appendix-d-第2章

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it　until　the　common　sense　is　all　declined　out　of　it。　

It　is　as　bad　as　Latin。　　He　says；　for　instance：



SINGULAR



NominativeMein　gutER　Freund；　my　good　friend。　

GenitivesMeinES　GutEN　FreundES；　of　my　good　friend。　

DativeMeinEM　gutEN　Freund；　to　my　good　friend。　

AccusativeMeinEN　gutEN　Freund；　my　good　friend。　



PLURAL



N。MeinE　gutEN　FreundE；　my　good　friends。　　G。MeinER　gutEN

FreundE；　of　my　good　friends。　　D。MeinEN　gutEN　FreundEN；

to　my　good　friends。　　A。MeinE　gutEN　FreundE；　my　good　friends。　



Now　let　the　candidate　for　the　asylum　try　to　memorize

those　variations；　and　see　how　soon　he　will　be　elected。　

One　might　better　go　without　friends　in　Germany　than　take

all　this　trouble　about　them。　　I　have　shown　what　a　bother

it　is　to　decline　a　good　（male）　friend；　well　this　is

only　a　third　of　the　work；　for　there　is　a　variety　of　new

distortions　of　the　adjective　to　be　learned　when　the　object

is　feminine；　and　still　another　when　the　object　is　neuter。　

Now　there　are　more　adjectives　in　this　language　than　there

are　black　cats　in　Switzerland；　and　they　must　all　be　as

elaborately　declined　as　the　examples　above　suggested。　

Difficult？troublesome？these　words　cannot　describe　it。　

I　heard　a　Californian　student　in　Heidelberg　say；　in　one　of

his　calmest　moods；　that　he　would　rather　decline　two　drinks

than　one　German　adjective。　



The　inventor　of　the　language　seems　to　have　taken　pleasure

in　complicating　it　in　every　way　he　could　think　of。　

For　instance；　if　one　is　casually　referring　to　a　house；

HAUS；　or　a　horse；　PFERD；　or　a　dog；　HUND；　he　spells　these

words　as　I　have　indicated；　but　if　he　is　referring　to　them

in　the　Dative　case；　he　sticks　on　a　foolish　and　unnecessary

E　and　spells　them　HAUSE；　PFERDE；　HUNDE。　　So；　as　an　added

E　often　signifies　the　plural；　as　the　S　does　with　us；

the　new　student　is　likely　to　go　on　for　a　month　making

twins　out　of　a　Dative　dog　before　he　discovers　his　mistake；

and　on　the　other　hand；　many　a　new　student　who　could　ill

afford　loss；　has　bought　and　paid　for　two　dogs　and　only

got　one　of　them；　because　he　ignorantly　bought　that　dog

in　the　Dative　singular　when　he　really　supposed　he　was

talking　pluralwhich　left　the　law　on　the　seller's　side；

of　course；　by　the　strict　rules　of　grammar；　and　therefore

a　suit　for　recovery　could　not　lie。　



In　German；　all　the　Nouns　begin　with　a　capital　letter。　

Now　that　is　a　good　idea；　and　a　good　idea；　in　this　language；

is　necessarily　conspicuous　from　its　lonesomeness。　　I　consider

this　capitalizing　of　nouns　a　good　idea；　because　by　reason

of　it　you　are　almost　always　able　to　tell　a　noun　the　minute

you　see　it。　　You　fall　into　error　occasionally；　because　you

mistake　the　name　of　a　person　for　the　name　of　a　thing；

and　waste　a　good　deal　of　time　trying　to　dig　a　meaning

out　of　it。　　German　names　almost　always　do　mean　something；

and　this　helps　to　deceive　the　student。　　I　translated

a　passage　one　day；　which　said　that　〃the　infuriated　tigress

broke　loose　and　utterly　ate　up　the　unfortunate　fir　forest〃

（Tannenwald）。　When　I　was　girding　up　my　loins　to　doubt　this；

I　found　out　that　Tannenwald　in　this　instance　was　a

man's　name。　



Every　noun　has　a　gender；　and　there　is　no　sense　or　system

in　the　distribution；　so　the　gender　of　each　must　be

learned　separately　and　by　heart。　　There　is　no　other　way。　

To　do　this　one　has　to　have　a　memory　like　a　memorandum…book。

In　German；　a　young　lady　has　no　sex；　while　a　turnip　has。　

Think　what　overwrought　reverence　that　shows　for　the　turnip；

and　what　callous　disrespect　for　the　girl。　　See　how　it

looks　in　printI　translate　this　from　a　conversation

in　one　of　the　best　of　the　German　Sunday…school　books：



〃Gretchen。　Wilhelm；　where　is　the　turnip？



〃Wilhelm。　She　has　gone　to　the　kitchen。　



〃Gretchen。　Where　is　the　accomplished　and　beautiful　English

maiden？



Wilhelm。　　It　has　gone　to　the　opera。〃



To　continue　with　the　German　genders：　a　tree　is　male；　its　buds

are　female；　its　leaves　are　neuter；　horses　are　sexless；

dogs　are　male；　cats　are　femaletomcats　included；　of　course；

a　person's　mouth；　neck；　bosom；　elbows；　fingers；　nails；　feet；

and　body　are　of　the　male　sex；　and　his　head　is　male

or　neuter　according　to　the　word　selected　to　signify　it；

and　NOT　according　to　the　sex　of　the　individual　who　wears

itfor　in　Germany　all　the　women　either　male　heads　or

sexless　ones；　a　person's　nose；　lips；　shoulders；　breast；

hands；　and　toes　are　of　the　female　sex；　and　his　hair；

ears；　eyes；　chin；　legs；　knees；　heart；　and　conscience

haven't　any　sex　at　all。　　The　inventor　of　the　language

probably　got　what　he　knew　about　a　conscience　from　hearsay。　



Now；　by　the　above　dissection；　the　reader　will　see　that　in

Germany　a　man　may　THINK　he　is　a　man；　but　when　he　comes　to　look

into　the　matter　closely；　he　is　bound　to　have　his　doubts；

he　finds　that　in　sober　truth　he　is　a　most　ridiculous　mixture；

and　if　he　ends　by　trying　to　comfort　himself　with　the

thought　that　he　can　at　least　depend　on　a　third　of　this

mess　as　being　manly　and　masculine；　the　humiliating　second

thought　will　quickly　remind　him　that　in　this　respect

he　is　no　better　off　than　any　woman　or　cow　in　the　land。　



In　the　German　it　is　true　that　by　some　oversight　of　the　inventor

of　the　language；　a　Woman　is　a　female；　but　a　Wife　（Weib）

is　notwhich　is　unfortunate。　　A　Wife；　here；　has　no　sex；

she　is　neuter；　so；　according　to　the　grammar；　a　fish

is　HE；　his　scales　are　SHE；　but　a　fishwife　is　neither。　

To　describe　a　wife　as　sexless　may　be　called　under…description；

that　is　bad　enough；　but　over…description　is　surely　worse。　

A　German　speaks　of　an　Englishman　as　the　ENGLA〃NDER；　to　change

the　sex；　he　adds　INN；　and　that　stands　for　Englishwoman

ENGLA〃NDERINN。　That　seems　descriptive　enough；　but　still

it　is　not　exact　enough　for　a　German；　so　he　precedes　the

word　with　that　article　which　indicates　that　the　creature

to　follow　is　feminine；　and　writes　it　down　thus：　〃die

Engla〃nderinn；〃which　means　〃the　she…Englishwoman。〃

I　consider　that　that　person　is　over…described。



Well；　after　the　student　has　learned　the　sex　of　a　great

number　of　nouns；　he　is　still　in　a　difficulty；　because　he

finds　it　impossible　to　persuade　his　tongue　to　refer

to　things　as　〃he〃　and　〃she；〃　and　〃him〃　and　〃her；〃　which

it　has　been　always　accustomed　to　refer　to　it　as　〃it。〃

When　he　even　frames　a　German　sentence　in　his　mind；

with　the　hims　and　hers　in　the　right　places；　and　then　works

up　his　courage　to　the　utterance…point；　it　is　no　use

the　moment　he　begins　to　speak　his　tongue　files　the　track

and　all　those　labored　males　and　females　come　out　as　〃its。〃

And　even　when　he　is　reading　German　to　himself；　he　always

calls　those　things　〃it；〃　where　as　he　ought　to　read　in　this　way：



TALE　OF　THE　FISHWIFE　AND　ITS　SAD　FATE　＇2＇



2。　　I　capitalize　the　nouns；　in　the　German　（and

　　　　ancient　English）　fashion。　



It　is　a　bleak　Day。　　Hear　the　Rain；　how　he　pours；　and　the　Hail；

how　he　rattles；　and　see　the　Snow；　how　he　drifts　along；

and　of　the　Mud；　how　deep　he　is！　Ah　the　poor　Fishwife；

it　is　stuck　fast　in　the　Mire；　it　has　dropped　its　Basket

of　Fishes；　and　its　Hands　have　been　cut　by　the　Scales

as　it　seized　some　of　the　falling　Creatures；　and　one　Scale

has　even　got　into　its　Eye。　　and　it　cannot　get　her　out。　

It　opens　its　Mouth　to　cry　for　Help；　but　if　any　Sound　comes

out　of　him；　alas　he　is　drowned　by　the　raging　of　the　Storm。　

And　now　a　Tomcat　has　got　one　of　the　Fishes　and　she

will　surely　escape　with　him。　　No；　she　bites　off　a　Fin；

she　holds　her　in　her　Mouthwill　she　swallow　her？　No；

the　Fishwife's　brave　Mother…dog　deserts　his　Puppies　and

rescues　the　Finwhich　he　eats；　himself；　as　his　Reward。　

O；　horror；　the　Lightning　has　struck　the　Fish…basket；

he　sets　him　on　Fire；　see　the　Flame；　how　she　licks　the

doomed　Utensil　with　her　red　and　angry　Tongue；　now　she

attacks　the　helpless　Fishwife's　Footshe　burns　him　up；

all　but　the　big　Toe；　and　even　SHE　is　partly　consumed；

and　still　she　spreads；　still　she　waves　her　fiery　Tongues；

she　attacks　the　Fishwife's　Leg　and　destroys　IT；　she　attacks

its　Hand　and　destroys　HER　also；　she　attacks　the　Fishwife's　Leg

and　destroys　HER　also；　she　attacks　its　Body　and　consumes　HIM；

she　wreathes　herself　about　its　Heart　and　IT　is　consumed；

next　about　its　Breast；　and　in　a　Moment　SHE　is　a　Cinder；

now　she　reaches　its　NeckHe　goes；　now　its　Chin

IT　goes；　now　its　NoseSHE　goes。　　In　another　Moment；

except　Help　come；　the　Fishwife　will　be　no　more。　

Time　pressesis　there　none　to　succor　and　save？　Yes！　Joy；

joy；　with　flying　Feet　the　she…Englishwoman　comes！　But　alas；

the　generous　she…Female　is　too　late：　where　now　is

the　fated　Fishwife？　It　has　ceased　from　its　Sufferings；

it　has　gone　to　a　better　Land；　all　that　is　left　of　it

for　its　loved　Ones　to　lament　over；　is　this　poor　smoldering

Ash…heap。　Ah；　woeful；　woeful　Ash…heap！　Let　us　take　him

up　tenderly；　reverently；　upon　the　lowly　Shovel；　and　bear

him　to　his　long　Rest；　with　the　Prayer　that　when　he　rises

again　it　will　be　a　Realm　where　he　will　have　one　good　square

responsible　Sex；　and　have　it　all　to　himself；　instead　of

having　a　mangy　lot　of　assorted　Sexes　scattered　all　over　him

in　Spots。　



…



There；　now；　the　reader　can　see　for　himself　that　this　pronoun

business　is　a　very　awkward　thing　for　the　unaccustomed　tongue。　

I　suppose　that　in　all　languages　the　similarities　of　look

and　sound　between　words　which　have　no　similarity　in　meaning

are　a　fruitful　source　of　perplexity　to　the　foreigner。　

It　is　so　in　our　tongue；　and　it　is　notably　the　case　in

the　German。　　Now　there　is　that　troublesome　word　VERMA〃HLT：

to　me　it　has　so　close　a　resemblanceeither　real　or

fanciedto　three　or　four　other　words；　that　I　never　know

whether　it　means　despised；　painted；　suspected；　or　married；

until　I　look　in　the　dictionary；　and　then　I　find　it　means

the　latter。　　There　are　lots　of　such　words　and　they　are

a　great　torment。　　To　increase　the　difficulty　there　are

words　which　SEEM　to　resemble　each　other；　and　yet　do　not；

but　they　make　just　as　much　trouble　as　if　they　did。　

For　instance；　there　is　the　word　VERMIETHEN　（to　let；

to　lease；　to　hire）；　and　the　word　VERHEIRATHEN　（another　way

of　saying　to　marry）。　I　heard　of　an　Englishman　who　knocked

at　a　man's　door　in　Heidelberg　and　proposed；　in　the　best

German　he　could　command；　to　〃verheirathen〃　that　house。　

Then　there　are　some　words　which　mean　one　thing　when　you

emphasize　the　first　syllable；　but　mean　something　very

different　if　you　throw　the　emphasis　on　the　last　syllable。　

For　instance；　there　is　a　word　which　means　a　runaway；

or　the　act　of　glancing　through　a　book；　according　to　the

placing　of　the　emphasis；　and　another　word　which　signifies

to　ASSOCIATE　with　a　man；　or　to　AVOID　him；　according　to

where　you　put　the　emphasisand　you　can　generally　depend

on　putting　it　in　the　wrong　place　and　getting　into　trouble。　



There　are　some　exceedingly　useful　words　in　this　language。　

SCHLAG；　for　example；　and　ZUG。　　There　are　three…quarters

of　a　column　of　SCHLAGS　in　the　dictonary；　and　a　column

and　a　half　of　ZUGS。