the ways of men(人们的手段)-第40章
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and block around a pale…faced throng of the damned； who are forced； in
expiation of their sins； to hasten forever toward an unreachable goal。
A curious curse has fallen upon our people； an 〃influence〃 is at work
which forces us to attempt in an hour just twice as much as can be
accomplished in sixty minutes。 〃Do as well as you can；〃 whispers the
〃influence；〃 〃but do it quickly！〃 That motto might be engraved upon the
fronts of our homes and business buildings。
It is on account of this new standard that rapidity in a transaction on
the Street is appreciated more than correctness of detail。 A broker to…day
will take more credit for having received and executed an order for
Chicago and returned an answer within six minutes； than for any amount
of careful work。 The order may have been ill executed and the details
mixed； but there will have been celerity of execution to boast of
The young man who expects to succeed in business to…day must be a
〃hustler；〃 have a snap…shot style in conversation； patronize rapid transit
vehicles； understand shorthand； and eat at 〃breathless breakfasts。〃
Being taken recently to one of these establishments for 〃quick lunch；〃
as I believe the correct phrase is； to eat buckwheat cakes （and very good
they were）； I had an opportunity of studying the ways of the modern time…
saving young man。
It is his habit upon entering to dash for the bill…of…fare； and give an
order （if he is adroit enough to catch one of the maids on the fly） before
removing either coat or hat。 At least fifteen seconds may be economized in
this way。 Once seated； the luncher falls to on anything at hand； bread； cold
slaw； crackers； or catsup。 When the dish ordered arrives； he gets his fork
into it as it appears over his shoulder； and has cleaned the plate before the
sauce makes its appearance； so that is eaten by itself or with bread。
Cups of coffee or tea go down in two swallows。 Little piles of cakes
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are cut in quarters and disappear in four mouthfuls； much after the fashion
of children down the ogre's throat in the mechanical toy； mastication being
either a lost art or considered a foolish waste of energy。
A really accomplished luncher can assimilate his last quarter of cakes；
wiggle into his coat； and pay his check at the desk at the same moment。
The next； he is down the block in pursuit of a receding trolley。
To any one fresh from the Continent； where the entire machinery of
trade comes to a stand…still from eleven to one o'clock； that DEJEUNER
may be taken in somnolent tranquillity； the nervous tension pervading a
restaurant here is prodigious； and what is worse … catching！ During recent
visits to the business centres of our city； I find that the idea of eating is
repugnant。 It seems to be wrong to waste time on anything so
unproductive。 Last week a friend offered me a 〃luncheon tablet〃 from a
box on his desk。 〃It's as good as a meal；〃 he said； 〃and so much more
expeditious！〃
The proprietor of one down…town restaurant has the stock quotations
exhibited on a black…board at the end of his room； in this way his patrons
can keep in touch with the 〃Street〃 as they hurriedly stoke up。
A parlor car； toward a journey's end； is another excellent place to
observe our native ways。 Coming from Washington the other day my
fellow…passengers began to show signs of restlessness near Newark。 Books
and papers were thrown aside； a general 〃uprising； unveiling〃 followed；
accompanied by our objectionable custom of having our clothes brushed
in each other's faces。 By the time Jersey City appeared on the horizon；
every man； woman； and child in that car was jammed； baggage in hand；
into the stuffy little passage which precedes the entrance； swaying and
staggering about while the train backed and delayed。
The explanation of this is quite simple。 The 〃influence〃 was at work；
preventing those people from acting like other civilized mortals； and
remaining seated until their train had come to a standstill。
Being fresh from the 〃other side；〃 and retaining some of my acquired
calm； I sat in my chair！ The surprise on the faces of the other passengers
warned me； however； that it would not be safe to carry this pose too far。
The porter； puzzled by the unaccustomed sight； touched me kindly on the
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shoulder； and asked if I 〃felt sick〃！ So now； to avoid all affectation of
superiority； I struggled into my great…coat； regardless of eighty degrees
temperature in the car； and meekly joined the standing army of martyrs； to
hurry； scampering with them from the still…moving car to the boat； and on
to the trolley before the craft had been moored to its landing pier。
In Paris； on taking an omnibus； you are given a number and the right
to the first vacant seat。 When the places in a 〃bus〃 are all occupied it
receives no further occupants。 Imagine a traction line attempting such a
reform here！ There would be a riot； and the conductors hanged to the
nearest trolley…poles in an hour！
To prevent a citizen from crowding into an over…full vehicle； and
stamping on its occupants in the process； would be to infringe one of his
dearest privileges； not to mention his chance of riding free。
A small boy of my acquaintance tells me he rarely finds it necessary to
pay in a New York car。 The conductors are too hurried and too
preoccupied pocketing their share of the receipts to keep count。 〃When he
passes； I just look blank！〃 remarked the ingenious youth。
Of all the individuals； however； in the community； our idle class suffer
the most acutely from lack of time； though； like Charles Lamb's gentleman；
they have all there is。
From the moment a man of leisure； or his wife； wakens in the morning
until they drop into a fitful slumber at night； their day is an agitated chase。
No matter where or when you meet them； they are always on the wing。
〃Am I late again？〃 gasped a thin little woman to me the other evening；
as she hurried into the drawing…room； where she had kept her guests and
dinner waiting。 〃I've been so driven all day； I'm a wreck！〃 A glance at her
hatchet…faced husband revealed the fact that he； too； was chasing after a
stray half…hour lost somewhere in his youth。 His color and most of his hair
had gone in its pursuit； while his hands had acquired a twitch； as though
urging on a tired steed。
Go and ask that lady for a cup of tea at twilight； ten to one she will
receive you with her hat on； explaining that she has not had time to take it
off since breakfast。 If she writes to you； her notes are signed； 〃In great
haste；〃 or 〃In a tearing hurry。〃 She is out of her house by half…past eight on
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most mornings； yet when calling she sits on the edge of her chair； and
assures you that she has not a moment to stay； 〃has only run in；〃 etc。
Just what drives her so hard is a mystery； for beyond a vague charity
meeting or two and some calls； she accomplishes little。 Although wealthy
and childless； with no cares and few worries； she succumbs to nervous
prostration every two or three years； 〃from overwork。〃
Listen to a compatriot's account of his European trip！ He will certainly
tell you how short the ocean crossing was； giving hours and minutes with
zest； as though he had got ahead of Father Time in a transaction。 Then
follows a list of the many countries seen during his tour。
I know a lady lying ill to…day because she would hurry herself and her
children； in six weeks last summer； through a Continental tour that should
have occupied three months。 She had no particular reason for hurrying；
indeed； she got ahead of her schedule； and had to wait in Paris for the
steamer； a detail； however； that in no way diminished madame's pleasure
in having done so much during her holiday。 This same lady deplores lack
of leisure hours； yet if she finds by her engagement book that there is a
free week ahead； she will run to Washington or Lakewood； 〃for a change；〃
or organize a party to Florida。
To realize how our upper ten scramble through existence； one must
also contrast their fidgety way of feeding with the bovine calm in which a
German absorbs his nourishment and the hours Italians can pass over their
meals； an American dinner party affords us the opportunity。
There is an impression that the fashion for quickly served dinners
came to us from England。 If this is true （which I doubt； it fits too nicely
with our temperament to have been imported）； we owe H。R。H。 a debt of
gratitude； for nothing is so tiresome as too many courses needlessly
prolonged。
Like all converts； however； we are too zealous。 From oysters to fruit；
dinners now are a breathless steeplechase； during which we take our viand
hedges and champagne ditches at a dead run； with conversation pushed at
much the same speed。 To be silent would be to imply that one was not
having a good time； so we rattle and gobble on toward the finger…bowl
winning… post； only to find that rest is not there！
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As the hostess pilots the ladies away to the drawing…room； she
whispers to her spouse； 〃You won't smoke long； will you？〃 So we are
mulcted in the enjoyment of even that last resource of weary humanity； the
cigar； and are hustled away from that and our coffee； only to find that our
appearance is a signal for a general move。
One of the older ladies rises； the next moment the whole circle； like a
flock of frightened birds； are up and off； crowdin
