the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第35章

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depicted　his　country…women。

You；　who　envy　them　so　many　things；　what　can　I　tell　you　that　you　do　not
know　of　these　white　sirens；　impenetrable　apparently　but　easily
fathomed；　who　believe　that　love　suffices　love；　and　turn　enjoyments　to
satiety　by　never　varying　them；　whose　soul　has　one　note　only；　their
voice　one　syllablean　ocean　of　love　in　themselves；　it　is　true；　and　he
who　has　never　swum　there　misses　part　of　the　poetry　of　the　senses；　as
he　who　has　never　seen　the　sea　has　lost　some　strings　of　his　lyre。　You
know　the　why　and　wherefore　of　these　words。　My　relations　with　the
Marchioness　of　Dudley　had　a　disastrous　celebrity。　At　an　age　when　the
senses　have　dominion　over　our　conduct；　and　when　in　my　case　they　had
been　violently　repressed　by　circumstances；　the　image　of　the　saint
bearing　her　slow　martyrdom　at　Clochegourde　shone　so　vividly　before　my
mind　that　I　was　able　to　resist　all　seductions。　It　was　the　lustre　of
this　fidelity　which　attracted　Lady　Dudley's　attention。　My　resistance
stimulated　her　passion。　What　she　chiefly　desired；　like　many
Englishwoman；　was　the　spice　of　singularity；　she　wanted　pepper；
capsicum；　with　her　heart's　food；　just　as　Englishmen　need　condiments　to
excite　their　appetite。　The　dull　languor　forced　into　the　lives　of　these
women　by　the　constant　perfection　of　everything　about　them；　the
methodical　regularity　of　their　habits；　leads　them　to　adore　the
romantic　and　to　welcome　difficulty。　I　was　wholly　unable　to　judge　of
such　a　character。　The　more　I　retreated　to　a　cold　distance　the　more
impassioned　Lady　Dudley　became。　The　struggle；　in　which　she　gloried；
excited　the　curiosity　of　several　persons；　and　this　in　itself　was　a
form　of　happiness　which　to　her　mind　made　ultimate　triumph　obligatory。
Ah！　I　might　have　been　saved　if　some　good　friend　had　then　repeated　to
me　her　cruel　comment　on　my　relations　with　Madame　de　Mortsauf。

〃I　am　wearied　to　death；〃　she　said；　〃of　these　turtle…dove　sighings。〃

Without　seeking　to　justify　my　crime；　I　ask　you　to　observe；　Natalie；
that　a　man　has　fewer　means　of　resisting　a　woman　than　she　has　of
escaping　him。　Our　code　of　manners　forbids　the　brutality　of　repressing
a　woman；　whereas　repression　with　your　sex　is　not　only　allurement　to
ours；　but　is　imposed　upon　you　by　conventions。　With　us；　on　the
contrary；　some　unwritten　law　of　masculine　self…conceit　ridicules　a
man's　modesty；　we　leave　you　the　monopoly　of　that　virtue；　that　you　may
have　the　privilege　of　granting　us　favors；　but　reverse　the　case；　and
man　succumbs　before　sarcasm。

Though　protected　by　my　love；　I　was　not　of　an　age　to　be　wholly
insensible　to　the　triple　seductions　of　pride；　devotion；　and　beauty。
When　Arabella　laid　at　my　feet　the　homage　of　a　ball…room　where　she
reigned　a　queen；　when　she　watched　by　glance　to　know　if　my　taste
approved　of　her　dress；　and　when　she　trembled　with　pleasure　on　seeing
that　she　pleased　me；　I　was　affected　by　her　emotion。　Besides；　she
occupied　a　social　position　where　I　could　not　escape　her；　I　could　not
refuse　invitations　in　the　diplomatic　circle；　her　rank　admitted　her
everywhere；　and　with　the　cleverness　all　women　display　to　obtain　what
pleases　them；　she　often　contrived　that　the　mistress　of　the　house
should　place　me　beside　her　at　dinner。　On　such　occasions　she　spoke　in
low　tones　to　my　ear。　〃If　I　were　loved　like　Madame　de　Mortsauf；〃　she
said　once；　〃I　should　sacrifice　all。〃　She　did　submit　herself　with　a
laugh　in　many　humble　ways；　she　promised　me　a　discretion　equal　to　any
test；　and　even　asked　that　I　would　merely　suffer　her　to　love　me。　〃Your
friend　always；　your　mistress　when　you　will；〃　she　said。　At　last；　after
an　evening　when　she　had　made　herself　so　beautiful　that　she　was　certain
to　have　excited　my　desires；　she　came　to　me。　The　scandal　resounded
through　England；　where　the　aristocracy　was　horrified　like　heaven
itself　at　the　fall　of　its　highest　angel。　Lady　Dudley　abandoned　her
place　in　the　British　empyrean；　gave　up　her　wealth；　and　endeavored　to
eclipse　by　her　sacrifices　HER　whose　virtue　had　been　the　cause　of　this
great　disaster。　She　took　delight；　like　the　devil　on　the　pinnacle　of
the　temple；　in　showing　me　all　the　riches　of　her　passionate　kingdom。

Read　me；　I　pray　you；　with　indulgence。　The　matter　concerns　one　of　the
most　interesting　problems　of　human　life；a　crisis　to　which　most　men
are　subjected；　and　which　I　desire　to　explain；　if　only　to　place　a
warning　light　upon　the　reef。　This　beautiful　woman；　so　slender；　so
fragile；　this　milk…white　creature；　so　yielding；　so　submissive；　so
gentle；　her　brow　so　endearing；　the　hair　that　crowns　it　so　fair　and
fine；　this　tender　woman；　whose　brilliancy　is　phosphorescent　and
fugitive；　has；　in　truth；　an　iron　nature。　No　horse；　no　matter　how　fiery
he　may　be；　can　conquer　her　vigorous　wrist；　or　strive　against　that　hand
so　soft　in　appearance；　but　never　tired。　She　has　the　foot　of　a　doe；　a
thin；　muscular　little　foot；　indescribably　graceful　in　outline。　She　is
so　strong　that　she　fears　no　struggle；　men　cannot　follow　her　on
horseback；　she　would　win　a　steeple…chase　against　a　centaur；　she　can
bring　down　a　stag　without　stopping　her　horse。　Her　body　never
perspires；　it　inhales　the　fire　of　the　atmosphere；　and　lives　in　water
under　pain　of　not　living　at　all。　Her　love　is　African；　her　desires　are
like　the　whirlwinds　of　the　desertthe　desert；　whose　torrid　expanse　is
in　her　eyes；　the　azure；　love…laden　desert；　with　its　changeless　skies；
its　cool　and　starry　nights。　What　a　contrast　to　Clochegourde！　the　east
and　the　west！　the　one　drawing　into　her　every　drop　of　moisture　for　her
own　nourishment；　the　other　exuding　her　soul；　wrapping　her　dear　ones　in
her　luminous　atmosphere；　the　one　quick　and　slender；　the　other　slow　and
massive。

Have　you　ever　reflected　on　the　actual　meaning　of　the　manners　and
customs　and　morals　of　England？　Is　it　not　the　deification　of　matter？　a
well…defined；　carefully　considered　Epicureanism；　judiciously　applied？
No　matter　what　may　be　said　against　the　statement；　England　is
materialist；possibly　she　does　not　know　it　herself。　She　lays　claim　to
religion　and　morality；　from　which；　however；　divine　spirituality；　the
catholic　soul；　is　absent；　and　its　fructifying　grace　cannot　be　replaced
by　any　counterfeit；　however　well　presented　it　may　be。　England
possesses　in　the　highest　degree　that　science　of　existence　which　turns
to　account　every　particle　of　materiality；　the　science　that　makes　her
women's　slippers　the　most　exquisite　slippers　in　the　world；　gives　to
their　linen　ineffable　fragrance；　lines　their　drawers　with　cedar；
serves　tea　carefully　drawn；　at　a　certain　hour；　banishes　dust；　nails
the　carpets　to　the　floors　in　every　corner　of　the　house；　brushes　the
cellar　walls；　polishes　the　knocker　of　the　front　door；　oils　the　springs
of　the　carriage；in　short；　makes　matter　a　nutritive　and　downy　pulp；
clean　and　shining；　in　the　midst　of　which　the　soul　expires　of　enjoyment
and　the　frightful　monotony　of　comfort　in　a　life　without　contrasts；
deprived　of　spontaneity；　and　which；　to　sum　all　in　one　word；　makes　a
machine　of　you。

Thus　I　suddenly　came　to　know；　in　the　bosom　of　this　British　luxury；　a
woman　who　is　perhaps　unique　among　her　sex；　who　caught　me　in　the　nets
of　a　love　excited　by　my　indifference；　and　to　the　warmth　of　which　I
opposed　a　stern　continence；one　of　those　loves　possessed　of
overwhelming　charm；　an　electricity　of　their　own；　which　lead　us　to　the
skies　through　the　ivory　gates　of　slumber；　or　bear　us　thither　on　their
powerful　pinions。　A　love　monstrously　ungrateful；　which　laughs　at　the
bodies　of　those　it　kills；　love　without　memory；　a　cruel　love；
resembling　the　policy　of　the　English　nation；　a　love　to　which；　alas；
most　men　yield。　You　understand　the　problem？　Man　is　composed　of　matter
and　spirit；　animality　comes　to　its　end　in　him；　and　the　angel　begins　in
him。　There　lies　the　struggle　we　all　pass　through；　between　the　future
destiny　of　which　we　are　conscious　and　the　influence　of　anterior
instincts　from　which　we　are　not　wholly　detached；carnal　love　and
divine　love。　One　man　combines　them；　another　abstains　altogether；　some
there　are　who　seek　the　satisfaction　of　their　anterior　appetites　from
the　whole　sex；　others　idealize　their　love　in　one　woman　who　is　to　them
the　universe；　some　float　irresolutely　between　the　delights　of　matter
and　the　joys　of　soul；　others　spiritualize　the　body；　requiring　of　it
that　which　it　cannot　give。

If；　thinking　over　these　leading　characteristics　of　love；　you　take　into
account　the　dislikes　and　the　affinities　which　result　from　the
diversity　of　organisms；　and　which　sooner　or　later　break　all　ties
between　those　who　have　not　fully　tried　each　other；　if　you　add　to　this
the　mistakes　arising　from　the　hopes　of　those　who　live　more
particularly　either　by　their　minds；　or　by　their　hearts；　or　by　action；
who　either　think；　or　feel；　or　act；　and　whose　tendency　is　misunderstood
in　the　close　association　in　which　two　persons；　equal　counterparts；
find　themselves；　you　will　have　great　indulgence　for　sorrows　to　which
the　world　is　pitiless。　Well；　Lady　Dudley　gratified　the　instincts；
organs；　appetites；　the　vices　and　virtues　of　the　subtile　matter　of
which　we　are　made；　she　was　the　mistress　of　the　body；　Madame　de
Mortsauf　was　the　wife　of　the　soul。　The　love　which　the　mistress
satisfies　has　its　limits；　matter　is　finite；　its　inherent　qualities
have　an　ascertained　force；　it　is　capable　of　saturation；　often　I　felt　a
void　even　in　Paris；　near　Lady　Dudley。　Infinitude　is　the　region　of　the
heart；　love　had　no　limits　at　Clochegourde。　I　loved　Lady　Dudley
passionately；　and　certainly；　though　the　animal　in　her　was　magnificent；
she　was　also　superior　in　mind；　her　sparkling　and　satirical
conversation　had　a　wide　range。　But　I　adored　Henriette。　At　night　I　wept
with　happiness；　in　the　morning　with　remorse。

Some　women　have　the　art　to　hide　their　jealousy　under　a　tone　of　angelic
kindness；　they　are；　like　Lady　Dudley；　over　thirty　years　of　age。　Such
women　know　how　to　feel　and　how　to　calculate；　they　press　out　the　juices
of　to…day　and　think　of　the　future　also；　they　can　stifle　a　moan；　often
a　natural　one；　with　the　will　of　a　huntsman　who　pays　no　heed　to　a　wound
in　the　ardor　of　the　chase。　Without　ever　speaking　of　Madame　de
Mortsauf；　Arabella　endeavored　to　kill　her　in　my　soul；　where　she　ever
found　her；　her　own　passion　increasing　with　the　consciousness　of　that
invincible　love。　Intending　to　triumph　by　comparisons　which　would　turn
to　her　advantage；　she　was　never　suspicious；　or　complaining；　or
inquisitive；　as　are　most　young　women；　but；　like　a　lioness　who　has
seized　her　prey　and　carries　it　to　her　lair　to　devour；　she　watched　that
nothing　should　disturb　her　feast；　and　guarded　me　like　a　rebellious
captive。　I　wrote　to　Henriette　under　her　very　eyes；　but　she　never　read
a　line　of　my　letters；　she　never　sought　in　any　way　to　know　to　whom　they
were　addressed。　I　had　my　liberty；　she　seemed　to　say　to　herself；　〃If　I
lose　him　it　shall　be　my　own　fault；〃　and　she　proudly　relied　on　a　love
that　would　have　given　me　her　life　had　I　asked　for　it；in　fact　she
often　told　me　that　if　I　left　her　she　would　kill　herself。　I　have　heard
her　praise　the　custom　of　Indian　widows　who　burn　themselves　upon　their
husband's　grave。　〃In　India　that　is　a　distinction　reserved　for　the
higher　classes；〃　she　said；　〃and　is　very　little　understood　by
Europeans；　who　are　incapable　of　understanding　the　grandeur　of　the
privilege