尤利西斯-第145章

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　trouble　they　do　yes　he　came　somewhere　Im　sure　by　his　appetite　anyway　love　its　not　or　hed　be　off　his　feed　thinking　of　her　so　either　it　was　one　of　those　night　women　if　it　was　down　there　he　was　really　and　the　hotel　story　he　made　up　a　pack　of　lies　to　hide　it　planning　it　Hynes　kept　me　who　did　I　meet　ah　yes　I　met　do　you　remember　Menton　and　who　else　who　let　me　see　that　big　babbyface　I　saw　him　and　he　not　long　married　flirting　with　a　young　girl　at　Pooles　Myriorama　and　turned　my　back　on　him　when　he　slinked　out　looking　quite　conscious　what　harm　but　he　had　the　impudence　to　make　up　to　me　one　time　well　done　to　him　mouth　almighty　and　his　boiled　eyes　of　all　the　big　stupoes　I　ever　met　and　thats　called　a　solicitor　only　for　I　hate　having　a　long　wrangle　in　bed　or　else　if　its　not　that　its　some　little　bitch　or　other　he　got　in　with　somewhere　or　picked　up　on　the　sly　if　they　only　knew　him　as　well　as　I　do　yes　because　the　day　before　yesterday　he　was　scribbling　something　a　letter　when　I　came　into　the　front　room　for　the　matches　to　show　him　Dignams　death　in　the　paper　as　if　something　told　me　and　he　covered　it　up　with　the　blottingpaper　pretending　to　be　thinking　about　business　so　very　probably　that　was　it　to　somebody　who　thinks　she　has　a　softy　in　him　because　all　men　get　a　bit　like　that　at　his　age　especially　getting　on　to　forty　he　is　now　so　as　to　wheedle　any　money　she　can　out　of　him　no　fool　like　an　old　fool　and　then　the　usual　kissing　my　bottom　was　to　hide　it　not　that　I　care　two　straws　who　he　does　it　with　or　knew　before　that　way　though　Id　like　to　find　out　so　long　as　I　dont　have　the　two　of　them　under　my　nose　all　the　time　like　that　slut　that　Mary　we　had　in　Ontario　terrace　padding　out　her　false　bottom　to　excite　him　bad　enough　to　get　the　smell　of　those　painted　women　off　him　once　or　twice　I　had　a　suspicion　by　getting　him　to　e　near　me　when　I　found　the　long　hair　on　his　coat　without　that　one　when　I　went　into　the　kitchen　pretending　he　was　drinking　water　I　woman　is　not　enough　for　them　it　was　all　his　fault　of　course　ruining　servants　then　proposing　that　she　could　eat　at　our　table　on　Christmas　if　you　please　O　no　thank　you　not　in　my　house　stealing　my　potatoes　and　the　oysters　2/6　per　doz　going　out　to　see　her　aunt　if　you　please　mon　robbery　so　it　was　but　I　was　sure　he　had　something　on　with　that　one　it　takes　me　to　find　out　a　thing　like　that　he　said　you　have　no　proof　it　was　her　proof　O　yes　her　aunt　was　very　fond　of　oysters　but　I　told　her　what　I　thought　of　her　suggesting　me　to　go　out　to　be　alone　with　her　I　wouldnt　lower　myself　to　spy　on　them　the　garters　I　found　in　her　room　the　Friday　she　was　out　that　was　enough　for　me　a　little　bit　too　much　I　saw　too　that　her　face　swelled　up　on　her　with　temper　when　I　gave　her　her　weeks　notice　better　do　without　them　altogether　do　out　the　rooms　myself　quicker　only　for　the　damn　cooking　and　throwing　out　the　dirt　I　gave　it　to　him　anyhow　either　she　or　me　leaves　the　house　I　couldnt　even　touch　him　if　I　thought　he　was　with　a　dirty　barefaced　liar　and　sloven　like　that　one　denying　it　up　to　my　face　and　singing　about　the　place　in　the　W　C　too　because　she　knew　she　was　too　well　off　yes　because　he　couldnt　possibly　do　without　it　that　long　so　he　must　do　it　somewhere　and　the　last　time　he　came　on　my　bottom　when　was　it　the　night　Boylan　gave　my　hand　a　great　squeeze　going　along　by　the　Tolka　in　my　hand　there　steals　another　I　just　pressed　the　back　of　his　like　that　with　my　thumb　to　squeeze　back　singing　the　young　May　Moon　shes　beaming　love　because　he　has　an　idea　about　him　and　me　hes　not　such　a　fool　he　said　Im　dining　out　and　going　to　the　Gaiety　though　Im　not　going　to　give　him　the　satisfaction　in　any　case　God　knows　hes　change　in　a　way　not　to　be　always　and　ever　wearing　the　same　old　hat　unless＇　paid　some　nicelooking　boy　to　do　it　since　I　cant　do　it　myself　a　young　boy　would　like　me　Id　confuse　him　a　little　alone　with　him　if　we　were　Id　let　him　see　my　garters　the　new　ones　and　make　him　turn　red　looking　at　him　seduce　him　I　know　what　boys　feel　with　that　down　on　their　cheek　doing　that　frigging　drawing　out　the　thing　by　the　hour　question　and　answer　would　you　do　this　that　and　the　other　with　the　coalman　yes　with　a　bishop　yes　I　would　because　I　told　him　about　some　Dean　or　Bishop　was　sitting　beside　me　in　the　jews　Temples　gardens　when　I　was　knitting　that　woollen　thing　a　stranger　to　Dublin　what　place　was　it　and　so　on　about　the　monuments　and　he　tired　me　out　with　statues　encouraging　him　making　him　worse　than　he　is　who　is　in　your　mind　now　tell　me　who　are　you　thinking　of　who　is　it　tell　me　his　name　who　tell　me　who　the　German　Emperor　is　it　yes　imagine　Im　him　think　of　him　can　you　feel　him　trying　to　make　a　whore　of　me　what　he　never　will　he　ought　to　give　it　up　now　at　this　age　of　his　life　simply　ruination　for　any　woman　and　no　satisfaction　in　it　pretending　to　like　it　till　（　he　es　and　then　finish　it　off　myself　anyway　and　it　makes　your　lips　pale　anyhow　its　done　now　once　and　for　all　with　all　the　talk　of　the　world　about　it　people　make　its　only　the　first　time　after　that　its　just　the　ordinary　do　it　and　think　no　more　about　it　why　cant　you　kiss　a　man　without　going　and　marrying　him　first　you　sometimes　love　to　wildly　when　you　feel　that　way　so　nice　all　over　you　you　cant　help　yourself　I　wish　some　man　or　other　would　take　me　sometime　when　hes　there　and　kiss　me　in　his　arms　theres　nothing　like　a　kiss　long　and　hot　down　to　your　soul　almost　paralyses　you　then　I　hate　that　confession　when　I　used　to　go　to　Father　Corrigan　he　touched　me　father　and　what　harm　if　he　did　where　and　I　said　on　the　canal　bank　like　a　fool　but　whereabouts　on　your　person　my　child　on　the　leg　behind　high　up　was　it　yes　rather　high　up　was　it　where　you　sit　down　yes　O　Lord　couldnt　he　say　bottom　right　out　and　have　done　with　it　what　has　that　got　to　do　with　it　and　did　you　whatever　way　he　put　it　I　forget　no　father　and　I　always　think　of　the　real　father　what　did　he　want　to　know　for　when　I　already　confessed　it　to　God　he　had　a　nice　fat　hand　the　palm　moist　always　I　wouldnt　mind　feeling　it　neither　would　he　Id　say　by　the　bullneck　in　his　horsecollar　I　wonder　did　he　know　me　in　the　box　I　could　see　his　face　he　couldnt　see　mine　of　course　hed　never　turn　or　let　on　still　his　eyes　were　red　when　his　father　died　theyre　lost　for　a　woman　of　course　must　be　terrible　when　a　man　cries　let　alone　them　Id　like　to　be　embraced　by　one　in　his　vestments　and　the　smell　of　incense　off　him　like　the　pope　besides　theres　no　danger　with　a　priest　if　youre　married　hes　too　careful　about　himself　then　give　something　to　H　H　the　pope　for　a　penance　I　wonder　was　he　satisfied　with　me　one　thing　I　didnt　like　his　slapping　me　behind　going　away　so　familiarly　in　the　hall　though　I　laughed　Im　not　a　horse　or　an　ass　am　I　I　suppose　he　was　thinking　of　his　father　I　wonder　is　he　awake　thinking　of　me　or　dreaming　am　I　in　it　who　gave　him　that　flower　he　said　he　bought　he　smelt　of　some　kind　of　drink　not　whisky　or　stout　or　perhaps　the　sweety　kind　of　paste　they　stick　their　bills　up　with　some　liquor　Id　like　to　sip　those　richlooking　green　and　yellow　expensive　drinks　those　stagedoor　johnnies　drink　with　the　opera　hats　I　tasted　one　with　my　finger　dipped　out　of　that　American　that　had　the　squirrel　talking　stamps　with　father　he　had　all　he　could　do　to　keep　himself　from　falling　asleep　after　the　last　time　we　took　the　port　and　potted　meat　it　had　a　fine　salty　taste　yes　because　I　felt　lovely　and　tired　myself　and　fell　asleep　as　sound　as　a　top　the　moment　I　popped　straight　into　bed　till　that　thunder　woke　me　up　as　if　the　world　was　ing　to　an　end　God　be　merciful　to　us　I　thought　the　heavens　were　ing　down　about　us　to　punish　when　I　blessed　myself　and　said　a　Hail　Mary　like　those　awful　thunderbolts　in　Gibraltar　and　they　e　and　tell　you　theres　no　God　what　could　you　do　if　it　was　running　and　rushing　about　nothing　only　make　an　act　of　contrition　the　candle　I　lit　that　evening　in　Whitefriars　street　chapel　for　the　month　of　May　see　it　brought　its　luck　though　hed　scoff　if　he　heard　because　he　never　goes　to　church　mass　or　meeting　he　says　your　soul　you　have　no　soul　inside　only　grey　matter　because　he　doesnt　know　what　it　is　to　have　one　yes　when　I　lit　the　lamp　yes　because　he　must　have　e　3　or　4　times　with　that　tremendous　big　red　brute　of　a　thing　he　has　I　thought　the　vein　or　whatever　the　dickens　they　call　it　was　going　to　burst　though　his　nose　is　not　so　big　after　I　took　off　all　my　things　with　the　blinds　down　after　my　hours　dressing　and　perfuming　and　bing　it　like　iron　or　some　kind　of　a　thick　crowbar　standing　all　the　time　he　must　have　eaten　oysters　I　think　a　few　dozen　he　was　in　great　singing　voice　no　I　never　in　all　my　life　felt　anyone　had　one　the　size　of　that　to　make　you　feel　full　up　he　must　have　eaten　a　whole　sheep　after　whats　the　idea　making　us　like　that　with　a　big　hole　in　the　middle　of　us　like　a　Stallion　driving　it　up　into　you　because　thats　all　they　want　out　of　you　with　that　determined　vicious　look　in　his　eye　I　had　to　halfshut　my　eyes　still　he　hasnt　such　a　tremendous　amount　of　spunk　in　him　when　I　made　him　pull　it　out　and　do　it　on　me　considering　how　big　it　is　so　much　the　better　in　case　any　of　it　wasnt　washed　out　properly　the　last　time　I　let　him　finish　it　in　me　nice　invention　they　made　for　women　for　him　to　get　all　the　pleasure　but　if　someone　gave　them　a　touch　of　it　themselves　theyd　know　what　I　went　through　with　Milly　nobody　would　believe　cutting　her　teeth　too　and　Mina　Purefoys　husband　give　us　a　swing　out　of　your　whiskers　filling　her　up　with　a　child　or　twins　once　a　year　as　regular　as　the　clock　always　with　a　smell　of　children　off　her　the　one　they　called　budgers　or　something　like　a　nigger　with　a　shock　of　hair　on　it　Jesusjack　the　child　is　a　black　the　last　time　I　was　there　a　squad　of　them　falling　over　one　another　and　bawling　you　couldnt　hear　your　ear　supposed　to　be　healthy　not　satisfied　till　they　have　us　swollen　out　like　elephants　or　I　dont　know　what　supposing　I　risked　having　another　not　off　him　though　still　if　he　was　married　I　m　sure　hed　have　a　fine　strong　child　but　I　dont　know　Poldy　has　more　spunk　in　him　yes　thatd　be　awfully　jolly　I　suppose　it　was　meeting　Josie　Powell　and　the　funeral　and　thinking　about　me　and　Boylan　set　him　off　well　he　can　think　what　he　likes　now　if　thatll　do　him　any　good　I　know　they　were　spooning　a　bit　when　I　came　on　the　scene　he　was　dancing　and　sitting　out　with　her　the　night　of　Georgina　Simpsons　housewarming　and　then　he　wanted　to　ram　it　down　my　neck　on　account　of　not　liking　to　see　her　a　wallflower　that　was　why　we　had　the　standup　row　over　politics　he　began　it　not　me　when　he　said　about　Our　Lord　being　a　carpenter　at　last　he　made　me　cry　of　course　a　woman　is　so　sensitive　about　everything　I　was　fuming　with　myself　after　for　giving　in　only　for　I　knew　he　was　gone　on　me　and　the　first　socialist　he　said　He　was　he　annoyed　me　so　much　I　couldnt　put　him　into　a　temper　still　he　knows　a　lot　of　mixed　up　things　especially　about　the　body　and　the　insides　I　often　wanted　to　study　up　that　myself　what　we　have　inside　us　in　that　family　physician　I　could　always　hear　his　voice　talking　when　the　room　was　crowded　and　watch　him　after　that　I　pretended　I　had　on　a　coolness　with　her　over　him　because　he　used　to　be　a　bit　on　the　jealous　side　whenever　he　asked　who　are　you　going　to　and　I　aid　over　to　Floey　and　he　made　me　the　present　of　lord　Byrons　poems　and　the　three　pairs　of　gloves　so　that　finished　that　I　could　quite　easily　get　him　to　make　it　up　any　time　I　know　how　Id　even　supposing　he　got　in　with　her　again　and　was　going　out　to　se