mudfog+-第11章

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presenting　a　copy　with　every　copy　of　your　next　number。　　I　enclose

it。



＇Picture　which　cannot　be　reproduced＇



The　under…beadle　has　consented　to　write　his　life；　but　it　is　to　be

strictly　anonymous。



'The　accompanying　likeness　is　of　course　from　the　life；　and　complete

in　every　respect。　　Even　if　I　had　been　totally　ignorant　of　the　man's

real　character；　and　it　had　been　placed　before　me　without　remark；　I

should　have　shuddered　involuntarily。　　There　is　an　intense　malignity

of　expression　in　the　features；　and　a　baleful　ferocity　of　purpose　in

the　ruffian's　eye；　which　appals　and　sickens。　　His　whole　air　is

rampant　with　cruelty；　nor　is　the　stomach　less　characteristic　of　his

demoniac　propensities。'



'MONDAY。



'The　great　day　has　at　length　arrived。　　I　have　neither　eyes；　nor

ears；　nor　pens；　nor　ink；　nor　paper；　for　anything　but　the　wonderful

proceedings　that　have　astounded　my　senses。　　Let　me　collect　my

energies　and　proceed　to　the　account。





'SECTION　A。　…　ZOOLOGY　AND　BOTANY。

FRONT　PARLOUR；　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE。





PRESIDENT　…　Sir　William　Joltered。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Mr。

Muddlebranes　and　Mr。　Drawley。



'MR。　X。　X。　MISTY　communicated　some　remarks　on　the　disappearance　of

dancing…bears　from　the　streets　of　London；　with　observations　on　the

exhibition　of　monkeys　as　connected　with　barrel…organs。　　The　writer

had　observed；　with　feelings　of　the　utmost　pain　and　regret；　that

some　years　ago　a　sudden　and　unaccountable　change　in　the　public

taste　took　place　with　reference　to　itinerant　bears；　who；　being

discountenanced　by　the　populace；　gradually　fell　off　one　by　one　from

the　streets　of　the　metropolis；　until　not　one　remained　to　create　a

taste　for　natural　history　in　the　breasts　of　the　poor　and

uninstructed。　　One　bear；　indeed；　…　a　brown　and　ragged　animal；　…　had

lingered　about　the　haunts　of　his　former　triumphs；　with　a　worn　and

dejected　visage　and　feeble　limbs；　and　had　essayed　to　wield　his

quarter…staff　for　the　amusement　of　the　multitude；　but　hunger；　and

an　utter　want　of　any　due　recompense　for　his　abilities；　had　at

length　driven　him　from　the　field；　and　it　was　only　too　probable　that

he　had　fallen　a　sacrifice　to　the　rising　taste　for　grease。　　He

regretted　to　add　that　a　similar；　and　no　less　lamentable；　change　had

taken　place　with　reference　to　monkeys。　　These　delightful　animals

had　formerly　been　almost　as　plentiful　as　the　organs　on　the　tops　of

which　they　were　accustomed　to　sit；　the　proportion　in　the　year　1829

（it　appeared　by　the　parliamentary　return）　being　as　one　monkey　to

three　organs。　　Owing；　however；　to　an　altered　taste　in　musical

instruments；　and　the　substitution；　in　a　great　measure；　of　narrow

boxes　of　music　for　organs；　which　left　the　monkeys　nothing　to　sit

upon；　this　source　of　public　amusement　was　wholly　dried　up。

Considering　it　a　matter　of　the　deepest　importance；　in　connection

with　national　education；　that　the　people　should　not　lose　such

opportunities　of　making　themselves　acquainted　with　the　manners　and

customs　of　two　most　interesting　species　of　animals；　the　author

submitted　that　some　measures　should　be　immediately　taken　for　the

restoration　of　these　pleasing　and　truly　intellectual　amusements。



'THE　PRESIDENT　inquired　by　what　means　the　honourable　member

proposed　to　attain　this　most　desirable　end？



'THE　AUTHOR　submitted　that　it　could　be　most　fully　and

satisfactorily　accomplished；　if　Her　Majesty's　Government　would

cause　to　be　brought　over　to　England；　and　maintained　at　the　public

expense；　and　for　the　public　amusement；　such　a　number　of　bears　as

would　enable　every　quarter　of　the　town　to　be　visited　…　say　at　least

by　three　bears　a　week。　　No　difficulty　whatever　need　be　experienced

in　providing　a　fitting　place　for　the　reception　of　these　animals；　as

a　commodious　bear…garden　could　be　erected　in　the　immediate

neighbourhood　of　both　Houses　of　Parliament；　obviously　the　most

proper　and　eligible　spot　for　such　an　establishment。



'PROFESSOR　MULL　doubted　very　much　whether　any　correct　ideas　of

natural　history　were　propagated　by　the　means　to　which　the

honourable　member　had　so　ably　adverted。　　On　the　contrary；　he

believed　that　they　had　been　the　means　of　diffusing　very　incorrect

and　imperfect　notions　on　the　subject。　　He　spoke　from　personal

observation　and　personal　experience；　when　he　said　that　many

children　of　great　abilities　had　been　induced　to　believe；　from　what

they　had　observed　in　the　streets；　at　and　before　the　period　to　which

the　honourable　gentleman　had　referred；　that　all　monkeys　were　born

in　red　coats　and　spangles；　and　that　their　hats　and　feathers　also

came　by　nature。　　He　wished　to　know　distinctly　whether　the

honourable　gentleman　attributed　the　want　of　encouragement　the　bears

had　met　with　to　the　decline　of　public　taste　in　that　respect；　or　to

a　want　of　ability　on　the　part　of　the　bears　themselves？



'MR。　X。　X。　MISTY　replied；　that　he　could　not　bring　himself　to

believe　but　that　there　must　be　a　great　deal　of　floating　talent

among　the　bears　and　monkeys　generally；　which；　in　the　absence　of　any

proper　encouragement；　was　dispersed　in　other　directions。



'PROFESSOR　PUMPKINSKULL　wished　to　take　that　opportunity　of　calling

the　attention　of　the　section　to　a　most　important　and　serious　point。

The　author　of　the　treatise　just　read　had　alluded　to　the　prevalent

taste　for　bears'…grease　as　a　means　of　promoting　the　growth　of　hair；

which　undoubtedly　was　diffused　to　a　very　great　and　（as　it　appeared

to　him）　very　alarming　extent。　　No　gentleman　attending　that　section

could　fail　to　be　aware　of　the　fact　that　the　youth　of　the　present

age　evinced；　by　their　behaviour　in　the　streets；　and　at　all　places

of　public　resort；　a　considerable　lack　of　that　gallantry　and

gentlemanly　feeling　which；　in　more　ignorant　times；　had　been　thought

becoming。　　He　wished　to　know　whether　it　were　possible　that　a

constant　outward　application　of　bears'…grease　by　the　young

gentlemen　about　town　had　imperceptibly　infused　into　those　unhappy

persons　something　of　the　nature　and　quality　of　the　bear。　　He

shuddered　as　he　threw　out　the　remark；　but　if　this　theory；　on

inquiry；　should　prove　to　be　well　founded；　it　would　at　once　explain

a　great　deal　of　unpleasant　eccentricity　of　behaviour；　which；

without　some　such　discovery；　was　wholly　unaccountable。



'THE　PRESIDENT　highly　complimented　the　learned　gentleman　on　his

most　valuable　suggestion；　which　produced　the　greatest　effect　upon

the　assembly；　and　remarked　that　only　a　week　previous　he　had　seen

some　young　gentlemen　at　a　theatre　eyeing　a　box　of　ladies　with　a

fierce　intensity；　which　nothing　but　the　influence　of　some　brutish

appetite　could　possibly　explain。　　It　was　dreadful　to　reflect　that

our　youth　were　so　rapidly　verging　into　a　generation　of　bears。



'After　a　scene　of　scientific　enthusiasm　it　was　resolved　that　this

important　question　should　be　immediately　submitted　to　the

consideration　of　the　council。



'THE　PRESIDENT　wished　to　know　whether　any　gentleman　could　inform

the　section　what　had　become　of　the　dancing…dogs？



'A　MEMBER　replied；　after　some　hesitation；　that　on　the　day　after

three　glee…singers　had　been　committed　to　prison　as　criminals　by　a

late　most　zealous　police…magistrate　of　the　metropolis；　the　dogs　had

abandoned　their　professional　duties；　and　dispersed　themselves　in

different　quarters　of　the　town　to　gain　a　livelihood　by　less

dangerous　means。　　He　was　given　to　understand　that　since　that　period

they　had　supported　themselves　by　lying　in　wait　for　and　robbing

blind　men's　poodles。



'MR。　FLUMMERY　exhibited　a　twig；　claiming　to　be　a　veritable　branch

of　that　noble　tree　known　to　naturalists　as　the　SHAKSPEARE；　which

has　taken　root　in　every　land　and　climate；　and　gathered　under　the

shade　of　its　broad　green　boughs　the　great　family　of　mankind。　　The

learned　gentleman　remarked　that　the　twig　had　been　undoubtedly

called　by　other　names　in　its　time；　but　that　it　had　been　pointed　out

to　him　by　an　old　lady　in　Warwickshire；　where　the　great　tree　had

grown；　as　a　shoot　of　the　genuine　SHAKSPEARE；　by　which　name　he

begged　to　introduce　it　to　his　countrymen。



'THE　PRESIDENT　wished　to　know　what　botanical　definition　the

honourable　gentleman　could　afford　of　the　curiosity。



'MR。　FLUMMERY　expressed　his　opinion　that　it　was　A　DECIDED　PLANT。





'SECTION　B。　…　DISPLAY　OF　MODELS　AND　MECHANICAL　SCIENCE。

LARGE　ROOM；　BOOT…JACK　AND　COUNTENANCE。





PRESIDENT　…　Mr。　Mallett。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Messrs。　Leaver　and

Scroo。



'MR。　CRINKLES　exhibited　a　most　beautiful　and　delicate　machine；　of

little　larger　size　than　an　ordinary　snuff…box；　manufactured

entirely　by　himself；　and　composed　exclusively　of　steel；　by　the　aid

of　which　more　pockets　could　be　picked　in　one　hour　than　by　the

present　slow　and　tedious　process　in　four…and…twenty。　　The　inventor

remarked　that　it　had　been　put　into　active　operation　in　Fleet

Street；　the　Strand；　and　other　thoroughfares；　and　had　never　been

once　known　to　fail。



'After　some　slight　delay；　occasioned　by　the　various　members　of　the

section　buttoning　their　pockets；



'THE　PRESIDENT　narrowly　inspected　the　invention；　and　declared　that

he　had　never　seen　a　machine　of　more　beautiful　or　exquisite

construction。　　Would　the　inventor　be　good　enough　to　inform　the

section　whether　he　had　taken　any　and　what　means　for　bringing　it

into　general　operation？



'MR。　CRINKLES　stated　that；　after　encountering　some　preliminary

difficulties；　he　had　succeeded　in　putting　himself　in　communication

with　Mr。　Fogle　Hunter；　and　other　gentlemen　connected　with　the　swell

mob；　who　had　awarded　the　invention　the　very　highest　and　most

unqualified　approbation。　　He　regretted　to　say；　however；　that　these

distinguished　practitioners；　in　common　with　a　gentleman　of　the　name

of　Gimlet…eyed　Tommy；　and　other　members　of　a　secondary　grade　of　the

profession　whom　he　was　understood　to　represent；　entertained　an

insuperable　objection　to　its　being　brought　into　general　use；　on　the

ground　that　it　would　have　the　inevitable　effect　of　almost　entirely

superseding　manual　labour；　and　throwing　a　great　number　of　highly…

deserving　persons　out　of　employment。



'THE　PRESIDENT　hoped　that　no　such　fanciful　objections　would　be

allowed　to　stand　in　the　way　of　such　a　great　public　improvement。



'MR。　CRINKLES　hoped　so　too；　but　he　feared　that　if　the　gentlemen　of

the　swell　mob　persevered　in　their　objection；　nothing　could　be　done。



'PROFESSOR　GRIME　suggested；　that　surely；　in　that　case；　Her

Majesty's　Government　might　be　prevailed　upon　to　take　it　up。



'MR。　CRINKLES　said；　that　if　the　objection　were　found　to　be

insuperable　he　should　apply　to　Parliament；　which　he　thought　could

not　fail　to　recognise　the　utility　of　the　invention。



'THE　PRESIDENT　observed　that；　up　to　this　time　Parliament　had

certainly　got　on　very　well　without　it；　but；　as　they　did　their

business　on　a　very　large　scale；　he　had　no　doubt　they　would　gladly

adopt　the　improvement。　　His　only　fear　was　that　the　machine　might　be

worn　out　by　constant　working。



'MR。　COPPERNOSE　called