the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第37章

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dies。　Well；　I　have　reached　that　point；　my　dear　friend。　The　induration
is　proceeding　and　nothing　checks　it。　Just　look　at　my　yellow　skin；　my
feverish　eyes；　my　excessive　thinness。　I　am　withering　away。　But　what　is
to　be　done？　I　brought　the　seeds　of　the　disease　home　with　me　from　the
emigration；　heaven　knows　what　I　suffered　then！　My　marriage；　which
might　have　repaired　the　wrong；　far　from　soothing　my　ulcerated　mind
increased　the　wound。　What　did　I　find？　ceaseless　fears　for　the
children；　domestic　jars；　a　fortune　to　remake；　economies　which　required
great　privations；　which　I　was　obliged　to　impose　upon　my　wife；　but
which　I　was　the　one　to　suffer　from；　and　then；I　can　tell　this　to　none
but　you；　Felix；I　have　a　worse　trouble　yet。　Though　Blanche　is　an
angel；　she　does　not　understand　me；　she　knows　nothing　of　my　sufferings
and　she　aggravates　them；　but　I　forgive　her。　It　is　a　dreadful　thing　to
say；　my　friend；　but　a　less　virtuous　woman　might　have　made　me　more
happy　by　lending　herself　to　consolations　which　Blanche　never　thinks
of；　for　she　is　as　silly　as　a　child。　Moreover　my　servants　torment　me；
blockheads　who　take　my　French　for　Greek！　When　our　fortune　was　finally
remade　inch　by　inch；　and　I　had　some　relief　from　care；　it　was　too　late；
the　harm　was　done；　I　had　reached　the　period　when　the　appetite　is
vitiated。　Then　came　my　severe　illness；　so　ill…managed　by　Origet。　In
short；　I　have　not　six　months　to　live。〃

I　listened　to　the　count　in　terror。　On　meeting　the　countess　I　had　been
struck　with　her　yellow　skin　and　the　feverish　brilliancy　of　her　eyes。　I
led　the　count　towards　the　house　while　seeming　to　listen　to　his
complaints　and　his　medical　dissertations；　but　my　thoughts　were　all
with　Henriette；　and　I　wanted　to　observe　her。　We　found　her　in　the
salon；　where　she　was　listening　to　a　lesson　in　mathematics　which　the
Abbe　Dominis　was　giving　Jacques；　and　at　the　same　time　showing
Madeleine　a　stitch　of　embroidery。　Formerly　she　would　have　laid　aside
every　occupation　the　day　of　my　arrival　to　be　with　me。　But　my　love　was
so　deeply　real　that　I　drove　back　into　my　heart　the　grief　I　felt　at
this　contrast　between　the　past　and　the　present；　and　thought　only　of
the　fatal　yellow　tint　on　that　celestial　face；　which　resembled　the　halo
of　divine　light　Italian　painters　put　around　the　faces　of　their　saints。
I　felt　the　icy　wind　of　death　pass　over　me。　Then　when　the　fire　of　her
eyes；　no　longer　softened　by　the　liquid　light　in　which　in　former　times
they　moved；　fell　upon　me；　I　shuddered；　I　noticed　several　changes；
caused　by　grief；　which　I　had　not　seen　in　the　open　air。　The　slender
lines　which；　at　my　last　visit；　were　so　lightly　marked　upon　her
forehead　had　deepened；　her　temples　with　their　violet　veins　seemed
burning　and　concave；　her　eyes　were　sunk　beneath　the　brows；　their
circles　browned；alas！　she　was　discolored　like　a　fruit　when　decay　is
beginning　to　show　upon　the　surface；　or　a　worm　is　at　the　core。　I；　whose
whole　ambition　had　been　to　pour　happiness　into　her　soul；　I　it　was　who
embittered　the　spring　from　which　she　had　hoped　to　refresh　her　life　and
renew　her　courage。　I　took　a　seat　beside　her　and　said　in　a　voice　filled
with　tears　of　repentance；　〃Are　you　satisfied　with　your　own　health？〃

〃Yes；〃　she　answered；　plunging　her　eyes　into　mine。　〃My　health　is
there；〃　she　added；　motioning　to　Jacques　and　Madeleine。

The　latter；　just　fifteen；　had　come　victoriously　out　of　her　struggle
with　anaemia；　and　was　now　a　woman。　She　had　grown　tall；　the　Bengal
roses　were　blooming　in　her　once　sallow　cheeks。　She　had　lost　the
unconcern　of　a　child　who　looks　every　one　in　the　face；　and　now　dropped
her　eyes；　her　movements　were　slow　and　infrequent；　like　those　of　her
mother；　her　figure　was　slim；　but　the　gracefulness　of　the　bust　was
already　developing；　already　an　instinct　of　coquetry　had　smoothed　the
magnificent　black　hair　which　lay　in　bands　upon　her　Spanish　brow。　She
was　like　those　pretty　statuettes　of　the　Middle　Ages；　so　delicate　in
outline；　so　slender　in　form　that　the　eye　as　it　seizes　their　charm
fears　to　break　them。　Health；　the　fruit　of　untold　efforts；　had　made　her
cheeks　as　velvety　as　a　peach　and　given　to　her　throat　the　silken　down
which；　like　her　mother's；　caught　the　light。　She　was　to　live！　God　had
written　it；　dear　bud　of　the　loveliest　of　human　flowers；　on　the　long
lashes　of　her　eyelids；　on　the　curve　of　those　shoulders　which　gave
promise　of　a　development　as　superb　as　her　mother's！　This　brown　young
girl；　erect　as　a　poplar；　contrasted　with　Jacques；　a　fragile　youth　of
seventeen；　whose　head　had　grown　immensely；　causing　anxiety　by　the
rapid　expansion　of　the　forehead；　while　his　feverish；　weary　eyes　were
in　keeping　with　a　voice　that　was　deep　and　sonorous。　The　voice　gave
forth　too　strong　a　volume　of　tone；　the　eye　too　many　thoughts。　It　was
Henriette's　intellect　and　soul　and　heart　that　were　here　devouring　with
swift　flames　a　body　without　stamina；　for　Jacques　had　the　milk…white
skin　and　high　color　which　characterize　young　English　women　doomed
sooner　or　later　to　the　consumptive　curse；an　appearance　of　health
that　deceives　the　eye。　Following　a　sign　by　which　Henriette；　after
showing　me　Madeleine；　made　me　look　at　Jacques　drawing　geometrical
figures　and　algebraic　calculations　on　a　board　before　the　Abbe　Dominis；
I　shivered　at　the　sight　of　death　hidden　beneath　the　roses；　and　was
thankful　for　the　self…deception　of　his　mother。

〃When　I　see　my　children　thus；　happiness　stills　my　griefsjust　as
those　griefs　are　dumb；　and　even　disappear；　when　I　see　them　failing。　My
friend；〃　she　said；　her　eyes　shining　with　maternal　pleasure；　〃if　other
affections　fail　us；　the　feelings　rewarded　here；　the　duties　done　and
crowned　with　success；　are　compensation　enough　for　defeat　elsewhere。
Jacques　will　be；　like　you；　a　man　of　the　highest　education；　possessed
of　the　worthiest　knowledge；　he　will　be；　like　you；　an　honor　to　his
country；　which　he　may　assist　in　governing；　helped　by　you；　whose
standing　will　be　so　high；　but　I　will　strive　to　make　him　faithful　to
his　first　affections。　Madeleine；　dear　creature；　has　a　noble　heart；　she
is　pure　as　the　snows　on　the　highest　Alps；　she　will　have　a　woman's
devotion　and　a　woman's　graceful　intellect。　She　is　proud；　she　is　worthy
of　being　a　Lenoncourt。　My　motherhood；　once　so　tried；　so　tortured；　is
happy　now；　happy　with　an　infinite　happiness；　unmixed　with　pain。　Yes；
my　life　is　full；　my　life　is　rich。　You　see；　God　makes　my　joy　to　blossom
in　the　heart　of　these　sanctified　affections；　and　turns　to　bitterness
those　that　might　have　led　me　astray〃

〃Good！〃　cried　the　abbe；　joyfully。　〃Monsieur　le　vicomte　begins　to　know
as　much　as　I〃

Just　then　Jacques　coughed。

〃Enough　for　to…day；　my　dear　abbe；〃　said　the　countess；　〃above　all；　no
chemistry。　Go　for　a　ride　on　horseback；　Jacques；〃　she　added；　letting
her　son　kiss　her　with　the　tender　and　yet　dignified　pleasure　of　a
mother。　〃Go；　dear；　but　take　care　of　yourself。〃

〃But；〃　I　said；　as　her　eyes　followed　Jacques　with　a　lingering　look；
〃you　have　not　answered　me。　Do　you　feel　ill？〃

〃Oh；　sometimes；　in　my　stomach。　If　I　were　in　Paris　I　should　have　the
honors　of　gastritis；　the　fashionable　disease。〃

〃My　mother　suffers　very　much　and　very　often；〃　said　Madeleine。

〃Ah！〃　she　said；　〃does　my　health　interest　you？〃

Madeleine；　astonished　at　the　irony　of　these　words；　looked　from　one　to
the　other；　my　eyes　counted　the　roses　on　the　cushion　of　the　gray　and
green　sofa　which　was　in　the　salon。

〃This　situation　is　intolerable；〃　I　whispered　in　her　ear。

〃Did　I　create　it？〃　she　asked。　〃Dear　child；〃　she　said　aloud；　with　one
of　those　cruel　levities　by　which　women　point　their　vengeance；　〃don't
you　read　history？　France　and　England　are　enemies；　and　ever　have　been。
Madeleine　knows　that；　she　knows　that　a　broad　sea；　and　a　cold　and
stormy　one；　separates　them。〃

The　vases　on　the　mantelshelf　had　given　place　to　candelabra；　no　doubt
to　deprive　me　of　the　pleasure　of　filling　them　with　flowers；　I　found
them　later　in　my　own　room。　When　my　servant　arrived　I　went　out　to　give
him　some　orders；　he　had　brought　me　certain　things　I　wished　to　place　in
my　room。

〃Felix；〃　said　the　countess；　〃do　not　make　a　mistake。　My　aunt's　old　room
is　now　Madeleine's。　Yours　is　over　the　count's。〃

Though　guilty；　I　had　a　heart；　those　words　were　dagger　thrusts　coldly
given　at　its　tenderest　spot；　for　which　she　seemed　to　aim。　Moral
sufferings　are　not　fixed　quantities；　they　depend　on　the　sensitiveness
of　souls。　The　countess　had　trod　each　round　of　the　ladder　of　pain；　but；
for　that　very　reason；　the　kindest　of　women　was　now　as　cruel　as　she　was
once　beneficent。　I　looked　at　Henriette；　but　she　averted　her　head。　I
went　to　my　new　room；　which　was　pretty；　white　and　green。　Once　there　I
burst　into　tears。　Henriette　heard　me　as　she　entered　with　a　bunch　of
flowers　in　her　hand。

〃Henriette；〃　I　said；　〃will　you　never　forgive　a　wrong　that　is　indeed
excusable？〃

〃Do　not　call　me　Henriette；〃　she　said。　〃She　no　longer　exists；　poor
soul；　but　you　may　feel　sure　of　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　a　devoted　friend；
who　will　listen　to　you　and　who　will　love　you。　Felix；　we　will　talk　of
these　things　later。　If　you　have　still　any　tenderness　for　me　let　me
grow　accustomed　to　seeing　you。　Whenever　words　will　not　rend　my　heart；
if　the　day　should　ever　come　when　I　recover　courage；　I　will　speak　to
you；　but　not　till　then。　Look　at　the　valley；〃　she　said；　pointing　to　the
Indre；　〃it　hurts　me；　I　love　it　still。〃

〃Ah；　perish　England　and　all　her　women！　I　will　send　my　resignation　to
the　king；　I　will　live　and　die　here；　pardoned。〃

〃No；　love　her；　love　that　woman！　Henriette　is　not。　This　is　no　play；　and
you　should　know　it。〃

She　left　the　room；　betraying　by　the　tone　of　her　last　words　the　extent
of　her　wounds。　I　ran　after　her　and　held　her　back；　saying；　〃Do　you　no
longer　love　me？〃

〃You　have　done　me　more　harm　than　all　my　other　troubles　put　together。
To…day　I　suffer　less；　therefore　I　love　you　less。　Be　kind；　do　not
increase　my　pain；　if　you　suffer；　remember　thatIlive。〃

She　withdrew　her　hand；　which　I　held；　cold；　motionless；　but　moist；　in
mine；　and　darted　like　an　arrow　through　the　corridor　in　which　this
scene　of　actual　tragedy　took　place。

At　dinner；　the　count　subjected　me　to　a　torture　I　had　little　expected。
〃So　the　Marchioness　of　Dudley　is　not　in　Paris？〃　he　said。

I　blushed　excessively；　but　answered；　〃No。〃

〃She　is　not　in　Tours；〃　continued　the　count。

〃She　is　not　divorced；　and　she　can　go　back　to　England。　Her　husband
would　be　very　glad　if　she　would　return　to　him；〃　I　said；　eagerly。

〃Has　she　children？〃　asked　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　in　a　changed　voice。

〃Two　sons；〃　I　replied。

〃Where　are　they？〃

〃In　England；　with　their　father。〃

〃Come；　Felix；〃　interposed　the　count；　〃be　frank；　is　she　as　handsome　as
they　say？〃

〃How　can　you　ask　him　such　a　question？〃　cried　the　countess。　〃Is　not　the
woman　you　love　always　the　handsomest　of　women？〃

〃Yes；　always；〃　I　said；　firmly；　with　a　glance　which　she　could　not
sustain。

〃You　are　a　happy　fellow；〃　said　the　count；　〃yes；　a　very　happy　one。　Ha！
in　my　young　days；　I　should　have　gone　mad　over　such　a　conquest〃

〃Hush！〃　said　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　reminding　the　count　of　Madeleine　by　a
look。

〃I　am　not　a　child；〃　he　said。

When　we　left　the　table　I　followed　the　countess　to　the　terrace。　When　we
were　alone　she　exclaimed；　〃How　is　it　possible　that　some　women　can
sacrifice　thei