don quixote(堂·吉珂德)-第46章

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weariness　of　spirit。　Such　was　the　life　I　led　in　my　parents'　house
and　if　I　have　depicted　it　thus　minutely；　it　is　not　out　of　ostentation；
or　to　let　you　know　that　I　am　rich；　but　that　you　may　see　how；　without
any　fault　of　mine；　I　have　fallen　from　the　happy　condition　I　have
described；　to　the　misery　I　am　in　at　present。　The　truth　is；　that
while　I　was　leading　this　busy　life；　in　a　retirement　that　might　compare
with　that　of　a　monastery；　and　unseen　as　I　thought　by　any　except　the
servants　of　the　house　（for　when　I　went　to　Mass　it　was　so　early　in
the　morning；　and　I　was　so　closely　attended　by　my　mother　and　the
women　of　the　household；　and　so　thickly　veiled　and　so　shy；　that　my　eyes
scarcely　saw　more　ground　than　I　trod　on）；　in　spite　of　all　this；　the
eyes　of　love；　or　idleness；　more　properly　speaking；　that　the　lynx's
cannot　rival；　discovered　me；　with　the　help　of　the　assiduity　of　Don
Fernando；　for　that　is　the　name　of　the　younger　son　of　the　duke　I　told
of。〃
　　The　moment　the　speaker　mentioned　the　name　of　Don　Fernando；
Cardenio　changed　colour　and　broke　into　a　sweat；　with　such　signs　of
emotion　that　the　curate　and　the　barber；　who　observed　it；　feared　that
one　of　the　mad　fits　which　they　heard　attacked　him　sometimes　was　coming
upon　him；　but　Cardenio　showed　no　further　agitation　and　remained　quiet；
regarding　the　peasant　girl　with　fixed　attention；　for　he　began　to
suspect　who　she　was。　She；　however；　without　noticing　the　excitement
of　Cardenio；　continuing　her　story；　went　on　to　say：
　　〃And　they　had　hardly　discovered　me；　when；　as　he　owned　afterwards；　he

was　smitten　with　a　violent　love　for　me；　as　the　manner　in　which　it
displayed　itself　plainly　showed。　But　to　shorten　the　long　recital　of　my
woes；　I　will　pass　over　in　silence　all　the　artifices　employed　by　Don
Fernando　for　declaring　his　passion　for　me。　He　bribed　all　the
household；　he　gave　and　offered　gifts　and　presents　to　my　parents；　every
day　was　like　a　holiday　or　a　merry…making　in　our　street；　by　night　no
one　could　sleep　for　the　music；　the　love　letters　that　used　to　come　to
my　hand；　no　one　knew　how；　were　innumerable；　full　of　tender　pleadings
and　pledges；　containing　more　promises　and　oaths　than　there　were
letters　in　them；　all　which　not　only　did　not　soften　me；　but　hardened　my
heart　against　him；　as　if　he　had　been　my　mortal　enemy；　and　as　if
everything　he　did　to　make　me　yield　were　done　with　the　opposite
intention。　Not　that　the　high…bred　bearing　of　Don　Fernando　was
disagreeable　to　me；　or　that　I　found　his　importunities　wearisome；　for
it　gave　me　a　certain　sort　of　satisfaction　to　find　myself　so　sought　and
prized　by　a　gentleman　of　such　distinction；　and　I　was　not　displeased　at
seeing　my　praises　in　his　letters　（for　however　ugly　we　women　may　be；　it
seems　to　me　it　always　pleases　us　to　hear　ourselves　called　beautiful）
but　that　my　own　sense　of　right　was　opposed　to　all　this；　as　well　as　the
repeated　advice　of　my　parents；　who　now　very　plainly　perceived　Don
Fernando's　purpose；　for　he　cared　very　little　if　all　the　world　knew　it。
They　told　me　they　trusted　and　confided　their　honour　and　good　name　to
my　virtue　and　rectitude　alone；　and　bade　me　consider　the　disparity
between　Don　Fernando　and　myself；　from　which　I　might　conclude　that
his　intentions；　whatever　he　might　say　to　the　contrary；　had　for　their
aim　his　own　pleasure　rather　than　my　advantage；　and　if　I　were　at　all
desirous　of　opposing　an　obstacle　to　his　unreasonable　suit；　they　were
ready；　they　said；　to　marry　me　at　once　to　anyone　I　preferred；　either
among　the　leading　people　of　our　own　town；　or　of　any　of　those　in　the
neighbourhood；　for　with　their　wealth　and　my　good　name；　a　match　might
be　looked　for　in　any　quarter。　This　offer；　and　their　sound　advice
strengthened　my　resolution；　and　I　never　gave　Don　Fernando　a　word　in
reply　that　could　hold　out　to　him　any　hope　of　success；　however　remote。
　　〃All　this　caution　of　mine；　which　he　must　have　taken　for　coyness；　had
apparently　the　effect　of　increasing　his　wanton　appetite…　for　that　is
the　name　I　give　to　his　passion　for　me；　had　it　been　what　he　declared　it
to　be；　you　would　not　know　of　it　now；　because　there　would　have　been
no　occasion　to　tell　you　of　it。　At　length　he　learned　that　my　parents
were　contemplating　marriage　for　me　in　order　to　put　an　end　to　his　hopes
of　obtaining　possession　of　me；　or　at　least　to　secure　additional
protectors　to　watch　over　me；　and　this　intelligence　or　suspicion　made
him　act　as　you　shall　hear。　One　night；　as　I　was　in　my　chamber　with　no
other　companion　than　a　damsel　who　waited　on　me；　with　the　doors
carefully　locked　lest　my　honour　should　be　imperilled　through　any
carelessness；　I　know　not　nor　can　conceive　how　it　happened；　but；　with
all　this　seclusion　and　these　precautions；　and　in　the　solitude　and
silence　of　my　retirement；　I　found　him　standing　before　me；　a　vision
that　so　astounded　me　that　it　deprived　my　eyes　of　sight；　and　my
tongue　of　speech。　I　had　no　power　to　utter　a　cry；　nor；　I　think；　did
he　give　me　time　to　utter　one；　as　he　immediately　approached　me；　and
taking　me　in　his　arms　（for；　overwhelmed　as　I　was；　I　was　powerless；　I
say；　to　help　myself）；　he　began　to　make　such　professions　to　me　that　I
know　not　how　falsehood　could　have　had　the　power　of　dressing　them　up　to
seem　so　like　truth；　and　the　traitor　contrived　that　his　tears　should
vouch　for　his　words；　and　his　sighs　for　his　sincerity。
　　〃I；　a　poor　young　creature　alone；　ill　versed　among　my　people　in　cases
such　as　this；　began；　I　know　not　how；　to　think　all　these　lying
protestations　true；　though　without　being　moved　by　his　sighs　and
tears　to　anything　more　than　pure　compassion；　and　so；　as　the　first
feeling　of　bewilderment　passed　away；　and　I　began　in　some　degree　to
recover　myself；　I　said　to　him　with　more　courage　than　I　thought　I　could
have　possessed；　'If；　as　I　am　now　in　your　arms；　senor；　I　were　in　the
claws　of　a　fierce　lion；　and　my　deliverance　could　be　procured　by
doing　or　saying　anything　to　the　prejudice　of　my　honour；　it　would　no
more　be　in　my　power　to　do　it　or　say　it；　than　it　would　be　possible　that
what　was　should　not　have　been；　so　then；　if　you　hold　my　body　clasped　in
your　arms；　I　hold　my　soul　secured　by　virtuous　intentions；　very
different　from　yours；　as　you　will　see　if　you　attempt　to　carry　them
into　effect　by　force。　I　am　your　vassal；　but　I　am　not　your　slave；
your　nobility　neither　has　nor　should　have　any　right　to　dishonour　or
degrade　my　humble　birth；　and　low…born　peasant　as　I　am；　I　have　my
self…respect　as　much　as　you；　a　lord　and　gentleman：　with　me　your
violence　will　be　to　no　purpose；　your　wealth　will　have　no　weight；
your　words　will　have　no　power　to　deceive　me；　nor　your　sighs　or　tears
to　soften　me：　were　I　to　see　any　of　the　things　I　speak　of　in　him　whom
my　parents　gave　me　as　a　husband；　his　will　should　be　mine；　and　mine
should　be　bounded　by　his；　and　my　honour　being　preserved　even　though　my
inclinations　were　not　would　willingly　yield　him　what　you；　senor；　would
now　obtain　by　force；　and　this　I　say　lest　you　should　suppose　that　any
but　my　lawful　husband　shall　ever　win　anything　of　me。'　'If　that；'
said　this　disloyal　gentleman；　'be　the　only　scruple　you　feel；　fairest
Dorothea'　（for　that　is　the　name　of　this　unhappy　being）；　'see　here　I
give　you　my　hand　to　be　yours；　and　let　Heaven；　from　which　nothing　is
hid；　and　this　image　of　Our　Lady　you　have　here；　be　witnesses　of　this
pledge。'〃
　　When　Cardenio　heard　her　say　she　was　called　Dorothea；　he　showed　fresh
agitation　and　felt　convinced　of　the　truth　of　his　former　suspicion；　but
he　was　unwilling　to　interrupt　the　story；　and　wished　to　hear　the　end　of
what　he　already　all　but　knew；　so　he　merely　said：
　　〃What！　is　Dorothea　your　name；　senora？　I　have　heard　of　another　of　the
same　name　who　can　perhaps　match　your　misfortunes。　But　proceed；
by…and…by　I　may　tell　you　something　that　will　astonish　you　as　much　as
it　will　excite　your　compassion。〃
　　Dorothea　was　struck　by　Cardenio's　words　as　well　as　by　his　strange
and　miserable　attire；　and　begged　him　if　he　knew　anything　concerning
her　to　tell　it　to　her　at　once；　for　if　fortune　had　left　her　any
blessing　it　was　courage　to　bear　whatever　calamity　might　fall　upon　her；
as　she　felt　sure　that　none　could　reach　her　capable　of　increasing　in
any　degree　what　she　endured　already。
　　〃I　would　not　let　the　occasion　pass；　senora；〃　replied　Cardenio；　〃of
telling　you　what　I　think；　if　what　I　suspect　were　the　truth；　but　so　far
there　has　been　no　opportunity；　nor　is　it　of　any　importance　to　you　to
know　it。〃
　　〃Be　it　as　it　may；〃　replied　Dorothea；　〃what　happened　in　my　story
was　that　Don　Fernando；　taking　an　image　that　stood　in　the　chamber；
placed　it　as　a　witness　of　our　betrothal；　and　with　the　most　binding
words　and　extravagant　oaths　gave　me　his　promise　to　become　my
husband；　though　before　he　had　made　an　end　of　pledging　himself　I　bade
him　consider　well　what　he　was　doing；　and　think　of　the　anger　his　father
would　feel　at　seeing　him　married　to　a　peasant　girl　and　one　of　his
vassals；　I　told　him　not　to　let　my　beauty；　such　as　it　was；　blind　him；
for　that　was　not　enough　to　furnish　an　excuse　for　his　transgression；
and　if　in　the　love　he　bore　me　he　wished　to　do　me　any　kindness；　it
would　be　to　leave　my　lot　to　follow　its　course　at　the　level　my
condition　required；　for　marriages　so　unequal　never　brought
happiness；　nor　did　they　continue　long　to　afford　the　enjoyment　they
began　with。
　　〃All　this　that　I　have　now　repeated　I　said　to　him；　and　much　more
which　I　cannot　recollect；　but　it　had　no　effect　in　inducing　him　to
forego　his　purpose；　he　who　has　no　intention　of　paying　does　not　trouble
himself　about　difficulties　when　he　is　striking　the　bargain。　At　the
same　time　I　argued　the　matter　briefly　in　my　own　mind；　saying　to
myself；　'I　shall　not　be　the　first　who　has　risen　through　marriage
from　a　lowly　to　a　lofty　station；　nor　will　Don　Fernando　be　the　first
whom　beauty　or；　as　is　more　likely；　a　blind　attachment；　has　led　to　mate
himself　below　his　rank。　Then；　since　I　am　introducing　no　new　usage　or
practice；　I　may　as　well　avail　myself　of　the　honour　that　chance
offers　me；　for　even　though　his　inclination　for　me　should　not　outlast
the　attainment　of　his　wishes；　I　shall　be；　after　all；　his　wife　before
God。　And　if　I　strive　to　repel　him　by　scorn；　I　can　see　that；　fair　means
failing；　he　is　in　a　mood　to　use　force；　and　I　shall　be　left　dishonoured
and　without　any　means　of　proving　my　innocence　to　those　who　cannot　know
how　innocently　I　have　come　to　be　in　this　position；　for　what
arguments　would　persuade　my　parents　that　this　gentleman　entered　my
chamber　without　my　consent？'
　　〃All　these　questions　and　answers　passed　through　my　mind　in　a　moment；
but　the　oaths　of　Don　Fernando；　the　witnesses　he　appealed　to；　the　tears
he　shed；　and　lastly　the　charms　of　his　person　and　his　high…bred
grace；　which；　accompanied　by　such　signs　of　genuine　love；　might　well
have　conquered　a　heart　even　more　free　and　coy　than　mine…　these　were
the　things　that　more　than　all　began　to　influence　me　and　lead　me
unawares　to　my　ruin。　I　called　my　waiting…maid　to　me；　that　there
might　be　a　witness　on　earth　besides　those　in　Heaven；　and　again　Don
Fernando　renewed　and　repeated　his　oaths；　invoked　as　witnesses　fresh
saints　in　addition　to　the　former　ones；　called　down　upon　himself　a
thousand　curses　hereafter　should　he　fail　to　keep　his　promise；　shed
more　tears；　redoubled　his　sighs　and　pressed　me　closer　in　his　arms；
from　which　he　had　never