mudfog+-第5章

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record。



We　give　our　correspondent's　letters　in　the　order　in　which　they

reached　us。　　Any　attempt　at　amalgamating　them　into　one　beautiful

whole；　would　only　destroy　that　glowing　tone；　that　dash　of　wildness；

and　rich　vein　of　picturesque　interest；　which　pervade　them

throughout。



'MUDFOG；　MONDAY　NIGHT；　SEVEN　O'CLOCK。



'We　are　in　a　state　of　great　excitement　here。　　Nothing　is　spoken　of；

but　the　approaching　meeting　of　the　association。　　The　inn…doors　are

thronged　with　waiters　anxiously　looking　for　the　expected　arrivals；

and　the　numerous　bills　which　are　wafered　up　in　the　windows　of

private　houses；　intimating　that　there　are　beds　to　let　within；　give

the　streets　a　very　animated　and　cheerful　appearance；　the　wafers

being　of　a　great　variety　of　colours；　and　the　monotony　of　printed

inscriptions　being　relieved　by　every　possible　size　and　style　of

hand…writing。　　It　is　confidently　rumoured　that　Professors　Snore；

Doze；　and　Wheezy　have　engaged　three　beds　and　a　sitting…room　at　the

Pig　and　Tinder…box。　　I　give　you　the　rumour　as　it　has　reached　me；

but　I　cannot；　as　yet；　vouch　for　its　accuracy。　　The　moment　I　have

been　enabled　to　obtain　any　certain　information　upon　this

interesting　point；　you　may　depend　upon　receiving　it。'



'HALF…PAST　SEVEN。



I　have　just　returned　from　a　personal　interview　with　the　landlord　of

the　Pig　and　Tinder…box。　　He　speaks　confidently　of　the　probability

of　Professors　Snore；　Doze；　and　Wheezy　taking　up　their　residence　at

his　house　during　the　sitting　of　the　association；　but　denies　that

the　beds　have　been　yet　engaged；　in　which　representation　he　is

confirmed　by　the　chambermaid　…　a　girl　of　artless　manners；　and

interesting　appearance。　　The　boots　denies　that　it　is　at　all　likely

that　Professors　Snore；　Doze；　and　Wheezy　will　put　up　here；　but　I

have　reason　to　believe　that　this　man　has　been　suborned　by　the

proprietor　of　the　Original　Pig；　which　is　the　opposition　hotel。

Amidst　such　conflicting　testimony　it　is　difficult　to　arrive　at　the

real　truth；　but　you　may　depend　upon　receiving　authentic　information

upon　this　point　the　moment　the　fact　is　ascertained。　　The　excitement

still　continues。　　A　boy　fell　through　the　window　of　the　pastrycook's

shop　at　the　corner　of　the　High…street　about　half　an　hour　ago；　which

has　occasioned　much　confusion。　　The　general　impression　is；　that　it

was　an　accident。　　Pray　heaven　it　may　prove　so！'



'TUESDAY；　NOON。



'At　an　early　hour　this　morning　the　bells　of　all　the　churches　struck

seven　o'clock；　the　effect　of　which；　in　the　present　lively　state　of

the　town；　was　extremely　singular。　　While　I　was　at　breakfast；　a

yellow　gig；　drawn　by　a　dark　grey　horse；　with　a　patch　of　white　over

his　right　eyelid；　proceeded　at　a　rapid　pace　in　the　direction　of　the

Original　Pig　stables；　it　is　currently　reported　that　this　gentleman

has　arrived　here　for　the　purpose　of　attending　the　association；　and；

from　what　I　have　heard；　I　consider　it　extremely　probable；　although

nothing　decisive　is　yet　known　regarding　him。　　You　may　conceive　the

anxiety　with　which　we　are　all　looking　forward　to　the　arrival　of　the

four　o'clock　coach　this　afternoon。



'Notwithstanding　the　excited　state　of　the　populace；　no　outrage　has

yet　been　committed；　owing　to　the　admirable　discipline　and

discretion　of　the　police；　who　are　nowhere　to　be　seen。　　A　barrel…

organ　is　playing　opposite　my　window；　and　groups　of　people；　offering

fish　and　vegetables　for　sale；　parade　the　streets。　　With　these

exceptions　everything　is　quiet；　and　I　trust　will　continue　so。'



'FIVE　O'CLOCK。



'It　is　now　ascertained；　beyond　all　doubt；　that　Professors　Snore；

Doze；　and　Wheezy　will　NOT　repair　to　the　Pig　and　Tinder…box；　but

have　actually　engaged　apartments　at　the　Original　Pig。　　This

intelligence　is　EXCLUSIVE；　and　I　leave　you　and　your　readers　to　draw

their　own　inferences　from　it。　　Why　Professor　Wheezy；　of　all　people

in　the　world；　should　repair　to　the　Original　Pig　in　preference　to

the　Pig　and　Tinder…box；　it　is　not　easy　to　conceive。　　The　professor

is　a　man　who　should　be　above　all　such　petty　feelings。　　Some　people

here　openly　impute　treachery；　and　a　distinct　breach　of　faith　to

Professors　Snore　and　Doze；　while　others；　again；　are　disposed　to

acquit　them　of　any　culpability　in　the　transaction；　and　to　insinuate

that　the　blame　rests　solely　with　Professor　Wheezy。　　I　own　that　I

incline　to　the　latter　opinion；　and　although　it　gives　me　great　pain

to　speak　in　terms　of　censure　or　disapprobation　of　a　man　of　such

transcendent　genius　and　acquirements；　still　I　am　bound　to　say　that；

if　my　suspicions　be　well　founded；　and　if　all　the　reports　which　have

reached　my　ears　be　true；　I　really　do　not　well　know　what　to　make　of

the　matter。



'Mr。　Slug；　so　celebrated　for　his　statistical　researches；　arrived

this　afternoon　by　the　four　o'clock　stage。　　His　complexion　is　a　dark

purple；　and　he　has　a　habit　of　sighing　constantly。　　He　looked

extremely　well；　and　appeared　in　high　health　and　spirits。　　Mr。

Woodensconce　also　came　down　in　the　same　conveyance。　　The

distinguished　gentleman　was　fast　asleep　on　his　arrival；　and　I　am

informed　by　the　guard　that　he　had　been　so　the　whole　way。　　He　was；

no　doubt；　preparing　for　his　approaching　fatigues；　but　what　gigantic

visions　must　those　be　that　flit　through　the　brain　of　such　a　man

when　his　body　is　in　a　state　of　torpidity！



'The　influx　of　visitors　increases　every　moment。　　I　am　told　（I　know

not　how　truly）　that　two　post…chaises　have　arrived　at　the　Original

Pig　within　the　last　half…hour；　and　I　myself　observed　a　wheelbarrow；

containing　three　carpet　bags　and　a　bundle；　entering　the　yard　of　the

Pig　and　Tinder…box　no　longer　ago　than　five　minutes　since。　　The

people　are　still　quietly　pursuing　their　ordinary　occupations；　but

there　is　a　wildness　in　their　eyes；　and　an　unwonted　rigidity　in　the

muscles　of　their　countenances；　which　shows　to　the　observant

spectator　that　their　expectations　are　strained　to　the　very　utmost

pitch。　　I　fear；　unless　some　very　extraordinary　arrivals　take　place

to…night；　that　consequences　may　arise　from　this　popular　ferment；

which　every　man　of　sense　and　feeling　would　deplore。'



'TWENTY　MINUTES　PAST　SIX。



'I　have　just　heard　that　the　boy　who　fell　through　the　pastrycook's

window　last　night　has　died　of　the　fright。　　He　was　suddenly　called

upon　to　pay　three　and　sixpence　for　the　damage　done；　and　his

constitution；　it　seems；　was　not　strong　enough　to　bear　up　against

the　shock。　　The　inquest；　it　is　said；　will　be　held　to…morrow。'



'THREE…QUARTERS　PART　SEVEN。



'Professors　Muff　and　Nogo　have　just　driven　up　to　the　hotel　door；

they　at　once　ordered　dinner　with　great　condescension。　　We　are　all

very　much　delighted　with　the　urbanity　of　their　manners；　and　the

ease　with　which　they　adapt　themselves　to　the　forms　and　ceremonies

of　ordinary　life。　　Immediately　on　their　arrival　they　sent　for　the

head　waiter；　and　privately　requested　him　to　purchase　a　live　dog；　…

as　cheap　a　one　as　he　could　meet　with；　…　and　to　send　him　up　after

dinner；　with　a　pie…board；　a　knife　and　fork；　and　a　clean　plate。　　It

is　conjectured　that　some　experiments　will　be　tried　upon　the　dog　to…

night；　if　any　particulars　should　transpire；　I　will　forward　them　by

express。'



'HALF…PAST　EIGHT。



'The　animal　has　been　procured。　　He　is　a　pug…dog；　of　rather

intelligent　appearance；　in　good　condition；　and　with　very　short

legs。　　He　has　been　tied　to　a　curtain…peg　in　a　dark　room；　and　is

howling　dreadfully。'



'TEN　MINUTES　TO　NINE。



'The　dog　has　just　been　rung　for。　　With　an　instinct　which　would

appear　almost　the　result　of　reason；　the　sagacious　animal　seized　the

waiter　by　the　calf　of　the　leg　when　he　approached　to　take　him；　and

made　a　desperate；　though　ineffectual　resistance。　　I　have　not　been

able　to　procure　admission　to　the　apartment　occupied　by　the

scientific　gentlemen；　but；　judging　from　the　sounds　which　reached　my

ears　when　I　stood　upon　the　landing…place　outside　the　door；　just

now；　I　should　be　disposed　to　say　that　the　dog　had　retreated

growling　beneath　some　article　of　furniture；　and　was　keeping　the

professors　at　bay。　　This　conjecture　is　confirmed　by　the　testimony

of　the　ostler；　who；　after　peeping　through　the　keyhole；　assures　me

that　he　distinctly　saw　Professor　Nogo　on　his　knees；　holding　forth　a

small　bottle　of　prussic　acid；　to　which　the　animal；　who　was　crouched

beneath　an　arm…chair；　obstinately　declined　to　smell。　　You　cannot

imagine　the　feverish　state　of　irritation　we　are　in；　lest　the

interests　of　science　should　be　sacrificed　to　the　prejudices　of　a

brute　creature；　who　is　not　endowed　with　sufficient　sense　to　foresee

the　incalculable　benefits　which　the　whole　human　race　may　derive

from　so　very　slight　a　concession　on　his　part。'



'NINE　O'CLOCK。



'The　dog's　tail　and　ears　have　been　sent　down…stairs　to　be　washed；

from　which　circumstance　we　infer　that　the　animal　is　no　more。　　His

forelegs　have　been　delivered　to　the　boots　to　be　brushed；　which

strengthens　the　supposition。'



'HALF　AFTER　TEN。



'My　feelings　are　so　overpowered　by　what　has　taken　place　in　the

course　of　the　last　hour　and　a　half；　that　I　have　scarcely　strength

to　detail　the　rapid　succession　of　events　which　have　quite

bewildered　all　those　who　are　cognizant　of　their　occurrence。　　It

appears　that　the　pug…dog　mentioned　in　my　last　was　surreptitiously

obtained；　…　stolen；　in　fact；　…　by　some　person　attached　to　the

stable　department；　from　an　unmarried　lady　resident　in　this　town。

Frantic　on　discovering　the　loss　of　her　favourite；　the　lady　rushed

distractedly　into　the　street；　calling　in　the　most　heart…rending　and

pathetic　manner　upon　the　passengers　to　restore　her；　her　Augustus；　…

for　so　the　deceased　was　named；　in　affectionate　remembrance　of　a

former　lover　of　his　mistress；　to　whom　he　bore　a　striking　personal

resemblance；　which　renders　the　circumstances　additionally

affecting。　　I　am　not　yet　in　a　condition　to　inform　you　what

circumstance　induced　the　bereaved　lady　to　direct　her　steps　to　the

hotel　which　had　witnessed　the　last　struggles　of　her　PROTEGE。　　I　can

only　state　that　she　arrived　there；　at　the　very　instant　when　his

detached　members　were　passing　through　the　passage　on　a　small　tray。

Her　shrieks　still　reverberate　in　my　ears！　　I　grieve　to　say　that　the

expressive　features　of　Professor　Muff　were　much　scratched　and

lacerated　by　the　injured　lady；　and　that　Professor　Nogo；　besides

sustaining　several　severe　bites；　has　lost　some　handfuls　of　hair

from　the　same　cause。　　It　must　be　some　consolation　to　these

gentlemen　to　know　that　their　ardent　attachment　to　scientific

pursuits　has　alone　occasioned　these　unpleasant　consequences；　for

which　the　sympathy　of　a　grateful　country　will　sufficiently　reward

them。　　The　unfortunate　lady　remains　at　the　Pig　and　Tinder…box；　and

up　to　this　time　is　reported　in　a　very　precarious　state。



'I　need　scarcely　tell　you　that　this　unlooked…for　catastrophe　has

cast　a　damp　and　gloom　upon　us　in　the　midst　of　our　exhilaration；

natural　in　any　case；　but　greatly　enhanced　in　this；　by　the　amiable

qualities