half a life-time ago-第6章

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enough　to　tempt　him　into　Langdale；　where　again　he　met　with　Eleanor

Hebthwaite。



How　did　Susan　pass　the　time？　　For　the　first　day　or　so；　she　was　too

angry　and　offended　to　cry。　　She　went　about　her　household　duties　in　a

quick；　sharp；　jerking；　yet　absent　way；　shrinking　one　moment　from

Will；　overwhelming　him　with　remorseful　caresses　the　next。　　The　third

day　of　Michael's　absence；　she　had　the　relief　of　a　good　fit　of　crying；

and　after　that；　she　grew　softer　and　more　tender；　she　felt　how　harshly

she　had　spoken　to　him；　and　remembered　how　angry　she　had　been。　　She

made　excuses　for　him。　　〃It　was　no　wonder；〃　she　said　to　herself；　〃that

he　had　been　vexed　with　her；　and　no　wonder　he　would　not　give　in；　when

she　had　never　tried　to　speak　gently　or　to　reason　with　him。　　She　was

to　blame；　and　she　would　tell　him　so；　and　tell　him　once　again　all　that

her　mother　had　bade　her　to　be　to　Willie；　and　all　the　horrible　stories

she　had　heard　about　madhouses；　and　he　would　be　on　her　side　at　once。〃



And　so　she　watched　for　his　coming；　intending　to　apologise　as　soon　as

ever　she　saw　him。　　She　hurried　over　her　household　work；　in　order　to

sit　quietly　at　her　sewing；　and　hear　the　first　distant　sound　of　his

well…known　step　or　whistle。　　But　even　the　sound　of　her　flying　needle

seemed　too　loudperhaps　she　was　losing　an　exquisite　instant　of

anticipation；　so　she　stopped　sewing；　and　looked　longingly　out　through

the　geranium　leaves；　in　order　that　her　eye　might　catch　the　first　stir

of　the　branches　in　the　wood…path　by　which　he　generally　came。　　Now　and

then　a　bird　might　spring　out　of　the　covert；　otherwise　the　leaves　were

heavily　still　in　the　sultry　weather　of　early　autumn。　　Then　she　would

take　up　her　sewing；　and；　with　a　spasm　of　resolution；　she　would

determine　that　a　certain　task　should　be　fulfilled　before　she　would

again　allow　herself　the　poignant　luxury　of　expectation。　　Sick　at

heart　was　she　when　the　evening　closed　in；　and　the　chances　of　that　day

diminished。　　Yet　she　stayed　up　longer　than　usual；　thinking　that　if　he

were　comingif　he　were　only　passing　along　the　distant　roadthe

sight　of　a　light　in　the　window　might　encourage　him　to　make　his

appearance　even　at　that　late　hour；　while　seeing　the　house　all

darkened　and　shut　up　might　quench　any　such　intention。



Very　sick　and　weary　at　heart；　she　went　to　bed；　too　desolate　and

despairing　to　cry；　or　make　any　moan。　　But　in　the　morning　hope　came

afresh。　　Another　dayanother　chance！　　And　so　it　went　on　for　weeks。

Peggy　understood　her　young　mistress's　sorrow　full　well；　and　respected

it　by　her　silence　on　the　subject。　　Willie　seemed　happier　now　that　the

irritation　of　Michael's　presence　was　removed；　for　the　poor　idiot　had

a　sort　of　antipathy　to　Michael；　which　was　a　kind　of　heart's　echo　to

the　repugnance　in　which　the　latter　held　him。　　Altogether；　just　at

this　time；　Willie　was　the　happiest　of　the　three。



As　Susan　went　into　Coniston；　to　sell　her　butter；　one　Saturday；　some

inconsiderate　person　told　her　that　she　had　seen　Michael　Hurst　the

night　before。　　I　said　inconsiderate；　but　I　might　rather　have　said

unobservant；　for　any　one　who　had　spent　half…an…hour　in　Susan　Dixon's

company　might　have　seen　that　she　disliked　having　any　reference　made

to　the　subjects　nearest　her　heart；　were　they　joyous　or　grievous。　　Now

she　went　a　little　paler　than　usual　（and　she　had　never　recovered　her

colour　since　she　had　had　the　fever）；　and　tried　to　keep　silence。　　But

an　irrepressible　pang　forced　out　the　question　…



〃Where？〃



〃At　Thomas　Applethwaite's；　in　Langdale。　　They　had　a　kind　of　harvest…

home；　and　he　were　there　among　the　young　folk；　and　very　thick　wi'

Nelly　Hebthwaite；　old　Thomas's　niece。　　Thou'lt　have　to　look　after　him

a　bit；　Susan！〃



She　neither　smiled　nor　sighed。　　The　neighbour　who　had　been　speaking

to　her　was　struck　with　the　gray　stillness　of　her　face。　　Susan　herself

felt　how　well　her　self…command　was　obeyed　by　every　little　muscle；　and

said　to　herself　in　her　Spartan　manner；　〃I　can　bear　it　without　either

wincing　or　blenching。〃　　She　went　home　early；　at　a　tearing；　passionate

pace；　trampling　and　breaking　through　all　obstacles　of　briar　or　bush。

Willie　was　moping　in　her　absencehanging　listlessly　on　the　farm…yard

gate　to　watch　for　her。　　When　he　saw　her；　he　set　up　one　of　his

strange；　inarticulate　cries；　of　which　she　was　now　learning　the

meaning；　and　came　towards　her　with　his　loose；　galloping　run；　head　and

limbs　all　shaking　and　wagging　with　pleasant　excitement。　　Suddenly　she

turned　from　him；　and　burst　into　tears。　　She　sat　down　on　a　stone　by

the　wayside；　not　a　hundred　yards　from　home；　and　buried　her　face　in

her　hands；　and　gave　way　to　a　passion　of　pent…up　sorrow；　so　terrible

and　full　of　agony　were　her　low　cries；　that　the　idiot　stood　by　her；

aghast　and　silent。　　All　his　joy　gone　for　the　time；　but　not；　like　her

joy；　turned　into　ashes。　　Some　thought　struck　him。　　Yes！　the　sight　of

her　woe　made　him　think；　great　as　the　exertion　was。　　He　ran；　and

stumbled；　and　shambled　home；　buzzing　with　his　lips　all　the　time。　　She

never　missed　him。　　He　came　back　in　a　trice；　bringing　with　him　his

cherished　paper　windmill；　bought　on　that　fatal　day　when　Michael　had

taken　him　into　Kendal　to　have　his　doom　of　perpetual　idiocy

pronounced。　　He　thrust　it　into　Susan's　face；　her　hands；　her　lap；

regardless　of　the　injury　his　frail　plaything　thereby　received。　　He

leapt　before　her　to　think　how　he　had　cured　all　heart…sorrow；　buzzing

louder　than　ever。　　Susan　looked　up　at　him；　and　that　glance　of　her　sad

eyes　sobered　him。　　He　began　to　whimper；　he　knew　not　why：　　and　she

now；　comforter　in　her　turn；　tried　to　soothe　him　by　twirling　his

windmill。　　But　it　was　broken；　it　made　no　noise；　it　would　not　go

round。　　This　seemed　to　afflict　Susan　more　than　him。　　She　tried　to

make　it　right；　although　she　saw　the　task　was　hopeless；　and　while　she

did　so；　the　tears　rained　down　unheeded　from　her　bent　head　on　the

paper　toy。



〃It　won't　do；〃　said　she；　at　last。　　〃It　will　never　do　again。〃　　And；

somehow；　she　took　the　accident　and　her　words　as　omens　of　the　love

that　was　broken；　and　that　she　feared　could　never　be　pieced　together

more。　　She　rose　up　and　took　Willie's　hand；　and　the　two　went　slowly

into　the　house。



To　her　surprise；　Michael　Hurst　sat　in　the　house…place。　　House…place

is　a　sort　of　better　kitchen；　where　no　cookery　is　done；　but　which　is

reserved　for　state　occasions。　　Michael　had　gone　in　there　because　he

was　accompanied　by　his　only　sister；　a　woman　older　than　himself；　who

was　well　married　beyond　Keswick；　and　who　now　came　for　the　first　time

to　make　acquaintance　with　Susan。　　Michael　had　primed　his　sister　with

his　wishes　regarding　Will；　and　the　position　in　which　he　stood　with

Susan；　and　arriving　at　Yew　Nook　in　the　absence　of　the　latter；　he　had

not　scrupled　to　conduct　his　sister　into　the　guest…room；　as　he　held

Mrs。　Gale's　worldly　position　in　respect　and　admiration；　and　therefore

wished　her　to　be　favourably　impressed　with　all　the　signs　of　property

which　he　was　beginning　to　consider　as　Susan's　greatest　charms。　　He

had　secretly　said　to　himself；　that　if　Eleanor　Hebthwaite　and　Susan

Dixon　were　equal　in　point　of　riches；　he　would　sooner　have　Eleanor　by

far。　　He　had　begun　to　consider　Susan　as　a　termagant；　and　when　he

thought　of　his　intercourse　with　her；　recollections　of　her　somewhat

warm　and　hasty　temper　came　far　more　readily　to　his　mind　than　any

remembrance　of　her　generous；　loving　nature。



And　now　she　stood　face　to　face　with　him；　her　eyes　tear…swollen；　her

garments　dusty；　and　here　and　there　torn　in　consequence　of　her　rapid

progress　through　the　bushy　by…paths。　　She　did　not　make　a　favourable

impression　on　the　well…clad　Mrs。　Gale；　dressed　in　her　best　silk　gown；

and　therefore　unusually　susceptible　to　the　appearance　of　another。

Nor　were　Susan's　manners　gracious　or　cordial。　　How　could　they　be；

when　she　remembered　what　had　passed　between　Michael　and　herself　the

last　time　they　met？　　For　her　penitence　had　faded　away　under　the　daily

disappointment　of　these　last　weary　weeks。



But　she　was　hospitable　in　substance。　　She　bade　Peggy　hurry　on　the

kettle；　and　busied　herself　among　the　tea…cups；　thankful　that　the

presence　of　Mrs。　Gale；　as　a　stranger；　would　prevent　the　immediate

recurrence　to　the　one　subject　which　she　felt　must　be　present　in

Michael's　mind　as　well　as　in　her　own。　　But　Mrs。　Gale　was　withheld　by

no　such　feelings　of　delicacy。　　She　had　come　ready…primed　with　the

case；　and　had　undertaken　to　bring　the　girl　to　reason。　　There　was　no

time　to　be　lost。　　It　had　been　prearranged　between　the　brother　and

sister　that　he　was　to　stroll　out　into　the　farm…yard　before　his　sister

introduced　the　subject；　but　she　was　so　confident　in　the　success　of

her　arguments；　that　she　must　needs　have　the　triumph　of　a　victory　as

soon　as　possible；　and；　accordingly；　she　brought　a　hail…storm　of　good

reasons　to　bear　upon　Susan。　　Susan　did　not　reply　for　a　long　time；　she

was　so　indignant　at　this　intermeddling　of　a　stranger　in　the　deep

family　sorrow　and　shame。　　Mrs。　Gale　thought　she　was　gaining　the　day；

and　urged　her　arguments　more　pitilessly。　　Even　Michael　winced　for

Susan；　and　wondered　at　her　silence。　　He　shrank　out　of　sight；　and　into

the　shadow；　hoping　that　his　sister　might　prevail；　but　annoyed　at　the

hard　way　in　which　she　kept　putting　the　case。



Suddenly　Susan　turned　round　from　the　occupation　she　had　pretended　to

be　engaged　in；　and　said　to　him　in　a　low　voice；　which　yet　not　only

vibrated　itself；　but　made　its　hearers　thrill　through　all　their

obtuseness：



〃Michael　Hurst！　does　your　sister　speak　truth；　think　you？〃



Both　women　looked　at　him　for　his　answer；　Mrs。　Gale　without　anxiety；

for　had　she　not　said　the　very　words　they　had　spoken　together　before？

had　she　not　used　the　very　arguments　that　he　himself　had　suggested？

Susan；　on　the　contrary；　looked　to　his　answer　as　settling　her　doom　for

life；　and　in　the　gloom　of　her　eyes　you　might　have　read　more　despair

than　hope。



He　shuffled　his　position。　　He　shuffled　in　his　words。



〃What　is　it　you　ask？　　My　sister　has　said　many　things。〃



〃I　ask　you；〃　said　Susan；　trying　to　give　a　crystal　clearness　both　to

her　expressions　and　her　pronunciation；　〃if；　knowing　as　you　do　how

Will　is　afflicted；　you　will　help　me　to　take　that　charge　of　him　which

I　promised　my　mother　on　her　death…bed　that　I　would　do；　and　which

means；　that　I　shall　keep　him　always　with　me；　and　do　all　in　my　power

to　make　his　life　happy。　　If　you　will　do　this；　I　will　be　your　wife；　if

not；　I　remain　unwed。〃



〃But　he　may　get　dangerous；　he　can　be　but　a　trouble；　his　being　here　is

a　pain　to　you；　Susan；　not　a　pleasure。〃



〃I　ask　you　for　either　yes　or　no；〃　said　she；　a　little　contempt　at　his

evading　her　question　mingling　with　her　tone。　　He　perceived　it；　and　it

nettled　him。



〃And　I　have　told　you。　　I　answered　your　question　the　last　time　I　was

here。　　I　said　I　would　ne'er　keep　house　with　an　idiot；　no　more　I　will。

So　now　you've　gotten　your　answer。〃



〃I　have；〃　said　Susan。　　And　she　sighed　deeply。



〃Com