the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第17章

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dogs；　recognize　your　rights；　the　children　（who　are　never　misled；　and
know　that　their　power　cannot　be　lessened；　and　that　you　cherish　the
light　of　their　life）；　the　children　possess　the　gift　of　divination；
they　play　with　you　like　kittens　and　assume　the　friendly　tyranny　they
show　only　to　those　they　love；　they　are　full　of　intelligent　discretion
and　come　and　go　on　tiptoe　without　noise。　Every　one　hastens　to　do　you
service；　all　like　you；　and　smile　upon　you。　True　passions　are　like
beautiful　flowers　all　the　more　charming　to　the　eye　when　they　grow　in　a
barren　soil。

But　if　I　enjoyed　the　delightful　benefits　of　naturalization　in　a　family
where　I　found　relations　after　my　own　heart；　I　had　also　to　pay　some
costs　for　it。　Until　then　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　had　more　or　less
restrained　himself　before　me。　I　had　only　seen　his　failings　in　the
mass；　I　was　now　to　see　the　full　extent　of　their　application　and
discover　how　nobly　charitable　the　countess　had　been　in　the　account　she
had　given　me　of　these　daily　struggles。　I　learned　now　all　the　angles　of
her　husband's　intolerable　nature；　I　heard　his　perpetual　scolding　about
nothing；　complaints　of　evils　of　which　not　a　sign　existed；　I　saw　the
inward　dissatisfaction　which　poisoned　his　life；　and　the　incessant　need
of　his　tyrannical　spirit　for　new　victims。　When　we　went　to　walk　in　the
evenings　he　selected　the　way；　but　whichever　direction　we　took　he　was
always　bored；　when　we　reached　home　he　blamed　others；　his　wife　had
insisted　on　going　where　she　wanted；　why　was　he　governed　by　her　in　all
the　trifling　things　of　life？　was　he　to　have　no　will；　no　thought　of　his
own？　must　he　consent　to　be　a　cipher　in　his　own　house？　If　his　harshness
was　to　be　received　in　patient　silence　he　was　angry　because　he　felt　a
limit　to　his　power；　he　asked　sharply　if　religion　did　not　require　a
wife　to　please　her　husband；　and　whether　it　was　proper　to　despise　the
father　of　her　children？　He　always　ended　by　touching　some　sensitive
chord　in　his　wife's　mind；　and　he　seemed　to　find　a　domineering　pleasure
in　making　it　sound。　Sometimes　he　tried　gloomy　silence　and　a　morbid
depression；　which　always　alarmed　his　wife　and　made　her　pay　him　the
most　tender　attentions。　Like　petted　children；　who　exercise　their　power
without　thinking　of　the　distress　of　their　mother；　he　would　let　her
wait　upon　him　as　upon　Jacques　and　Madeleine；　of　whom　he　was　jealous。

I　discovered　at　last　that　in　small　things　as　well　as　in　great　ones　the
count　acted　towards　his　servants；　his　children；　his　wife；　precisely　as
he　had　acted　to　me　about　the　backgammon。　The　day　when　I　understood；
root　and　branch；　these　difficulties；　which　like　a　rampant　overgrowth
repressed　the　actions　and　stifled　the　breathing　of　the　whole　family；
hindered　the　management　of　the　household　and　retarded　the　improvement
of　the　estate　by　complicating　the　most　necessary　acts；　I　felt　an
admiring　awe　which　rose　higher　than　my　love　and　drove　it　back　into　my
heart。　Good　God！　what　was　I？　Those　tears　that　I　had　taken　on　my　lips
solemnized　my　spirit；　I　found　happiness　in　wedding　the　sufferings　of
that　woman。　Hitherto　I　had　yielded　to　the　count's　despotism　as　the
smuggler　pays　his　fine；　henceforth　I　was　a　voluntary　victim　that　I
might　come　the　nearer　to　her。　The　countess　understood　me；　allowed　me　a
place　beside　her；　and　gave　me　permission　to　share　her　sorrows；　like
the　repentant　apostate；　eager　to　rise　to　heaven　with　his　brethren；　I
obtained　the　favor　of　dying　in　the　arena。

〃Were　it　not　for　you　I　must　have　succumbed　under　this　life；〃　Henriette
said　to　me　one　evening　when　the　count　had　been；　like　the　flies　on　a
hot　day；　more　stinging；　venomous；　and　persistent　than　usual。

He　had　gone　to　bed。　Henriette　and　I　remained　under　the　acacias；　the
children　were　playing　about　us；　bathed　in　the　setting　sun。　Our　few
exclamatory　words　revealed　the　mutuality　of　the　thoughts　in　which　we
rested　from　our　common　sufferings。　When　language　failed　silence　as
faithfully　served　our　souls；　which　seemed　to　enter　one　another　without
hindrance；　together　they　luxuriated　in　the　charms　of　pensive　languor；
they　met　in　the　undulations　of　the　same　dream；　they　plunged　as　one
into　the　river　and　came　out　refreshed　like　two　nymphs　as　closely
united　as　their　souls　could　wish；　but　with　no　earthly　tie　to　bind
them。　We　entered　the　unfathomable　gulf；　we　returned　to　the　surface
with　empty　hands；　asking　each　other　by　a　look；　〃Among　all　our　days　on
earth　will　there　be　one　for　us？〃

In　spite　of　the　tranquil　poetry　of　evening　which　gave　to　the　bricks　of
the　balustrade　their　orange　tones；　so　soothing　and　so　pure；　in　spite
of　the　religious　atmosphere　of　the　hour；　which　softened　the　voices　of
the　children　and　wafted　them　towards　us；　desire　crept　through　my　veins
like　the　match　to　the　bonfire。　After　three　months　of　repression　I　was
unable　to　content　myself　with　the　fate　assigned　me。　I　took　Henriette's
hand　and　softly　caressed　it；　trying　to　convey　to　her　the　ardor　that
invaded　me。　She　became　at　once　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　and　withdrew　her
hand；　tears　rolled　from　my　eyes；　she　saw　them　and　gave　me　a　chilling
look；　as　she　offered　her　hand　to　my　lips。

〃You　must　know；〃　she　said；　〃that　this　will　cause　me　grief。　A
friendship　that　asks　so　great　a　favor　is　dangerous。〃

Then　I　lost　my　self…control；　I　reproached　her；　I　spoke　of　my
sufferings；　and　the　slight　alleviation　that　I　asked　for　them。　I　dared
to　tell　her　that　at　my　age；　if　the　senses　were　all　soul　still　the　soul
had　a　sex；　that　I　could　meet　death；　but　not　with　closed　lips。　She
forced　me　to　silence　with　her　proud　glance；　in　which　I　seemed　to　read
the　cry　of　the　Mexican：　〃And　I；　am　I　on　a　bed　of　roses？〃　Ever　since

that　day　by　the　gate　of　Frapesle；　when　I　attributed　to　her　the　hope
that　our　happiness　might　spring　from　a　grave；　I　had　turned　with　shame
from　the　thought　of　staining　her　soul　with　the　desires　of　a　brutal
passion。　She　now　spoke　with　honeyed　lip；　and　told　me　that　she　never
could　be　wholly　mine；　and　that　I　ought　to　know　it。　As　she　said　the
words　I　know　that　in　obeying　her　I　dug　an　abyss　between　us。　I　bowed　my
head。　She　went　on；　saying　she　had　an　inward　religious　certainty　that
she　might　love　me　as　a　brother　without　offending　God　or　man；　such　love
was　a　living　image　of　the　divine　love；　which　her　good　Saint…Martin
told　her　was　the　life　of　the　world。　If　I　could　not　be　to　her　somewhat
as　her　old　confessor　was；　less　than　a　lover　yet　more　than　a　brother；　I
must　never　see　her　again。　She　could　die　and　take　to　God　her　sheaf　of
sufferings；　borne　not　without　tears　and　anguish。

〃I　gave　you；〃　she　said　in　conclusion；　〃more　than　I　ought　to　have
given；　so　that　nothing　might　be　left　to　take；　and　I　am　punished。〃

I　was　forced　to　calm　her；　to　promise　never　to　cause　her　pain；　and　to
love　her　at　twenty…one　years　of　age　as　old　men　love　their　youngest
child。

The　next　day　I　went　early。　There　were　no　flowers　in　the　vases　of　her
gray　salon。　I　rushed　into　the　fields　and　vineyards　to　make　her　two
bouquets；　but　as　I　gathered　the　flowers；　one　by　one；　cutting　their
long　stalks　and　admiring　their　beauty；　the　thought　occurred　to　me　that
the　colors　and　foliage　had　a　poetry；　a　harmony；　which　meant　something
to　the　understanding　while　they　charmed　the　eye；　just　as　musical
melodies　awaken　memories　in　hearts　that　are　loving　and　beloved。　If
color　is　light　organized；　must　it　not　have　a　meaning　of　its　own；　as
the　combinations　of　the　air　have　theirs？　I　called　in　the　assistance　of
Jacques　and　Madeleine；　and　all　three　of　us　conspired　to　surprise　our
dear　one。　I　arranged；　on　the　lower　steps　of　the　portico；　where　we
established　our　floral　headquarters；　two　bouquets　by　which　I　tried　to
convey　a　sentiment。　Picture　to　yourself　a　fountain　of　flowers　gushing
from　the　vases　and　falling　back　in　curving　waves；　my　message　springing
from　its　bosom　in　white　roses　and　lilies　with　their　silver　cups。　All
the　blue　flowers；　harebells；　forget…me…nots；　and　ox…tongues；　whose
tines；　caught　from　the　skies；　blended　so　well　with　the　whiteness　of
the　lilies；　sparkled　on　this　dewy　texture；　were　they　not　the　type　of
two　purities；　the　one　that　knows　nothing；　the　other　that　knows　all；　an
image　of　the　child；　an　image　of　the　martyr？　Love　has　its　blazon；　and
the　countess　discerned　it　inwardly。　She　gave　me　a　poignant　glance
which　was　like　the　cry　of　a　soldier　when　his　wound　is　touched；　she　was
humbled　but　enraptured　too。　My　reward　was　in　that　glance；　to　refresh
her　heart；　to　have　given　her　comfort；　what　encouragement　for　me！　Then
it　was　that　I　pressed　the　theories　of　Pere　Castel　into　the　service　of
love；　and　recovered　a　science　lost　to　Europe；　where　written　pages　have
supplanted　the　flowery　missives　of　the　Orient　with　their　balmy　tints。
What　charm　in　expressing　our　sensations　through　these　daughters　of　the
sun；　sisters　to　the　flowers　that　bloom　beneath　the　rays　of　love！
Before　long　I　communed　with　the　flora　of　the　fields；　as　a　man　whom　I
met　in　after　days　at　Grandlieu　communed　with　his　bees。

Twice　a　week　during　the　remainder　of　my　stay　at　Frapesle　I　continued
the　slow　labor　of　this　poetic　enterprise；　for　the　ultimate
accomplishment　of　which　I　needed　all　varieties　of　herbaceous　plants；
into　these　I　made　a　deep　research；　less　as　a　botanist　than　as　a　poet；
studying　their　spirit　rather　than　their　form。　To　find　a　flower　in　its
native　haunts　I　walked　enormous　distances；　beside　the　brooklets；
through　the　valleys；　to　the　summit　of　the　cliffs；　across　the　moorland；
garnering　thoughts　even　from　the　heather。　During　these　rambles　I
initiated　myself　into　pleasures　unthought　of　by　the　man　of　science　who
lives　in　meditation；　unknown　to　the　horticulturist　busy　with
specialities；　to　the　artisan　fettered　to　a　city；　to　the　merchant
fastened　to　his　desk；　but　known　to　a　few　foresters；　to　a　few　woodsmen；
and　to　some　dreamers。　Nature　can　show　effects　the　significations　of
which　are　limitless；　they　rise　to　the　grandeur　of　the　highest　moral
conceptionsbe　it　the　heather　in　bloom；　covered　with　the　diamonds　of
the　dew　on　which　the　sunlight　dances；　infinitude　decked　for　the　single
glance　that　may　chance　to　fall　upon　it：be　it　a　corner　of　the　forest
hemmed　in　with　time…worn　rocks　crumbling　to　gravel　and　clothed　with
mosses　overgrown　with　juniper；　which　grasps　our　minds　as　something
savage；　aggressive；　terrifying　as　the　cry　of　the　kestrel　issuing　from
it：be　it　a　hot　and　barren　moor　without　vegetation；　stony；　rigid；　its
horizon　like　those　of　the　desert；　where　once　I　gathered　a　sublime　and
solitary　flower；　the　anemone　pulsatilla；　with　its　violet　petals
opening　for　the　golden　stamens；　affecting　image　of　my　pure　idol　alone
in　her　valley：be　it　great　sheets　of　water；　where　nature　casts　those
spots　of　greenery；　a　species　of　transition　between　the　plant　and
animal；　where　life　makes　haste　to　come　in　flowers　and　insects；
floating　there　like　worlds　in　ether：be　it　a　cottage　with　its　garden
of　cabbages；　its　vineyards；　its　hedges　overhanging　a　bog；　surrounded
by　a　few　sparse　fields　of　rye；　true　image　of　many　humble　existences：
be　it　a　forest　path　like　some　cathedral　nave；　where　the　trees　are
columns　and　their　branches　arch　the　roof；　at　the　far　end　of　which　a
light　breaks　through；　mingled　with　shadows　or　tinted　with　sunset　reds
athwart　the　leaves　which　gleam　like　the　colored　windows　of　a　chancel：
then；　lea