the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第16章

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on　Thursday；　the　evening　before　the　duchess　leaves。　I　must　go　to　Tours
to…morrow　to　settle　some　business。　Don't　neglect　Clochegourde。　My
mother…in…law　is　an　acquaintance　I　advise　you　to　cultivate。　Her　salon
will　set　the　tone　for　the　faubourg　St。　Germain。　She　has　all　the
traditions　of　the　great　world；　and　possesses　an　immense　amount　of
social　knowledge；　she　knows　the　blazon　of　the　oldest　as　well　as　the
newest　family　in　Europe。〃

The　count's　good　taste；　or　perhaps　the　advice　of　his　domestic　genius；
appeared　under　his　altered　circumstances。　He　was　neither　arrogant　nor
offensively　polite；　nor　pompous　in　any　way；　and　the　duchess　was　not
patronizing。　Monsieur　and　Madame　de　Chessel　gratefully　accepted　the
invitation　to　dinner　on　the　following　Thursday。　I　pleased　the　duchess；
and　by　her　glance　I　knew　she　was　examining　a　man　of　whom　her　daughter
had　spoken　to　her。　As　we　returned　from　vespers　she　questioned　me　about
my　family；　and　asked　if　the　Vandenesse　now　in　diplomacy　was　my
relative。　〃He　is　my　brother；〃　I　replied。　On　that　she　became　almost
affectionate。　She　told　me　that　my　great…aunt；　the　old　Marquise　de
Listomere；　was　a　Grandlieu。　Her　manners　were　as　cordial　as　those　of
Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　the　day　he　saw　me　for　the　first　time；　the　haughty
glance　with　which　these　sovereigns　of　the　earth　make　you　measure　the
distance　that　lies　between　you　and　them　disappeared。　I　knew　almost
nothing　of　my　family。　The　duchess　told　me　that　my　great…uncle；　an　old
abbe　whose　very　name　I　did　not　know；　was　to　be　member　of　the　privy
council；　that　my　brother　was　already　promoted；　and　also　that　by　a
provision　of　the　Charter；　of　which　I　had　not　yet　heard；　my　father
became　once　more　Marquis　de　Vandenesse。

〃I　am　but　one　thing；　the　serf　of　Clochegourde；〃　I　said　in　a　low　voice
to　the　countess。

The　transformation　scene　of　the　Restoration　was　carried　through　with　a
rapidity　which　bewildered　the　generation　brought　up　under　the　imperial
regime。　To　me　this　revolution　meant　nothing。　The　least　word　or　gesture
from　Madame　de　Mortsauf　were　the　sole　events　to　which　I　attached
importance。　I　was　ignorant　of　what　the　privy　council　was；　and　knew　as
little　of　politics　as　of　social　life；　my　sole　ambition　was　to　love
Henriette　better　than　Petrarch　loved　Laura。　This　indifference　made　the
duchess　take　me　for　a　child。　A　large　company　assembled　at　Frapesle　and
we　were　thirty　at　table。　What　intoxication　it　is　for　a　young　man
unused　to　the　world　to　see　the　woman　he　loves　more　beautiful　than　all
others　around　her；　the　centre　of　admiring　looks；　to　know　that　for　him
alone　is　reserved　the　chaste　fire　of　those　eyes；　that　none　but　he　can
discern　in　the　tones　of　that　voice；　in　the　words　it　utters；　however
gay　or　jesting　they　may　be；　the　proofs　of　unremitting　thought。　The
count；　delighted　with　the　attentions　paid　to　him；　seemed　almost　young；
his　wife　looked　hopeful　of　a　change；　I　amused　myself　with　Madeleine；
who；　like　all　children　with　bodies　weaker　than　their　minds；　made
others　laugh　with　her　clever　observations；　full　of　sarcasm；　though
never　malicious；　and　which　spared　no　one。　It　was　a　happy　day。　A　word；
a　hope　awakened　in　the　morning　illumined　nature。　Seeing　me　so　joyous；
Henriette　was　joyful　too。

〃This　happiness　smiling　on　my　gray　and　cloudy　life　seems　good；〃　she
said　to　me　the　next　day。

That　day　I　naturally　spent　at　Clochegourde。　I　had　been　banished　for
five　days；　I　was　athirst　for　life。　The　count　left　at　six　in　the
morning　for　Tours。　A　serious　disagreement　had　arisen　between　mother
and　daughter。　The　duchess　wanted　the　countess　to　move　to　Paris；　where
she　promised　her　a　place　at　court；　and　where　the　count；　reconsidering
his　refusal；　might　obtain　some　high　position。　Henriette；　who　was
thought　happy　in　her　married　life；　would　not　reveal；　even　to　her
mother；　her　tragic　sufferings　and　the　fatal　incapacity　of　her　husband。
It　was　to　hide　his　condition　from　the　duchess　that　she　persuaded　him
to　go　to　Tours　and　transact　business　with　his　notaries。　I　alone；　as
she　had　truly　said；　knew　the　dark　secret　of　Clochegourde。　Having
learned　by　experience　how　the　pure　air　and　the　blue　sky　of　the　lovely
valley　calmed　the　excitements　and　soothed　the　morbid　griefs　of　the
diseased　mind；　and　what　beneficial　effect　the　life　at　Clochegourde　had
upon　the　health　of　her　children；　she　opposed　her　mother's　desire　that
she　should　leave　it　with　reasons　which　the　overbearing　woman；　who　was
less　grieved　than　mortified　by　her　daughter's　bad　marriage；　vigorously
combated。

Henriette　saw　that　the　duchess　cared　little　for　Jacques　and　Madeleine；
a　terrible　discovery！　Like　all　domineering　mothers　who　expect　to
continue　the　same　authority　over　their　married　daughters　that　they
maintained　when　they　were　girls；　the　duchess　brooked　no　opposition；
sometimes　she　affected　a　crafty　sweetness　to　force　her　daughter　to
compliance；　at　other　times　a　cold　severity；　intending　to　obtain　by
fear　what　gentleness　had　failed　to　win；　then；　when　all　means　failed；
she　displayed　the　same　native　sarcasm　which　I　had　often　observed　in　my
own　mother。　In　those　ten　days　Henriette　passed　through　all　the
contentions　a　young　woman　must　endure　to　establish　her　independence。
You；　who　for　your　happiness　have　the　best　of　mothers；　can　scarcely
comprehend　such　trials。　To　gain　a　true　idea　of　the　struggle　between
that　cold；　calculating；　ambitious　woman　and　a　daughter　abounding　in
the　tender　natural　kindness　that　never　faileth；　you　must　imagine　a
lily；　to　which　my　heart　has　always　compared　her；　bruised　beneath　the
polished　wheels　of　a　steel　car。　That　mother　had　nothing　in　common　with
her　daughter；　she　was　unable　even　to　imagine　the　real　difficulties
which　hindered　her　from　taking　advantage　of　the　Restoration　and　forced
her　to　continue　a　life　of　solitude。　Though　families　bury　their
internal　dissensions　with　the　utmost　care；　enter　behind　the　scenes；
and　you　will　find　in　nearly　all　of　them　deep；　incurable　wounds；　which
lessen　the　natural　affections。　Sometimes　these　wounds　are　given　by
passions　real　and　most　affecting；　rendered　eternal　by　the　dignity　of
those　who　feel　them；　sometimes　by　latent　hatreds　which　slowly　freeze
the　heart　and　dry　all　tears　when　the　hour　of　parting　comes。　Tortured
yesterday　and　to…day；　wounded　by　all；　even　by　the　suffering　children
who　were　guiltless　of　the　ills　they　endured；　how　could　that　poor　soul
fail　to　love　the　one　human　being　who　did　not　strike　her；　who　would
fain　have　built　a　wall　of　defence　around　her　to　guard　her　from　storms；
from　harsh　contacts　and　cruel　blows？　Though　I　suffered　from　a
knowledge　of　these　debates；　there　were　moments　when　I　was　happy　in　the
sense　that　she　rested　upon　my　heart；　for　she　told　me　of　these　new
troubles。　Day　by　day　I　learned　more　fully　the　meaning　of　her　words；
〃Love　me　as　my　aunt　loved　me。〃

〃Have　you　no　ambition？〃　the　duchess　said　to　me　at　dinner；　with　a　stern
air。

〃Madame；〃　I　replied；　giving　her　a　serious　look；　〃I　have　enough　in　me
to　conquer　the　world；　but　I　am　only　twenty…one；　and　I　am　all　alone。〃

She　looked　at　her　daughter　with　some　astonishment。　Evidently　she
believed　that　Henriette　had　crushed　my　ambition　in　order　to　keep　me
near　her。　The　visit　of　Madame　de　Lenoncourt　was　a　period　of　unrelieved
constraint。　The　countess　begged　me　to　be　cautious；　she　was　frightened
by　the　least　kind　word；　to　please　her　I　wore　the　harness　of　deceit。
The　great　Thursday　came；　it　was　a　day　of　wearisome　ceremonial；one　of
those　stiff　days　which　lovers　hate；　when　their　chair　is　no　longer　in
its　place；　and　the　mistress　of　the　house　cannot　be　with　them。　Love　has
a　horror　of　all　that　does　not　concern　itself。　But　the　duchess　returned
at　last　to　the　pomps　and　vanities　of　the　court；　and　Clochegourde
recovered　its　accustomed　order。

My　little　quarrel　with　the　count　resulted　in　making　me　more　at　home　in
the　house　than　ever；　I　could　go　there　at　all　times　without　hindrance；
and　the　antecedents　of　my　life　inclined　me　to　cling　like　a　climbing
plant　to　the　beautiful　soul　which　had　opened　to　me　the　enchanting
world　of　shared　emotions。　Every　hour；　every　minute；　our　fraternal
marriage；　founded　on　trust；　became　a　surer　thing；　each　of　us　settled
firmly　into　our　own　position；　the　countess　enfolded　me　with　her
nurturing　care；　with　the　white　draperies　of　a　love　that　was　wholly
maternal；　while　my　love　for　her；　seraphic　in　her　presence；　seared　me
as　with　hot　irons　when　away　from　her。　I　loved　her　with　a　double　love
which　shot　its　arrows　of　desire；　and　then　lost　them　in　the　sky；　where
they　faded　out　of　sight　in　the　impermeable　ether。　If　you　ask　me　why；
young　and　ardent；　I　continued　in　the　deluding　dreams　of　Platonic　love；
I　must　own　to　you　that　I　was　not　yet　man　enough　to　torture　that　woman；
who　was　always　in　dread　of　some　catastrophe　to　her　children；　always
fearing　some　outburst　of　her　husband's　stormy　temper；　martyrized　by
him　when　not　afflicted　by　the　illness　of　Jacques　or　Madeleine；　and
sitting　beside　one　or　the　other　of　them　when　her　husband　allowed　her　a
little　rest。　The　mere　sound　of　too　warm　a　word　shook　her　whole　being；
a　desire　shocked　her；　what　she　needed　was　a　veiled　love；　support
mingled　with　tenderness；that；　in　short；　which　she　gave　to　others。
Then；　need　I　tell　you；　who　are　so　truly　feminine？　this　situation
brought　with　it　hours　of　delightful　languor；　moments　of　divine
sweetness　and　content　which　followed　by　secret　immolation。　Her
conscience　was；　if　I　may　call　it　so；　contagious；　her　self…devotion
without　earthly　recompense　awed　me　by　its　persistence；　the　living；
inward　piety　which　was　the　bond　of　her　other　virtues　filled　the　air
about　her　with　spiritual　incense。　Besides；　I　was　young；young　enough
to　concentrate　my　whole　being　on　the　kiss　she　allowed　me　too　seldom　to
lay　upon　her　hand；　of　which　she　gave　me　only　the　back；　and　never　the
palm；　as　though　she　drew　the　line　of　sensual　emotions　there。　No　two
souls　ever　clasped　each　other　with　so　much　ardor；　no　bodies　were　ever
more　victoriously　annihilated。　Later　I　understood　the　cause　of　this
sufficing　joy。　At　my　age　no　worldly　interests　distracted　my　heart；　no
ambitions　blocked　the　stream　of　a　love　which　flowed　like　a　torrent；
bearing　all　things　on　its　bosom。　Later；　we　love　the　woman　in　a　woman；
but　the　first　woman　we　love　is　the　whole　of　womanhood；　her　children
are　ours；　her　interests　are　our　interests；　her　sorrows　our　greatest
sorrow；　we　love　her　gown；　the　familiar　things　about　her；　we　are　more
grieved　by　a　trifling　loss　of　hers　than　if　we　knew　we　had　lost
everything。　This　is　the　sacred　love　that　makes　us　live　in　the　being　of
another；　whereas　later；　alas！　we　draw　another　life　into　ours；　and
require　a　woman　to　enrich　our　pauper　spirit　with　her　young　soul。

I　was　now　one　of　the　household；　and　I　knew　for　the　first　time　an
infinite　sweetness；　which　to　a　nature　bruised　as　mine　was　like　a　bath
to　a　weary　body；　the　soul　is　refreshed　in　every　fibre；　comforted　to
its　very　depths。　You　will　hardly　understand　me；　for　you　are　a　woman；
and　I　am　speaking　now　of　a　happiness　women　give　but　do　not　receive。　A
man　alone　knows　the　choice　happiness　of　being；　in　the　midst　of　a
strange　household；　the　privileged　friend　of　its　mistress；　the　secret
centre　of　her　affections。　No　dog　barks　at　you；　the　servants；　like　the
dogs；　recognize　your　rights；　the　children　（