the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第46章

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Rance　a　Trappist。　I；　who　hoped　to　remain　ever　beautiful　and　noble　in
your　memory；　to　live　there　eternally　a　lily；　I　it　is　who　destroy　your
illusions！　True　love　cannot　calculate。　But　stay；　do　not　go；　stay。
Monsieur　Origet　said　I　was　much　better　this　morning；　I　shall　recover。
Your　looks　will　bring　me　back　to　life。　When　I　regain　a　little
strength；　when　I　can　take　some　nourishment；　I　shall　be　beautiful
again。　I　am　scarcely　thirty…five；　there　are　many　years　of　happiness
before　me；happiness　renews　our　youth；　yes；　I　must　know　happiness！　I
have　made　delightful　plans；we　will　leave　Clochegourde　and　go　to
Italy。〃

Tears　filled　my　eyes　and　I　turned　to　the　window　as　if　to　look　at　the
flowers。　The　abbe　followed　me　hastily；　and　bending　over　the　bouquet
whispered；　〃No　tears！〃

〃Henriette；　do　you　no　longer　care　for　our　dear　valley；〃　I　said；　as　if
to　explain　my　sudden　movement。

〃Oh；　yes！〃　she　said；　turning　her　forehead　to　my　lips　with　a　fond
motion。　〃But　without　you　it　is　fatal　to　me；without　THEE；〃　she　added；
putting　her　burning　lips　to　my　ear　and　whispering　the　words　like　a
sigh。

I　was　horror…struck　at　the　wild　caress；　and　my　will　was　not　strong
enough　to　repress　the　nervous　agitation　I　felt　throughout　this　scene。
I　listened　without　reply；　or　rather　I　replied　by　a　fixed　smile　and
signs　of　comprehension；　wishing　not　to　thwart　her；　but　to　treat　her　as
a　mother　does　a　child。　Struck　at　first　with　the　change　in　her　person；
I　now　perceived　that　the　woman；　once　so　dignified　in　her　bearing；
showed　in　her　attitude；　her　voice；　her　manners；　in　her　looks　and　her
ideas；　the　naive　ignorance　of　a　child；　its　artless　graces；　its　eager
movements；　its　careless　indifference　to　everything　that　is　not　its　own
desire；in　short　all　the　weaknesses　which　commend　a　child　to　our
protection。　Is　it　so　with　all　dying　persons？　Do　they　strip　off　social
disguises　till　they　are　like　children　who　have　never　put　them　on？　Or
was　it　that　the　countess　feeling　herself　on　the　borders　of　eternity；
rejected　every　human　feeling　except　love？

〃You　will　bring　me　health　as　you　used　to　do；　Felix；〃　she　said；　〃and
our　valley　will　still　be　my　blessing。　How　can　I　help　eating　what　you
will　give　me？　You　are　such　a　good　nurse。　Besides；　you　are　so　rich　in
health　and　vigor　that　life　is　contagious　beside　you。　My　friend；　prove
to　me　that　I　need　not　diedie　blighted。　They　think　my　worst　suffering
is　thirst。　Oh；　yes；　my　thirst　is　great；　dear　friend。　The　waters　of　the
Indre　are　terrible　to　see；　but　the　thirst　of　my　heart　is　greater　far。
I　thirsted　for　thee；〃　she　said　in　a　smothered　voice；　taking　my　hands
in　hers；　which　were　burning；　and　drawing　me　close　that　she　might
whisper　in　my　ear。　〃My　anguish　has　been　in　not　seeing　thee！　Did　you
not　bid　me　live？　I　will　live；　I　too　will　ride　on　horseback；　I　will
know　life；　Paris；　fetes；　pleasures；　all！〃

Ah！　Natalie；　that　awful　crywhich　time　and　distance　render　coldrang
in　the　ears　of　the　old　priest　and　in　mine；　the　tones　of　that　glorious
voice　pictured　the　battles　of　a　lifetime；　the　anguish　of　a　true　love
lost。　The　countess　rose　with　an　impatient　movement　like　that　of　a
child　which　seeks　a　plaything。　When　the　confessor　saw　her　thus　the
poor　man　fell　upon　his　knees　and　prayed　with　clasped　hands。

〃Yes；　to　live！〃　she　said；　making　me　rise　and　support　her；　〃to　live
with　realities　and　not　with　delusions。　All　has　been　delusions　in　my
life；　I　have　counted　them　up；　these　lies；　these　impostures！　How　can　I
die；　I　who　have　never　lived？　I　who　have　never　roamed　a　moor　to　meet
him！〃　She　stopped；　seemed　to　listen；　and　to　smell　some　odor　through
the　walls。　〃Felix；　the　vintagers　are　dining；　and　I；　I；〃　she　said；　in
the　voice　of　a　child；　〃I；　the　mistress；　am　hungry。　It　is　so　in　love；
they　are　happy；　they；　they！〃

〃Kyrie　eleison！〃　said　the　poor　abbe；　who　with　clasped　hands　and　eyes
raised　to　heaven　was　reciting　his　litanies。

She　flung　an　arm　around　my　neck；　kissed　me　violently；　and　pressed　me
to　her；　saying；　〃You　shall　not　escape　me　now！〃　She　gave　the　little　nod
with　which　in　former　days　she　used；　when　leaving　me　for　an　instant；　to
say　she　would　return。　〃We　will　dine　together；〃　she　said；　〃I　will　go
and　tell　Manette。〃　She　turned　to　go；　but　fainted；　and　I　laid　her；
dressed　as　she　was；　upon　the　bed。

〃You　carried　me　thus　before；〃　she　murmured；　opening　her　eyes。

She　was　very　light；　but　burning；　as　I　took　her　in　my　arms　I　felt　the
heat　of　her　body。　Monsieur　Deslandes　entered　and　seemed　surprised　at
the　decoration　of　the　room；　but　seeing　me；　all　was　explained　to　him。

〃We　must　suffer　much　to　die；〃　she　said　in　a　changed　voice。

The　doctor　sat　down　and　felt　her　pulse；　then　he　rose　quickly　and　said
a　few　words　in　a　low　voice　to　the　priest；　who　left　the　room　beckoning
me　to　follow　him。

〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　I　said　to　the　doctor。

〃Save　her　from　intolerable　agony；〃　he　replied。　〃Who　could　have
believed　in　so　much　strength？　We　cannot　understand　how　she　can　have
lived　in　this　state　so　long。　This　is　the　forty…second　day　since　she
has　either　eaten　or　drunk。〃

Monsieur　Deslandes　called　for　Manette。　The　Abbe　Birotteau　took　me　to
the　gardens。

〃Let　us　leave　her　to　the　doctor；〃　he　said；　〃with　Manette's　help　he
will　wrap　her　in　opium。　Well；　you　have　heard　her　nowif　indeed　it　is
she　herself。〃

〃No；〃　I　said；　〃it　is　not　she。〃

I　was　stupefied　with　grief。　I　left　the　grounds　by　the　little　gate　of
the　lower　terrace　and　went　to　the　punt；　in　which　I　hid　to　be　alone
with　my　thoughts。　I　tried　to　detach　myself　from　the　being　in　which　I
lived；a　torture　like　that　with　which　the　Tartars　punish　adultery　by
fastening　a　limb　of　the　guilty　man　in　a　piece　of　wood　and　leaving　him
with　a　knife　to　cut　it　off　if　he　would　not　die　of　hunger。　My　life　was
a　failure；　too！　Despair　suggested　many　strange　ideas　to　me。　Sometimes
I　vowed　to　die　beside　her；　sometimes　to　bury　myself　at　Meilleraye
among　the　Trappists。　I　looked　at　the　windows　of　the　room　where
Henriette　was　dying；　fancying　I　saw　the　light　that　was　burning　there
the　night　I　betrothed　my　soul　to　hers。　Ah！　ought　I　not　to　have
followed　the　simple　life　she　had　created　for　me；　keeping　myself
faithfully　to　her　while　I　worked　in　the　world？　Had　she　not　bidden　me
become　a　great　man　expressly　that　I　might　be　saved　from　base　and
shameful　passions？　Chastity！　was　it　not　a　sublime　distinction　which　I
had　not　know　how　to　keep？　Love；　as　Arabella　understood　it；　suddenly
disgusted　me。　As　I　raised　my　humbled　head　asking　myself　where；　in
future；　I　could　look　for　light　and　hope；　what　interest　could　hold　me
to　life；　the　air　was　stirred　by　a　sudden　noise。　I　turned　to　the
terrace　and　there　saw　Madeleine　walking　alone；　with　slow　steps。　During
the　time　it　took　me　to　ascend　the　terrace；　intending　to　ask　the　dear
child　the　reason　of　the　cold　look　she　had　given　me　when　kneeling　at
the　foot　of　the　cross；　she　had　seated　herself　on　the　bench。　When　she
saw　me　approach　her；　she　rose；　pretending　not　to　have　seen　me；　and
returned　towards　the　house　in　a　significantly　hasty　manner。　She　hated
me；　she　fled　from　her　mother's　murderer。

When　I　reached　the　portico　I　saw　Madeleine　like　a　statue；　motionless
and　erect；　evidently　listening　to　the　sound　of　my　steps。　Jacques　was
sitting　in　the　portico。　His　attitude　expressed　the　same　insensibility
to　what　was　going　on　about　him　that　I　had　noticed　when　I　first　saw
him；　it　suggested　ideas　such　as　we　lay　aside　in　some　corner　of　our
mind　to　take　up　and　study　at　our　leisure。　I　have　remarked　that　young
persons　who　carry　death　within　them　are　usually　unmoved　at　funerals。　I
longed　to　question　that　gloomy　spirit。　Had　Madeleine　kept　her　thoughts
to　herself；　or　had　she　inspired　Jacques　with　her　hatred？

〃You　know；　Jacques；〃　I　said；　to　begin　the　conversation；　〃that　in　me
you　have　a　most　devoted　brother。〃

〃Your　friendship　is　useless　to　me；　I　shall　follow　my　mother；〃　he　said；
giving　me　a　sullen　look　of　pain。

〃Jacques！〃　I　cried；　〃you；　too；　against　me？〃

He　coughed　and　walked　away；　when　he　returned　he　showed　me　his
handkerchief　stained　with　blood。

〃Do　you　understand　that？〃　he　said。

Thus　they　had　each　of　them　a　fatal　secret。　I　saw　before　long　that　the
brother　and　sister　avoided　each　other。　Henriette　laid　low；　all　was　in
ruins　at　Clochegourde。

〃Madame　is　asleep；〃　Manette　came　to　say；　quite　happy　in　knowing　that
the　countess　was　out　of　pain。

In　these　dreadful　moments；　though　each　person　knows　the　inevitable
end；　strong　affections　fasten　on　such　minor　joys。　Minutes　are
centuries　which　we　long　to　make　restorative；　we　wish　our　dear　ones　to
lie　on　roses；　we　pray　to　bear　their　sufferings；　we　cling　to　the　hope
that　their　last　moment　may　be　to　them　unexpected。

〃Monsieur　Deslandes　has　ordered　the　flowers　taken　away；　they　excited
Madame's　nerves；〃　said　Manette。

Then　it　was　the　flowers　that　caused　her　delirium；　she　herself　was　not
a　part　of　it。

〃Come；　Monsieur　Felix；〃　added　Manette；　〃come　and　see　Madame；　she　is
beautiful　as　an　angel。〃

I　returned　to　the　dying　woman　just　as　the　setting　sun　was　gilding　the
lace…work　on　the　roofs　of　the　chateau　of　Azay。　All　was　calm　and　pure。
A　soft　light　lit　the　bed　on　which　my　Henriette　was　lying；　wrapped　in
opium。　The　body　was；　as　it　were；　annihilated；　the　soul　alone　reigned
on　that　face；　serene　as　the　skies　when　the　tempest　is　over。　Blanche
and　Henriette；　two　sublime　faces　of　the　same　woman；　reappeared；　all
the　more　beautiful　because　my　recollection；　my　thought；　my
imagination；　aiding　nature；　repaired　the　devastation　of　each　dear
feature；　where　now　the　soul　triumphant　sent　its　gleams　through　the
calm　pulsations　of　her　breathing。　The　two　abbes　were　sitting　at　the
foot　of　the　bed。　The　count　stood；　as　though　stupefied　by　the　banners
of　death　which　floated　above　that　adored　being。　I　took　her　seat　on　the
sofa。　We　all　four　turned　to　each　other　looks　in　which　admiration　for
that　celestial　beauty　mingled　with　tears　of　mourning。　The　lights　of
thought　announced　the　return　of　the　Divine　Spirit　to　that　glorious
tabernacle。

The　Abbe　Dominis　and　I　spoke　in　signs；　communicating　to　each　other　our
mutual　ideas。　Yes；　the　angels　were　watching　her！　yes；　their　flaming
swords　shone　above　that　noble　brow；　which　the　august　expression　of　her
virtue　made；　as　it　were；　a　visible　soul　conversing　with　the　spirits　of
its　sphere。　The　lines　of　her　face　cleared；　all　in　her　was　exalted　and
became　majestic　beneath　the　unseen　incense　of　the　seraphs　who　guarded
her。　The　green　tints　of　bodily　suffering　gave　place　to　pure　white
tones；　the　cold　wan　pallor　of　approaching　death。　Jacques　and　Madeleine
entered。　Madeleine　made　us　quiver　by　the　adoring　impulse　which　flung
her　on　her　knees　beside　the　bed；　crying　out；　with　clasped　hand：　〃My
mother！　here　is　my　mother！〃　Jacques　smiled；　he　knew　he　would　follow
her　where　she　went。

〃She　is　entering　the　haven；〃　said　the　Abbe　Birotteau。

The　Abbe　Dominis　looked　at　me　as　if　to　say：　〃Did　I　not　tell　you　the
star　would　rise　in　all　its　glory？〃

Madeleine　knelt　with　her　eyes　fixed　on　her　mother；　breathing　when　she
breathed；　listening　to　the　soft　breath；　the　last　thread　by　which　she
held　to　life；　and　which　we　followed　in　terror；　fearing　that　every
effort　of　respiration　might　be　the　last。　Like　an　angel　at　the　gates　of
the　sanctuary；　the　young　girl　was　eager　yet　calm；　st