the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第1章

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The　Lily　of　the　Valley

by　Honore　de　Balzac

Translated　by　Katharine　Prescott　Wormeley



DEDICATION

　　To　Monsieur　J。　B。　Nacquart；
　　Member　of　the　Royal　Academy　of　Medicine。

　　Dear　DoctorHere　is　one　of　the　most　carefully　hewn　stones　in　the
　　second　course　of　the　foundation　of　a　literary　edifice　which　I　have
　　slowly　and　laboriously　constructed。　I　wish　to　inscribe　your　name
　　upon　it；　as　much　to　thank　the　man　whose　science　once　saved　me　as
　　to　honor　the　friend　of　my　daily　life。


De　Balzac。




THE　LILY　OF　THE　VALLEY





ENVOI

　　Felix　de　Vandenesse　to　Madame　la　Comtesse　Natalie　de　Manerville：

　　I　yield　to　your　wishes。　It　is　the　privilege　of　the　women　whom　we
　　love　more　than　they　love　us　to　make　the　men　who　love　them　ignore
　　the　ordinary　rules　of　common…sense。　To　smooth　the　frown　upon　their
　　brow；　to　soften　the　pout　upon　their　lips；　what　obstacles　we
　　miraculously　overcome！　We　shed　our　blood；　we　risk　our　future！

　　You　exact　the　history　of　my　past　life；　here　it　is。　But　remember
　　this；　Natalie；　in　obeying　you　I　crush　under　foot　a　reluctance
　　hitherto　unconquerable。　Why　are　you　jealous　of　the　sudden　reveries
　　which　overtake　me　in　the　midst　of　our　happiness？　Why　show　the
　　pretty　anger　of　a　petted　woman　when　silence　grasps　me？　Could　you
　　not　play　upon　the　contradictions　of　my　character　without　inquiring
　　into　the　causes　of　them？　Are　there　secrets　in　your　heart　which
　　seek　absolution　through　a　knowledge　of　mine？　Ah！　Natalie；　you　have
　　guessed　mine；　and　it　is　better　you　should　know　the　whole　truth。
　　Yes；　my　life　is　shadowed　by　a　phantom；　a　word　evokes　it；　it　hovers
　　vaguely　above　me　and　about　me；　within　my　soul　are　solemn　memories；
　　buried　in　its　depths　like　those　marine　productions　seen　in　calmest
　　weather　and　which　the　storms　of　ocean　cast　in　fragments　on　the
　　shore。

　　The　mental　labor　which　the　expression　of　ideas　necessitates　has
　　revived　the　old；　old　feelings　which　give　me　so　much　pain　when　they
　　come　suddenly；　and　if　in　this　confession　of　my　past　they　break　
　　forth　in　a　way　that　wounds　you；　remember　that　you　threatened　to
　　punish　me　if　I　did　not　obey　your　wishes；　and　do　not；　therefore；
　　punish　my　obedience。　I　would　that　this；　my　confidence；　might
　　increase　your　love。

Until　we　meet；

Felix。




CHAPTER　I

TWO　CHILDHOODS

To　what　genius　fed　on　tears　shall　we　some　day　owe　that　most　touching
of　all　elegies；the　tale　of　tortures　borne　silently　by　souls　whose
tender　roots　find　stony　ground　in　the　domestic　soil；　whose　earliest
buds　are　torn　apart　by　rancorous　hands；　whose　flowers　are　touched　by
frost　at　the　moment　of　their　blossoming？　What　poet　will　sing　the
sorrows　of　the　child　whose　lips　must　suck　a　bitter　breast；　whose
smiles　are　checked　by　the　cruel　fire　of　a　stern　eye？　The　tale　that
tells　of　such　poor　hearts；　oppressed　by　beings　placed　about　them　to
promote　the　development　of　their　natures；　would　contain　the　true
history　of　my　childhood。

What　vanity　could　I　have　wounded；I　a　child　new…born？　What　moral　or
physical　infirmity　caused　by　mother's　coldness？　Was　I　the　child　of
duty；　whose　birth　is　a　mere　chance；　or　was　I　one　whose　very　life　was　a
reproach？　Put　to　nurse　in　the　country　and　forgotten　by　my　family　for
over　three　years；　I　was　treated　with　such　indifference　on　my　return　to
the　parental　roof　that　even　the　servants　pitied　me。　I　do　not　know　to
what　feeling　or　happy　accident　I　owed　my　rescue　from　this　first
neglect；　as　a　child　I　was　ignorant　of　it；　as　a　man　I　have　not
discovered　it。　Far　from　easing　my　lot；　my　brother　and　my　two　sisters
found　amusement　in　making　me　suffer。　The　compact　in　virtue　of　which
children　hide　each　other's　peccadilloes；　and　which　early　teaches　them
the　principles　of　honor；　was　null　and　void　in　my　case；　more　than　that；
I　was　often　punished　for　my　brother's　faults；　without　being　allowed　to
prove　the　injustice。　The　fawning　spirit　which　seems　instinctive　in
children　taught　my　brother　and　sisters　to　join　in　the　persecutions　to
which　I　was　subjected；　and　thus　keep　in　the　good　graces　of　a　mother
whom　they　feared　as　much　as　I。　Was　this　partly　the　effect　of　a
childish　love　of　imitation；　was　it　from　a　need　of　testing　their
powers；　or　was　it　simply　through　lack　of　pity？　Perhaps　these　causes
united　to　deprive　me　of　the　sweets　of　fraternal　intercourse。

Disinherited　of　all　affection；　I　could　love　nothing；　yet　nature　had
made　me　loving。　Is　there　an　angel　who　garners　the　sighs　of　feeling
hearts　rebuffed　incessantly？　If　in　many　such　hearts　the　crushed
feelings　turn　to　hatred；　in　mine　they　condensed　and　hollowed　a　depth
from　which；　in　after　years；　they　gushed　forth　upon　my　life。　In　many
characters　the　habit　of　trembling　relaxes　the　fibres　and　begets　fear；
and　fear　ends　in　submission；　hence；　a　weakness　which　emasculates　a
man；　and　makes　him　more　or　less　a　slave。　But　in　my　case　these
perpetual　tortures　led　to　the　development　of　a　certain　strength；　which
increased　through　exercise　and　predisposed　my　spirit　to　the　habit　of
moral　resistance。　Always　in　expectation　of　some　new　griefas　the
martyrs　expected　some　fresh　blowmy　whole　being　expressed；　I　doubt
not；　a　sullen　resignation　which　smothered　the　grace　and　gaiety　of
childhood；　and　gave　me　an　appearance　of　idiocy　which　seemed　to　justify
my　mother's　threatening　prophecies。　The　certainty　of　injustice
prematurely　roused　my　pridethat　fruit　of　reasonand　thus；　no　doubt；
checked　the　evil　tendencies　which　an　education　like　mine　encouraged。

Though　my　mother　neglected　me　I　was　sometimes　the　object　of　her
solicitude；　she　occasionally　spoke　of　my　education　and　seemed　desirous
of　attending　to　it　herself。　Cold　chills　ran　through　me　at　such　times
when　I　thought　of　the　torture　a　daily　intercourse　with　her　would
inflict　upon　me。　I　blessed　the　neglect　in　which　I　lived；　and　rejoiced
that　I　could　stay　alone　in　the　garden　and　play　with　the　pebbles　and
watch　the　insects　and　gaze　into　the　blueness　of　the　sky。　Though　my
loneliness　naturally　led　me　to　reverie；　my　liking　for　contemplation
was　first　aroused　by　an　incident　which　will　give　you　an　idea　of　my
early　troubles。　So　little　notice　was　taken　of　me　that　the　governess
occasionally　forgot　to　send　me　to　bed。　One　evening　I　was　peacefully
crouching　under　a　fig…tree；　watching　a　star　with　that　passion　of
curiosity　which　takes　possession　of　a　child's　mind；　and　to　which　my
precocious　melancholy　gave　a　sort　of　sentimental　intuition。　My　sisters
were　playing　about　and　laughing；　I　heard　their　distant　chatter　like　an
accompaniment　to　my　thoughts。　After　a　while　the　noise　ceased　and
darkness　fell。　My　mother　happened　to　notice　my　absence。　To　escape
blame；　our　governess；　a　terrible　Mademoiselle　Caroline；　worked　upon　my
mother's　fears；told　her　I　had　a　horror　of　my　home　and　would　long　ago
have　run　away　if　she　had　not　watched　me；　that　I　was　not　stupid　but
sullen；　and　that　in　all　her　experience　of　children　she　had　never　known
one　of　so　bad　a　disposition　as　mine。　She　pretended　to　search　for　me。　I
answered　as　soon　as　I　was　called；　and　she　came　to　the　fig…tree；　where
she　very　well　knew　I　was。　〃What　are　you　doing　there？〃　she　asked。
〃Watching　a　star。〃　〃You　were　not　watching　a　star；〃　said　my　mother；　who
was　listening　on　her　balcony；　〃children　of　your　age　know　nothing　of
astronomy。〃　〃Ah；　madame；〃　cried　Mademoiselle　Caroline；　〃he　has　opened
the　faucet　of　the　reservoir；　the　garden　is　inundated！〃　Then　there　was
a　general　excitement。　The　fact　was　that　my　sisters　had　amused
themselves　by　turning　the　cock　to　see　the　water　flow；　but　a　sudden
spurt　wet　them　all　over　and　frightened　them　so　much　that　they　ran　away
without　closing　it。　Accused　and　convicted　of　this　piece　of　mischief
and　told　that　I　lied　when　I　denied　it；　I　was　severely　punished。　Worse
than　all；　I　was　jeered　at　for　my　pretended　love　of　the　stars　and
forbidden　to　stay　in　the　garden　after　dark。

Such　tyrannical　restrains　intensify　a　passion　in　the　hearts　of
children　even　more　than　in　those　of　men；　children　think　of　nothing　but
the　forbidden　thing；　which　then　becomes　irresistibly　attractive　to
them。　I　was　often　whipped　for　my　star。　Unable　to　confide　in　my　kind；　I
told　it　all　my　troubles　in　that　delicious　inward　prattle　with　which　we
stammer　our　first　ideas；　just　as　once　we　stammered　our　first　words。　At
twelve　years　of　age；　long　after　I　was　at　school；　I　still　watched　that
star　with　indescribable　delight；so　deep　and　lasting　are　the
impressions　we　receive　in　the　dawn　of　life。

My　brother　Charles；　five　years　older　than　I　and　as　handsome　a　boy　as
he　now　is　a　man；　was　the　favorite　of　my　father；　the　idol　of　my　mother；
and　consequently　the　sovereign　of　the　house。　He　was　robust　and　well…
made；　and　had　a　tutor。　I；　puny　and　even　sickly；　was　sent　at　five　years
of　age　as　day　pupil　to　a　school　in　the　town；　taken　in　the　morning　and
brought　back　at　night　by　my　father's　valet。　I　was　sent　with　a　scanty
lunch；　while　my　school…fellows　brought　plenty　of　good　food。　This
trifling　contrast　between　my　privations　and　their　prosperity　made　me
suffer　deeply。　The　famous　potted　pork　prepared　at　Tours　and　called
〃rillettes〃　and　〃rillons〃　was　the　chief　feature　of　their　mid…day　meal；
between　the　early　breakfast　and　the　parent's　dinner；　which　was　ready
when　we　returned　from　school。　This　preparation　of　meat；　much　prized　by
certain　gourmands；　is　seldom　seen　at　Tours　on　aristocratic　tables；　if
I　had　ever　heard　of　it　before　I　went　to　school；　I　certainly　had　never
had　the　happiness　of　seeing　that　brown　mess　spread　on　slices　of　bread
and　butter。　Nevertheless；　my　desire　for　those　〃rillons〃　was　so　great
that　it　grew　to　be　a　fixed　idea；　like　the　longing　of　an　elegant
Parisian　duchess　for　the　stews　cooked　by　a　porter's　wife；longings
which；　being　a　woman；　she　found　means　to　satisfy。　Children　guess　each
other's　covetousness；　just　as　you　are　able　to　read　a　man's　love；　by
the　look　in　the　eyes；　consequently　I　became　an　admirable　butt　for
ridicule。　My　comrades；　nearly　all　belonging　to　the　lower　bourgeoisie；
would　show　me　their　〃rillons〃　and　ask　if　I　knew　how　they　were　made　and
where　they　were　sold；　and　why　it　was　that　I　never　had　any。　They　licked
their　lips　as　they　talked　of　themscraps　of　pork　pressed　in　their　own
fat　and　looking　like　cooked　truffles；　they　inspected　my　lunch…basket；
and　finding　nothing　better　than　Olivet　cheese　or　dried　fruits；　they
plagued　me　with　questions：　〃Is　that　all　you　have？　have　you　really
nothing　else？〃speeches　which　made　me　realize　the　difference　between
my　brother　and　myself。

This　contrast　between　my　own　abandonment　and　the　happiness　of　others
nipped　the　roses　of　my　childhood　and　blighted　my　budding　youth。　The
first　time　that　I；　mistaking　my　comrades'　actions　for　generosity；　put
forth　my　hand　to　take　the　dainty　I　had　so　long　coveted　and　which　was
now　hypocritically　held　out　to　me；　my　tormentor　pulled　back　his　slice
to　the　great　delight　of　his　comrades　who　were　expecting　that　result。
If　noble　and　distinguished　minds　are；　as　we　often　find　them；　capable
of　vanity；　can　we　blame　the　child　who　weeps　when　despised　and　jeered
at？　Under　such　a　trial　many　boys　would　have　turned　into　gluttons　and
cringing　beggars。　I　fought　to　escape　my　persecutors。　The　courage　of
despair　made　me　formidable；　but　I　was　hated；　and　thus　had　no
protection　again