roughing it-第16章

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undertaking；　and　all　of　a　sudden　they　concluded　that　they　were　going　to
make　little　or　nothing；　and　so　they　tranquilly　threw　their　poles
overboard　in　mountain　or　desert；　just　as　it　happened　when　they　took　the
notion；　and　drove　home　and　went　about　their　customary　business！　　They
were　under　written　contract　to　Mr。　Street；　but　they　did　not　care　anything
for　that。　　They　said　they　would　〃admire〃　to　see　a　〃Gentile〃　force　a
Mormon　to　fulfil　a　losing　contract　in　Utah！　　And　they　made　themselves
very　merry　over　the　matter。　　Street　saidfor　it　was　he　that　told　us
these　things：

〃I　was　in　dismay。　　I　was　under　heavy　bonds　to　complete　my　contract　in　a
given　time；　and　this　disaster　looked　very　much　like　ruin。　　It　was　an
astounding　thing；　it　was　such　a　wholly　unlooked…for　difficulty；　that　I
was　entirely　nonplussed。　　I　am　a　business　manhave　always　been　a
business　mando　not　know　anything　but　businessand　so　you　can　imagine
how　like　being　struck　by　lightning　it　was　to　find　myself　in　a　country
where　written　contracts　were　worthless！that　main　security；　that　sheet…
anchor；　that　absolute　necessity；　of　business。　　My　confidence　left　me。
There　was　no　use　in　making　new　contractsthat　was　plain。　　I　talked　with
first　one　prominent　citizen　and　then　another。　　They　all　sympathized　with
me；　first　rate；　but　they　did　not　know　how　to　help　me。　　But　at　last　a
Gentile　said；　'Go　to　Brigham　Young！these　small　fry　cannot　do　you　any
good。'　　I　did　not　think　much　of　the　idea；　for　if　the　law　could　not　help
me；　what　could　an　individual　do　who　had　not　even　anything　to　do　with
either　making　the　laws　or　executing　them？　　He　might　be　a　very　good
patriarch　of　a　church　and　preacher　in　its　tabernacle；　but　something
sterner　than　religion　and　moral　suasion　was　needed　to　handle　a　hundred
refractory；　half…civilized　sub…contractors。　　But　what　was　a　man　to　do？
I　thought　if　Mr。　Young　could　not　do　anything　else；　he　might　probably　be
able　to　give　me　some　advice　and　a　valuable　hint　or　two；　and　so　I　went
straight　to　him　and　laid　the　whole　case　before　him。　　He　said　very　little；
but　he　showed　strong　interest　all　the　way　through。　　He　examined　all　the
papers　in　detail；　and　whenever　there　seemed　anything　like　a　hitch；　either
in　the　papers　or　my　statement；　he　would　go　back　and　take　up　the　thread
and　follow　it　patiently　out　to　an　intelligent　and　satisfactory　result。
Then　he　made　a　list　of　the　contractors'　names。　　Finally　he　said：

〃'Mr。　Street；　this　is　all　perfectly　plain。　　These　contracts　are　strictly
and　legally　drawn；　and　are　duly　signed　and　certified。　　These　men
manifestly　entered　into　them　with　their　eyes　open。　　I　see　no　fault　or
flaw　anywhere。'

〃Then　Mr。　Young　turned　to　a　man　waiting　at　the　other　end　of　the　room　and
said：　'Take　this　list　of　names　to　So…and…so；　and　tell　him　to　have　these
men　here　at　such…and…such　an　hour。'

〃They　were　there；　to　the　minute。　　So　was　I。　　Mr。　Young　asked　them　a
number　of　questions；　and　their　answers　made　my　statement　good。　　Then　he
said　to　them：

〃'You　signed　these　contracts　and　assumed　these　obligations　of　your　own
free　will　and　accord？'

〃'Yes。'

〃'Then　carry　them　out　to　the　letter；　if　it　makes　paupers　of　you！　　Go！'

〃And　they　did　go；　too！　　They　are　strung　across　the　deserts　now；　working
like　bees。　　And　I　never　hear　a　word　out　of　them。

There　is　a　batch　of　governors；　and　judges；　and　other　officials　here；
shipped　from　Washington；　and　they　maintain　the　semblance　of　a　republican
form　of　governmentbut　the　petrified　truth　is　that　Utah　is　an　absolute
monarchy　and　Brigham　Young　is　king！〃

Mr。　Street　was　a　fine　man；　and　I　believe　his　story。　　I　knew　him　well
during　several　years　afterward　in　San　Francisco。

Our　stay　in　Salt　Lake　City　amounted　to　only　two　days；　and　therefore　we
had　no　time　to　make　the　customary　inquisition　into　the　workings　of
polygamy　and　get　up　the　usual　statistics　and　deductions　preparatory　to
calling　the　attention　of　the　nation　at　large　once　more　to　the　matter。

I　had　the　will　to　do　it。　　With　the　gushing　self…sufficiency　of　youth　I
was　feverish　to　plunge　in　headlong　and　achieve　a　great　reform　hereuntil
I　saw　the　Mormon　women。　　Then　I　was　touched。　　My　heart　was　wiser　than　my
head。　　It　warmed　toward　these　poor；　ungainly　and　pathetically　〃homely〃
creatures；　and　as　I　turned　to　hide　the　generous　moisture　in　my　eyes；　I
said；　〃Nothe　man　that　marries　one　of　them　has　done　an　act　of　Christian
charity　which　entitles　him　to　the　kindly　applause　of　mankind；　not　their
harsh　censureand　the　man　that　marries　sixty　of　them　has　done　a　deed　of
open…handed　generosity　so　sublime　that　the　nations　should　stand　uncovered
in　his　presence　and　worship　in　silence。〃

　　　　　　＇For　a　brief　sketch　of　Mormon　history；　and　the　noted　Mountain　Meadow
　　　　　　massacre；　see　Appendices　A　and　B。　＇




CHAPTER　XV。

It　is　a　luscious　country　for　thrilling　evening　stories　about
assassinations　of　intractable　Gentiles。　　I　cannot　easily　conceive　of
anything　more　cosy　than　the　night　in　Salt　Lake　which　we　spent　in　a
Gentile　den；　smoking　pipes　and　listening　to　tales　of　how　Burton　galloped
in　among　the　pleading　and　defenceless　〃Morisites〃　and　shot　them　down；　men
and　women；　like　so　many　dogs。　　And　how　Bill　Hickman；　a　Destroying　Angel；
shot　Drown　and　Arnold　dead　for　bringing　suit　against　him　for　a　debt。
And　how　Porter　Rockwell　did　this　and　that　dreadful　thing。　　And　how
heedless　people　often　come　to　Utah　and　make　remarks　about　Brigham；　or
polygamy；　or　some　other　sacred　matter；　and　the　very　next　morning　at
daylight　such　parties　are　sure　to　be　found　lying　up　some　back　alley；
contentedly　waiting　for　the　hearse。

And　the　next　most　interesting　thing　is　to　sit　and　listen　to　these
Gentiles　talk　about　polygamy；　and　how　some　portly　old　frog　of　an　elder；
or　a　bishop；　marries　a　girllikes　her；　marries　her　sisterlikes　her；
marries　another　sisterlikes　her；　takes　anotherlikes　her；　marries　her
motherlikes　her；　marries　her　father；　grandfather；　great　grandfather；
and　then　comes　back　hungry　and　asks　for　more。　　And　how　the　pert　young
thing　of　eleven　will　chance　to　be　the　favorite　wife　and　her　own　venerable
grandmother　have　to　rank　away　down　toward　D　4　in　their　mutual　husband's
esteem；　and　have　to　sleep　in　the　kitchen；　as　like　as　not。　　And　how　this
dreadful　sort　of　thing；　this　hiving　together　in　one　foul　nest　of　mother
and　daughters；　and　the　making　a　young　daughter　superior　to　her　own　mother
in　rank　and　authority；　are　things　which　Mormon　women　submit　to　because
their　religion　teaches　them　that　the　more　wives　a　man　has　on　earth；　and
the　more　children　he　rears；　the　higher　the　place　they　will　all　have　in
the　world　to　comeand　the　warmer；　maybe；　though　they　do　not　seem　to　say
anything　about　that。

According　to　these　Gentile　friends　of　ours；　Brigham　Young's　harem
contains　twenty　or　thirty　wives。　　They　said　that　some　of　them　had　grown
old　and　gone　out　of　active　service；　but　were　comfortably　housed　and　cared
for　in　the　heneryor　the　Lion　House；　as　it　is　strangely　named。　　Along
with　each　wife　were　her　childrenfifty　altogether。　　The　house　was
perfectly　quiet　and　orderly；　when　the　children　were　still。　　They　all　took
their　meals　in　one　room；　and　a　happy　and　home…like　sight　it　was
pronounced　to　be。　　None　of　our　party　got　an　opportunity　to　take　dinner
with　Mr。　Young；　but　a　Gentile　by　the　name　of　Johnson　professed　to　have
enjoyed　a　sociable　breakfast　in　the　Lion　House。　　He　gave　a　preposterous
account　of　the　〃calling　of　the　roll；〃　and　other　preliminaries；　and　the
carnage　that　ensued　when　the　buckwheat　cakes　came　in。　　But　he　embellished
rather　too　much。　　He　said　that　Mr。　Young　told　him　several　smart　sayings
of　certain　of　his　〃two…year…olds；〃　observing　with　some　pride　that　for
many　years　he　had　been　the　heaviest　contributor　in　that　line　to　one　of
the　Eastern　magazines；　and　then　he　wanted　to　show　Mr。　Johnson　one　of　the
pets　that　had　said　the　last　good　thing；　but　he　could　not　find　the　child。

He　searched　the　faces　of　the　children　in　detail；　but　could　not　decide
which　one　it　was。　　Finally　he　gave　it　up　with　a　sigh　and　said：

〃I　thought　I　would　know　the　little　cub　again　but　I　don't。〃　　Mr。　Johnson
said　further；　that　Mr。　Young　observed　that　life　was　a　sad；　sad　thing
〃because　the　joy　of　every　new　marriage　a　man　contracted　was　so　apt　to　be
blighted　by　the　inopportune　funeral　of　a　less　recent　bride。〃　　And　Mr。
Johnson　said　that　while　he　and　Mr。　Young　were　pleasantly　conversing　in
private；　one　of　the　Mrs。　Youngs　came　in　and　demanded　a　breast…pin；
remarking　that　she　had　found　out　that　he　had　been　giving　a　breast…pin　to
No。　6；　and　she；　for　one；　did　not　propose　to　let　this　partiality　go　on
without　making　a　satisfactory　amount　of　trouble　about　it。　　Mr。　Young
reminded　her　that　there　was　a　stranger　present。　　Mrs。　Young　said　that　if
the　state　of　things　inside　the　house　was　not　agreeable　to　the　stranger；
he　could　find　room　outside。　　Mr。　Young　promised　the　breast…pin；　and　she
went　away。　　But　in　a　minute　or　two　another　Mrs。　Young　came　in　and
demanded　a　breast…pin。　　Mr。　Young　began　a　remonstrance；　but　Mrs。　Young
cut　him　short。　　She　said　No。　6　had　got　one；　and　No。　11　was　promised　one；
and　it　was　〃no　use　for　him　to　try　to　impose　on　hershe　hoped　she　knew
her　rights。〃　　He　gave　his　promise；　and　she　went。　　And　presently　three
Mrs。　Youngs　entered　in　a　body　and　opened　on　their　husband　a　tempest　of
tears；　abuse；　and　entreaty。　　They　had　heard　all　about　No。　6；　No。　11；　and
No。　14。　　Three　more　breast…pins　were　promised。　　They　were　hardly　gone
when　nine　more　Mrs。　Youngs　filed　into　the　presence；　and　a　new　tempest
burst　forth　and　raged　round　about　the　prophet　and　his　guest。　　Nine
breast…pins　were　promised；　and　the　weird　sisters　filed　out　again。　　And　in
came　eleven　more；　weeping　and　wailing　and　gnashing　their　teeth。　　Eleven
promised　breast…pins　purchased　peace　once　more。

〃That　is　a　specimen；〃　said　Mr。　Young。　　〃You　see　how　it　is。　　You　see　what
a　life　I　lead。　　A　man　can't　be　wise　all　the　time。　　In　a　heedless　moment　I
gave　my　darling　No。　6excuse　my　calling　her　thus；　as　her　other　name　has
escaped　me　for　the　momenta　breast…pin。　　It　was　only　worth　twenty…five
dollarsthat　is；　apparently　that　was　its　whole　costbut　its　ultimate
cost　was　inevitably　bound　to　be　a　good　deal　more。　　You　yourself　have　seen
it　climb　up　to　six　hundred　and　fifty　dollarsand　alas；　even　that　is　not
the　end！　　For　I　have　wives　all　over　this　Territory　of　Utah。　　I　have
dozens　of　wives　whose　numbers；　even；　I　do　not　know　without　looking　in　the
family　Bible。　　They　are　scattered　far　and　wide　among　the　mountains　and
valleys　of　my　realm。　　And　mark　you；　every　solitary　one　of　them　will　hear
of　this　wretched　breast　pin；　and　every　last　one　of　them　will　have　one　or
die。　　No。　6's　breast　pin　will　cost　me　twenty…five　hundred　dollars　before
I　see　the　end　of　it。　　And　these　creatures　will　compare　these　pins
together；　and　if　one　is　a　shade　finer　than　the　rest；　they　will　all　be
thrown　on　my　hands；　and　I　will　have　to　order　a　new　lot　to　keep　peace　in
the　family。　　Sir；　you　probably　did　not　know　it；　but　all　the　time　you　were
present　with　my　children　your　every　movement　was　watched　by　vigilant
servitors　of　mine。　　If　you　had　offered　to　give　a　child　a　dime；　or　a　stick
of　candy；　or　any　trifle　of　the　kind；　you　would　have　been　snatched　out　of
the　house　instantly；　provided　it　could　be　done　befor