mudfog+-第14章

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clown；　into　acts　of　fraud　or　petty　larceny；　and　generally　standing

aside　to　watch　the　result　of　the　enterprise。　　If　it　be　successful；

he　never　forgets　to　return　for　his　share　of　the　spoil；　but　if　it

turn　out　a　failure；　he　generally　retires　with　remarkable　caution

and　expedition；　and　keeps　carefully　aloof　until　the　affair　has

blown　over。　　His　amorous　propensities；　too；　are　eminently

disagreeable；　and　his　mode　of　addressing　ladies　in　the　open　street

at　noon…day　is　down…right　improper；　being　usually　neither　more　nor

less　than　a　perceptible　tickling　of　the　aforesaid　ladies　in　the

waist；　after　committing　which；　he　starts　back；　manifestly　ashamed

（as　well　he　may　be）　of　his　own　indecorum　and　temerity；　continuing；

nevertheless；　to　ogle　and　beckon　to　them　from　a　distance　in　a　very

unpleasant　and　immoral　manner。



Is　there　any　man　who　cannot　count　a　dozen　pantaloons　in　his　own

social　circle？　　Is　there　any　man　who　has　not　seen　them　swarming　at

the　west　end　of　the　town　on　a　sunshiny　day　or　a　summer's　evening；

going　through　the　last…named　pantomimic　feats　with　as　much

liquorish　energy；　and　as　total　an　absence　of　reserve；　as　if　they

were　on　the　very　stage　itself？　　We　can　tell　upon　our　fingers　a

dozen　pantaloons　of　our　acquaintance　at　this　moment　…　capital

pantaloons；　who　have　been　performing　all　kinds　of　strange　freaks；

to　the　great　amusement　of　their　friends　and　acquaintance；　for　years

past；　and　who　to　this　day　are　making　such　comical　and　ineffectual

attempts　to　be　young　and　dissolute；　that　all　beholders　are　like　to

die　with　laughter。



Take　that　old　gentleman　who　has　just　emerged　from　the　CAFE　DE

L'EUROPE　in　the　Haymarket；　where　he　has　been　dining　at　the　expense

of　the　young　man　upon　town　with　whom　he　shakes　hands　as　they　part

at　the　door　of　the　tavern。　　The　affected　warmth　of　that　shake　of

the　hand；　the　courteous　nod；　the　obvious　recollection　of　the

dinner；　the　savoury　flavour　of　which　still　hangs　upon　his　lips；　are

all　characteristics　of　his　great　prototype。　　He　hobbles　away

humming　an　opera　tune；　and　twirling　his　cane　to　and　fro；　with

affected　carelessness。　　Suddenly　he　stops　…　'tis　at　the　milliner's

window。　　He　peeps　through　one　of　the　large　panes　of　glass；　and；　his

view　of　the　ladies　within　being　obstructed　by　the　India　shawls；

directs　his　attentions　to　the　young　girl　with　the　band…box　in　her

hand；　who　is　gazing　in　at　the　window　also。　　See！　he　draws　beside

her。　　He　coughs；　she　turns　away　from　him。　　He　draws　near　her　again；

she　disregards　him。　　He　gleefully　chucks　her　under　the　chin；　and；

retreating　a　few　steps；　nods　and　beckons　with　fantastic　grimaces；

while　the　girl　bestows　a　contemptuous　and　supercilious　look　upon

his　wrinkled　visage。　　She　turns　away　with　a　flounce；　and　the　old

gentleman　trots　after　her　with　a　toothless　chuckle。　The　pantaloon

to　the　life！



　But　the　close　resemblance　which　the　clowns　of　the　stage　bear　to

those　of　every…day　life　is　perfectly　extraordinary。　　Some　people

talk　with　a　sigh　of　the　decline　of　pantomime；　and　murmur　in　low　and

dismal　tones　the　name　of　Grimaldi。　　We　mean　no　disparagement　to　the

worthy　and　excellent　old　man　when　we　say　that　this　is　downright

nonsense。　　Clowns　that　beat　Grimaldi　all　to　nothing　turn　up　every

day；　and　nobody　patronizes　them　…　more's　the　pity！



'I　know　who　you　mean；'　says　some　dirty…faced　patron　of　Mr。

Osbaldistone's；　laying　down　the　Miscellany　when　he　has　got　thus

far；　and　bestowing　upon　vacancy　a　most　knowing　glance；　'you　mean　C。

J。　Smith　as　did　Guy　Fawkes；　and　George　Barnwell　at　the　Garden。'

The　dirty…faced　gentleman　has　hardly　uttered　the　words；　when　he　is

interrupted　by　a　young　gentleman　in　no　shirt…collar　and　a　Petersham

coat。　　'No；　no；'　says　the　young　gentleman；　'he　means　Brown；　King；

and　Gibson；　at　the　'Delphi。'　　Now；　with　great　deference　both　to　the

first…named　gentleman　with　the　dirty　face；　and　the　last…named

gentleman　in　the　non…existing　shirt…collar；　we　do　NOT　mean　either

the　performer　who　so　grotesquely　burlesqued　the　Popish　conspirator；

or　the　three　unchangeables　who　have　been　dancing　the　same　dance

under　different　imposing　titles；　and　doing　the　same　thing　under

various　high…sounding　names　for　some　five　or　six　years　last　past。

We　have　no　sooner　made　this　avowal；　than　the　public；　who　have

hitherto　been　silent　witnesses　of　the　dispute；　inquire　what　on

earth　it　is　we　DO　mean；　and；　with　becoming　respect；　we　proceed　to

tell　them。



It　is　very　well　known　to　all　playgoers　and　pantomime…seers；　that

the　scenes　in　which　a　theatrical　clown　is　at　the　very　height　of　his

glory　are　those　which　are　described　in　the　play…bills　as

'Cheesemonger's　shop　and　Crockery　warehouse；'　or　'Tailor's　shop；

and　Mrs。　Queertable's　boarding…house；'　or　places　bearing　some　such

title；　where　the　great　fun　of　the　thing　consists　in　the　hero's

taking　lodgings　which　he　has　not　the　slightest　intention　of　paying

for；　or　obtaining　goods　under　false　pretences；　or　abstracting　the

stock…in…trade　of　the　respectable　shopkeeper　next　door；　or　robbing

warehouse　porters　as　they　pass　under　his　window；　or；　to　shorten　the

catalogue；　in　his　swindling　everybody　he　possibly　can；　it　only

remaining　to　be　observed　that；　the　more　extensive　the　swindling　is；

and　the　more　barefaced　the　impudence　of　the　swindler；　the　greater

the　rapture　and　ecstasy　of　the　audience。　　Now　it　is　a　most

remarkable　fact　that　precisely　this　sort　of　thing　occurs　in　real

life　day　after　day；　and　nobody　sees　the　humour　of　it。　　Let　us

illustrate　our　position　by　detailing　the　plot　of　this　portion　of

the　pantomime　…　not　of　the　theatre；　but　of　life。



The　Honourable　Captain　Fitz…Whisker　Fiercy；　attended　by　his　livery

servant　Do'em　…　a　most　respectable　servant　to　look　at；　who　has

grown　grey　in　the　service　of　the　captain's　family　…　views；　treats

for；　and　ultimately　obtains　possession　of；　the　unfurnished　house；

such　a　number；　such　a　street。　　All　the　tradesmen　in　the

neighbourhood　are　in　agonies　of　competition　for　the　captain's

custom；　the　captain　is　a　good…natured；　kind…hearted；　easy　man；　and；

to　avoid　being　the　cause　of　disappointment　to　any；　he　most

handsomely　gives　orders　to　all。　　Hampers　of　wine；　baskets　of

provisions；　cart…loads　of　furniture；　boxes　of　jewellery；　supplies

of　luxuries　of　the　costliest　description；　flock　to　the　house　of　the

Honourable　Captain　Fitz…Whisker　Fiercy；　where　they　are　received

with　the　utmost　readiness　by　the　highly　respectable　Do'em；　while

the　captain　himself　struts　and　swaggers　about　with　that　compound

air　of　conscious　superiority　and　general　blood…thirstiness　which　a

military　captain　should　always；　and　does　most　times；　wear；　to　the

admiration　and　terror　of　plebeian　men。　　But　the　tradesmen's　backs

are　no　sooner　turned；　than　the　captain；　with　all　the　eccentricity

of　a　mighty　mind；　and　assisted　by　the　faithful　Do'em；　whose　devoted

fidelity　is　not　the　least　touching　part　of　his　character；　disposes

of　everything　to　great　advantage；　for；　although　the　articles　fetch

small　sums；　still　they　are　sold　considerably　above　cost　price；　the

cost　to　the　captain　having　been　nothing　at　all。　　After　various

manoeuvres；　the　imposture　is　discovered；　Fitz…Fiercy　and　Do'em　are

recognized　as　confederates；　and　the　police　office　to　which　they　are

both　taken　is　thronged　with　their　dupes。



Who　can　fail　to　recognize　in　this；　the　exact　counterpart　of　the

best　portion　of　a　theatrical　pantomime　…　Fitz…Whisker　Fiercy　by　the

clown；　Do'em　by　the　pantaloon；　and　supernumeraries　by　the

tradesmen？　　The　best　of　the　joke；　too；　is；　that　the　very　coal…

merchant　who　is　loudest　in　his　complaints　against　the　person　who

defrauded　him；　is　the　identical　man　who　sat　in　the　centre　of　the

very　front　row　of　the　pit　last　night　and　laughed　the　most

boisterously　at　this　very　same　thing；　…　and　not　so　well　done

either。　　Talk　of　Grimaldi；　we　say　again！　　Did　Grimaldi；　in　his　best

days；　ever　do　anything　in　this　way　equal　to　Da　Costa？



The　mention　of　this　latter　justly　celebrated　clown　reminds　us　of

his　last　piece　of　humour；　the　fraudulently　obtaining　certain

stamped　acceptances　from　a　young　gentleman　in　the　army。　　We　had

scarcely　laid　down　our　pen　to　contemplate　for　a　few　moments　this

admirable　actor's　performance　of　that　exquisite　practical　joke；

than　a　new　branch　of　our　subject　flashed　suddenly　upon　us。　　So　we

take　it　up　again　at　once。



All　people　who　have　been　behind　the　scenes；　and　most　people　who

have　been　before　them；　know；　that　in　the　representation　of　a

pantomime；　a　good　many　men　are　sent　upon　the　stage　for　the　express

purpose　of　being　cheated；　or　knocked　down；　or　both。　　Now；　down　to　a

moment　ago；　we　had　never　been　able　to　understand　for　what　possible

purpose　a　great　number　of　odd；　lazy；　large…headed　men；　whom　one　is

in　the　habit　of　meeting　here；　and　there；　and　everywhere；　could　ever

have　been　created。　　We　see　it　all；　now。　　They　are　the

supernumeraries　in　the　pantomime　of　life；　the　men　who　have　been

thrust　into　it；　with　no　other　view　than　to　be　constantly　tumbling

over　each　other；　and　running　their　heads　against　all　sorts　of

strange　things。　　We　sat　opposite　to　one　of　these　men　at　a　supper…

table；　only　last　week。　　Now　we　think　of　it；　he　was　exactly　like　the

gentlemen　with　the　pasteboard　heads　and　faces；　who　do　the

corresponding　business　in　the　theatrical　pantomimes；　there　was　the

same　broad　stolid　simper　…　the　same　dull　leaden　eye　…　the　same

unmeaning；　vacant　stare；　and　whatever　was　said；　or　whatever　was

done；　he　always　came　in　at　precisely　the　wrong　place；　or　jostled

against　something　that　he　had　not　the　slightest　business　with。　　We

looked　at　the　man　across　the　table　again　and　again；　and　could　not

satisfy　ourselves　what　race　of　beings　to　class　him　with。　　How　very

odd　that　this　never　occurred　to　us　before！



We　will　frankly　own　that　we　have　been　much　troubled　with　the

harlequin。　　We　see　harlequins　of　so　many　kinds　in　the　real　living

pantomime；　that　we　hardly　know　which　to　select　as　the　proper　fellow

of　him　of　the　theatres。　　At　one　time　we　were　disposed　to　think　that

the　harlequin　was　neither　more　nor　less　than　a　young　man　of　family

and　independent　property；　who　had　run　away　with　an　opera…dancer；

and　was　fooling　his　life　and　his　means　away　in　light　and　trivial

amusements。　　On　reflection；　however；　we　remembered　that　harlequins

are　occasionally　guilty　of　witty；　and　even　clever　acts；　and　we　are

rather　disposed　to　acquit　our　young　men　of　family　and　independent

property；　generally　speaking；　of　any　such　misdemeanours。　　On　a　more

mature　consideration　of　the　subject；　we　have　arrived　at　the

conclusion　that　the　harlequins　of　life　are　just　ordinary　men；　to　be

found　in　no　particular　walk　or　degree；　on　whom　a　certain　station；

or　particular　conjunction　of　circumstances；　confers　the　magic　wand。

And　this　brings　us　to　a　few　words　on　the　pantomime　of　public　and

political　life；　which　we　shall　say　at　once；　and　then　conclude　…

merely　premising　in　this　place　that　we　decline　any　reference

whatever　to　t