the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第41章

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so　dear　to　your　precious　heart？　Frenchwomen　hate；　so　I　am　told；　even
their　lover's　dog。　In　England　we　love　all　that　our　masters　love；　we
hate　all　they　hate；　because　we　are　flesh　of　their　flesh。　Permit　me
therefore　to　love　this　lady　as　much　as　you　yourself　love　her。　Only；　my
dear　child；〃　she　added；　clasping　me　in　her　arms　which　were　damp　with
rain；　〃if　you　betray　me；　I　shall　not　be　found　either　lying　down　or
standing　up；　not　in　a　carriage　with　liveried　lackeys；　nor　on　horseback
on　the　moors　of　Charlemagne；　nor　on　any　other　moor　beneath　the　skies；
nor　in　my　own　bed；　nor　beneath　a　roof　of　my　forefathers；　I　shall　not
be　anywhere；　for　I　will　live　no　longer。　I　was　born　in　Lancashire；　a
country　where　women　die　for　love。　Know　you；　and　give　you　up？　I　will
yield　you　to　none；　not　even　to　Death；　for　I　should　die　with　you。〃

She　led　me　to　her　rooms；　where　comfort　had　already　spread　its　charms。

〃Love　her；　dear；〃　I　said　warmly。　〃She　loves　you　sincerely；　not　in
jest。〃

〃Sincerely！　you　poor　child！〃　she　said；　unfastening　her　habit。

With　a　lover's　vanity　I　tried　to　exhibit　Henriette's　noble　character
to　this　imperious　creature。　While　her　waiting…woman；　who　did　not
understand　a　word　of　French；　arranged　her　hair　I　endeavored　to　picture
Madame　de　Mortsauf　by　sketching　her　life；　I　repeated　many　of　the　great
thoughts　she　had　uttered　at　a　crisis　when　nearly　all　women　become
either　petty　or　bad。　Though　Arabella　appeared　to　be　paying　no
attention　she　did　not　lose　a　single　word。

〃I　am　delighted；〃　she　said　when　we　were　alone；　〃to　learn　your　taste
for　pious　conversation。　There's　an　old　vicar　on　one　of　my　estates　who
understands　writing　sermons　better　than　any　one　I　know；　the　country…
people　like　him；　for　he　suits　his　prosing　to　his　hearers。　I'll　write
to　my　father　to…morrow　and　ask　him　to　send　the　good　man　here　by
steamboat；　you　can　meet　him　in　Paris；　and　when　once　you　have　heard　him
you　will　never　wish　to　listen　to　any　one　else；all　the　more　because
his　health　is　perfect。　His　moralities　won't　give　you　shocks　that　make
you　weep；　they　flow　along　without　tempests；　like　a　limpid　stream；　and
will　send　you　to　sleep。　Every　evening　you　can　if　you　like　satisfy　your
passion　for　sermons　by　digesting　one　with　your　dinner。　English
morality；　I　do　assure　you；　is　as　superior　to　that　of　Touraine　as　our
cutlery；　our　plate；　and　our　horses　are　to　your　knives　and　your　turf。
Do　me　the　kindness　to　listen　to　my　vicar；　promise　me。　I　am　only　a
woman；　my　dearest；　I　can　love；　I　can　die　for　you　if　you　will；　but　I
have　never　studied　at　Eton；　or　at　Oxford；　or　in　Edinburgh。　I　am
neither　a　doctor　of　laws　nor　a　reverend；　I　can't　preach　morality；　in
fact；　I　am　altogether　unfit　for　it；　I　should　be　awkward　if　I　tried。　I
don't　blame　your　tastes；　you　might　have　others　more　depraved；　and　I
should　still　endeavor　to　conform　to　them；　for　I　want　you　to　find　near
me　all　you　like　best；pleasures　of　love；　pleasures　of　food；　pleasures
of　piety；　good　claret；　and　virtuous　Christians。　Shall　I　wear　hair…
cloth　to…night？　She　is　very　lucky；　that　woman；　to　suit　you　in
morality。　From　what　college　did　she　graduate？　Poor　I；　who　can　only
give　you　myself；　who　can　only　be　your　slave〃

〃Then　why　did　you　rush　away　when　I　wanted　to　bring　you　together？〃

〃Are　you　crazy；　Amedee？　I　could　go　from　Paris　to　Rome　disguised　as　a
valet；　I　would　do　the　most　unreasonable　thing　for　your　sake；　but　how
can　you　expect　me　to　speak　to　a　woman　on　the　public　roads　who　has
never　been　presented　to　me；and　who；　besides；　would　have　preached　me
a　sermon　under　three　heads？　I　speak　to　peasants；　and　if　I　am　hungry　I
would　ask　a　workman　to　share　his　bread　with　me　and　pay　him　in　guineas；
that　is　all　proper　enough；　but　to　stop　a　carriage　on　the　highway；
like　the　gentlemen　of　the　road　in　England；　is　not　at　all　within　my
code　of　manners。　You　poor　child；　you　know　only　how　to　love；　you　don't
know　how　to　live。　Besides；　I　am　not　like　you　as　yet；　dear　angel；　I
don't　like　morality。　Still；　I　am　capable　of　great　efforts　to　please
you。　Yes；　I　will　go　to　work；　I　will　learn　how　to　preach；　you　shall
have　no　more　kisses　without　verses　of　the　Bible　interlarded。〃

She　used　her　power　and　abused　it　as　soon　as　she　saw　in　my　eyes　the
ardent　expression　which　was　always　there　when　she　began　her　sorceries。
She　triumphed　over　everything；　and　I　complacently　told　myself　that　the
woman　who　loses　all；　sacrifices　the　future；　and　makes　love　her　only
virtue；　is　far　above　Catholic　polemics。

〃So　she　loves　herself　better　than　she　loves　you？〃　Arabella　went　on。
〃She　sets　something　that　is　not　you　above　you。　Is　that　love？　how　can
we　women　find　anything　to　value　in　ourselves　except　that　which　you
value　in　us？　No　woman；　no　matter　how　fine　a　moralist　she　may　be；　is
the　equal　of　a　man。　Tread　upon　us；　kill　us；　never　embarrass　your　lives
on　our　account。　It　is　for　us　to　die；　for　you　to　live；　great　and
honored。　For　us　the　dagger　in　your　hand；　for　you　our　pardoning　love。
Does　the　sun　think　of　the　gnats　in　his　beams；　that　live　by　his　light？
they　stay　as　long　as　they　can　and　when　he　withdraws　his　face　they
die〃

〃Or　fly　somewhere　else；〃　I　said　interrupting　her。

〃Yes；　somewhere　else；〃　she　replied；　with　an　indifference　that　would
have　piqued　any　man　into　using　the　power　with　which　she　invested　him。
〃Do　you　really　think　it　is　worthy　of　womanhood　to　make　a　man　eat　his
bread　buttered　with　virtue；　and　to　persuade　him　that　religion　is
incompatible　with　love？　Am　I　a　reprobate？　A　woman　either　gives　herself
or　she　refuses。　But　to　refuse　and　moralize　is　a　double　wrong；　and　is
contrary　to　the　rule　of　the　right　in　all　lands。　Here；　you　will　get
only　excellent　sandwiches　prepared　by　the　hand　of　your　servant
Arabella；　whose　sole　morality　is　to　imagine　caresses　no　man　has　yet
felt　and　which　the　angels　inspire。〃

I　know　nothing　more　destructive　than　the　wit　of　an　Englishwoman；　she
gives　it　the　eloquent　gravity；　the　tone　of　pompous　conviction　with
which　the　British　hide　the　absurdities　of　their　life　of　prejudice。
French　wit　and　humor；　on　the　other　hand；　is　like　a　lace　with　which　our
women　adorn　the　joys　they　give　and　the　quarrels　they　invent；　it　is　a
mental　jewelry；　as　charming　as　their　pretty　dresses。　English　wit　is　an
acid　which　corrodes　all　those　on　whom　it　falls　until　it　bares　their
bones；　which　it　scrapes　and　polishes。　The　tongue　of　a　clever
Englishwoman　is　like　that　of　a　tiger　tearing　the　flesh　from　the　bone
when　he　is　only　in　play。　All…powerful　weapon　of　a　sneering　devil；
English　satire　leaves　a　deadly　poison　in　the　wound　it　makes。　Arabella
chose　to　show　her　power　like　the　sultan　who；　to　prove　his　dexterity；
cut　off　the　heads　of　unoffending　beings　with　his　own　scimitar。

〃My　angel；〃　she　said；　〃I　can　talk　morality　too　if　I　choose。　I　have
asked　myself　whether　I　commit　a　crime　in　loving　you；　whether　I　violate
the　divine　laws；　and　I　find　that　my　love　for　you　is　both　natural　and
pious。　Why　did　God　create　some　beings　handsomer　than　others　if　not　to
show　us　that　we　ought　to　adore　them？　The　crime　would　be　in　not　loving
you。　This　lady　insults　you　by　confounding　you　with　other　men；　the　laws
of　morality　are　not　applicable　to　you；　for　God　has　created　you　above
them。　Am　I　not　drawing　nearer　to　divine　love　in　loving　you？　will　God
punish　a　poor　woman　for　seeking　the　divine？　Your　great　and　luminous
heart　so　resembles　the　heavens　that　I　am　like　the　gnats　which　flutter
about　the　torches　of　a　fete　and　burn　themselves；　are　they　to　be
punished　for　their　error？　besides；　is　it　an　error？　may　it　not　be　pure
worship　of　the　light？　They　perish　of　too　much　piety；if　you　call　it
perishing　to　fling　one's　self　on　the　breast　of　him　we　love。　I　have　the
weakness　to　love　you；　whereas　that　woman　has　the　strength　to　remain　in
her　Catholic　shrine。　Now；　don't　frown。　You　think　I　wish　her　ill。　No；　I
do　not。　I　adore　the　morality　which　has　led　her　to　leave　you　free；　and
enables　me　to　win　you　and　hold　you　foreverfor　you　are　mine　forever；
are　you　not？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Forever　and　ever？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Ah！　I　have　found　favor　in　my　lord！　I　alone　have　understood　his　worth！
She　knows　how　to　cultivate　her　estate；　you　say。　Well；　I　leave　that　to
farmers；　I　cultivate　your　heart。〃

I　try　to　recall　this　intoxicating　babble；　that　I　may　picture　to　you
the　woman　as　she　is；　confirm　all　I　have　said　of　her；　and　let　you　into
the　secret　of　what　happened　later。　But　how　shall　I　describe　the
accompaniment　of　the　words？　She　sought　to　annihilate　by　the　passion　of
her　impetuous　love　the　impressions　left　in　my　heart　by　the　chaste　and
dignified　love　of　my　Henriette。　Lady　Dudley　had　seen　the　countess　as
plainly　as　the　countess　had　seen　her；　each　had　judged　the　other。　The
force　of　Arabella's　attack　revealed　to　me　the　extent　of　her　fear；　and
her　secret　admiration　for　her　rival。　In　the　morning　I　found　her　with
tearful　eyes；　complaining　that　she　had　not　slept。

〃What　troubles　you？〃　I　said。

〃I　fear　that　my　excessive　love　will　ruin　me；〃　she　answered；　〃I　have
given　all。　Wiser　than　I；　that　woman　possesses　something　that　you　still
desire。　If　you　prefer　her；　forget　me；　I　will　not　trouble　you　with　my
sorrows；　my　remorse；　my　sufferings；　no；　I　will　go　far　away　and　die；
like　a　plant　deprived　of　the　life…giving　sun。〃

She　was　able　to　wring　protestations　of　love　from　my　reluctant　lips；
which　filled　her　with　joy。

〃Ah！〃　she　exclaimed；　drying　her　eyes；　〃I　am　happy。　Go　back　to　her；　I
do　not　choose　to　owe　you　to　the　force　of　my　love；　but　to　the　action　of
your　own　will。　If　you　return　here　I　shall　know　that　you　love　me　as
much　as　I　love　you；　the　possibility　of　which　I　have　always　doubted。〃

She　persuaded　me　to　return　to　Clochegourde。　The　false　position　in
which　I　thus　placed　myself　did　not　strike　me　while　still　under　the
influence　of　her　wiles。　Yet；　had　I　refused　to　return　I　should　have
given　Lady　Dudley　a　triumph　over　Henriette。　Arabella　would　then　have
taken　me　to　Paris。　To　go　now　to　Clochegourde　was　an　open　insult　to
Madame　de　Mortsauf；　in　that　case　Arabella　was　sure　of　me。　Did　any
woman　ever　pardon　such　crimes　against　love？　Unless　she　were　an　angel
descended　from　the　skies；　instead　of　a　purified　spirit　ascending　to
them；　a　loving　woman　would　rather　see　her　lover　die　than　know　him
happy　with　another。　Thus；　look　at　it　as　I　would；　my　situation；　after　I
had　once　left　Clochegourde　for　the　Grenadiere；　was　as　fatal　to　the
love　of　my　choice　as　it　was　profitable　to　the　transient　love　that　held
me。　Lady　Dudley　had　calculated　all　this　with　consummate　cleverness。
She　owned　to　me　later　that　if　she　had　not　met　Madame　de　Mortsauf　on
the　moor　she　had　intended　to　compromise　me　by　haunting　Clochegourde
until　she　did　so。

When　I　met　the　countess　that　morning；　and　found　her　pale　and　depressed
like　one　who　has　not　slept　all　night；　I　was　conscious　of　exercising
the　instinctive　perception　given　to　hearts　still　fresh　and　generous　to
show　them　the　true　bearing　of　actions　little　regarded　by　the　world　at
large；　but　judged　as　criminal　by　lofty　spirits。　Like　a　child　going
down　a　precipice　in　play　and　gathering　flowers；　who　sees　with　dread
that　it　can　never　climb　that　height　again；　feels　itself　alone；　with
night　approaching；　and　hears　the　howls　of　animals；　so　I　now　knew　that
she　and　I　were　separated　by　a　universe。　A　wail　arose　within　our　souls
like　an　echo　of　t