half a life-time ago-第5章

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sound　of　〃Willie；　boo！　　Willie；　boo！〃







CHAPTER　III。







After　the　stun　of　the　blow　came　the　realization　of　the　consequences。


Susan　would　sit　for　hours　trying　patiently　to　recall　and　piece

together　fragments　of　recollection　and　consciousness　in　her　brother's

mind。　　She　would　let　him　go　and　pursue　some　senseless　bit　of　play；

and　wait　until　she　could　catch　his　eye　or　his　attention　again；　when

she　would　resume　her　self…imposed　task。　　Michael　complained　that　she

never　had　a　word　for　him；　or　a　minute　of　time　to　spend　with　him　now；

but　she　only　said　she　must　try；　while　there　was　yet　a　chance；　to

bring　back　her　brother's　lost　wits。　　As　for　marriage　in　this　state　of

uncertainty；　she　had　no　heart　to　think　of　it。　　Then　Michael　stormed；

and　absented　himself　for　two　or　three　days；　but　it　was　of　no　use。

When　he　came　back；　he　saw　that　she　had　been　crying　till　her　eyes　were

all　swollen　up；　and　he　gathered　from　Peggy's　scoldings　（which　she　did

not　spare　him）　that　Susan　had　eaten　nothing　since　he　went　away。　　But

she　was　as　inflexible　as　ever。



〃Not　just　yet。　　Only　not　just　yet。　　And　don't　say　again　that　I　do　not

love　you；〃　said　she；　suddenly　hiding　herself　in　his　arms。



And　so　matters　went　on　through　August。　　The　crop　of　oats　was　gathered

in；　the　wheat…field　was　not　ready　as　yet；　when　one　fine　day　Michael

drove　up　in　a　borrowed　shandry；　and　offered　to　take　Willie　a　ride。

His　manner；　when　Susan　asked　him　where　he　was　going　to；　was　rather

confused；　but　the　answer　was　straight　and　clear　enough。



He　had　business　in　Ambleside。　　He　would　never　lose　sight　of　the　lad；

and　have　him　back　safe　and　sound　before　dark。　　So　Susan　let　him　go。



Before　night　they　were　at　home　again：　　Willie　in　high　delight　at　a

little　rattling　paper　windmill　that　Michael　had　bought　for　him　in　the

street；　and　striving　to　imitate　this　new　sound　with　perpetual

buzzings。　　Michael；　too；　looked　pleased。　　Susan　knew　the　look；

although　afterwards　she　remembered　that　he　had　tried　to　veil　it　from

her；　and　had　assumed　a　grave　appearance　of　sorrow　whenever　he　caught

her　eye。　　He　put　up　his　horse；　for；　although　he　had　three　miles

further　to　go；　the　moon　was　upthe　bonny　harvest…moonand　he　did

not　care　how　late　he　had　to　drive　on　such　a　road　by　such　a　light。

After　the　supper　which　Susan　had　prepared　for　the　travellers　was

over；　Peggy　went　up…stairs　to　see　Willie　safe　in　bed；　for　he　had　to

have　the　same　care　taken　of　him　that　a　little　child　of　four　years　old

requires。



Michael　drew　near　to　Susan。



〃Susan；〃　said　he；　〃I　took　Will　to　see　Dr。　Preston；　at　Kendal。　　He's

the　first　doctor　in　the　county。　　I　thought　it　were　better　for　usfor

youto　know　at　once　what　chance　there　were　for　him。〃



〃Well！〃　said　Susan；　looking　eagerly　up。　　She　saw　the　same　strange

glance　of　satisfaction；　the　same　instant　change　to　apparent　regret

and　pain。　　〃What　did　he　say？〃　said　she。　　〃Speak！　can't　you？〃



〃He　said　he　would　never　get　better　of　his　weakness。〃



〃Never！〃



〃No；　never。　　It's　a　long　word；　and　hard　to　bear。　　And　there's　worse

to　come；　dearest。　　The　doctor　thinks　he　will　get　badder　from　year　to

year。　　And　he　said；　if　he　was　usyouhe　would　send　him　off　in　time

to　Lancaster　Asylum。　　They've　ways　there　both　of　keeping　such　people

in　order　and　making　them　happy。　　I　only　tell　you　what　he　said；〃

continued　he；　seeing　the　gathering　storm　in　her　face。



〃There　was　no　harm　in　his　saying　it；〃　she　replied；　with　great　self…

constraint；　forcing　herself　to　speak　coldly　instead　of　angrily。

〃Folk　is　welcome　to　their　opinions。〃



They　sat　silent　for　a　minute　or　two；　her　breast　heaving　with

suppressed　feeling。



〃He's　counted　a　very　clever　man；〃　said　Michael　at　length。



〃He　may　be。　　He's　none　of　my　clever　men；　nor　am　I　going　to　be　guided

by　him；　whatever　he　may　think。　　And　I　don't　thank　them　that　went　and

took　my　poor　lad　to　have　such　harsh　notions　formed　about　him。　　If　I'd

been　there；　I　could　have　called　out　the　sense　that　is　in　him。〃



〃Well！　　I'll　not　say　more　to…night；　Susan。　　You're　not　taking　it

rightly；　and　I'd　best　be　gone；　and　leave　you　to　think　it　over。　　I'll

not　deny　they　are　hard　words　to　hear；　but　there's　sense　in　them；　as　I

take　it；　and　I　reckon　you'll　have　to　come　to　'em。　　Anyhow；　it's　a　bad

way　of　thanking　me　for　my　pains；　and　I　don't　take　it　well　in　you；

Susan；〃　said　he；　getting　up；　as　if　offended。



〃Michael；　I'm　beside　myself　with　sorrow。　　Don't　blame　me　if　I　speak

sharp。　　He　and　me　is　the　only　ones；　you　see。　　And　mother　did　so

charge　me　to　have　a　care　of　him！　　And　this　is　what　he's　come　to；　poor

lile　chap！〃　　She　began　to　cry；　and　Michael　to　comfort　her　with

caresses。



〃Don't；〃　said　she。　　〃It's　no　use　trying　to　make　me　forget　poor　Willie

is　a　natural。　　I　could　hate　myself　for　being　happy　with　you；　even　for

just　a　little　minute。　　Go　away；　and　leave　me　to　face　it　out。〃



〃And　you'll　think　it　over；　Susan；　and　remember　what　the　doctor　says？〃



〃I　can't　forget；〃　said　she。　　She　meant　she　could　not　forget　what　the

doctor　had　said　about　the　hopelessness　of　her　brother's　case；　Michael

had　referred　to　the　plan　of　sending　Willie　to　an　asylum；　or　madhouse；

as　they　were　called　in　that　day　and　place。　　The　idea　had　been

gathering　force　in　Michael's　mind　for　some　time；　he　had　talked　it

over　with　his　father；　and　secretly　rejoiced　over　the　possession　of

the　farm　and　land　which　would　then　be　his　in　fact；　if　not　in　law；　by

right　of　his　wife。　　He　had　always　considered　the　good　penny　her

father　could　give　her　in　his　catalogue　of　Susan's　charms　and

attractions。　　But　of　late　he　had　grown　to　esteem　her　as　the　heiress

of　Yew　Nook。　　He；　too；　should　have　land　like　his　brotherland　to

possess；　to　cultivate；　to　make　profit　from；　to　bequeath。　　For　some

time　he　had　wondered　that　Susan　had　been　so　much　absorbed　in　Willie's

present；　that　she　had　never　seemed　to　look　forward　to　his　future；

state。　　Michael　had　long　felt　the　boy　to　be　a　trouble；　but　of　late　he

had　absolutely　loathed　him。　　His　gibbering；　his　uncouth　gestures；　his

loose；　shambling　gait；　all　irritated　Michael　inexpressibly。　　He　did

not　come　near　the　Yew　Nook　for　a　couple　of　days。　　He　thought　that　he

would　leave　her　time　to　become　anxious　to　see　him　and　reconciled　to

his　plan。　　They　were　strange　lonely　days　to　Susan。　　They　were　the

first　she　had　spent　face　to　face　with　the　sorrows　that　had　turned　her

from　a　girl　into　a　woman；　for　hitherto　Michael　had　never　let　twenty…

four　hours　pass　by　without　coming　to　see　her　since　she　had　had　the

fever。　　Now　that　he　was　absent；　it　seemed　as　though　some　cause　of

irritation　was　removed　from　Will；　who　was　much　more　gentle　and

tractable　than　he　had　been　for　many　weeks。　　Susan　thought　that　she

observed　him　making　efforts　at　her　bidding；　and　there　was　something

piteous　in　the　way　in　which　he　crept　up　to　her；　and　looked　wistfully

in　her　face；　as　if　asking　her　to　restore　him　the　faculties　that　he

felt　to　be　wanting。



〃I　never　will　let　thee　go；　lad。　　Never！　　There's　no　knowing　where

they　would　take　thee　to；　or　what　they　would　do　with　thee。　　As　it　says

in　the　Bible；　'Nought　but　death　shall　part　thee　and　me！'〃



The　country…side　was　full；　in　those　days；　of　stories　of　the　brutal

treatment　offered　to　the　insane；　stories　that　were；　in　fact；　but　too

well　founded；　and　the　truth　of　one　of　which　only　would　have　been　a

sufficient　reason　for　the　strong　prejudice　existing　against　all　such

places。　　Each　succeeding　hour　that　Susan　passed；　alone；　or　with　the

poor　affectionate　lad　for　her　sole　companion；　served　to　deepen　her

solemn　resolution　never　to　part　with　him。　　So；　when　Michael　came；　he

was　annoyed　and　surprised　by　the　calm　way　in　which　she　spoke；　as　if

following　Dr。　Preston's　advice　was　utterly　and　entirely　out　of　the

question。　　He　had　expected　nothing　less　than　a　consent；　reluctant　it

might　be；　but　still　a　consent；　and　he　was　extremely　irritated。　　He

could　have　repressed　his　anger；　but　he　chose　rather　to　give　way　to

it；　thinking　that　he　could　thus　best　work　upon　Susan's　affection；　so

as　to　gain　his　point。　　But；　somehow；　he　over…reached　himself；　and　now

he　was　astonished　in　his　turn　at　the　passion　of　indignation　that　she

burst　into。



〃Thou　wilt　not　bide　in　the　same　house　with　him；　say'st　thou？　　There's

no　need　for　thy　biding；　as　far　as　I　can　tell。　　There's　solemn　reason

why　I　should　bide　with　my　own　flesh　and　blood　and　keep　to　the　word　I

pledged　my　mother　on　her　death…bed；　but；　as　for　thee；　there's　no　tie

that　I　know　on　to　keep　thee　fro'　going　to　America　or　Botany　Bay　this

very　night；　if　that　were　thy　inclination。　　I　will　have　no　more　of

your　threats　to　make　me　send　my　bairn　away。　　If　thou　marry　me；

thou'lt　help　me　to　take　charge　of　Willie。　　If　thou　doesn't　choose　to

marry　me　on　those　termswhy；　I　can　snap　my　fingers　at　thee；　never

fear。　　I'm　not　so　far　gone　in　love　as　that。　　But　I　will　not　have

thee；　if　thou　say'st　in　such　a　hectoring　way　that　Willie　must　go　out

of　the　houseand　the　house　his　own　toobefore　thoul't　set　foot　in

it。　　Willie　bides　here；　and　I　bide　with　him。〃



〃Thou　hast　may…be　spoken　a　word　too　much；〃　said　Michael；　pale　with

rage。　　〃If　I　am　free；　as　thou　say'st；　to　go　to　Canada；　or　Botany　Bay；

I　reckon　I'm　free　to　live　where　I　like；　and　that　will　not　be　with　a

natural　who　may　turn　into　a　madman　some　day；　for　aught　I　know。

Choose　between　him　and　me；　Susy；　for　I　swear　to　thee；　thou　shan't

have　both。〃



〃I　have　chosen；〃　said　Susan；　now　perfectly　composed　and　still。

〃Whatever　comes　of　it；　I　bide　with　Willie。〃



〃Very　well；〃　replied　Michael；　trying　to　assume　an　equal　composure　of

manner。　　〃Then　I'll　wish　you　a　very　good　night。〃　　He　went　out　of　the

house　door；　half…expecting　to　be　called　back　again；　but；　instead；　he

heard　a　hasty　step　inside；　and　a　bolt　drawn。



〃Whew！〃　said　he　to　himself；　〃I　think　I　must　leave　my　lady　alone　for　a

week　or　two；　and　give　her　time　to　come　to　her　senses。　　She'll　not

find　it　so　easy　as　she　thinks　to　let　me　go。〃



So　he　went　past　the　kitchen…window　in　nonchalant　style；　and　was　not

seen　again　at　Yew　Nook　for　some　weeks。　　How　did　he　pass　the　time？

For　the　first　day　or　two；　he　was　unusually　cross　with　all　things　and

people　that　came　athwart　him。　　Then　wheat…harvest　began；　and　he　was

busy；　and　exultant　about　his　heavy　crop。　　Then　a　man　came　from　a

distance　to　bid　for　the　lease　of　his　farm；　which；　by　his　father's

advice；　had　been　offered　for　sale；　as　he　himself　was　so　soon　likely

to　remove　to　the　Yew　Nook。　　He　had　so　little　idea　that　Susan　really

would　remain　firm　to　her　determination；　that　he　at　once　began　to

haggle　with　the　man　who　came　after　his　farm；　showed　him　the　crop　just

got　in；　and　managed　skilfully　enough　to　make　a　good　bargain　for

himself。　　Of　course；　the　bargain　had　to　be　sealed　at　the　public…

house；　and　the　companions　he　met　with　there　soon　became　friends

enough　to　tempt　him　into　Langdale；　where　again　he　met　with　Eleanor

Hebthwaite。



How　did　Susan　pass　the