the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第21章

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old　huntsman　as　a　teacher　in　place　of　the　father；　who　could　with
difficulty　be　induced　to　resign　his　pupil。　Angry　reproaches　and
contentions　began　once　more；　the　count　found　a　text　for　his　continual
complaints　in　the　base　ingratitude　of　women；　he　flung　the　carriage；
horses；　and　liveries　in　his　wife's　face　twenty　times　a　day。　At　last　a
circumstance　occurred　on　which　a　man　with　his　nature　and　his　disease
naturally　fastened　eagerly。　The　cost　of　the　buildings　at　the　Cassine
and　the　Rhetoriere　proved　to　be　half　as　much　again　as　the　estimate。
This　news　was　unfortunately　given　in　the　first　instance　to　Monsieur　de
Mortsauf　instead　of　to　his　wife。　It　was　the　ground　of　a　quarrel；　which
began　mildly　but　grew　more　and　more　embittered　until　it　seemed　as
though　the　count's　madness；　lulled　for　a　short　time；　was　demanding　its
arrearages　from　the　poor　wife。

That　day　I　had　started　from　Frapesle　at　half…past　ten　to　search　for
flowers　with　Madeleine。　The　child　had　brought　the　two　vases　to　the
portico；　and　I　was　wandering　about　the　gardens　and　adjoining　meadows
gathering　the　autumn　flowers；　so　beautiful；　but　too　rare。　Returning
from　my　final　quest；　I　could　not　find　my　little　lieutenant　with　her
white　cape　and　broad　pink　sash；　but　I　heard　cries　within　the　house；
and　Madeleine　presently　came　running　out。

〃The　general；〃　she　said；　crying　（the　term　with　her　was　an　expression
of　dislike）；　〃the　general　is　scolding　mamma；　go　and　defend　her。〃

I　sprang　up　the　steps　of　the　portico　and　reached　the　salon　without
being　seen　by　either　the　count　or　his　wife。　Hearing　the　madman's　sharp
cries　I　first　shut　all　the　doors；　then　I　returned　and　found　Henriette
as　white　as　her　dress。

〃Never　marry；　Felix；〃　said　the　count　as　soon　as　he　saw　me；　〃a　woman　is
led　by　the　devil；　the　most　virtuous　of　them　would　invent　evil　if　it
did　not　exist；　they　are　all　vile。〃

Then　followed　arguments　without　beginning　or　end。　Harking　back　to　the
old　troubles；　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　repeated　the　nonsense　of　the
peasantry　against　the　new　system　of　farming。　He　declared　that　if　he
had　had　the　management　of　Clochegourde　he　should　be　twice　as　rich　as
he　now　was。　He　shouted　these　complaints　and　insults；　he　swore；　he
sprang　around　the　room　knocking　against　the　furniture　and　displacing
it；　then　in　the　middle　of　a　sentence　he　stopped　short；　complained　that
his　very　marrow　was　on　fire；　his　brains　melting　away　like　his　money；
his　wife　had　ruined　him！　The　countess　smiled　and　looked　upward。

〃Yes；　Blanche；〃　he　cried；　〃you　are　my　executioner；　you　are　killing　me；
I　am　in　your　way；　you　want　to　get　rid　of　me；　you　are　monster　of
hypocrisy。　She　is　smiling！　Do　you　know　why　she　smiles；　Felix？〃

I　kept　silence　and　looked　down。

〃That　woman；〃　he　continued；　answering　his　own　question；　〃denies　me　all
happiness；　she　is　no　more　to　me　than　she　is　to　you；　and　yet　she
pretends　to　be　my　wife！　She　bears　my　name　and　fulfils　none　of　the
duties　which　all　laws；　human　and　divine；　impose　upon　her；　she　lies　to
God　and　man。　She　obliges　me　to　go　long　distances；　hoping　to　wear　me
out　and　make　me　leave　her　to　herself；　I　am　displeasing　to　her；　she
hates　me；　she　puts　all　her　art　into　keeping　me　away　from　her；　she　has
made　me　mad　through　the　privations　she　imposes　on　mefor　everything
flies　to　my　poor　head；　she　is　killing　me　by　degrees；　and　she　thinks
herself　a　saint　and　takes　the　sacrament　every　month！〃

The　countess　was　weeping　bitterly；　humiliated　by　the　degradation　of
the　man；　to　whom　she　kept　saying　for　all　answer；　〃Monsieur！　monsieur！
monsieur！〃

Though　the　count's　words　made　me　blush；　more　for　him　than　for
Henriette；　they　stirred　my　heart　violently；　for　they　appealed　to　the
sense　of　chastity　and　delicacy　which　is　indeed　the　very　warp　and　woof
of　first　love。

〃She　is　virgin　at　my　expense；〃　cried　the　count。

At　these　words　the　countess　cried　out；　〃Monsieur！〃

〃What　do　you　mean　with　your　imperious　'Monsieur！'〃　he　shouted。　〃Am　I
not　your　master？　Must　I　teach　you　that　I　am？〃

He　came　towards　her；　thrusting　forward　his　white　wolf's　head；　now
hideous；　for　his　yellow　eyes　had　a　savage　expression　which　made　him
look　like　a　wild　beast　rushing　out　of　a　wood。　Henriette　slid　from　her
chair　to　the　ground　to　avoid　a　blow；　which　however　was　not　given；　she
lay　at　full　length　on　the　floor　and　lost　consciousness；　completely
exhausted。　The　count　was　like　a　murderer　who　feels　the　blood　of　his
victim　spurting　in　his　face；　he　stopped　short；　bewildered。　I　took　the
poor　woman　in　my　arms；　and　the　count　let　me　take　her；　as　though　he
felt　unworthy　to　touch　her；　but　he　went　before　me　to　open　the　door　of
her　bedroom　next　the　salon；a　sacred　room　I　had　never　entered。　I　put
the　countess　on　her　feet　and　held　her　for　a　moment　in　one　arm；　passing
the　other　round　her　waist；　while　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　took　the　eider…
down　coverlet　from　the　bed；　then　together　we　lifted　her　and　laid　her；
still　dressed；　on　the　bed。　When　she　came　to　herself　she　motioned　to　us
to　unfasten　her　belt。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　found　a　pair　of　scissors；
and　cut　through　it；　I　made　her　breathe　salts；　and　she　opened　her　eyes。
The　count　left　the　room；　more　ashamed　than　sorry。　Two　hours　passed　in
perfect　silence。　Henriette's　hand　lay　in　mine；　she　pressed　it　to　mine；
but　could　not　speak。　From　time　to　time　she　opened　her　eyes　as　if　to
tell　me　by　a　look　that　she　wished　to　be　still　and　silent；　then
suddenly；　for　an　instant；　there　seemed　a　change；　she　rose　on　her　elbow
and　whispered；　〃Unhappy　man！ah！　if　you　did　but　know〃

She　fell　back　upon　the　pillow。　The　remembrance　of　her　past　sufferings；
joined　to　the　present　shock；　threw　her　again　into　the　nervous
convulsions　I　had　just　calmed　by　the　magnetism　of　love；a　power　then
unknown　to　me；　but　which　I　used　instinctively。　I　held　her　with　gentle
force；　and　she　gave　me　a　look　which　made　me　weep。　When　the　nervous
motions　ceased　I　smoothed　her　disordered　hair；　the　first　and　only　time
that　I　ever　touched　it；　then　I　again　took　her　hand　and　sat　looking　at
the　room；　all　brown　and　gray；　at　the　bed　with　its　simple　chintz
curtains；　at　the　toilet　table　draped　in　a　fashion　now　discarded；　at
the　commonplace　sofa　with　its　quilted　mattress。　What　poetry　I　could
read　in　that　room！　What　renunciations　of　luxury　for　herself；　the　only
luxury　being　its　spotless　cleanliness。　Sacred　cell　of　a　married　nun；
filled　with　holy　resignation；　its　sole　adornments　were　the　crucifix　of
her　bed；　and　above　it　the　portrait　of　her　aunt；　then；　on　each　side　of
the　holy　water　basin；　two　drawings　of　the　children　made　by　herself；
with　locks　of　their　hair　when　they　were　little。　What　a　retreat　for　a
woman　whose　appearance　in　the　great　world　of　fashion　would　have　made
the　handsomest　of　her　sex　jealous！　Such　was　the　chamber　where　the
daughter　of　an　illustrious　family　wept　out　her　days；　sunken　at　this
moment　in　anguish；　and　denying　herself　the　love　that　might　have
comforted　her。　Hidden；　irreparable　woe！　Tears　of　the　victim　for　her
slayer；　tears　of　the　slayer　for　his　victim！　When　the　children　and
waiting…woman　came　at　length　into　the　room　I　left　it。　The　count　was
waiting　for　me；　he　seemed　to　seek　me　as　a　mediating　power　between
himself　and　his　wife。　He　caught　my　hands；　exclaiming；　〃Stay；　stay　with
us；　Felix！〃

〃Unfortunately；〃　I　said；　〃Monsieur　de　Chessel　has　a　party；　and　my
absence　would　cause　remark。　But　after　dinner　I　will　return。〃

He　left　the　house　when　I　did；　and　took　me　to　the　lower　gate　without
speaking；　then　he　accompanied　me　to　Frapesle；　seeming　not　to　know　what
he　was　doing。　At　last　I　said　to　him；　〃For　heaven's　sake；　Monsieur　le
comte；　let　her　manage　your　affairs　if　it　pleases　her；　and　don't
torment　her。〃

〃I　have　not　long　to　live；〃　he　said　gravely；　〃she　will　not　suffer　long
through　me；　my　head　is　giving　way。〃

He　left　me　in　a　spasm　of　involuntary　self…pity。　After　dinner　I
returned　for　news　of　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　who　was　already　better。　If
such　were　the　joys　of　marriage；　if　such　scenes　were　frequent；　how
could　she　survive　them　long？　What　slow；　unpunished　murder　was　this？
During　that　day　I　understood　the　tortures　by　which　the　count　was
wearing　out　his　wife。　Before　what　tribunal　can　we　arraign　such　crimes？
These　thoughts　stunned　me；　I　could　say　nothing　to　Henriette　by　word　of
mouth；　but　I　spent　the　night　in　writing　to　her。　Of　the　three　or　four
letters　that　I　wrote　I　have　kept　only　the　beginning　of　one；　with　which
I　was　not　satisfied。　Here　it　is；　for　though　it　seems　to　me　to　express
nothing；　and　to　speak　too　much　of　myself　when　I　ought　only　to　have
thought　of　her；　it　will　serve　to　show　you　the　state　my　soul　was　in：

　　To　Madame　de　Mortsauf：

　　How　many　things　I　had　to　say　to　you　when　I　reached　the　house！　I
　　thought　of　them　on　the　way；　but　I　forgot　them　in　your　presence。
　　Yes；　when　I　see　you；　dear　Henriette；　I　find　my　thoughts　no　longer
　　in　keeping　with　the　light　from　your　soul　which　heightens　your
　　beauty；　then；　too；　the　happiness　of　being　near　you　is　so　ineffable
　　as　to　efface　all　other　feelings。　Each　time　we　meet　I　am　born　into
　　a　broader　life；　I　am　like　the　traveller　who　climbs　a　rock　and　sees
　　before　him　a　new　horizon。　Each　time　you　talk　with　me　I　add　new
　　treasures　to　my　treasury。　There　lies；　I　think；　the　secret　of　long
　　and　inexhaustible　affections。　I　can　only　speak　to　you　of　yourself
　　when　away　from　you。　In　your　presence　I　am　too　dazzled　to　see；　too
　　happy　to　question　my　happiness；　too　full　of　you　to　be　myself；　too
　　eloquent　through　you　to　speak；　too　eager　in　seizing　the　present
　　moment　to　remember　the　past。　You　must　think　of　this　state　of
　　intoxication　and　forgive　me　its　consequent　mistakes。

　　When　near　you　I　can　only　feel。　Yet；　I　have　courage　to　say；　dear
　　Henriette；　that　never；　in　all　the　many　joys　you　have　given　me；
　　never　did　I　taste　such　joy　as　filled　my　soul　when；　after　that
　　dreadful　storm　through　which　you　struggled　with　superhuman
　　courage；　you　came　to　yourself　alone　with　me；　in　the　twilight　of
　　your　chamber　where　that　unhappy　scene　had　brought　me。　I　alone
　　know　the　light　that　shines　from　a　woman　when　through　the　portals
　　of　death　she　re…enters　life　with　the　dawn　of　a　rebirth　tinting　her
　　brow。　What　harmonies　were　in　your　voice！　How　words；　even　your
　　words；　seemed　paltry　when　the　sound　of　that　adored　voicein
　　itself　the　echo　of　past　pains　mingled　with　divine　consolations
　　blessed　me　with　the　gift　of　your　first　thought。　I　knew　you　were
　　brilliant　with　all　human　splendor；　but　yesterday　I　found　a　new
　　Henriette；　who　might　be　mine　if　God　so　willed；　I　beheld　a　spirit
　　freed　from　the　bodily　trammels　which　repress　the　ardors　of　the
　　soul。　Ah！　thou　wert　beautiful　indeed　in　thy　weakness；　majestic　in
　　thy　prostration。　Yesterday　I　found　something　more　beautiful　than
　　thy　beauty；　sweeter　than　thy　voice；　lights　more　sparkling　than　the
　　light　of　thine　eyes；　perfumes　for　which　there　are　no　words
　　yesterday　thy　soul　was　visible　and　palpable。　Would　I　could　have
　　opened　my　heart　and　made　thee　live　there！　Yesterday　I　lost　the
　　respectful　timidity　with　which　thy　presence　inspires　me；　thy
　　weakness　brought　us　nearer　together。　Then；　when　the　crisis　passed
　　and　thou　couldst　bear　our　atmosphere　once　more；　I　knew　what　it　was
　　to　breathe　in　unison　with　thy　breath。　How　many　prayers　rose　up　to
　　heaven　in　th