mudfog+-第15章

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merely　premising　in　this　place　that　we　decline　any　reference

whatever　to　the　columbine；　being　in　no　wise　satisfied　of　the　nature

of　her　connection　with　her　parti…coloured　lover；　and　not　feeling　by

any　means　clear　that　we　should　be　justified　in　introducing　her　to

the　virtuous　and　respectable　ladies　who　peruse　our　lucubrations。



We　take　it　that　the　commencement　of　a　Session　of　Parliament　is

neither　more　nor　less　than　the　drawing　up　of　the　curtain　for　a

grand　comic　pantomime；　and　that　his　Majesty's　most　gracious　speech

on　the　opening　thereof　may　be　not　inaptly　compared　to　the　clown's

opening　speech　of　'Here　we　are！'　　'My　lords　and　gentlemen；　here　we

are！'　appears；　to　our　mind　at　least；　to　be　a　very　good　abstract　of

the　point　and　meaning　of　the　propitiatory　address　of　the　ministry。

When　we　remember　how　frequently　this　speech　is　made；　immediately

after　THE　CHANGE　too；　the　parallel　is　quite　perfect；　and　still　more

singular。



Perhaps　the　cast　of　our　political　pantomime　never　was　richer　than

at　this　day。　　We　are　particularly　strong　in　clowns。　　At　no　former

time；　we　should　say；　have　we　had　such　astonishing　tumblers；　or

performers　so　ready　to　go　through　the　whole　of　their　feats　for　the

amusement　of　an　admiring　throng。　　Their　extreme　readiness　to

exhibit；　indeed；　has　given　rise　to　some　ill…natured　reflections；　it

having　been　objected　that　by　exhibiting　gratuitously　through　the

country　when　the　theatre　is　closed；　they　reduce　themselves　to　the

level　of　mountebanks；　and　thereby　tend　to　degrade　the

respectability　of　the　profession。　　Certainly　Grimaldi　never　did

this　sort　of　thing；　and　though　Brown；　King；　and　Gibson　have　gone　to

the　Surrey　in　vacation　time；　and　Mr。　C。　J。　Smith　has　ruralised　at

Sadler's　Wells；　we　find　no　theatrical　precedent　for　a　general

tumbling　through　the　country；　except　in　the　gentleman；　name

unknown；　who　threw　summersets　on　behalf　of　the　late　Mr。　Richardson；

and　who　is　no　authority　either；　because　he　had　never　been　on　the

regular　boards。



But；　laying　aside　this　question；　which　after　all　is　a　mere　matter

of　taste；　we　may　reflect　with　pride　and　gratification　of　heart　on

the　proficiency　of　our　clowns　as　exhibited　in　the　season。　　Night

after　night　will　they　twist　and　tumble　about；　till　two；　three；　and

four　o'clock　in　the　morning；　playing　the　strangest　antics；　and

giving　each　other　the　funniest　slaps　on　the　face　that　can　possibly

be　imagined；　without　evincing　the　smallest　tokens　of　fatigue。　　The

strange　noises；　the　confusion；　the　shouting　and　roaring；　amid　which

all　this　is　done；　too；　would　put　to　shame　the　most　turbulent

sixpenny　gallery　that　ever　yelled　through　a　boxing…night。



It　is　especially　curious　to　behold　one　of　these　clowns　compelled　to

go　through　the　most　surprising　contortions　by　the　irresistible

influence　of　the　wand　of　office；　which　his　leader　or　harlequin

holds　above　his　head。　　Acted　upon　by　this　wonderful　charm　he　will

become　perfectly　motionless；　moving　neither　hand；　foot；　nor　finger；

and　will　even　lose　the　faculty　of　speech　at　an　instant's　notice；　or

on　the　other　hand；　he　will　become　all　life　and　animation　if

required；　pouring　forth　a　torrent　of　words　without　sense　or

meaning；　throwing　himself　into　the　wildest　and　most　fantastic

contortions；　and　even　grovelling　on　the　earth　and　licking　up　the

dust。　　These　exhibitions　are　more　curious　than　pleasing；　indeed；

they　are　rather　disgusting　than　otherwise；　except　to　the　admirers

of　such　things；　with　whom　we　confess　we　have　no　fellow…feeling。



Strange　tricks　…　very　strange　tricks　…　are　also　performed　by　the

harlequin　who　holds　for　the　time　being　the　magic　wand　which　we　have

just　mentioned。　　The　mere　waving　it　before　a　man's　eyes　will

dispossess　his　brains　of　all　the　notions　previously　stored　there；

and　fill　it　with　an　entirely　new　set　of　ideas；　one　gentle　tap　on

the　back　will　alter　the　colour　of　a　man's　coat　completely；　and

there　are　some　expert　performers；　who；　having　this　wand　held　first

on　one　side　and　then　on　the　other；　will　change　from　side　to　side；

turning　their　coats　at　every　evolution；　with　so　much　rapidity　and

dexterity；　that　the　quickest　eye　can　scarcely　detect　their　motions。

Occasionally；　the　genius　who　confers　the　wand；　wrests　it　from　the

hand　of　the　temporary　possessor；　and　consigns　it　to　some　new

performer；　on　which　occasions　all　the　characters　change　sides；　and

then　the　race　and　the　hard　knocks　begin　anew。



We　might　have　extended　this　chapter　to　a　much　greater　length　…　we

might　have　carried　the　comparison　into　the　liberal　professions　…　we

might　have　shown；　as　was　in　fact　our　original　purpose；　that　each　is

in　itself　a　little　pantomime　with　scenes　and　characters　of　its　own；

complete；　but；　as　we　fear　we　have　been　quite　lengthy　enough

already；　we　shall　leave　this　chapter　just　where　it　is。　　A

gentleman；　not　altogether　unknown　as　a　dramatic　poet；　wrote　thus　a

year　or　two　ago　…





'All　the　world's　a　stage；

And　all　the　men　and　women　merely　players：'





and　we；　tracking　out　his　footsteps　at　the　scarcely…worth…mentioning

little　distance　of　a　few　millions　of　leagues　behind；　venture　to

add；　by　way　of　new　reading；　that　he　meant　a　Pantomime；　and　that　we

are　all　actors　in　The　Pantomime　of　Life。







SOME　PARTICULARS　CONCERNING　A　LION







We　have　a　great　respect　for　lions　in　the　abstract。　　In　common　with

most　other　people；　we　have　heard　and　read　of　many　instances　of

their　bravery　and　generosity。　　We　have　duly　admired　that　heroic

self…denial　and　charming　philanthropy　which　prompts　them　never　to

eat　people　except　when　they　are　hungry；　and　we　have　been　deeply

impressed　with　a　becoming　sense　of　the　politeness　they　are　said　to

display　towards　unmarried　ladies　of　a　certain　state。　　All　natural

histories　teem　with　anecdotes　illustrative　of　their　excellent

qualities；　and　one　old　spelling…book　in　particular　recounts　a

touching　instance　of　an　old　lion；　of　high　moral　dignity　and　stern

principle；　who　felt　it　his　imperative　duty　to　devour　a　young　man

who　had　contracted　a　habit　of　swearing；　as　a　striking　example　to

the　rising　generation。



All　this　is　extremely　pleasant　to　reflect　upon；　and；　indeed；　says　a

very　great　deal　in　favour　of　lions　as　a　mass。　　We　are　bound　to

state；　however；　that　such　individual　lions　as　we　have　happened　to

fall　in　with　have　not　put　forth　any　very　striking　characteristics；

and　have　not　acted　up　to　the　chivalrous　character　assigned　them　by

their　chroniclers。　　We　never　saw　a　lion　in　what　is　called　his

natural　state；　certainly；　that　is　to　say；　we　have　never　met　a　lion

out　walking　in　a　forest；　or　crouching　in　his　lair　under　a　tropical

sun；　waiting　till　his　dinner　should　happen　to　come　by；　hot　from　the

baker's。　　But　we　have　seen　some　under　the　influence　of　captivity；

and　the　pressure　of　misfortune；　and　we　must　say　that　they　appeared

to　us　very　apathetic；　heavy…headed　fellows。



The　lion　at　the　Zoological　Gardens；　for　instance。　　He　is　all　very

well；　he　has　an　undeniable　mane；　and　looks　very　fierce；　but；　Lord

bless　us！　what　of　that？　　The　lions　of　the　fashionable　world　look

just　as　ferocious；　and　are　the　most　harmless　creatures　breathing。

A　box…lobby　lion　or　a　Regent…street　animal　will　put　on　a　most

terrible　aspect；　and　roar；　fearfully；　if　you　affront　him；　but　he

will　never　bite；　and；　if　you　offer　to　attack　him　manfully；　will

fairly　turn　tail　and　sneak　off。　　Doubtless　these　creatures　roam

about　sometimes　in　herds；　and；　if　they　meet　any　especially　meek…

looking　and　peaceably…disposed　fellow；　will　endeavour　to　frighten

him；　but　the　faintest　show　of　a　vigorous　resistance　is　sufficient

to　scare　them　even　then。　　These　are　pleasant　characteristics；

whereas　we　make　it　matter　of　distinct　charge　against　the　Zoological

lion　and　his　brethren　at　the　fairs；　that　they　are　sleepy；　dreamy；

sluggish　quadrupeds。



We　do　not　remember　to　have　ever　seen　one　of　them　perfectly　awake；

except　at　feeding…time。　　In　every　respect　we　uphold　the　biped　lions

against　their　four…footed　namesakes；　and　we　boldly　challenge

controversy　upon　the　subject。



With　these　opinions　it　may　be　easily　imagined　that　our　curiosity

and　interest　were　very　much　excited　the　other　day；　when　a　lady　of

our　acquaintance　called　on　us　and　resolutely　declined　to　accept　our

refusal　of　her　invitation　to　an　evening　party；　'for；'　said　she；　'I

have　got　a　lion　coming。'　　We　at　once　retracted　our　plea　of　a　prior

engagement；　and　became　as　anxious　to　go；　as　we　had　previously　been

to　stay　away。



We　went　early；　and　posted　ourselves　in　an　eligible　part　of　the

drawing…room；　from　whence　we　could　hope　to　obtain　a　full　view　of

the　interesting　animal。　　Two　or　three　hours　passed；　the　quadrilles

began；　the　room　filled；　but　no　lion　appeared。　　The　lady　of　the

house　became　inconsolable；　…　for　it　is　one　of　the　peculiar

privileges　of　these　lions　to　make　solemn　appointments　and　never

keep　them；　…　when　all　of　a　sudden　there　came　a　tremendous　double

rap　at　the　street…door；　and　the　master　of　the　house；　after　gliding

out　（unobserved　as　he　flattered　himself）　to　peep　over　the

banisters；　came　into　the　room；　rubbing　his　hands　together　with

great　glee；　and　cried　out　in　a　very　important　voice；　'My　dear；　Mr。

…　（naming　the　lion）　has　this　moment　arrived。'



Upon　this；　all　eyes　were　turned　towards　the　door；　and　we　observed

several　young　ladies；　who　had　been　laughing　and　conversing

previously　with　great　gaiety　and　good　humour；　grow　extremely　quiet

and　sentimental；　while　some　young　gentlemen；　who　had　been　cutting

great　figures　in　the　facetious　and　small…talk　way；　suddenly　sank

very　obviously　in　the　estimation　of　the　company；　and　were　looked

upon　with　great　coldness　and　indifference。　　Even　the　young　man　who

had　been　ordered　from　the　music　shop　to　play　the　pianoforte　was

visibly　affected；　and　struck　several　false　notes　in　the　excess　of

his　excitement。



All　this　time　there　was　a　great　talking　outside；　more　than　once

accompanied　by　a　loud　laugh；　and　a　cry　of　'Oh！　capital！　excellent！'

from　which　we　inferred　that　the　lion　was　jocose；　and　that　these

exclamations　were　occasioned　by　the　transports　of　his　keeper　and

our　host。　　Nor　were　we　deceived；　for　when　the　lion　at　last

appeared；　we　overheard　his　keeper；　who　was　a　little　prim　man；

whisper　to　several　gentlemen　of　his　acquaintance；　with　uplifted

hands；　and　every　expression　of　half…suppressed　admiration；　that　…

（naming　the　lion　again）　was　in　SUCH　cue　to…night！



The　lion　was　a　literary　one。　　Of　course；　there　were　a　vast　number

of　people　present　who　had　admired　his　roarings；　and　were　anxious　to

be　introduced　to　him；　and　very　pleasant　it　was　to　see　them　brought

up　for　the　purpose；　and　to　observe　the　patient　dignity　with　which

he　received　all　their　patting　and　caressing。　　This　brought　forcibly

to　our　mind　what　we　had　so　often　witnessed　at　country　fairs；　where

the　other　lions　are　compelled　to　go　through　as　many　forms　of

courtesy　as　they　chance　to　be　acquainted　with；　just　as　of