the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第33章

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wishes　are　combined。

Nullified；　as　it　were；　by　illness；　the　count　no　longer　oppressed　his
wife　or　his　household；　the　countess　then　became　her　natural　self；　she
busied　herself　with　my　affairs　and　showed　me　a　thousand　kindnesses。
With　what　joy　I　discovered　in　her　mind　a　thought；　vaguely　conceived
perhaps；　but　exquisitely　expressed；　namely；　to　show　me　the　full　value
of　her　person　and　her　qualities　and　make　me　see　the　change　that　would
come　over　her　if　she　lived　understood。　This　flower；　kept　in　the　cold
atmosphere　of　such　a　home；　opened　to　my　gaze；　and　to　mine　only；　she
took　as　much　delight　in　letting　me　comprehend　her　as　I　felt　in
studying　her　with　the　searching　eyes　of　love。　She　proved　to　me　in　all
the　trifling　things　of　daily　life　how　much　I　was　in　her　thoughts。
When；　after　my　turn　of　watching；　I　went　to　bed　and　slept　late；
Henriette　would　keep　the　house　absolutely　silent　near　me；　Jacques　and
Madeleine　played　elsewhere；　though　never　ordered　to　do　so；　she
invented　excuses　to　serve　my　breakfast　herselfah；　with　what
sparkling　pleasure　in　her　movements；　what　swallow…like　rapidity；　what
lynx…eyed　perception！　and　then！　what　carnation　on　her　cheeks；　what
quiverings　in　her　voice！

Can　such　expansions　of　the　soul　be　described　in　words？

Often　she　was　wearied　out；　but　if；　at　such　moments　of　lassitude　my
welfare　came　in　question；　for　me；　as　for　her　children；　she　found　fresh
strength　and　sprang　up　eagerly　and　joyfully。　How　she　loved　to　shed　her
tenderness　like　sunbeams　in　the　air！　Ah；　Natalie；　some　women　share　the
privileges　of　angels　here　below；　they　diffuse　that　light　which　Saint…
Martin；　the　mysterious　philosopher；　declared　to　be　intelligent；
melodious；　and　perfumed。　Sure　of　my　discretion；　Henriette　took
pleasure　in　raising　the　curtain　which　hid　the　future　and　in　showing　me
two　women　in　her；the　woman　bound　hand　and　foot　who　had　won　me　in
spite　of　her　severity；　and　the　woman　freed；　whose　sweetness　should
make　my　love　eternal！　What　a　difference。　Madame　de　Mortsauf　was　the
skylark　of　Bengal；　transported　to　our　cold　Europe；　mournful　on　its
perch；　silent　and　dying　in　the　cage　of　a　naturalist；　Henriette　was　the
singing　bird　of　oriental　poems　in　groves　beside　the　Ganges；　flying
from　branch　to　branch　like　a　living　jewel　amid　the　roses　of　a
volkameria　that　ever　blooms。　Her　beauty　grew　more　beautiful；　her　mind
recovered　strength。　The　continual　sparkle　of　this　happiness　was　a
secret　between　ourselves；　for　she　dreaded　the　eye　of　the　Abbe　Dominis；
the　representative　of　the　world；　she　masked　her　contentment　with
playfulness；　and　covered　the　proofs　of　her　tenderness　with　the　banner
of　gratitude。

〃We　have　put　your　friendship　to　a　severe　test；　Felix；　we　may　give　you
the　same　rights　we　give　to　Jacques；　may　we　not；　Monsieur　l'abbe？〃　she
said　one　day。

The　stern　abbe　answered　with　the　smile　of　a　man　who　can　read　the　human
heart　and　see　its　purity；　for　the　countess　he　always　showed　the
respect　mingled　with　adoration　which　the　angels　inspire。　Twice　during
those　fifty　days　the　countess　passed　beyond　the　limits　in　which　we
held　our　affection。　But　even　these　infringements　were　shrouded　in　a
veil；　never　lifted　until　the　final　hour　when　avowal　came。　One　morning；
during　the　first　days　of　the　count's　illness；　when　she　repented　her
harsh　treatment　in　withdrawing　the　innocent　privileges　she　had
formerly　granted　me；　I　was　expecting　her　to　relieve　my　watch。　Much
fatigued；　I　fell　asleep；　my　head　against　the　wall。　I　wakened　suddenly
at　the　touch　of　something　cool　upon　my　forehead　which　gave　me　a
sensation　as　if　a　rose　had　rested　there。　I　opened　my　eyes　and　saw　the
countess；　standing　a　few　steps　distant；　who　said；　〃I　have　just　come。〃
I　rose　to　leave　the　room；　but　as　I　bade　her　good…bye　I　took　her　hand；
it　was　moist　and　trembling。

〃Are　you　ill？〃　I　said。

〃Why　do　you　ask　that　question？〃　she　replied。

I　looked　at　her　blushing　and　confused。　〃I　was　dreaming；〃　I　replied。

Another　time；　when　Monsieur　Origet　had　announced　positively　that　the
count　was　convalescent；　I　was　lying　with　Jacques　and　Madeleine　on　the
step　of　the　portico　intent　on　a　game　of　spillikins　which　we　were
playing　with　bits　of　straw　and　hooks　made　of　pins；　Monsieur　de
Mortsauf　was　asleep。　The　doctor；　while　waiting　for　his　horse　to　be
harnessed；　was　talking　with　the　countess　in　the　salon。　Monsieur　Origet
went　away　without　my　noticing　his　departure。　After　he　left；　Henriette
leaned　against　the　window；　from　which　she　watched　us　for　some　time
without　our　seeing　her。　It　was　one　of　those　warm　evenings　when　the　sky
is　copper…colored　and　the　earth　sends　up　among　the　echoes　a　myriad
mingling　noises。　A　last　ray　of　sunlight　was　leaving　the　roofs；　the
flowers　in　the　garden　perfumed　the　air；　the　bells　of　the　cattle
returning　to　their　stalls　sounded　in　the　distance。　We　were　all
conforming　to　the　silence　of　the　evening　hour　and　hushing　our　voices
that　we　might　not　wake　the　count。　Suddenly；　I　heard　the　guttural　sound
of　a　sob　violently　suppressed；　I　rushed　into　the　salon　and　found　the
countess　sitting　by　the　window　with　her　handkerchief　to　her　face。　She
heard　my　step　and　made　me　an　imperious　gesture；　commanding　me　to　leave
her。　I　went　up　to　her；　my　heart　stabbed　with　fear；　and　tried　to　take
her　handkerchief　away　by　force。　Her　face　was　bathed　in　tears　and　she
fled　into　her　room；　which　she　did　not　leave　again　until　the　hour　for
evening　prayer。　When　that　was　over；　I　led　her　to　the　terrace　and　asked
the　cause　of　her　emotion；　she　affected　a　wild　gaiety　and　explained　it
by　the　news　Monsieur　Origet　had　given　her。

〃Henriette；　Henriette；　you　knew　that　news　when　I　saw　you　weeping。
Between　you　and　me　a　lie　is　monstrous。　Why　did　you　forbid　me　to　dry
your　tears？　were　they　mine？〃

〃I　was　thinking；〃　she　said；　〃that　for　me　this　illness　has　been　a　halt
in　pain。　Now　that　I　no　longer　fear　for　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　I　fear　for
myself。〃

She　was　right。　The　count's　recovery　was　soon　attested　by　the　return　of
his　fantastic　humor。　He　began　by　saying　that　neither　the　countess；　nor
I；　nor　the　doctor　had　known　how　to　take　care　of　him；　we　were　ignorant
of　his　constitution　and　also　of　his　disease；　we　misunderstood　his
sufferings　and　the　necessary　remedies。　Origet；　infatuated　with　his　own
doctrines；　had　mistaken　the　case；　he　ought　to　have　attended　only　to
the　pylorus。　One　day　he　looked　at　us　maliciously；　with　an　air　of
having　guessed　our　thoughts；　and　said　to　his　wife　with　a　smile；　〃Now；
my　dear；　if　I　had　died　you　would　have　regretted　me；　no　doubt；　but　pray
admit　you　would　have　been　quite　resigned。〃

〃Yes；　I　should　have　mourned　you　in　pink　and　black；　court　mourning；〃
she　answered　laughing；　to　change　the　tone　of　his　remarks。

But　it　was　chiefly　about　his　food；　which　the　doctor　insisted　on
regulating；　that　scenes　of　violence　and　wrangling　now　took　place；
unlike　any　that　had　hitherto　occurred；　for　the　character　of　the　count
was　all　the　more　violent　for　having　slumbered。　The　countess；　fortified
by　the　doctor's　orders　and　the　obedience　of　her　servants；　stimulated
too　by　me；　who　thought　this　struggle　a　good　means　to　teach　her　to
exercise　authority　over　the　count；　held　out　against　his　violence。　She
showed　a　calm　front　to　his　demented　cries；　and　even　grew　accustomed　to
his　insulting　epithets；　taking　him　for　what　he　was；　a　child。　I　had　the
happiness　of　at　last　seeing　her　take　the　reins　in　hand　and　govern　that
unsound　mind。　The　count　cried　out；　but　he　obeyed；　and　he　obeyed　all
the　better　when　he　had　made　an　outcry。　But　in　spite　of　the　evidence　of
good　results；　Henriette　often　wept　at　the　spectacle　of　this　emaciated；
feeble　old　man；　with　a　forehead　yellower　than　the　falling　leaves；　his
eyes　wan；　his　hands　trembling。　She　blamed　herself　for　too　much
severity；　and　could　not　resist　the　joy　she　saw　in　his　eyes　when；　in
measuring　out　his　food；　she　gave　him　more　than　the　doctor　allowed。　She
was　even　more　gentle　and　gracious　to　him　than　she　had　been　to　me；　but
there　were　differences　here　which　filled　my　heart　with　joy。　She　was
not　unwearying；　and　she　sometimes　called　her　servants　to　wait　upon　the
count　when　his　caprices　changed　too　rapidly；　and　he　complained　of　not
being　understood。

The　countess　wished　to　return　thanks　to　God　for　the　count's　recovery；
she　directed　a　mass　to　be　said；　and　asked　if　I　would　take　her　to
church。　I　did　so；　but　I　left　her　at　the　door；　and　went　to　see　Monsieur
and　Madame　Chessel。　On　my　return　she　reproached　me。

〃Henriette；〃　I　said；　〃I　cannot　be　false。　I　will　throw　myself　into　the
water　to　save　my　enemy　from　drowning；　and　give　him　my　coat　to　keep　him
warm；　I　will　forgive　him；　but　I　cannot　forget　the　wrong。〃

She　was　silent；　but　she　pressed　my　arm。

〃You　are　an　angel；　and　you　were　sincere　in　your　thanksgiving；〃　I　said；
continuing。　〃The　mother　of　the　Prince　of　the　Peace　was　saved　from　the
hands　of　an　angry　populace　who　sought　to　kill　her；　and　when　the　queen
asked；　'What　did　you　do？'　she　answered；　'I　prayed　for　them。'　Women　are
ever　thus。　I　am　a　man；　and　necessarily　imperfect。〃

〃Don't　calumniate　yourself；〃　she　said；　shaking　my　arm；　〃perhaps　you
are　more　worthy　than　I。〃

〃Yes；〃　I　replied；　〃for　I　would　give　eternity　for　a　day　of　happiness；
and　you〃

〃I！〃　she　said　haughtily。

I　was　silent　and　lowered　my　eyes　to　escape　the　lightning　of　hers。

〃There　is　many　an　I　in　me；〃　she　said。　〃Of　which　do　you　speak？　Those
children；〃　pointing　to　Jacques　and　Madeleine；　〃are　oneFelix；〃　she
cried　in　a　heartrending　voice；　〃do　you　think　me　selfish？　Ought　I　to
sacrifice　eternity　to　reward　him　who　devotes　to　me　his　life？　The
thought　is　dreadful；　it　wounds　every　sentiment　of　religion。　Could　a
woman　so　fallen　rise　again？　Would　her　happiness　absolve　her？　These　are
questions　you　force　me　to　consider。Yes；　I　betray　at　last　the　secret
of　my　conscience；　the　thought　has　traversed　my　heart；　often　do　I
expiate　it　by　penance；　it　caused　the　tears　you　asked　me　to　account　for
yesterday〃

〃Do　you　not　give　too　great　importance　to　certain　things　which　common
women　hold　at　a　high　price；　and〃

〃Oh！〃　she　said；　interrupting　me；　〃do　you　hold　them　at　a　lower？〃

This　logic　stopped　all　argument。

〃Know　this；〃　she　continued。　〃I　might　have　the　baseness　to　abandon　that
poor　old　man　whose　life　I　am；　but；　my　friend；　those　other　feeble
creatures　there　before　us；　Madeleine　and　Jacques；　would　remain　with
their　father。　Do　you　think；　I　ask　you　do　you　think　they　would　be　alive
in　three　months　under　the　insane　dominion　of　that　man？　If　my　failure
of　duty　concerned　only　myself〃　A　noble　smile　crossed　her　face。　〃But
shall　I　kill　my　children！　My　God！〃　she　exclaimed。　〃Why　speak　of　these
things？　Marry；　and　let　me　die！〃

She　said　the　words　in　a　tone　so　bitter；　so　hollow；　that　they　stifled
the　remonstrances　of　my　passion。

〃You　uttered　cries　that　day　beneath　the　walnut…tree；　I　have　uttered　my
cries　here　beneath　these　alders；　that　is　all；〃　I　said；　〃I　will　be
silent　henceforth。〃

〃Your　generosity　shames　me；〃　she　said；　raising　her　eyes　to　heaven。

We　reached　the　terrace　and　found　the　count　sitting　in　a　chair；　in　the
sun。　The　sight　of　that　sunken　face；　scarcely　brightened　by　a　feeble
smile；　extinguished　the　last　flames　that　came　from　the　ashes。　I　leaned
against　the　balustrade　and　considered　the　picture　of　that　poor　wreck；
between　his　sickly