃　

Jacob's　eyes　tightened　again。　〃It　doesn't　look　so　great　right　now。〃　

Abruptly；　I　felt　really　sick　with　guilt—felt　truly　horrible　about　the　brainless　cliff　dive。　Nobody　needed　to　
be　worrying　about　me　right　now。　What　a　stupid　time　to　be　reckless。　

〃What　can　I　do？〃　I　asked。　

At　that　moment　the　rain　stopped。　I　hadn't　realized　we　were　already　back　to　Jacob's　house　until　he　
walked　through　the　door。　The　storm　pounded　against　the　roof。　

〃You　can　stay　here；〃　Jacob　said　as　he　dumped　me　on　the　short　couch。　〃I　mean　it—right　here　I'll　get　you　
some　dry　clothes。〃　

I　let　my　eyes　adjust　to　the　dark　room　while　Jacob　banged　around　in　his　bedroom。　The　cramped　front　
room　seemed　so　empty　without　Billy；　almost　desolate。　It　was　strangely　ominous—probably　just　because　
I　knew　where　he　was。　

Jacob　was　back　in　seconds。　He　threw　a　pile　of　gray　cotton　at　me。　〃These　will　be　huge　on　you；　but　it's　the　
best　I've　got。　I'll；　er；　step　outside　so　you　can　change。〃　

〃Don't　go　anywhere。　I'm　too　tired　to　move　yet。　Just　stay　with　me。〃　

Jacob　sat　on　the　floor　next　to　me；　his　back　against　the　couch。　I　wondered　when　he'd　slept　last。　He　
looked　as　exhausted　as　I　felt。　

He　leaned　his　head　on　the　cushion　next　to　mine　and　yawned。　〃Guess　I　could　rest　for　a　minute…〃　

His　eyes　closed。　I　let　mine　slide　shut；　too。　

Poor　Harry。　Poor　Sue。　I　knew　Charlie　was　going　to　be　beside　himself。　Harry　was　one　of　his　best　friends。　
Despite　Jake's　negative　take　on　things；　I　hoped　fervently　that　Harry　would　pull　through。　For　Charlie's　
sake。　For　Sue's　and　Leah's　and　Seth's…　

Billy's　sofa　was　right　next　to　the　radiator；　and　I　was　warm　now；　despite　my　soaked　clothes。　My　lungs　
ached　in　a　way　that　pushed　me　toward　unconsciousness　rather　than　keeping　me　awake。　I　wondered　
vaguely　if　it　was　wrong　to　sleep…　or　was　I　getting　drowning　mixed　up　with　concussions…　？　Jacob　
began　softly　snoring；　and　the　sound　of　it　soothed　like　a　lullaby。　I　fell　asleep　quickly。　

For　the　first　time　in　a　very　long　time；　my　dream　was　just　a　normal　dream。　Just　a　blurred　wandering　
through　old　memories—blinding　bright　visions　of　the　Phoenix　sun；　my　mother's　face；　a　ramshackle　tree　
house；　a　faded　quilt；　a　wall　of　mirrors；　a　flame　on　the　black　water…　I　forgot　each　of　them　as　soon　as　the　
picture　changed。　

The　last　picture　was　the　only　one　that　stuck　in　my　head。　It　was　meaningless—just　a　set　on　a　stage。　A　
balcony　at　night；　a　painted　moon　hanging　in　the　sky。　I　watched　the　girl　in　her　nightdress　lean　on　the　railing　
and　talk　to　herself。　

Meaningless…　but　when　I　slowly　struggled　back　to　consciousness；　Juliet　was　on　my　mind。　

Jacob　was　still　asleep；　he'd　slumped　down　to　the　floor　and　his　breathing　was　deep　and　even。　The　house　
was　darker　now　than　before；　it　was　black　outside　the　window。　I　was　stiff；　but　warm　and　almost　dry。　The　
inside　of　my　throat　burned　with　every　breath　I　took。　

I　was　going　to　have　to　get　up—at　least　to　get　a　drink。　But　my　body　just　wanted　tc　he　here　limp；　to　never　
move　again。　

Instead　of　moving；　I　thought　about　Juliet　some　more。　

I　wondered　what　she　would　have　done　if　Romeo　had　left　her；　not　because　he　was　banished；　but　because　
he　lost　interests　What　if　Rosalind　had　given　him　the　time　of　day；　and　he'd　changed　his　mind？　What　if；　
instead　of　marrying　Juliet；　he'd　just　disappeared？　

I　thought　I　knew　how　Juliet　would　feel。