尤利西斯-第75章

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en　of　the　most　licentious　but　her　departure　was　the　signal　for　an　outbreak　of　ribaldry。　Strike　me　silly；　said　Costello；　a　low　fellow　who　was　fuddled。　A　monstrous　fine　bit　of　cow…flesh！　I'll　be　sworn　she　has　rendezvoused　you。　What；　you　dog？　Have　you　a　way　with　them？　Gad's　bud。　Immensely　so；　said　Mr　Lynch。　The　bedside　manner　it　is　that　they　use　in　the　Mater　hospice。　Demme；　does　not　Doctor　O'Gargle　chuck　the　nuns　there　under　the　chin？　As　I　look　to　be　saved　I　had　it　from　my　Kitty　who　has　been　wardmaid　there　any　time　these　seven　months。　Lawksamercy；　doctor；　cried　the　young　blood　in　the　primrose　vest；　feigning　a　womanish　simper　and　immodest　squirmings　of　his　body；　how　you　do　tease　a　body！　Drat　the　man！　Bless　me；　I'm　all　of　a　wibblywobbly。　Why；　you're　as　bad　as　dear　little　Father　Cantekissem　that　you　are！　May　this　pot　of　four　half　choke　me；　cried　Costello；　if　she　ain't　in　the　family　way。　I　knows　a　lady　what's　got　a　white　swelling　quick　as　I　claps　eyes　on　her。　The　young　surgeon；　however；　rose　and　begged　the　pany　to　excuse　his　retreat　as　the　nurse　had　just　then　informed　him　that　he　was　needed　in　the　ward。　Merciful　providence　had　been　pleased　to　put　a　period　to　the　sufferings　of　the　lady　who　was　enceinte　which　she　had　borne　with　a　laudable　fortitude　and　she　had　given　birth　to　a　bouncing　boy。　I　want　patience；　said　he；　with　those　who　without　wit　to　enliven　or　learning　to　instruct；　revile　an　ennobling　profession　which；　saving　the　reverence　due　to　the　Deity；　is　the　greatest　power　for　happiness　upon　the　earth。　I　am　positive　when　I　say　that　if　need　were　I　could　produce　a　cloud　of　witnesses　to　the　excellence　of　her　noble　exercitations　which；　so　far　from　being　a　byword；　should　be　a　glorious　incentive　in　the　human　breast。　I　cannot　away　with　them。　What？　Malign　such　an　one；　the　amiable　Miss　Callan；　who　is　the　lustre　of　her　own　sex　and　the　astonishment　of　ours　and　at　an　instant　the　most　momentous　that　can　befall　a　puny　child　of　clay？　Perish　the　thought！　I　shudder　to　think　of　the　future　of　a　race　where　the　seeds　of　such　malice　have　been　sown　and　where　no　right　reverence　is　rendered　to　mother　and　maid　in　house　of　Horne。　Having　delivered　himself　of　this　rebuke　he　saluted　those　present　on　the　by　and　repaired　to　the　door。　A　murmur　of　approval　arose　from　all　and　some　were　for　ejecting　the　low　soaker　without　more　ado；　a　design　which　would　have　been　effected　nor　would　he　have　received　more　than　his　bare　deserts　had　he　not　abridged　his　transgression　by　affirming　with　a　horrid　imprecation　（for　he　swore　a　round　hand）　that　he　was　as　good　a　son　of　the　true　fold　as　ever　drew　breath。　Stap　my　vitals；　said　he；　them　was　always　the　sentiments　of　honest　Frank　Costello　which　I　was　bred　up　most　particular　to　honour　thy　father　and　thy　mother　that　had　the　best　hand　to　a　rolypoly　or　a　hasty　pudding　as　you　ever　see　what　I　always　looks　back　on　with　a　loving　heart。　
To　revert　to　Mr　Bloom　who；　after　his　first　entry；　had　been　conscious　of　some　impudent　mocks　which　he；　however；　had　borne　with　being　the　fruits　of　that　age　upon　which　it　is　monly　charged　that　it　knows　not　pity。　The　young　sparks；　it　is　true；　were　as　full　of　extravagancies　as　overgrown　children：　the　words　of　their　tumultuary　discussions　were　difficultly　understood　and　not　often　nice：　their　testiness　and　outrageous　mots　were　such　that　his　intellects　resiled　from：　nor　were　they　scrupulously　sensible　of　the　proprieties　though　their　fund　of　strong　animal　spirits　spoke　in　their　behalf。　But　the　word　of　Mr　Costello　was　an　unwele　language　for　him　for　he　nauseated　the　wretch　that　seemed　to　him　a　cropeared　creature　of　a　misshapen　gibbosity　born　out　of　wedlock　and　thrust　like　a　crookback　teethed　and　feet　first　into　the　world；　which　the　dint　of　the　surgeon's　pliers　in　his　skull　lent　indeed　a　colour　to；　so　as　it　put　him　in　thought　of　that　missing　link　of　creation's　chain　desiderated　by　the　late　ingenious　Mr　Darwin。　It　was　now　for　more　than　the　middle　span　of　our　allotted　years　that　he　had　passed　through　the　thousand　vicissitudes　of　existence　and；　being　of　a　wary　ascendancy　and　self　a　man　of　a　rare　forecast；　he　had　enjoined　his　heart　to　repress　all　motions　of　a　rising　choler　and；　by　intercepting　them　with　the　readiest　precaution；　foster　within　his　breast　that　plenitude　of　sufferance　which　base　minds　jeer　at；　rash　judgers　scorn　and　all　find　tolerable　and　but　tolerable。　To　those　who　create　themselves　wits　at　the　cost　of　feminine　delicacy　（a　habit　of　mind　which　he　never　did　hold　with）　to　them　he　would　concede　neither　to　bear　the　name　nor　to　herit　the　tradition　of　a　proper　breeding：　while　for　such　that；　having　lost　all　forbearance；　can　lose　no　more；　there　remained　the　sharp　antidote　of　experience　to　cause　their　insolency　to　beat　a　precipitate　and　inglorious　retreat。　Not　but　what　he　could　feel　with　mettlesome　youth　which；　caring　nought　for　the　mows　of　dotards　or　the　gruntlings　of　the　severe；　is　ever　（as　the　chaste　fancy　of　the　Holy　Writer　express　it）　for　eating　of　the　tree　forbid　it　yet　not　so　far　forth　as　to　pretermit　humanity　upon　any　condition　soever　towards　a　gentlewoman　when　she　was　about　her　lawful　occasions。　To　conclude；　while　from　the　sister's　words　he　had　reckoned　upon　a　speedy　delivery　he　was；　however；　it　must　be　owned；　not　a　little　alleviated　by　the　intelligence　that　the　issue　so　auspicated　after　an　ordeal　of　such　duress　now　testified　once　more　to　the　mercy　as　well　as　to　the　bounty　of　the　Supreme　Being。　
Accordingly　he　broke　his　mind　to　his　neighbour；　saying　that；　to　express　his　notion　of　the　thing；　his　opinion　（who　ought　not　perchance　to　express　one）　was　that　one　must　have　a　cold　constitution　and　a　frigid　genius　not　to　be　rejoiced　by　this　freshest　news　of　the　fruition　of　her　confinement　since　she　had　been　in　such　pain　through　no　fault　of　hers。　The　dressy　young　blade　said　it　was　her　husband's　that　put　her　in　that　expectation　or　at　least　it　ought　to　be　unless　she　were　another　Ephesian　matron。　I　must　acquaint　you；　said　Mr　Crothers；　clapping　on　the　table　so　as　to　evoke　a　resonant　ment　of　emphasis；　old　Glory　Allelujerum　was　round　again　to…day；　an　elderly　man　with　dundrearies；　preferring　through　his　nose　a　request　to　have　word　of　Wilhelmina；　my　life；　as　he　calls　her。　I　bade　him　hold　himself　in　readiness　for　that　the　event　would　burst　anon。　'Slife；　I'll　be　round　with　you。　I　cannot　but　extol　the　virile　potency　of　the　old　bucko　that　could　still　knock　another　child　out　of　her。　All　fell　to　praising　of　it；　each　after　his　own　fashion；　though　the　same　young　blade　held　with　his　former　view　that　another　than　her　conjugial　had　been　the　man　in　the　gap；　a　clerk　in　orders；　a　linkboy　（virtuous）　or　an　itinerant　vendor　of　articles　needed　in　every　household。　Singular；　muned　the　guest　with　himself；　the　wonderfully　unequal　faculty　of　metempsychosis　possessed　by　them；　that　the　puerperal　dormitory　and　the　dissecting　theatre　should　be　the　seminaries　of　such　frivolity；　that　the　mere　acquisition　of　academic　titles　should　suffice　to　transform　in　a　pinch　of　time　these　votaries　of　levity　into　exemplary　practitioners　of　an　art　which　most　men　anywise　eminent　have　esteemed　the　noblest。　But；　he　further　added；　it　is　mayhap　to　relieve　the　pentup　feelings　that　in　mon　oppress　them　for　I　have　more　than　once　observed　that　birds　of　a　feather　laugh　together。　
But　with　what　fitness；　let　it　be　asked；　of　the　noble　lord；　his　patron；　has　this　alien；　whom　the　concession　of　a　gracious　prince　has　admitted　to　civil　rights；　constituted　himself　the　lord　paramount　of　our　internal　polity？　Where　is　now　that　gratitude　which　loyalty　should　have　counselled？　During　the　recent　war　whenever　the　enemy　had　a　temporary　advantage　with　his　granados　did　this　traitor　to　his　kind　not　seize　that　moment　to　discharge　his　piece　against　the　empire　of　which　he　is　a　tenant　at　will　while　he　trembled　for　the　security　of　his　four　per　cents？　Has　he　forgotten　this　as　he　forgets　all　benefits　received？　Or　is　it　that　from　being　a　deluder　of　others　he　has　bee　at　last　his　own　dupe　as　he　is；　if　report　belie　him　not　his　own　and　his　only　enjoyer？　Far　be　it　from　candour　to　violate　the　bedchamber　of　a　respectable　lady；　the　daughter　of　a　gallant　major；　or　to　cast　the　most　distant　reflections　upon　her　virtue　but　if　he　challenges　attention　there　（as　it　was　indeed　highly　his　interest　not　to　have　done）　then　be　it　so。　Unhappy　woman　she　has　been　too　long　and　too　persistently　denied　her　legitimate　prerogative　to　listen　to　his　objurgations　with　any　other　feeling　than　the　derision　of　the　desperate。　He　says　this；　a　censor　of　morals；　a　very　pelican　in　his　piety；　who　did　not　scruple；　oblivious　of　the　ties　of　nature；　to　attempt　illicit　intercourse　with　a　female　domestic　drawn　from　the　lowest　strata　of　society。　Nay；　had　the　hussy's　scouringbrush　not　been　her　tutelary　angel　it　had　gone　with　her　as　hard　as　with　Hagar；　the　Egyptian！　In　the　question　of　the　grazing　lands　his　peevish　asperity　is　notorious　and　in　Mr　Cuffe's　hearing　brought　upon　him　from　an　indignant　rancher　a　scathing　retort　couched　in　terms　as　straightforward　as　they　were　bucolic。　It　ill　bees　him　to　preach　that　gospel。　Has　he　not　nearer　home　a　seed…field　that　lies　fallow　for　the　want　of　a　ploughshare？　A　habit　reprehensible　at　puberty　is　second　nature　and　an　opprobium　in　middlelife。　If　he　must　dispense　his　balm　of　Gilead　in　nostrums　and　apothegms　of　dubious　taste　to　restore　to　health　a　generation　of　unfledged　profligates　let　his　practice　consist　better　with　the　doctrines　that　now　engross　him。　His　marital　breast　is　the　repository　of　secrets　which　decorum　is　reluctant　to　adduce。　The　lewd　suggestions　of　some　faded　beauty　may　console　him　for　a　consort　neglected　and　debauched　but　this　new　exponent　of　morals　and　healer　of　ills　is　at　his　best　an　exotic　tree　which；　when　rooted　in　its　native　orient；　throve　and　flourished　and　was　abundant　in　balm　but；　transplanted　to　a　clime　more　temperate；　its　roots　have　lost　their　quondam　vigour　while　the　stuff　that　es　away　from　it　is　stagnant；　acid　and　inoperative。　
The　news　was　imparted　with　a　circumspection　recalling　the　ceremonial　usages　of　the　Sublime　Porte　by　the　second　female　infirmarian　to　the　junior　medical　officer　in　residence；　who　in　his　turn　announced　to　the　delegation　that　an　heir　had　been　born。　When　he　had　betaken　himself　to　the　women's　apartment　to　assist　at　the　prescribed　ceremony　of　the　afterbirth　in　the　presence　of　the　secretary　of　state　for　domestic　affairs　and　the　members　of　the　privy　council；　silent　in　unanimous　exhaustion　and　approbation；　the　delegates；　chafing　under　the　length　and　solemnity　of　their　vigil　and　hoping　that　the　joyful　occurrence　would　palliate　a　licence　which　the　simultaneous　absence　of　abigail　and　officer　rendered　the　easier；　broke　out　at　once　into　a　strife　of　tongues。　In　vain　the　voice　of　Mr　Canvasser　Bloom　was　heard　endeavouring　to　urge；　to　mollify；　to　restrain。　The　moment　was　too　propitious　for　the　display　of　that　discursiveness　which　seemed　the　only　bond　of　union　among　tempers　so　divergent。　Every　phase　of　the　situation　was　successively　eviscerated：　the　prenatal　repugnance　of　uterine　brothers；　the　Caesarean　section；　posthumity　with　respect　to　the　father　and；　that　rarer　form；　with　respect　to　the　mother；　the　fratricidal　case　known　as　the　Childs　murder　and　endered　memorable　by　the　impassioned　plea　of　Mr　Advocate　Bushe　which　secured　the　acquittal　of　the　wrongfully　accused；　the　rights　of　primogeniture　and　king's　bounty　touching