尤利西斯-第74章

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t　and　put　to　sea　to　recover　the　main　of　America。　Which　was　the　occasion；　says　Mr　Vincent；　of　the　posing　by　a　boatswain　of　that　rollicking　chanty：　
　Pope　Peter's　but　a　pissabed。
A　man's　a　man　for　a'　that。
Our　worthy　acquaintance；　Mr　Malachi　Mulligan；　now　appeared　in　the　doorway　as　the　students　were　finishing　their　apologue　acpanied　with　a　friend　whom　he　had　just　rencountered；　a　young　gentleman；　his　name　Alec　Bannon；　who　had　late　e　to　town；　it　being　his　intention　to　buy　a　colour　or　a　cornetcy　in　the　fencibles　and　list　for　the　wars。　Mr　Mulligan　was　civil　enough　to　express　some　relish　of　it　all　the　more　as　it　jumped　with　a　project　of　his　own　for　the　cure　of　the　very　evil　that　had　been　touched　on。　Whereat　he　handed　round　to　the　pany　a　set　of　pasteboard　cards　which　he　had　had　printed　that　day　at　Mr　Quinnell's　bearing　a　legend　printed　in　fair　italics：　Mr　Malachi　Mulligan；　Fertiliser　and　Incubator；　Lambay　Island。　His　project；　as　he　went　on　to　expound；　was　to　withdraw　from　the　round　of　idle　pleasures　such　as　form　the　chief　business　of　sir　Fopling　Popinjay　and　sir　Milksop　Quidnunc　in　town　and　to　devote　himself　to　the　noblest　task　for　which　our　bodily　organism　has　been　framed。　Well；　let　us　hear　of　it；　good　my　friend；　said　Mr　Dixon。　I　make　no　doubt　it　smacks　of　wenching。　e；　be　seated；　both。　'Tis　as　cheap　sitting　as　standing。　Mr　Mulligan　accepted　of　the　invitation　and；　expatiating　on　his　design；　told　his　hearers　that　he　had　been　led　into　this　thought　by　a　consideration　of　the　causes　of　sterility；　both　the　inhibitory　and　the　prohibitory；　whether　the　inhibition　in　its　turn　were　due　to　conjugal　vexations　or　to　a　parsimony　of　the　balance　as　well　as　whether　the　prohibition　proceeded　from　defects　congenital　or　from　proclivities　acquired。　It　grieved　him　plaguily；　he　said；　to　see　the　nuptial　couch　defrauded　of　its　dearest　pledges：　and　to　reflect　upon　so　many　agreeable　females　with　rich　jointures；　a　prey　for　the　vilest　bonzes；　who　hide　their　flambeau　under　a　bushel　in　an　uncongenial　cloister　or　lose　their　womanly　bloom　in　the　embraces　of　some　unaccountable　muskin　when　they　might　multiply　the　inlets　of　happiness；　sacrificing　the　inestimable　jewel　of　their　sex　when　a　hundred　pretty　fellows　were　at　hand　to　caress；　this；　he　assured　them；　made　his　heart　weep。　To　curb　this　inconvenience　（which　he　concluded　due　to　a　suppression　of　latent　heat）；　having　advised　with　certain　counsellors　of　worth　and　inspected　into　this　matter；　he　had　resolved　to　purchase　in　fee　simple　for　ever　the　freehold　of　Lambay　island　from　its　holder；　lord　Talbot　de　Malahide；　a　Tory　gentleman　of　not　much　in　favour　with　our　ascendancy　party。　He　proposed　to　set　up　there　a　national　fertilising　farm　to　be　named　Omphalos　with　an　obelisk　hewn　and　erected　after　the　fashion　of　Egypt　and　to　offer　his　dutiful　yeoman　services　for　the　fecundation　of　any　female　of　what　grade　of　life　soever　who　should　there　direct　to　him　with　the　desire　of　fulfilling　the　functions　of　her　natural。　Money　was　no　object；　he　said；　nor　would　he　take　a　penny　for　his　pains。　The　poorest　kitchenwench　no　less　than　the　opulent　lady　of　fashion；　if　so　be　their　constructions；　and　their　tempers　were　warm　persuaders　for　their　petitions；　would　find　in　him　their　man。　For　his　nutriment　he　shewed　how　he　would　feed　himself　exclusively　upon　a　diet　of　savoury　tubercles　and　fish　and　coneys　there；　the　flesh　of　these　latter　prolific　rodents　being　highly　remended　for　his　purpose；　both　broiled　and　stewed　with　a　blade　of　mace　and　a　pod　or　two　of　capsicum　chillies。　After　this　homily　which　he　delivered　with　much　warmth　of　asseveration　Mr　Mulligan　in　a　trice　put　off　from　his　hat　a　kerchief　with　which　he　had　shielded　it。　The　both；　it　seems；　had　been　overtaken　by　the　rain　and　for　all　their　mending　their　pace　had　taken　water；　as　might　be　observed　by　Mr　Mulligan's　smallclothes　of　a　hodden　grey　which　was　now　somewhat　piebald。　His　project　meanwhile　was　very　favourably　entertained　by　his　auditors　and　won　hearty　eulogies　from　all　though　Mr　Dixon　of　Mary's　excepted　to　it；　asking　with　a　finicking　air　did　he　purpose　also　to　carry　coals　to　Newcastle。　Mr　Mulligan　however　made　court　to　the　scholarly　by　an　apt　quotation　from　the　classics　which　as　it　dwelt　upon　his　memory　seemed　to　him　a　sound　and　tasteful　support　of　his　contention：　Talis　ac　tanta　depravatio　hujus　seculi；　O　quirites；　ut　matres　familiarum　nostro　lascivas　cujuslibet　semiviri　libici　titillationes　testibus　ponderosis　atque　excelsis　erectionibus　centurionum　Romanorum　magnopere　anteponunt：　while　for　those　of　ruder　wit　he　drove　home　his　point　by　analogies　of　the　animal　kingdom　more　suitable　to　their　stomach；　the　buck　and　doe　of　the　forest　glade；　the　farmyard　drake　and　duck。　
Valuing　himself　not　a　little　upon　his　elegance；　being　indeed　a　proper　man　of　his　person；　this　talkative　now　applied　himself　to　his　dress　with　animadversions　of　some　heat　upon　the　sudden　whimsy　of　the　atmospherics　while　the　pany　lavished　their　eniums　upon　the　project　he　had　advanced。　The　young　gentleman；　his　friend；　overjoyed　as　he　was　at　a　passage　that　had　befallen　him；　could　not　forbear　to　tell　it　his　nearest　neighbour。　Mr　Mulligan；　now　perceiving　the　table；　asked　for　whom　were　those　loaves　and　fishes　and；　seeing　the　stranger；　he　made　him　a　civil　bow　and　said；　Pray；　sir；　was　you　in　need　of　any　professional　assistance　we　could　give？　Who；　upon　his　offer；　thanked　him　very　heartily；　though　preserving　his　proper　distance；　and　replied　that　he　was　e　there　about　a　lady；　now　an　inmate　of　Horne's　house；　that　was　in　an　interesting　condition；　poor　lady；　from　woman's　woe　（and　here　he　fetched　a　deep　sigh）　to　know　if　her　happiness　had　yet　taken　place。　Mr　Dixon；　to　turn　the　table；　took　on　to　ask　Mr　Mulligan　himself　whether　his　incipient　ventripotence；　upon　which　he　rallied　him；　betokened　an　ovoblastic　gestation　in　the　prostatic　utricle　or　male　womb　or　was　due　as　with　the　noted　physician；　Mr　Austin　Meldon；　to　a　wolf　in　the　stomach。　For　answer　Mr　Mulligan；　in　a　gale　of　laughter　at　his　smalls；　smote　himself　bravely　below　the　diaphragm；　exclaiming　with　an　admirable　droll　mimic　of　Mother　Grogan　（the　most　excellent　creature　of　her　sex　though　'tis　pity　she's　a　trollop）：　There's　a　belly　that　never　bore　a　bastard。　This　was　so　happy　a　conceit　that　it　renewed　the　storms　of　mirth　and　threw　the　whole　room　into　the　most　violent　agitations　of　delight。　The　spry　rattle　had　run　on　in　the　same　vein　of　mimicry　but　for　some　larum　in　the　antechamber。　
Here　the　listener；　who　was　none　other　than　the　Scotch　student；　a　little　fume　of　a　fellow；　blond　as　tow；　congratulated　in　the　liveliest　fashion　with　the　young　gentleman　and；　interrupting　the　narrative　at　a　salient　point；　having　desired　his　visavis　with　a　polite　beck　to　have　the　obligingness　to　pass　him　a　flagon　of　cordial　waters　at　the　same　time　by　a　questioning　pose　of　the　head　（a　whole　century　of　polite　breeding　had　not　achieved　so　nice　a　gesture）　to　which　was　united　an　equivalent　but　contrary　balance　of　the　head；　asked　the　narrator　as　plainly　as　was　ever　done　in　words　if　he　might　treat　him　with　a　cup　of　it。　Mais　bien　s？r；　noble　stranger；　said　he　cheerily；　et　mille　pliments。　That　you　may　and　very　opportunely。　There　wanted　nothing　but　this　cup　to　crown　my　felicity。　But；　gracious　heaven；　was　I　left　with　but　a　crust　in　my　wallet　and　a　cupful　of　water　from　the　well；　my　God；　I　would　accept　of　them　and　find　it　in　my　heart　to　kneel　down　upon　the　ground　and　give　thanks　to　the　powers　above　for　the　happiness　vouchsafed　me　by　the　Giver　of　good　things。　With　these　words　he　approached　the　goblet　to　his　lips；　took　a　placent　draught　of　the　cordial；　slicked　his　hair　and；　opening　his　bosom；　out　popped　a　locket　that　hung　from　a　silk　riband　that　very　picture　which　he　had　cherished　ever　since　her　hand　had　wrote　therein。　Gazing　upon　those　features　with　a　world　of　tenderness；　Ah；　Monsieur；　he　said；　had　you　but　beheld　her　as　I　did　with　these　eyes　at　that　affecting　instant　with　her　dainty　tucker　and　her　new　coquette　cap　（a　gift　for　her　feast　day　as　she　told　me）　in　such　an　artless　disorder；　of　so　melting　a　tenderness；　'pon　my　conscience；　even　you；　Monsieur；　had　been　impelled　by　generous　nature　to　deliver　yourself　wholly　into　the　hands　of　such　an　enemy　or　to　quit　the　field　for　ever。　I　declare；　I　was　never　so　touched　in　all　my　life。　God　I　thank　thee　as　the　Author　of　my　days！　Thrice　happy　will　he　be　whom　so　amiable　a　creature　will　bless　with　her　favours。　A　sigh　of　affection　gave　eloquence　to　these　words　and；　having　replaced　the　locket　in　his　bosom；　he　wiped　his　eye　and　sighed　again。　Beneficent　Disseminator　of　blessing　to　all　Thy　creatures；　how　great　and　universal　must　be　that　sweetest　of　Thy　tyrannies　which　can　hold　in　thrall　the　free　and　the　bond；　the　simple　swain　and　the　polished　coxb；　the　lover　in　the　heyday　of　reckless　passion　and　the　husband　of　maturer　years。　But　indeed；　sir；　I　wander　from　the　point。　How　mingled　and　imperfect　are　all　our　sublunary　joys！　Maledicity！　Would　to　God　that　foresight　had　remembered　me　to　take　my　cloak　along！　I　could　weep　to　think　of　it。　Then；　though　it　had　poured　seven　showers；　we　were　neither　of　us　a　penny　the　worse。　But　beshrew　me；　he　cried；　clapping　hand　to　his　forehead；　tomorrow　will　be　a　new　day　and；　thousand　thunders；　I　know　of　a　marchand　de　capotes；　Monsieur　Poyntz；　from　whom　I　can　have　for　a　livre　as　snug　a　cloak　of　the　French　fashion　as　ever　kept　a　lady　from　wetting。　Tut；　Tut！　cries　le　Fécondateur；　tripping　in；　my　friend　Monsieur　Moore；　that　most　acplished　traveller　（I　have　just　cracked　a　half　bottle　avec　lui　in　a　circle　of　the　best　wits　of　the　town）；　is　my　authority　that　in　Cape　Horn；　ventre　biche；　they　have　a　rain　that　will　wet　through　any；　even　the　stoutest　cloak。　A　drenching　of　that　violence；　he　tells　me；　sans　blague；　has　sent　more　than　one　luckless　fellow　in　good　earnest　posthaste　to　another　world。　Pooh！　A　livre！　cries　Monsieur　Lynch。　The　clumsy　things　are　dear　at　a　sou。　One　umbrella；　were　it　no　bigger　than　a　fairy　mushroom；　is　worth　ten　such　stopgaps。　No　woman　of　any　wit　would　wear　one。　My　dear　Kitty　told　me　today　that　she　would　dance　in　a　deluge　before　ever　she　would　starve　in　such　an　ark　of　salvation　for；　as　she　reminded　me　（blushing　piquantly　and　whispering　in　my　ear　though　there　was　none　to　snap　her　words　but　giddy　butterflies）；　dame　Nature；　by　the　divine　blessing；　has　implanted　it　in　our　heart　and　it　has　bee　a　household　word　that　il　y　a　deux　choses　for　which　the　innocence　of　our　original　garb；　in　other　circumstances　a　breach　of　the　proprieties；　is　the　fittest　nay；　the　only；　garment。　The　first；　said　she　（and　here　my　pretty　philosopher；　as　I　handed　her　to　her　tilbury；　to　fix　my　attention；　gently　tipped　with　her　tongue　the　outer　chamber　of　my　ear）；　the　first　is　a　bath。。。　but　at　this　point　a　bell　tinkling　in　the　hall　cut　short　a　discourse　which　promised　so　bravely　for　the　enrichment　of　our　store　of　knowledge。　
Amid　the　general　vacant　hilarity　of　the　assembly　a　bell　rang　and　while　all　were　conjecturing　what　might　be　the　cause　Miss　Callan　entered　and；　having　spoken　a　few　words　in　a　low　tone　to　young　Mr　Dixon；　retired　with　a　profound　bow　to　the　pany。　The　presence　even　for　a　moment　among　a　party　of　debauchees　of　a　woman　endued　with　every　quality　of　modesty　and　not　less　severe　than　beautiful　refrained　the　humorous　sallies　even　of　the　most　licentious　but　her　departure　was　the　signal　for　an　outbreak　of　ribaldry。　Strike　me　si