mudfog+-第6章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



cast　a　damp　and　gloom　upon　us　in　the　midst　of　our　exhilaration；

natural　in　any　case；　but　greatly　enhanced　in　this；　by　the　amiable

qualities　of　the　deceased　animal；　who　appears　to　have　been　much　and

deservedly　respected　by　the　whole　of　his　acquaintance。'



'TWELVE　O'CLOCK。



'I　take　the　last　opportunity　before　sealing　my　parcel　to　inform　you

that　the　boy　who　fell　through　the　pastrycook's　window　is　not　dead；

as　was　universally　believed；　but　alive　and　well。　　The　report

appears　to　have　had　its　origin　in　his　mysterious　disappearance。　　He

was　found　half　an　hour　since　on　the　premises　of　a　sweet…stuff

maker；　where　a　raffle　had　been　announced　for　a　second…hand　seal…

skin　cap　and　a　tambourine；　and　where　…　a　sufficient　number　of

members　not　having　been　obtained　at　first　…　he　had　patiently　waited

until　the　list　was　completed。　　This　fortunate　discovery　has　in　some

degree　restored　our　gaiety　and　cheerfulness。　　It　is　proposed　to　get

up　a　subscription　for　him　without　delay。



'Everybody　is　nervously　anxious　to　see　what　to…morrow　will　bring

forth。　　If　any　one　should　arrive　in　the　course　of　the　night；　I　have

left　strict　directions　to　be　called　immediately。　　I　should　have　sat

up；　indeed；　but　the　agitating　events　of　this　day　have　been　too　much

for　me。



'No　news　yet　of　either　of　the　Professors　Snore；　Doze；　or　Wheezy。

It　is　very　strange！'



'WEDNESDAY　AFTERNOON。



'All　is　now　over；　and；　upon　one　point　at　least；　I　am　at　length

enabled　to　set　the　minds　of　your　readers　at　rest。　　The　three

professors　arrived　at　ten　minutes　after　two　o'clock；　and；　instead

of　taking　up　their　quarters　at　the　Original　Pig；　as　it　was

universally　understood　in　the　course　of　yesterday　that　they　would

assuredly　have　done；　drove　straight　to　the　Pig　and　Tinder…box；

where　they　threw　off　the　mask　at　once；　and　openly　announced　their

intention　of　remaining。　　Professor　Wheezy　may　reconcile　this　very

extraordinary　conduct　with　HIS　notions　of　fair　and　equitable

dealing；　but　I　would　recommend　Professor　Wheezy　to　be　cautious　how

he　presumes　too　far　upon　his　well…earned　reputation。　　How　such　a

man　as　Professor　Snore；　or；　which　is　still　more　extraordinary；　such

an　individual　as　Professor　Doze；　can　quietly　allow　himself　to　be

mixed　up　with　such　proceedings　as　these；　you　will　naturally

inquire。　　Upon　this　head；　rumour　is　silent；　I　have　my　speculations；

but　forbear　to　give　utterance　to　them　just　now。'



'FOUR　O'CLOCK。



'The　town　is　filling　fast；　eighteenpence　has　been　offered　for　a　bed

and　refused。　　Several　gentlemen　were　under　the　necessity　last　night

of　sleeping　in　the　brick　fields；　and　on　the　steps　of　doors；　for

which　they　were　taken　before　the　magistrates　in　a　body　this

morning；　and　committed　to　prison　as　vagrants　for　various　terms。

One　of　these　persons　I　understand　to　be　a　highly…respectable

tinker；　of　great　practical　skill；　who　had　forwarded　a　paper　to　the

President　of　Section　D。　Mechanical　Science；　on　the　construction　of

pipkins　with　copper　bottoms　and　safety…values；　of　which　report

speaks　highly。　　The　incarceration　of　this　gentleman　is　greatly　to

be　regretted；　as　his　absence　will　preclude　any　discussion　on　the

subject。



'The　bills　are　being　taken　down　in　all　directions；　and　lodgings　are

being　secured　on　almost　any　terms。　　I　have　heard　of　fifteen

shillings　a　week　for　two　rooms；　exclusive　of　coals　and　attendance；

but　I　can　scarcely　believe　it。　　The　excitement　is　dreadful。　　I　was

informed　this　morning　that　the　civil　authorities；　apprehensive　of

some　outbreak　of　popular　feeling；　had　commanded　a　recruiting

sergeant　and　two　corporals　to　be　under　arms；　and　that；　with　the

view　of　not　irritating　the　people　unnecessarily　by　their　presence；

they　had　been　requested　to　take　up　their　position　before　daybreak

in　a　turnpike；　distant　about　a　quarter　of　a　mile　from　the　town。

The　vigour　and　promptness　of　these　measures　cannot　be　too　highly

extolled。



'Intelligence　has　just　been　brought　me；　that　an　elderly　female；　in

a　state　of　inebriety；　has　declared　in　the　open　street　her　intention

to　〃do〃　for　Mr。　Slug。　　Some　statistical　returns　compiled　by　that

gentleman；　relative　to　the　consumption　of　raw　spirituous　liquors　in

this　place；　are　supposed　to　be　the　cause　of　the　wretch's　animosity。

It　is　added　that　this　declaration　was　loudly　cheered　by　a　crowd　of

persons　who　had　assembled　on　the　spot；　and　that　one　man　had　the

boldness　to　designate　Mr。　Slug　aloud　by　the　opprobrious　epithet　of

〃Stick…in…the…mud！〃　　It　is　earnestly　to　be　hoped　that　now；　when　the

moment　has　arrived　for　their　interference；　the　magistrates　will　not

shrink　from　the　exercise　of　that　power　which　is　vested　in　them　by

the　constitution　of　our　common　country。'



'HALF…PAST　TEN。



'The　disturbance；　I　am　happy　to　inform　you；　has　been　completely

quelled；　and　the　ringleader　taken　into　custody。　　She　had　a　pail　of

cold　water　thrown　over　her；　previous　to　being　locked　up；　and

expresses　great　contrition　and　uneasiness。　　We　are　all　in　a　fever

of　anticipation　about　to…morrow；　but；　now　that　we　are　within　a　few

hours　of　the　meeting　of　the　association；　and　at　last　enjoy　the

proud　consciousness　of　having　its　illustrious　members　amongst　us；　I

trust　and　hope　everything　may　go　off　peaceably。　　I　shall　send　you　a

full　report　of　to…morrow's　proceedings　by　the　night　coach。'



'ELEVEN　O'CLOCK。



'I　open　my　letter　to　say　that　nothing　whatever　has　occurred　since　I

folded　it　up。'



'THURSDAY。



'The　sun　rose　this　morning　at　the　usual　hour。　　I　did　not　observe

anything　particular　in　the　aspect　of　the　glorious　planet；　except

that　he　appeared　to　me　（it　might　have　been　a　delusion　of　my

heightened　fancy）　to　shine　with　more　than　common　brilliancy；　and　to

shed　a　refulgent　lustre　upon　the　town；　such　as　I　had　never　observed

before。　　This　is　the　more　extraordinary；　as　the　sky　was　perfectly

cloudless；　and　the　atmosphere　peculiarly　fine。　　At　half…past　nine

o'clock　the　general　committee　assembled；　with　the　last　year's

president　in　the　chair。　　The　report　of　the　council　was　read；　and

one　passage；　which　stated　that　the　council　had　corresponded　with　no

less　than　three　thousand　five　hundred　and　seventy…one　persons；　（all

of　whom　paid　their　own　postage；）　on　no　fewer　than　seven　thousand

two　hundred　and　forty…three　topics；　was　received　with　a　degree　of

enthusiasm　which　no　efforts　could　suppress。　　The　various　committees

and　sections　having　been　appointed；　and　the　more　formal　business

transacted；　the　great　proceedings　of　the　meeting　commenced　at

eleven　o'clock　precisely。　　I　had　the　happiness　of　occupying　a　most

eligible　position　at　that　time；　in





'SECTION　A。　…　ZOOLOGY　AND　BOTANY。

GREAT　ROOM；　PIG　AND　TINDER…BOX。





PRESIDENT　…　Professor　Snore。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Professors　Doze　and

Wheezy。



'The　scene　at　this　moment　was　particularly　striking。　　The　sun

streamed　through　the　windows　of　the　apartments；　and　tinted　the

whole　scene　with　its　brilliant　rays；　bringing　out　in　strong　relief

the　noble　visages　of　the　professors　and　scientific　gentlemen；　who；

some　with　bald　heads；　some　with　red　heads；　some　with　brown　heads；

some　with　grey　heads；　some　with　black　heads；　some　with　block　heads；

presented　a　COUP　D'OEIL　which　no　eye…witness　will　readily　forget。

In　front　of　these　gentlemen　were　papers　and　inkstands；　and　round

the　room；　on　elevated　benches　extending　as　far　as　the　forms　could

reach；　were　assembled　a　brilliant　concourse　of　those　lovely　and

elegant　women　for　which　Mudfog　is　justly　acknowledged　to　be　without

a　rival　in　the　whole　world。　　The　contrast　between　their　fair　faces

and　the　dark　coats　and　trousers　of　the　scientific　gentlemen　I　shall

never　cease　to　remember　while　Memory　holds　her　seat。



'Time　having　been　allowed　for　a　slight　confusion；　occasioned　by　the

falling　down　of　the　greater　part　of　the　platforms；　to　subside；　the

president　called　on　one　of　the　secretaries　to　read　a　communication

entitled；　〃Some　remarks　on　the　industrious　fleas；　with

considerations　on　the　importance　of　establishing　infant…schools

among　that　numerous　class　of　society；　of　directing　their　industry

to　useful　and　practical　ends；　and　of　applying　the　surplus　fruits

thereof；　towards　providing　for　them　a　comfortable　and　respectable

maintenance　in　their　old　age。〃



'The　author　stated；　that；　having　long　turned　his　attention　to　the

moral　and　social　condition　of　these　interesting　animals；　he　had

been　induced　to　visit　an　exhibition　in　Regent…street；　London；

commonly　known　by　the　designation　of　〃The　Industrious　Fleas。〃　　He

had　there　seen　many　fleas；　occupied　certainly　in　various　pursuits

and　avocations；　but　occupied；　he　was　bound　to　add；　in　a　manner

which　no　man　of　well…regulated　mind　could　fail　to　regard　with

sorrow　and　regret。　　One　flea；　reduced　to　the　level　of　a　beast　of

burden；　was　drawing　about　a　miniature　gig；　containing　a

particularly　small　effigy　of　His　Grace　the　Duke　of　Wellington；

while　another　was　staggering　beneath　the　weight　of　a　golden　model

of　his　great　adversary　Napoleon　Bonaparte。　　Some；　brought　up　as

mountebanks　and　ballet…dancers；　were　performing　a　figure…dance　（he

regretted　to　observe；　that；　of　the　fleas　so　employed；　several　were

females）；　others　were　in　training；　in　a　small　card…board　box；　for

pedestrians；　…　mere　sporting　characters　…　and　two　were　actually

engaged　in　the　cold…blooded　and　barbarous　occupation　of　duelling；　a

pursuit　from　which　humanity　recoiled　with　horror　and　disgust。　　He

suggested　that　measures　should　be　immediately　taken　to　employ　the

labour　of　these　fleas　as　part　and　parcel　of　the　productive　power　of

the　country；　which　might　easily　be　done　by　the　establishment　among

them　of　infant　schools　and　houses　of　industry；　in　which　a　system　of

virtuous　education；　based　upon　sound　principles；　should　be

observed；　and　moral　precepts　strictly　inculcated。　　He　proposed　that

every　flea　who　presumed　to　exhibit；　for　hire；　music；　or　dancing；　or

any　species　of　theatrical　entertainment；　without　a　licence；　should

be　considered　a　vagabond；　and　treated　accordingly；　in　which　respect

he　only　placed　him　upon　a　level　with　the　rest　of　mankind。　　He　would

further　suggest　that　their　labour　should　be　placed　under　the

control　and　regulation　of　the　state；　who　should　set　apart　from　the

profits；　a　fund　for　the　support　of　superannuated　or　disabled　fleas；

their　widows　and　orphans。　　With　this　view；　he　proposed　that　liberal

premiums　should　be　offered　for　the　three　best　designs　for　a　general

almshouse；　from　which　…　as　insect　architecture　was　well　known　to　be

in　a　very　advanced　and　perfect　state　…　we　might　possibly　derive

many　valuable　hints　for　the　improvement　of　our　metropolitan

universities；　national　galleries；　and　other　public　edifices。



'THE　PRESIDENT　wished　to　be　informed　how　the　ingenious　gentleman

proposed　to　open　a　communication　with　fleas　generally；　in　the　first

instance；　so　that　they　might　be　thoroughly　imbued　with　a　sense　of

the　advantages　they　must　necessarily　derive　from　changing　t