the house behind the cedars(雪松后的房子)-第12章
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happiest man alive。 Your sister has promised to marry me。 I should like
to shake my brother's hand。〃
Never does one feel so strongly the universal brotherhood of man as
when one loves some other fellow's sister。 Warwick sprang from his
chair and clasped Tryon's extended hand with real emotion。 He knew of
no man whom he would have preferred to Tryon as a husband for his
sister。
〃My dear Georgemy dear sister；〃 he exclaimed； 〃I am very； very glad。
I wish you every happiness。 My sister is the most fortunate of women。〃
〃And I am the luckiest of men；〃 cried Tryon。
〃I wish you every happiness；〃 repeated Warwick； adding； with a touch
of solemnity； as a certain thought； never far distant； occurred to him； 〃I
hope that neither of you may ever regret your choice。〃
Thus placed upon the footing of an accepted lover； Tryon's visits to the
house became more frequent。 He wished to fix a time for the marriage；
but at this point Rena developed a strange reluctance。
〃Can we not love each other for a while？〃 she asked。 〃To be engaged
is a pleasure that comes but once； it would be a pity to cut it too short。〃
〃It is a pleasure that I would cheerfully dispense with；〃 he replied； 〃for
the certainty of possession。 I want you all to myself； and all the time。
Things might happen。 If I should die； for instance； before I married
you〃
〃Oh； don't suppose such awful things；〃 she cried； putting her hand over
his mouth。
He held it there and kissed it until she pulled it away。
〃I should consider；〃 he resumed； completing the sentence； 〃that my life
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had been a failure。〃
〃If I should die；〃 she murmured； 〃I should die happy in the knowledge
that you had loved me。〃
〃In three weeks；〃 he went on； 〃I shall have finished my business in
Clarence； and there will be but one thing to keep me here。 When shall it
be？ I must take you home with me。〃
〃I will let you know；〃 she replied； with a troubled sigh； 〃in a week
from to…day。〃
〃I'll call your attention to the subject every day in the mean time；〃 he
asserted。 〃I shouldn't like you to forget it。〃
Rena's shrinking from the irrevocable step of marriage was due to a
simple and yet complex cause。 Stated baldly； it was the consciousness of
her secret； the complexity arose out of the various ways in which it
seemed to bear upon her future。 Our lives are so bound up with those of
our fellow men that the slightest departure from the beaten path involves a
multiplicity of small adjustments。 It had not been difficult for Rena to
conform her speech； her manners； and in a measure her modes of thought；
to those of the people around her； but when this readjustment went beyond
mere externals and concerned the vital issues of life； the secret that
oppressed her took on a more serious aspect； with tragic possibilities。 A
discursive imagination was not one of her characteristics； or the danger of
a marriage of which perfect frankness was not a condition might well have
presented itself before her heart had become involved。 Under the
influence of doubt and fear acting upon love； the invisible bar to happiness
glowed with a lambent flame that threatened dire disaster。
〃Would he have loved me at all；〃 she asked herself； 〃if he had known
the story of my past？ Or； having loved me； could he blame me now for
what I cannot help？〃
There were two shoals in the channel of her life； upon either of which
her happiness might go to shipwreck。 Since leaving the house behind the
cedars； where she had been brought into the world without her own
knowledge or consent； and had first drawn the breath of life by the
involuntary contraction of certain muscles； Rena had learned； in a short
time； many things； but she was yet to learn that the innocent suffer with
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the guilty； and feel the punishment the more keenly because unmerited。
She had yet to learn that the old Mosaic formula； 〃The sins of the fathers
shall be visited upon the children；〃 was graven more indelibly upon the
heart of the race than upon the tables of Sinai。
But would her lover still love her； if he knew all？ She had read some
of the novels in the bookcase in her mother's hall； and others at boarding…
school。 She had read that love was a conqueror； that neither life nor
death； nor creed nor caste； could stay his triumphant course。 Her secret
was no legal bar to their union。 If Rena could forget the secret； and
Tryon should never know it； it would be no obstacle to their happiness。
But Rena felt； with a sinking of the heart； that happiness was not a matter
of law or of fact； but lay entirely within the domain of sentiment。 We are
happy when we think ourselves happy； and with a strange perversity we
often differ from others with regard to what should constitute our
happiness。 Rena's secret was the worm in the bud； the skeleton in the
closet。
〃He says that he loves me。 He DOES love me。 Would he love me；
if he knew？〃 She stood before an oval mirror brought from France by
one of Warwick's wife's ancestors； and regarded her image with a coldly
critical eye。 She was as little vain as any of her sex who are endowed
with beauty。 She tried to place herself； in thus passing upon her own
claims to consideration； in the hostile attitude of society toward her hidden
disability。 There was no mark upon her brow to brand her as less pure；
less innocent； less desirable； less worthy to be loved； than these proud
women of the past who had admired themselves in this old mirror。
〃I think a man might love me for myself；〃 she murmured pathetically；
〃and if he loved me truly； that he would marry me。 If he would not
marry me； then it would be because he didn't love me。 I'll tell George my
secret。 If he leaves me； then he does not love me。〃
But this resolution vanished into thin air before it was fully formulated。
The secret was not hers alone； it involved her brother's position； to whom
she owed everything； and in less degree the future of her little nephew；
whom she had learned to love so well。 She had the choice of but two
courses of action； to marry Tryon or to dismiss him。 The thought that she
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might lose him made him seem only more dear； to think that he might
leave her made her sick at heart。 In one week she was bound to give him
an answer； he was more likely to ask for it at their next meeting。
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IX
DOUBTS AND FEARS
Rena's heart was too heavy with these misgivings for her to keep
them to herself。 On the morning after the conversation with Tryon in
which she had promised him an answer within a week； she went into her
brother's study； where he usually spent an hour after breakfast before
going to his office。 He looked up amiably from the book before him and
read trouble in her face。
〃Well； Rena； dear；〃 he asked with a smile； 〃what's the matter？ Is
there anything you wantmoney； or what？ I should like to have
Aladdin's lampthough I'd hardly need it that you might have no wish
unsatisfied。〃
He had found her very backward in asking for things that she needed。
Generous with his means； he thought nothing too good for her。 Her
success had gratified his pride； and justified his course in taking her under
his protection。
〃Thank you； John。 You give me already more than I need。 It is
something else； John。 George wants me to say when I will marry him。
I am afraid to marry him； without telling him。 If he should find out
afterwards； he might cast me off； or cease to love me。 If he did not know
it； I should be forever thinking of what he would do if he SHOULD find it
out； or； if I should die without his having learned it； I should not rest easy
in my grave for thinking of what he would have done if he HAD found it
out。〃
Warwick's smile gave place to a grave expression at this somewhat
comprehensive statement。 He rose and closed the door carefully； lest
some one of the servants might overhear the conversation。 More
liberally endowed than Rena with imagination； and not without a vein of
sentiment； he had nevertheless a practical side that outweighed them both。
With him； the problem that oppressed his sister had been in the main a
matter of argument； of self…conviction。 Once persuaded that he had
certain rights； or ought to have them； by virtue of the laws of nature； in
defiance of the customs of mankind； he had promptly sought to enjoy
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them。 This he had been able to do by simply concealing his antecedents
and making the most of his opportunities； with no troublesome qualms of
conscience whatever。 But he had already perceived； in their brief
intercourse； that Rena's emotions； while less easily stirred； touched a
