don quixote(堂·吉珂德)-第44章

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that　the　bridegroom　entered　the　hall　in　his　usual　dress；　without
ornament　of　any　kind；　as　groomsman　he　had　with　him　a　cousin　of
Luscinda's　and　except　the　servants　of　the　house　there　was　no　one
else　in　the　chamber。　Soon　afterwards　Luscinda　came　out　from　an
antechamber；　attended　by　her　mother　and　two　of　her　damsels；　arrayed
and　adorned　as　became　her　rank　and　beauty；　and　in　full　festival　and
ceremonial　attire。　My　anxiety　and　distraction　did　not　allow　me　to
observe　or　notice　particularly　what　she　wore；　I　could　only　perceive
the　colours；　which　were　crimson　and　white；　and　the　glitter　of　the　gems
and　jewels　on　her　head　dress　and　apparel；　surpassed　by　the　rare　beauty
of　her　lovely　auburn　hair　that　vying　with　the　precious　stones　and
the　light　of　the　four　torches　that　stood　in　the　hall　shone　with　a
brighter　gleam　than　all。　Oh　memory；　mortal　foe　of　my　peace！　why
bring　before　me　now　the　incomparable　beauty　of　that　adored　enemy　of
mine？　Were　it　not　better；　cruel　memory；　to　remind　me　and　recall　what
she　then　did；　that　stirred　by　a　wrong　so　glaring　I　may　seek；　if　not
vengeance　now；　at　least　to　rid　myself　of　life？　Be　not　weary；　sirs；
of　listening　to　these　digressions；　my　sorrow　is　not　one　of　those
that　can　or　should　be　told　tersely　and　briefly；　for　to　me　each
incident　seems　to　call　for　many　words。〃
　　To　this　the　curate　replied　that　not　only　were　they　not　weary　of
listening　to　him；　but　that　the　details　he　mentioned　interested　them
greatly；　being　of　a　kind　by　no　means　to　be　omitted　and　deserving　of
the　same　attention　as　the　main　story。
　　〃To　proceed；　then；〃　continued　Cardenio：　〃all　being　assembled　in
the　hall；　the　priest　of　the　parish　came　in　and　as　he　took　the　pair
by　the　hand　to　perform　the　requisite　ceremony；　at　the　words；　'Will
you；　Senora　Luscinda；　take　Senor　Don　Fernando；　here　present；　for
your　lawful　husband；　as　the　holy　Mother　Church　ordains？'　I　thrust　my
head　and　neck　out　from　between　the　tapestries；　and　with　eager　ears　and
throbbing　heart　set　myself　to　listen　to　Luscinda's　answer；　awaiting　in
her　reply　the　sentence　of　death　or　the　grant　of　life。　Oh；　that　I　had
but　dared　at　that　moment　to　rush　forward　crying　aloud；　'Luscinda；
Luscinda！　have　a　care　what　thou　dost；　remember　what　thou　owest　me；
bethink　thee　thou　art　mine　and　canst　not　be　another's；　reflect　that
thy　utterance　of　〃Yes〃　and　the　end　of　my　life　will　come　at　the　same
instant。　O；　treacherous　Don　Fernando！　robber　of　my　glory；　death　of
my　life！　What　seekest　thou？　Remember　that　thou　canst　not　as　a
Christian　attain　the　object　of　thy　wishes；　for　Luscinda　is　my　bride；
and　I　am　her　husband！'　Fool　that　I　am！　now　that　I　am　far　away；　and　out
of　danger；　I　say　I　should　have　done　what　I　did　not　do：　now　that　I　have
allowed　my　precious　treasure　to　be　robbed　from　me；　I　curse　the　robber；
on　whom　I　might　have　taken　vengeance　had　I　as　much　heart　for　it　as　I
have　for　bewailing　my　fate；　in　short；　as　I　was　then　a　coward　and　a
fool；　little　wonder　is　it　if　I　am　now　dying　shame…stricken；
remorseful；　and　mad。
　　〃The　priest　stood　waiting　for　the　answer　of　Luscinda；　who　for　a　long
time　withheld　it；　and　just　as　I　thought　she　was　taking　out　the
dagger　to　save　her　honour；　or　struggling　for　words　to　make　some
declaration　of　the　truth　on　my　behalf；　I　heard　her　say　in　a　faint
and　feeble　voice；　'I　will：'　Don　Fernando　said　the　same；　and　giving　her
the　ring　they　stood　linked　by　a　knot　that　could　never　be　loosed。　The
bridegroom　then　approached　to　embrace　his　bride；　and　she；　pressing　her
hand　upon　her　heart；　fell　fainting　in　her　mother's　arms。　It　only
remains　now　for　me　to　tell　you　the　state　I　was　in　when　in　that　consent
that　I　heard　I　saw　all　my　hopes　mocked；　the　words　and　promises　of
Luscinda　proved　falsehoods；　and　the　recovery　of　the　prize　I　had　that
instant　lost　rendered　impossible　for　ever。　I　stood　stupefied；　wholly
abandoned；　it　seemed；　by　Heaven；　declared　the　enemy　of　the　earth
that　bore　me；　the　air　refusing　me　breath　for　my　sighs；　the　water
moisture　for　my　tears；　it　was　only　the　fire　that　gathered　strength
so　that　my　whole　frame　glowed　with　rage　and　jealousy。　They　were　all
thrown　into　confusion　by　Luscinda's　fainting；　and　as　her　mother　was
unlacing　her　to　give　her　air　a　sealed　paper　was　discovered　in　her
bosom　which　Don　Fernando　seized　at　once　and　began　to　read　by　the　light
of　one　of　the　torches。　As　soon　as　he　had　read　it　he　seated　himself
in　a　chair；　leaning　his　cheek　on　his　hand　in　the　attitude　of　one
deep　in　thought；　without　taking　any　part　in　the　efforts　that　were
being　made　to　recover　his　bride　from　her　fainting　fit。
　　〃Seeing　all　the　household　in　confusion；　I　ventured　to　come　out
regardless　whether　I　were　seen　or　not；　and　determined；　if　I　were；　to
do　some　frenzied　deed　that　would　prove　to　all　the　world　the
righteous　indignation　of　my　breast　in　the　punishment　of　the
treacherous　Don　Fernando；　and　even　in　that　of　the　fickle　fainting
traitress。　But　my　fate；　doubtless　reserving　me　for　greater　sorrows；　if
such　there　be；　so　ordered　it　that　just　then　I　had　enough　and　to
spare　of　that　reason　which　has　since　been　wanting　to　me；　and　so；
without　seeking　to　take　vengeance　on　my　greatest　enemies　（which
might　have　been　easily　taken；　as　all　thought　of　me　was　so　far　from
their　minds）；　I　resolved　to　take　it　upon　myself；　and　on　myself　to
inflict　the　pain　they　deserved；　perhaps　with　even　greater　severity
than　I　should　have　dealt　out　to　them　had　I　then　slain　them；　for　sudden
pain　is　soon　over；　but　that　which　is　protracted　by　tortures　is　ever
slaying　without　ending　life。　In　a　word；　I　quitted　the　house　and
reached　that　of　the　man　with　whom　I　had　left　my　mule；　I　made　him
saddle　it　for　me；　mounted　without　bidding　him　farewell；　and　rode　out
of　the　city；　like　another　Lot；　not　daring　to　turn　my　head　to　look　back
upon　it；　and　when　I　found　myself　alone　in　the　open　country；　screened
by　the　darkness　of　the　night；　and　tempted　by　the　stillness　to　give
vent　to　my　grief　without　apprehension　or　fear　of　being　heard　or
seen；　then　I　broke　silence　and　lifted　up　my　voice　in　maledictions　upon
Luscinda　and　Don　Fernando；　as　if　I　could　thus　avenge　the　wrong　they
had　done　me。　I　called　her　cruel；　ungrateful；　false；　thankless；　but
above　all　covetous；　since　the　wealth　of　my　enemy　had　blinded　the
eyes　of　her　affection；　and　turned　it　from　me　to　transfer　it　to　one
to　whom　fortune　had　been　more　generous　and　liberal。　And　yet；　in　the
midst　of　this　outburst　of　execration　and　upbraiding；　I　found　excuses
for　her；　saying　it　was　no　wonder　that　a　young　girl　in　the　seclusion　of
her　parents'　house；　trained　and　schooled　to　obey　them　always；　should
have　been　ready　to　yield　to　their　wishes　when　they　offered　her　for　a
husband　a　gentleman　of　such　distinction；　wealth；　and　noble　birth；　that
if　she　had　refused　to　accept　him　she　would　have　been　thought　out　of
her　senses；　or　to　have　set　her　affection　elsewhere；　a　suspicion
injurious　to　her　fair　name　and　fame。　But　then　again；　I　said；　had　she
declared　I　was　her　husband；　they　would　have　seen　that　in　choosing　me
she　had　not　chosen　so　ill　but　that　they　might　excuse　her；　for　before
Don　Fernando　had　made　his　offer；　they　themselves　could　not　have
desired；　if　their　desires　had　been　ruled　by　reason；　a　more　eligible
husband　for　their　daughter　than　I　was；　and　she；　before　taking　the　last
fatal　step　of　giving　her　hand；　might　easily　have　said　that　I　had
already　given　her　mine；　for　I　should　have　come　forward　to　support
any　assertion　of　hers　to　that　effect。　In　short；　I　came　to　the
conclusion　that　feeble　love；　little　reflection；　great　ambition；　and
a　craving　for　rank；　had　made　her　forget　the　words　with　which　she　had
deceived　me；　encouraged　and　supported　by　my　firm　hopes　and
honourable　passion。
　　〃Thus　soliloquising　and　agitated；　I　journeyed　onward　for　the
remainder　of　the　night；　and　by　daybreak　I　reached　one　of　the　passes　of
these　mountains；　among　which　I　wandered　for　three　days　more　without
taking　any　path　or　road；　until　I　came　to　some　meadows　lying　on　I
know　not　which　side　of　the　mountains；　and　there　I　inquired　of　some
herdsmen　in　what　direction　the　most　rugged　part　of　the　range　lay。　They
told　me　that　it　was　in　this　quarter；　and　I　at　once　directed　my
course　hither；　intending　to　end　my　life　here；　but　as　I　was　making　my
way　among　these　crags；　my　mule　dropped　dead　through　fatigue　and
hunger；　or；　as　I　think　more　likely；　in　order　to　have　done　with　such
a　worthless　burden　as　it　bore　in　me。　I　was　left　on　foot；　worn　out；
famishing；　without　anyone　to　help　me　or　any　thought　of　seeking　help：
and　so　thus　I　lay　stretched　on　the　ground；　how　long　I　know　not；
after　which　I　rose　up　free　from　hunger；　and　found　beside　me　some
goatherds；　who　no　doubt　were　the　persons　who　had　relieved　me　in　my
need；　for　they　told　me　how　they　had　found　me；　and　how　I　had　been
uttering　ravings　that　showed　plainly　I　had　lost　my　reason；　and　since
then　I　am　conscious　that　I　am　not　always　in　full　possession　of　it；　but
at　times　so　deranged　and　crazed　that　I　do　a　thousand　mad　things；
tearing　my　clothes；　crying　aloud　in　these　solitudes；　cursing　my
fate；　and　idly　calling　on　the　dear　name　of　her　who　is　my　enemy；　and
only　seeking　to　end　my　life　in　lamentation；　and　when　I　recover　my
senses　I　find　myself　so　exhausted　and　weary　that　I　can　scarcely
move。　Most　commonly　my　dwelling　is　the　hollow　of　a　cork　tree　large
enough　to　shelter　this　miserable　body；　the　herdsmen　and　goatherds
who　frequent　these　mountains；　moved　by　compassion；　furnish　me　with
food；　leaving　it　by　the　wayside　or　on　the　rocks；　where　they　think　I
may　perhaps　pass　and　find　it；　and　so；　even　though　I　may　be　then　out　of
my　senses；　the　wants　of　nature　teach　me　what　is　required　to　sustain
me；　and　make　me　crave　it　and　eager　to　take　it。　At　other　times；　so　they
tell　me　when　they　find　me　in　a　rational　mood；　I　sally　out　upon　the
road；　and　though　they　would　gladly　give　it　me；　I　snatch　food　by
force　from　the　shepherds　bringing　it　from　the　village　to　their　huts。
Thus　do　pass　the　wretched　life　that　remains　to　me；　until　it　be
Heaven's　will　to　bring　it　to　a　close；　or　so　to　order　my　memory　that
I　no　longer　recollect　the　beauty　and　treachery　of　Luscinda；　or　the
wrong　done　me　by　Don　Fernando；　for　if　it　will　do　this　without
depriving　me　of　life；　I　will　turn　my　thoughts　into　some　better
channel；　if　not；　I　can　only　implore　it　to　have　full　mercy　on　my
soul；　for　in　myself　I　feel　no　power　or　strength　to　release　my　body
from　this　strait　in　which　I　have　of　my　own　accord　chosen　to　place　it。
　　〃Such；　sirs；　is　the　dismal　story　of　my　misfortune：　say　if　it　be
one　that　can　be　told　with　less　emotion　than　you　have　seen　in　me；　and
do　not　trouble　yourselves　with　urging　or　pressing　upon　me　what
reason　suggests　as　likely　to　serve　for　my　relief；　for　it　will　avail　me
as　much　as　the　medicine　prescribed　by　a　wise　physician　avails　the　sick
man　who　will　not　take　it。　I　have　no　wish　for　health　without
Luscinda；　and　since　it　is　her　pleasure　to　be　another's；　when　she　is　or
should　be　mine；　let　it　be　mine　to　be　a　prey　to　misery　when　I　might
have　enjoyed　happiness。　She　by　her　fickleness　strove　to　make　my　ruin
irretrievable；　I　will　strive　to　gratify　her　wishes　by　seeking
destruction；　and　it　will　show　generations　to　come　that　I　alone　was
deprived　of　that　of　which　all　others　in　misfortune　have　a
superabundance；　for　to　them　the　impossibilit